"She's my daughter" // "Well is her mom around?"

Newbosterone · 2019-10-28T22:23:42+00:00

“No. Is your husband? I’d like to speak to him about your nosiness.”

PrimeWolf88 · 2019-10-28T22:08:58+00:00

Personally I think you should have told her she's a sexist piece of shit.

IKID-DAVIDI · 2019-10-28T22:17:22+00:00

Yeap you should’ve said that,idk why us dads most of the time get treated like if we don’t matter

ross52066 · 2019-10-28T23:50:01+00:00

I hate reading stuff like this. Sucks for you man. I gotta ask, what part of the country? City? Rural? Roughly. I’m just curious because this type of shit would absolutely not happen in my small Midwest town and I want to keep it that way. You handled this like a champ.

Xale1990 · 2019-10-29T00:55:15+00:00

"Excuse me do you know her? "

"yeah I'm her dad. Who the hell are you?"

Lethn · 2019-10-29T00:23:20+00:00

Ask her why she’s out in public without a husband or guardian. That’ll get her riled up

alclarkey · 2019-10-28T23:32:49+00:00

"Oh fuck off, you sexist piece of shit."

Say this externally next time. These assholes need to hear it.

swansong19 · 2019-10-28T23:35:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

FetusGrande · 2019-10-29T00:39:17+00:00

Did she have that may-i-speak-to-the-manager haircut?

fgrsentinel · 2019-10-29T04:07:00+00:00

I couldn't help but wonder if this situation would've ever happened had my wife picked her up, or even just some random woman did, would she have acted this way?

The answer's in the situation: no. This woman went up to a girl she didn't know to comfort her as if it's perfectly acceptable for a strange woman to walk up to a child and start talking to or interacting with them in any way. The fact that she views the child's father doing the same extremely suspicious and untrustworthy even after the child clearly acts in a way that makes the claim undeniable is blatant and unforgivable hypocrisy and open double standards at work.

This reminds me of a more serious story I heard of somewhere on another subreddit where a man was watching his baby outside a store while his wife was shopping and a woman walks past him, grabbing the baby carrier without pause or concern. The man tried to call out to her, but she started running and screaming for help as he approached her. Possibly the most close-minded group of white knights in the world see this and tackle him to the ground, threatening to beat the everloving shit out of him when his wife steps out. She demands to know what's going on and the crowd proudly talks about how they stopped him from kidnapping a baby. The mother realizes what happened and chases down the woman while the crowd watches, snatches the baby carrier away, and throws herself over it. The crowd didn't even try to stop the woman from escaping.

The police show up and take statements afterwards and tries to arrest the father before the mother defends him. Nobody in the crowd was arrested for assault or (more pressingly) chewed out for their part in an attempted kidnapping. The police had zero interest in finding the woman and were actively defending her ("is it possible she thought the baby was related to her?" and "could she have just been confused?" were two things I vaguely remember from the story) before leaving. Nobody in the mob that was so willing to lynch the father for literally no reason other than they heard a woman call for help apologized.

This story is more serious than yours, sure, but it's important to note that there's a very serious and very easily exploited double standard that society is unwilling or unable to acknowledge: a man is never trusted around children and a woman is always implicitly trusted, sometimes even after being proven untrustworthy.

2019-10-28T23:56:06+00:00

Should have said it.

maxcorrice · 2019-10-29T00:54:18+00:00

I would’ve said “yes, why?” and given the most patient expectant look I could

Newbosterone · 2019-10-28T22:27:42+00:00

“No. Is your husband? I’d like to speak to him about your nosiness.”

boxsterguy · 2019-10-29T01:41:25+00:00

As a widower, I give you permission next time to tell the nosy bitch that mom's dead. Put her in her place.

thefilthyhermit · 2019-10-29T01:52:21+00:00

As I'm picking her up the lady tries to hold onto her. "Excuse me, but do you know her?"

"Bitch, you're about to swallow some teeth!"

DukeMaximum · 2019-10-29T02:37:23+00:00

I know what you mean. My dad never got this, that I know of. But people often used to refer to him “babysitting” when he had me for the weekend. It made him furious.

keiths31 · 2019-10-29T02:06:11+00:00

When my kids were toddlers I answered this question more than I can count. I was a single father. That was 15 years ago...

CoolMintMC · 2019-10-29T02:05:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Yawndr · 2019-10-29T06:03:04+00:00

OP, you're not the auxiliary in the eyes of your wife nor your daughter. Don't let a hag drag you down 😁

tenchineuro · 2019-10-28T23:39:21+00:00

Maybe it would have been best to take her picture and call 911 about an attempted kidnapping?

