Am I over reacting?

Deansdiatribes · 2023-10-08T17:51:17+00:00

"Which being mature adult I said nothing."

er dude Mature does not mean doormat and that what all 3 of them are doing to you a utter and complete lack of respect d0ont do anything to get you arrested but you need to be gone or she is going to convince you her ex can give you pointers in bed if you just watch dude u8nless thats your thing you dont deserve that kind of treatment

Force_WR1 · 2023-09-18T16:23:29+00:00

Bro, you need to kick her out and tell her it’s over. Quit playing pick me with her. Flat out say

“You don’t want me and you don’t want our family so pack your shit and get out! I’m done. I gave you chance after change after chance and you have zero respect for me, yourself, our relationship and our children. Get out and I will never talk to you again outside of our kids.”

And then tell all of your friends and her family and your Family what she did.

You need to make it clear that she fucked around and now it’s time to find out

Ok-Championship216 · 2023-03-28T02:09:57+00:00

Welp - bye Felecia

DevelopMentat · 2023-03-27T16:14:33+00:00

You are not over reacting. Without changes you are at best a year or two away from cheating/divorce. I’m speaking from experience of this exact thing.

Her seeking attention and enjoying it from other men (ex or not) and not respecting what should be an understandable and reasonable boundary are super worrisome. Your ship is sinking. Figure out why asap.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-27T12:04:14+00:00

> I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Yes you do. You don't need internet strangers to tell you what to do. Society has been telling you what to do your entire life. Stop listening to other people and start trusting your gut.

You belong to you. Anyone who wants something from you better offer something in exchange instead of convincing its your duty or threatening you. That's because every moral system is just stuff somebody made up and if you buy into it when it hurts you, you're an idiot. Never again do you let people subvert your primary objective with their bullshit.

Danno5367 · 2023-03-26T16:54:25+00:00

She is showing NO respect for you anytime I've seen this happen it never ends easily.

Take control of the situation and end it for her. It's also time to get rid of the enabling "girlfriend"

Might be time to reach out to an old girlfriend or maybe a new one to let her know she can be replaced.

The only other alternative is to turn into a complete doormat.

warrior_up · 2023-03-26T15:13:29+00:00

I mean, my dude. She blatantly disrespecting her man in public and in the worst possible way. Triangulating her husband with her secret crush??

This isn't a game anyone wins, I don't even think there's a way she could ever do anything to make this better. You sit back and be mr nice cool guy she's gonna lose even more respect

"Soft next" "dread game" is the only option here to try a regain frame and respect in the relationship. Means keeping space and distant, not to play games with her but to focus on yourself and remember your worth, work out and not give a fuck what she does anymore. Time will tell you what you need to do, but I can almost guarantee here she's incapacitated at the moment with new relationship feels and highschool crush BS. Let her know that under no circumstances will I be married to basic ass bitch on social media acting like she's 18 and disrespecting her man in public. She wants to be a basic hoe than you/she belong to the streets, a wish I can grant you if you'd like - for now leave me the fuck alone while I figure out how I want to be treated the rest of my life as a man. You need to start doing your thing bro, she is - go on trips, golf, casino, whatever your hobby's are/was - reconnect with some old buddies, let this women sit in silence and think about her behavior

P.s. she cheating bro, planning it or already done it doesn't matter. The lines been crossed. 9/10 times it's worse than you think

CrazySanta7 · 2023-03-26T14:27:37+00:00

Her respect for you is gone, and it's all downhill after that. You are not overreacting. There is no reason for a married woman to have male friends, especially ex boyfriends. Etc.. What is the point? Are they going to meet up and play checkers? Maybe the woman thinks it's friends, but her guy 'friends' are just waiting at their chance to bang her. Meanwhile, you will be called controlling for having this thought. You can't mess with a woman's need to get validation. If you do, prepare to be called a misogynist, controlling, etc.

