Does it annoy anyone else when someone refers to a boyfriend of <1 year as a "partner?"

Adventurous_Rise_307 · 2021-02-28T08:17:06+00:00

I feel like it’s to normalize gender neutrality and remove orientation from conversations. I just saw a meme about this, because we used to assume gay when someone called their SO their partner, since gays couldn’t get married. But now ppl want us to use partner in reference to any SO.

justforfds · 2021-02-28T09:15:13+00:00

It's common in the UK to go with "partner". In my area/circles it means anything between girlfriend and fiance. Its a holding pattern that can last forever and it puts wifely expectations on a woman in society's eyes and very much most men's.

From watching others it seems like many couples mysteriously drift from dating to being partners without any discussion or conscious intention about it. One day, someone just calls the other their partner.

I hear some people say "long term partner" which is really weird. What special value does that imply on something you haven't legally and publicly declared value for?

I've always gone with "friend" until the man has asked me to be his girlfriend.

mtan15 · 2021-02-28T12:59:44+00:00

Yep. My ex of 44m has a 25f gf who has moved in after 8 months of dating, and calls herself partner like it elevates her status and she also sees herself as a step mother my children. I have no words...

c_a_t_lady · 2021-02-28T08:34:17+00:00

Never saw it from that point of view. It's great to hear different perspectives!

I haven't dated yet, but I think I'd call a person I am officially dating "partner" regardless of their gender or the time we've been dating for. It just feels natural for me. ☺ However, I can understand why that would sound annoying or "too much" to some people.

I wouldn't use terms like "life partner", "future wife/husband", " love of my life" or such right away though!

Wkndwhorechata · 2021-02-28T08:11:10+00:00

Yeah, people just try to make themselves feel better by using this term or other ones like "best friend" or the best one "my person". 🙄 It's to make it sound more serious. Whatever.

Also, I also had an espresso late tonight. ✌️

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-02-28T09:50:51+00:00

yeah more and more couples are throwing around the term "partner" to give the illusion that its a more mature relationship when the actual details of said relationship are likely to be pretty flimsy.

fancypantsdance92 · 2021-02-28T08:38:02+00:00

I hate people who refer to their boyfriend as their partner. I go along with it because it's socially acceptable and I'm not a total asshole. But I hate it.

He's either my boyfriend, fiance or husband. Miss me with that nonsense title.

4614065 · 2021-02-28T08:25:40+00:00

Yes! To me a partner is someone you’ve made significant life decisions with; a child/ren, property purchase, business or even long term travel abroad.

When you’re a new(ish) couple and the only joint decision you’ve made is which wine to buy, it’s best to find another name for each other.

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-02-28T15:35:08+00:00

It’s a PC term.

Tomoshaamoosh · 2021-02-28T09:08:47+00:00

It annoys me when people use partner in general tbh. It’s one thing I’d you’re with someone the same sex as you and you don’t necessarily want to “come out” to the entire world. I would probably do the same if I had a girlfriend and was taking to relative strangers (like my patients when they ask if I’m married for example). But to me “partner” when referring to a man who just hasn’t proposed to you yet is a sign of trying to have the world take a relationship seriously when your man doesn’t even take it seriously. I do feel bad for them because it’s obvious that they’re trying to legitimise how long they’ve been together and she doesn’t want to be pushy when asking for a ring. If she’s using the term it’s likely because he’s already gaslighting her about how marriage isn’t actually that important to her, what’s important is that they love each other and they’ll continue to be partners in crime even without a dumb certificate from the government, right? Maybe it’s just because my first exposure to people using “partner” was my eldest cousin who got knocked up three times by a fuckboy who married his next “partner” 18 months after meeting her (and 20 months after leaving my cousin for good) but the whole connotation for the word to me is “I give him everything and am the mother of his children but he won’t make me his wife” lol

greeneyesrosylips · 2021-02-28T12:18:44+00:00

It's a defense mechanism. They know it's not a good deal for them and that if he wanted to commit he would've already, so they mask it with a better sounding term. And then there's the girls who call their boyfriends "hubby" or some variation just because they cohabitate 🤢 No ma'am, that's a whole roommate you have right there. A roommate that you clean and cook for, and also have sex with, all while going 50/50 on rent. What an amazing deal 😍

Hmtnsw · 2021-02-28T13:28:24+00:00

When people say partner I automatically think they are a homosexual couple and don't necessarily want to say that they are. Like, if speaking with someone they know is conservative or something. "My partner, blah blah blah. They blah blah blah."

Most people I know that are heteromarried just say "husband/wife" or their name.

pretty_kill · 2021-02-28T15:04:01+00:00

I see it a lot because people want to be gender-neutral, especially with a lot of couples that bend the gender norms.

Now if they start calling that same partner of 7 months a "significant other" then I agree, thats a nah from me

MrsJohnMarston__ · 2021-02-28T11:37:42+00:00

I suppose it’s more dependent on where you are in your relationship.

I couldn’t be bothered pursuing a relationship with anyone who didn’t share the same aspirations for life as me, so unsurprisingly, when I found my fiancé, we referred to each other as partners fairly early on.

I would only really use gf/bf if I was with someone who hadn’t yet made more serious commitments.

Magnolia_Mirage · 2021-02-28T23:32:55+00:00

It annoys me because I can't tell if a woman is straight or not when they use it lol

devoushka · 2021-02-28T18:44:52+00:00

Understood that it’s to be gender-inclusive but for some reason; I still find it annoying. Not the use of the word, but of it so casually with someone who is not indeed one’s life partner. I would feel ...wrong... referring to a man as my partner unless we had been together for a very long time. My partner in what exactly? I’ve built everything I have.

January_Rain_93 · 2021-02-28T21:27:12+00:00

I tend to use "partner" when I speak to men. When I have used "boyfriend" in the past they see it as a challenge. 🙄

Br0ther-Finger · 2021-02-28T20:01:10+00:00

Partners in delusion.

KateJ1982 · 2021-02-28T22:47:09+00:00

I agree, the word partner implies 2 people in a partnership, working together to build a life together. Similar to a partnership in the business/tax world - 2 people working together to build a business.

Boyfriend makes more sense in the scenario described.

discochicken87 · 2021-02-28T23:52:50+00:00

I say partner about my husband because I have mentally demoted him. (In preparation for one day escaping), so a negative connotation for me, but my mum's partner, has a positive connotation for me, they are not planning to ever marry, but they do everything together and for each other, I'm thinking of calling him my step dad because he's a wonderful pop to my my kids, very supportive to me and a dedicated partner to my mum, the complete opposite of her ex husband. To me, partnership means partnership, not dating.

even_thriller · 2021-03-04T23:20:03+00:00

I use the term partner because my partner is non-binary so in my particular case, its because my current s/o is gender neutral and nothing else. Otherwise I would say boyfriend/girlfriend/etc.

Title	Does it annoy anyone else when someone refers to a boyfriend of <1 year as a "partner?"
Author	devoushka
Upvotes	162
Comments	66
Date	February 28, 2021 8:03 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/luaj7d/does_it_annoy_anyone_else_when_someone_refers_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/does-it-annoy-anyone-else-when-someone-refers-to-a.1192146 https://theredarchive.com/post/1192146

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