2019-10-29T01:42:48+00:00

If the woman had been even slightly aware of her surroundings, she would have realized that both parents where there and watching.

Cyberious5 · 2019-10-29T02:28:43+00:00

Men are parents too god damn it!

vipros42 · 2019-10-29T08:04:56+00:00

"I assume you are asking because your husband left you because you are a relentless harridan"

Content_Not_History · 2019-10-29T09:14:58+00:00

I would have said: "Where's your husband? I'd like to speak to him about your bullshit."

aazov · 2019-10-29T01:41:09+00:00

If you want busybodies to back off, it's often effective to ask them their name.

2019-10-29T02:33:16+00:00

The word Cunt doesn't get used enough. Nosy Cunt!

NAWALT_VADER · 2019-10-29T06:33:16+00:00

I am thankful to have never directly experienced anything like that. I just want to put this out there.

I was a stay-at-home dad for over 10 years, raising two daughters. I still am the primary parent. I took them everywhere. Parks, playgrounds, swimming pools, restaurants, grocery shopping, libraries, etc. I never experienced anything like that. I often felt excluded as a man, but never directly confronted or questioned.

Just so men don't fear becoming a stay-at-home dad, or to take on a primary parent role. It truly is a great experience. I don't doubt these sorts of negative interactions do happen. Maybe I was just lucky. But hopefully these sorts of things are more rare than not.

PrekaereLage · 2019-10-29T06:56:54+00:00

If some random woman had picked her up, would she have acted the same way?

Nope. I'm 99.99999% sure of that.
Even though, correct me if I'm wrong, a woman would statistically be more likely to kidnap her than a man would be.

2019-10-29T08:02:44+00:00

Because we all know that kids instinctively reaches out for kidnappers.

Canisluous1558 · 2019-10-29T08:38:26+00:00

I really believe women do this passive aggressive shit just to annoy men.

Walking through a home depot, i was taking something up to the cashier to pay for it. I had to walk down an aisle to get to the front of the store where the registers are located. In the aisle is a woman with a shopping cart and nearby is a little girl running around nearby. As i walk by, the woman is looking at me with a concerned look on her face. Suddenly, she calls out ASHLEE! ASHLEE ARE YOU OK!? Note that at this time i am way past the little girl and her stupid mother. I am convinced women like this do these things just to annoy men and are a giant red flag for false allegations. I now avoid walking anywhere near women and their kids when i am out.

Lethn · 2019-10-29T10:17:50+00:00

My wife trusts me as an equivalent parent so she's cool and let's me take it

why do you even need to mention this?

p3ngwin · 2019-10-29T11:29:31+00:00

"Excuse me, but do you know her?"

"I do, who are YOU ?."

"Well, is her mom around?"

Why do you need to know where her mom is ?

For next time, don't ever feel obligated to justify other people's expectations.

Bonus: If you want to fuck with her, tell her "Yes my HUSBAND is right over there, why do you want to speak to him again ?"

such-a-mensch · 2019-10-29T13:44:26+00:00

I had an old guy come up to me in the locker room after taking my daughter to swim class and tell me i'm a good dad. It dawned on me that i'm the only dad in the swim class, the rest of the parents are moms.

I've never seen this guy before. He was probably 65-70 and my first thought was "damn , back in your day you probably thought this was womens work". I really enjoy taking her to swim, my SO gets to spend all day with her so anytime I get 1 on 1 makes me really happy.

Dad's are real parents too and hopefully the stigma of seeing a dad out with his little girl goes away as more guys like you keep doing your thing!

HungryLikeTheWolf99 · 2019-10-29T00:51:47+00:00

Way to go, dad!

dav0011 · 2019-10-29T01:09:40+00:00

what you need to do is call out her behaviour. but if you allow this kinda stuff to happen your reinforcing sexist views

mr2jay · 2019-10-29T01:11:19+00:00

Should of definitely called her out in it

Queeniac · 2019-10-29T01:53:19+00:00

this shit pisses me off. parents can be great in both genders. you can’t just assume every person you don’t know is a random psycho kidnapper. there’s caution and then there’s sexism, and this lady is way over that line.

2019-10-29T02:07:29+00:00

Don’t internalize anything. Tell her she’s a sexist cunt and then record her with your phone.

ujiholp1 · 2019-10-29T02:20:52+00:00

Should have said what you were thinking internally. I definitely would have.