1Cobbler · 2023-03-26T13:28:05+00:00

"I do trust she would never cheat on me. Maybe other things but not this."

Literally all of us think this up until the day they do it.

throwaway_72752 · 2023-03-26T12:11:56+00:00

I would not block a person because my mate was insecure. That’s someone else setting my boundary. I DO know that I would shut down attempts - in person or otherwise - at being inappropriate instantly & definitively. I can be pleasant with an ex, but I don’t tolerate flirting and we ain’t friends. OP’s lady is less clear on her priorities, all the way.

ChopSueyXpress · 2023-03-26T09:57:36+00:00

Above all else, she does NOT respect your feelings on this matter. Therefore, her EX is MORE important than her current husband of 17 years. Do you need more evidence??

Vegetable_Tourist829 · 2023-03-26T07:28:25+00:00

She may be bored, but this does not read as cheating. You told her your boundary and I would be pissed too, but I am more pissed at the people who are jumping off the deep end here and saying she’s cheating. They are overreacting more than you, OP. She’s not cheating.

slcanman · 2023-03-26T06:42:36+00:00

Agree she is acting immature or decided to don’t care and cheat if opportunity rises.

Given that, have you had a talk and say firmly that she is disrespecting you by continuing with that guy and she needs stop now! Or else would be not to threaten with separation but suggest seeing a therapist that you are disturbed by this. At that time, follow all what has been said to prepare to separate, record stuff etc and after that you got the things on your side.

storm838 · 2023-03-26T04:40:21+00:00

Married 17 years or your wife is 17? She is acting like a high schooler.

Dlanor31 · 2023-03-26T02:50:14+00:00

I wouldn’t say divorce right away. See if she’s willing to go to counseling and have an outside professional(not her friend) hear both sides and give their opinion. I’m almost positive the counselor will side with what’s best for your relationship, which it sounds like what you brought to the table. If she’s not willing to go and knows that she hurt you and isn’t sorry about it, then you have to think if you can move past this or be with someone who acts this way.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-03-26T02:21:07+00:00

It’s not petty. Protect yourself. Now. Trust me. Or ask me why.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-03-26T02:19:22+00:00

You are waaaaayyy to hard on yourself. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-03-26T02:00:51+00:00

Re: the bar

That friend will do most of the heavy lifting to have your wife fuck you completely over in court and forever. It’s always that friend. So really think about and analyze that person; they are about to be a lifelong nemesis. Maybe familiarize yourself with their skeletons.

Snapchat is quietly marketed almost exclusively for cheating purposes too.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-03-26T01:56:48+00:00

First paragraph: “she would never cheat”, “17 years”

2nd paragraph : “her ex boyfriend “

Stopped reading at that point. She’s cheating. Or angling to, which is cheating. It’s what they do. Free money and a long lost feeling of being chased/wanted are strong and addictive drugs.

stent00 · 2023-03-26T01:44:51+00:00

She belongs to them Streets dude. Not behaviour befitting a real lady.

James_Jimothy · 2023-03-25T22:19:53+00:00

No you aren’t overreacting.

Your wife doesn’t respect you or your marriage, I’m sorry.

No-Exit6560 · 2023-03-25T22:06:06+00:00

Reread what you wrote except add in that your wife met up with him for ‘drinks’ or a ‘coffee’

That’s what’s coming next, and spoiler alert they’re not going to stop at that. Yes, they will have sex; yes she may give you a sob story, but in the end she’s showing you who she is.

It’s up to you to decide what you can live with, it’s clear your wife doesn’t respect you and is openly and brazenly flaunting that. It will only escalate. Also, her bestie sounds like she’s toxic AF and actively enabling.

If you have children with this woman you need to speak to a family law lawyer IMMEDIATELY.

rsmiley77 · 2023-03-25T20:40:13+00:00

It’s only a matter of time my man. Sorry. They will meet up again and she will have an affair with him. Your story reads very similar to what I went through at year 17-18. I even had the talk about cutting off people who weren’t respecting our marital boundaries. Got yelled at about how I wasn’t going to control who she’s friends with.

