Male doctors and making small talk about your truama

yolosunshine · 2020-11-08T04:39:15+00:00

You need a new primary care physician because this wasn't even meant as small talk. This was a major disagreement about your healthcare treatment plan. He was too stubborn to leave the ultimate decision fully in your hands, and that's very troubling.

sahu_ · 2020-11-08T04:53:29+00:00

I've made it a rule to only visit female doctors, and only after reading a ton of reviews. If you have access to some reviews, go through them.

And I prefer doctors who are younger rather than older, so I get somebody who won't give me unsolicited advice on things other than the issue I went to see them for.

Also we have an app in my city, where I can book a pre consult online with video/chat for a fraction of the cost and if they seem fine in that, I visit them in person.

Do your research if possible and avoid egotistical male doctors who show arrogance.

sugaredberry · 2020-11-08T05:58:06+00:00

I don’t see men as doctors bc of this

4E4ME · 2020-11-08T04:48:55+00:00

I have literally been screamed at by a doctor for asking him why he was recommending a course of treatment (his recommendation didn't track with my symptoms and I wanted him to elaborate). I wasn't refusing the course at that point, I was just seeking clarifying information. Nope, I got screamed at. For daring to question someone who I was paying for their professional advice.

Please find a different doctor in a different practice. You don't have to put up with someone who ignores your boundaries, you certainly shouldn't pay them for the privilege of treating you that way.

AvaAngora · 2020-11-08T06:03:44+00:00

Your experience was awful. I am so sorry this happened to you!

When I was in my early 20s, I once saw a doctor because of digestive problems and the doctor began asking really awkward personal questions like why I was unemployed, why I wasn’t in school, why I wasn’t in a relationship. It was none of his business.

He then began giving me “the talk” about unsafe sex and pregnancy, like I was a middle schooler.

It was really awkward. Like what does this have to do with my digestive issues?!

yggiwtmiih · 2020-11-08T06:24:17+00:00

Male doctors have a special type of entitilement and audacity that has been mutated from your run of the mill male entitlement and audacity. Women die 50% more from heart disease even though we have similar rates to men only because male doctors discount our symptoms, subsequently underdiagnosing us. Don't risk it, just start with female doctors and find one you work well with.

Pasdepromesses · 2020-11-08T09:32:44+00:00

I once had a screaming match with my family doctor because he didn't want me to have a PAP smear and also didn't want to refer me to a gynaecologist. I insisted and he made a referral that (very childishly) said that this referral was written against his explicit wishes.

Guess who was treated by a very good and empathetic gynaecologist for the next two years because something, in fact, was up.

Find yourself a really good female GP that you trust and that very obviously takes you seriously. I found one, and she helped me so much, she's a literal lifesaver.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2020-11-08T07:44:45+00:00

He dropped you as a patient for declining to answer his invasive, unnecessary questions. Lol! What a fragile baby! Imagine telling the other doctor, “You go see her! I can’t treat her! She won’t answer my unrelated nosey questions!” The other orher doctor think he’s a total scrote.

Pahapan · 2020-11-08T06:16:12+00:00

This isn't even necessarily about his doctor ego. A lot of men get turned on hearing about the awful things that've been done to women and how we've been traumatized. I alluded once to a guy I was seeing that I'd been raped in the past and he started pushing for details. Creepiest shit ever.

I hope you report him and find a new doctor.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2020-11-08T04:51:28+00:00

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ferociouslycurious · 2020-11-08T05:31:00+00:00

I’m concerned he was interested more in the possibility of exploiting your mental health. I’m glad he refused to see you. He is not the doctor for you.

cantsextihavebills · 2020-11-08T12:31:13+00:00

I was on xanax for 8 years- eight years!!- through multiple female doctors. I never abused it, never had any negative experiences with it. I was doing fine. My (female) doctor sold the practice and I got a new, male doctor.

First thing he does is say he's not going to rx me my medication anymore. He "doesn't believe" in prescribing xanax. He gave me a list of book to read on CBT. I told him he is definitely going to write me a prescription until I can find another doctor, as cutting off the medication after such a long time can cause very nasty side effects. He didn't like that.

The fucking AUDACITY of these men. Dismissing our problems and the doctors that came before them because they feel like we need a different treatment. So logical.

LadyGrimes · 2020-11-08T08:11:54+00:00

Lawd, some quack wrote me a referral for a therapist when I went to see him about my migraines,. I ripped that shit up as soon as I got out of the office and made sure I never saw him again if my PCP wasn't available.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-11-08T08:26:05+00:00

It doesn't have anything to do with what he's doing. I'm so grossed out.

I would recommend not having a male doctor. Who knows what his motives were. He sounds like a creep though.

Saitschik · 2020-11-08T10:32:49+00:00

I had a male doctor telling me after 5 minutes of seeing me I wouldn't have anxiety and depression ( I was diagnosed with it and suffered trauma in my childhood and teenage years) and just had a little bit of stress because of my exams. I was there to get my blood checked, so that was way out of line.

When I told him I am diagnosed with it and in therapy he said that wouldn't matter, I would be too strong and happy for having it.

I was like - WHAT? I suffered panik attacks, depersonalization and severe depression from the age of 12 on and this chump thinks he knows better without knowing anything about me or my history.

achelois_healer · 2020-11-08T06:56:00+00:00

Why don’t you just go and see an ENT (ear, nose and throat doctor). I went to see one on Thursday and after 20 minutes the doctor agreed that I should get a tonsillectomy. At first he tried to sway me away from it because I’m older but I’m at my wits end dealing with reoccurring infections and tonsil stones. He signed the release form and now I can schedule the surgery for the next available spot. I didn’t consult my primary beforehand.

crazykitten27 · 2020-11-08T15:03:40+00:00

I work in a doctors office I've met many doctors over the years. Men and women and I now refuse to see male doctors. They have no empathy will make awful comments about their patients especially their women patients and most just became doctors for the ego trip! Luckily in my office now there are no male doctors but whenever we get one in he is rude to the staff and demanding. also you can't tell them anything they believe that because they are a doctor whatever they say goes even if its wrong and they have no knowledge about what they are talking about.