ElBatDood · 2019-10-29T03:46:23+00:00

It pisses me off that you were so mature. I would have said what you said in your head lol.

trp_angry_dwarf · 2019-10-29T03:50:11+00:00

When an extremely similar situation happened to me, the police were called and I was escorted away from the playground.

I did manage to convince them to let me take my son with me. But it took a lot of convincing.

dirtyapenz · 2019-10-29T04:02:42+00:00

Mate you should have started running comically away as if you were kidnapping her

ZarathustraX13 · 2019-10-29T04:24:43+00:00

My wife trusts me as an equivalent parent so she's cool and let's me take it

What the hell does that mean? Why would your wife have to "let" you take care of it?

SJimPickins · 2019-10-29T04:32:20+00:00

You are a better man that I am. If I were in your shoes, I'm unsure how I would react but it it likely be hostile. Not violent, but verbally crushing to that cow. Not the best outcome I believe

2019-10-29T04:49:43+00:00

This is one of the biggest sexist problems facing men today. Truly wish you said what you were thinking internally. Snobs like this woman need to be given a dose of truth to find how despicable they are.

ZimbaZumba · 2019-10-29T04:59:24+00:00

She was well aware she was her dad. You were male in a 'female space'.

Calpernia09 · 2019-10-29T04:59:42+00:00

I'm sorry. I just do no understand this.

Plus since when do adukts run to comfort kids that arent with them? I am a mom and I always wait to see if a patent is coming. If one doesnt I might comfort in form of words. I would only ever put hands if immediate needs required.

I also sorry this happened. I hope it bever happens again. Daddies are so vital, so many just dont get it.

binkerfluid · 2019-10-29T05:25:33+00:00

"Who told you you could touch my child?"

Ketsa · 2019-10-29T05:50:49+00:00

You are too polite for your own good.

Jackyboi98 · 2019-10-29T08:24:33+00:00

That's so creepy of her. The things going through her head. Assuming you're some pedophile kidnapper, sooo out of proportion. Amplified by that your daughter is a girl I presume. It might never have become an ordeal if it was your son.

merton1111 · 2019-10-29T08:32:18+00:00

You did well. The important thing was your daughter, and in the grand scheme of thing, her doubt was proven wrong to her.

Melohdy · 2019-10-29T08:32:54+00:00

I would have gone with the " fuck off" comment.

2019-10-29T12:07:58+00:00

The western world is fucked up. Totally.

Men are either workhorses, cannon-fodder, or pedos.

Mongrel06 · 2019-10-29T13:21:46+00:00

"Daughter sees me and immediately reaches for me..."

Children don't care what you are or what's in between your legs. Their love is unconditional. We should try to be more like them in this regard.

Random_182f2565 · 2019-10-29T01:37:03+00:00

Sexism is awful, also

ULPT only kidnap kids that look like you.

snb · 2019-10-29T01:21:07+00:00

"Well, is her mom around?"

No, not anymore. quivering lip

civicmon · 2019-10-29T01:54:29+00:00

“Oh where’s your husband? Nowhere to be found? Makes a lot of sense why.”

I would have likely taken the high road as well for the sake of everyone else but that Karen needs to be put in her place eventually.

RavynArcadia · 2019-10-29T03:23:34+00:00

One thing I'm not looking forward to when/if I ever adopt.

princesspuppy12 · 2019-10-29T03:24:17+00:00

I would've asked her where her caregiver is because she seems a little confused?

sigharewedoneyet · 2019-10-29T03:34:48+00:00

"Is my daughter reaching towards you for comfort? No, Because she's my child."

subvolt · 2019-10-29T03:54:19+00:00

This sh*! makes my blood boil and I don't even have kids.

thatonemanboi · 2019-10-29T03:59:18+00:00

You’re great dad bro, when I fell my mom didn’t even look at me

functionalsociopathy · 2019-10-29T04:04:47+00:00

She wasn't a lady, she was barely even a woman.

Mar_Ci · 2019-10-29T06:27:24+00:00

I'm helping my girlfriend raise her son who os course looks nothing like me but I never had this problem thanks to my "nice guy" look that always got in the way when dating lol.

jinladen040 · 2019-10-29T10:41:55+00:00

Good on you. Nosey ass people. What gives her the right to ask those questions? Especially if she were able to read the body language of your daughter.

patstoddard · 2019-10-29T11:20:24+00:00

My fiancé has a daughter I love like my own and she’s older but still a child and I’ve gotten stares before as well.