So I’m a proactive person. My advice is not to worry about the guy. He’s a piece of shit but he’s just giving her options. She makes the choice to do it or not. Lock down your bank accounts and credit cards. Make sure her name’s not on your accounts. Open up a new bank account because sometimes they can still get into old accounts their names were on. Talk to guy friends who have gone through divorces and at least reach out to an attorney. Sorry this is happening to you but your wife is not the person you once knew anymore.

WartimeDad · 2023-03-25T19:06:06+00:00

She doesn’t respect you anymore, and probably never will again. She doesn’t care about your boundaries. She’s happy to cross your boundary because you have no way to retaliate, given her lack of respect. If you do try to retaliate by doing anything less than serving her divorce papers, (e.g. have a conversation threatening divorce), then she will see that as you being controlling and emotionally abusive.

She is purposefully putting you into a trap. She is purposefully trying to get a rise out of you. She is purposefully sabotaging the relationship. Nothing would make her happier than to get you on tape yelling at her. Then, she has a silver bullet to destroy you financially in the divorce. Claim abuse and then get support from all friends and family as she is liberating herself from the awful man that you are. She is all set to monkey to this other guy, and can’t wait for you to get out of the way.

It’s probably even worse than what I have written here. Record every conversation. Mentally accept that she is no longer the woman you love and married. Understand that she is capable of much more evil than you had thought. When a woman behaves the way she is behaving, it means that she checked out from any possibility of loving you. You’re just an obstacle in her way at this point.

Getting in front of this is your best option here. Get an attorney.

CoverDeep3100 · 2023-03-25T19:03:24+00:00

She's moving on buddy, nearly same scenario happened to me in year 6 of marriage. I won't get into the details but it's time to start being strategic and protecting what's yours. Good luck, here if you want to vent.

BosPatriot71 · 2023-03-25T18:02:54+00:00

When I started reading I was assuming I’d think you’re overreacting. But aw hell no you are not, bro. Not at all. Wtf?! I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2023-03-25T17:59:16+00:00

Man, I’m sorry. You need to get a lawyer. Seriously. Get. A. Lawyer.

Your marriage and relationship are over. She has shown how much she values you and your preference, zero.

azwildcat74 · 2023-03-25T17:49:35+00:00

You created a (healthy and adult) boundary and she didn’t respect it. What are you going to do about it now? Guarantee on anything that if she isn’t already fucking with him then this is a test to see how you’ll react WHEN (not if) she does.

jasoncb123 · 2023-03-25T17:40:27+00:00

What would it look like if the roles were reversed?

potatotornado44 · 2023-03-25T17:37:28+00:00

She’s cheating. 100%, no doubt.

Imagine the scenario if an ex girlfriend had messaged you in a similar manner, and then started brazenly showing up at places you’re hanging out at.

What would your wife’s reaction be?

Dude, open your eyes.

Your wife’s friends are covering for her, like most women do.

Unless you plan on beating the shit out of the ex boyfriend the next time you see him, he’s going to be railing your wife like she’s never allowed you to do in a very short amount of time, if he’s not already.

If she won’t shut him down, dump her.

She sees you as weak, and wants to have her cake and eat it too.

Stop being a civilized adult and go show the ex boyfriend who is boss. Otherwise your marriage is finished.

jasoncb123 · 2023-03-25T17:37:06+00:00

Yamazaki23 · 2023-03-25T17:23:27+00:00

She's never yours, it's just you turn... I hope she isn't cheating on you but she's acting rather dodgy. But then again, I'm not qualified to give marriage advice.

Title	Am I over reacting?
Author	RevolutionaryBad7377
Upvotes	21
Comments	40
Date	March 25, 2023 4:58 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/121rwg2/am_i_over_reacting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-i-over-reacting.1187911 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187911

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