Do. Not. See. Male. doctors!

505-Minute-Drive · 2020-11-08T05:36:14+00:00

I am sorry this happened to you. I'd just like to advise about the tonsils real quick, make sure whoever removes it does it completely instead of only shaving them back half-assed. I had to get them removed twice in my childhood since the first time was incomplete and they grew back. My parents didnt even know hospitals did such a half-assed attempt like that.

yfunk3 · 2020-11-08T09:27:18+00:00

Report him to the AMA. He crossed some serious personal and professional boundaries.

azureangel35 · 2020-11-08T14:11:34+00:00

I just went to a female PA for an annual exam. I've always dreaded these as they are awkward and painful. She was done in what felt like 10 seconds. No pain. And she talked to me like I was an actual person, on her level which has never happened with any make doctor.

deranged_berserker · 2020-11-08T17:22:06+00:00

I feel you and I also had a doctor with a bruised ego recently! I've been having gyno problems (severe and prolonged bleeding) so they sent me to gynaecology. They have been trying to get me to have the coil for over a decade now and I've refused it.

So the gyno is going through my options and said "we can put a coil in" and I immediately said no and he rolled his eyes! Rolled his eyes! Then he said "well that's my recommendation" I said no again I didn't want it and he questioned me "but why" I said I didn't want a foreign object in my body and he replies "I don't care about that, this is my recommendation" rolled his eyes again...

He then stated the second recommendation which was the pill which I refused... Again eye roll and an audible tut. I don't want this because I've been on them and since coming off I've had no depression or suicidal thoughts but have been bleeding heavily with thickening of the womb and uterus (possibly from not having a period for over a decade and no shedding). Me saying no to this made him flip out and he started shouting at me that there was nothing he could do for me if I was refusing treatment. I was told by my own GP that I should be having a biopsy so I asked about that and he said "fine I'll arrange that, now you can leave" and shooed me out the door like I was an annoying irritant.

What's wrong with these men telling us what we can do with our bodies, questioning our choices and then trying to enforce what they want? I left shaking and fuming that happened.

I'm glad you stuck to your guns, we need to challenge this kind of thing. I'm almost in two minds as to make a formal complaint to CHC. The NHS is amazing but that doesn't mean I'll stand for being treated like that.

Rant over, sorry, I felt this post as this only happened last week.

Adawritesrules · 2020-11-08T17:34:48+00:00

Right a review, write it carefully and state your opinions but emphasize that you as a woman are uncomfortable seeing this doctor and that as a result of this experience you have decided you will start seeing female drs as you see them as more objective and competent. We need to start a trend here

Pudding5050 · 2020-11-08T17:57:44+00:00

Good on you for standing up for yourself. He had no right to question you or your psychiatrist, nor had he the background knowledge to medically make the judgement whether it would have been appropriate to lower your dose. He's a family doctor, your psychiatrist is a specialist in psychiatry. That specialist is way more qualified on the subject of psychiatry than he is.

If you can, get a familly doctor that will do their job. Preferably a woman. Men don't understand women's experiences, there are also too many men who don't take women's symptoms seriously.

WaitWaitHeart · 2020-11-08T18:19:38+00:00

Thank you for standing up to him! I've moved around the US for different jobs and each time I had to find a new primary care, gyno, etc. There are both female and male doctors who have very poor bedside manner. The last female gyno totally missed a diagnosis and rushed me off the phone when I called her for some info because she 'has other patients to see'. I wish I was able to report her to the medical board, but I was dealing with all this paperwork and trauma that it was too much. But ultimately, it starts with me recognizing the bad doctors for who they are and shut it down. Thank you for adding to my arsenal of alertness for bad behavior when it comes to doctors. I've also learned that I need to talk to my doctors on a first name basis because it evens the power dynamic. We are partners in determining the best path for my health.

gothicctemptress · 2020-11-08T09:24:40+00:00

Beware of antidepressants: I have found that I am far easier to manipulate when I'm on them and every single one of my abusive exes wanted me on them. https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/antidepressants-can-alter-peoples-moral-judgement#:~:text=The%20most%20common%20type%20of,Sciences%20(PNAS)%20has%20found

nieces-pieces · 2020-11-08T17:31:44+00:00

I had an orthodontist in high school that would work on my braces without wearing a mask. I’d ask him to wear a mask as I was having to stare up his nose with my mouth wide open and he’d go into this big spiel about how dentists wear masks because they’re dealing with blood and performing surgery and stuff. Got to the point where I was like fucking 15 going, I’m sitting in this chair until you wear a mask. He’d get all huffy but finally started wearing one making sure to be extra dramatic when he sat down and put it on. He also wouldn’t listen to me about my teeth like over tightening then having to space, my teeth moved really quickly for some reason and I asked him to loosen up a bit. Nah.

huevos_and_whiskey · 2020-11-08T18:42:26+00:00

Good for you for sticking to your guns! Always trust a specialist for mental health, never a GP.

peleks · 2020-11-08T08:48:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Male doctors and making small talk about your truama
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	338
Comments	67
Date	November 8, 2020 4:18 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jq5d0t/male_doctors_and_making_small_talk_about_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/male-doctors-and-making-small-talk-about-your.1193569 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193569

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