Mav3r1ck77 · 2019-10-29T11:23:48+00:00

I take my son to a little play area in the mall. I live in a rainy area most if the year. I can see the other kids parents ( mothers ) staring at me like i am going to suddenly be evil incarnate.

I just take him metal detecting now. I do not like feeling as though I am doibg something wrong by being a father.

Poseidon847 · 2019-10-29T11:44:46+00:00

I think that you handled it well. She was a piece of shit, you’re right. But keeping your head there and letting her know that you have the situation under control is a mature way of doing it. Especially with your 2 year old right there. Props to you.

huxepenner · 2019-10-29T11:48:18+00:00

She probably uses Facebook and has read those fake scare-stories being shared thousands of times about all men being rapists and pedos.

thwip62 · 2019-10-29T11:59:44+00:00

I would have told her to mind her own fucking business. "Is her mom around?"......

narcolepticd · 2019-10-29T12:12:38+00:00

I would have said something along the lines of “How do I know you weren’t trying to kidnap MY child?!”

uncensoredthoughts · 2019-10-29T12:19:30+00:00

Where the hell do you dad's find these crazy women? I'd call the cops and say she was harassing me.

2019-10-29T12:32:46+00:00

should of told the twisted bitch to get fucked and go crawl back into to her safe space as its none of her business dictating who gets to comfort the brat

InformalCriticism · 2019-10-29T12:40:12+00:00

Always challenge double standards. Not saying call her what she is, but let her know that you don't tolerate it. If they question you, just question them right back.

Acedaboie · 2019-10-29T20:14:38+00:00

I had something like this happen to me once. I was at a concert with a bunch of my friends and a girlfriend at the time. Basically what led to it was, she didn't eat, didn't go to the bathroom, didn't drink water, smoked and drank a bunch- eventually leading to her passing the fuck OUT. Like I mean, was in my arms strong, to full limp body.

I'd been with her for like a few months, first time it ever happened. I hold her up and cradle her head, when this woman OUT OF NO WHERE comes running up and grabs her from me.

Stares in her eyes asking "are you okay?" and I'm now thinking this chick rushed over here thinking I drugged her. I repeated a lot she was my girlfriend and she just passed out from the exhaustion. So for the remaining part of the concert and waiting outside, this chick just watched me and my friends.

I didn't do anything, just lived with the fact I was believed to be a horrid PoS

michelle1pa · 2019-10-30T03:27:36+00:00

Hell yes, dads are real parents. My husband has been a kick ass dad and was their primary daytime caregiver when our kids were babies , I am sorry you were treated as a second class parent

There was a minor incident at school last year where my daughter was almost but not quite hurt. I was knee deep in treating patients to. I call the teacher back and I’m like “seriously , there is a reason her dad is listed first on the contact list “

VeryVeryVeryGoodBoy · 2019-10-31T21:38:25+00:00

What a scum

Not_Elon_Musk445 · 2019-10-29T03:18:22+00:00

People like this piss me off so much, like Jesus the world would be a better place if you hit a bullet

IMGONNAFUCKYOURMOUTH · 2019-10-29T10:15:56+00:00

What's an are?

Etaec · 2019-10-29T12:26:05+00:00

More importantly she would have let a stranger pick her up and walk out with her regardless of protests. You're a better person than me because I would have ignored her. Being an involved male parent sucks listen to how you yourself qualified it, my wife trusts me... she's cool with it...

bluesteelballs · 2019-10-29T13:05:45+00:00

If someone did that to me, I would hold tight to my kid and front push kick the hell out of that condescending .....woman. If she calls the cops, I'll tell them I'm the father of the child and she wouldn't let me reach for her so I thought she was trying to kidnap her.

TheJoestarDescendant · 2019-10-29T13:28:20+00:00

"The little girl was running to him, clearly knowing the person. I bet he is a rapist"

But damn I really hate it once I reached the part when she/ze asked where the mother is

Voidslan · 2019-10-29T14:02:39+00:00

I've decided that anyone trying to keep my own child from me is obviously a kidnapper. You inform them you are the father and if they further refuse to give you your child, you call 911 in front of them. Ask for a unit to be sent as a stranger at the park won't let go of your child.

Tapeleg91 · 2019-10-29T14:09:44+00:00

Like, after you've established you're the father, she blows past that and still demands parental power in that moment. As if she's going to only release this child until the right parent comes to get her.

You're a bigger person than I. I likely would have asked her to let go of my daughter, then physically removed this strange woman's grip from her.

novadesi · 2019-10-29T16:13:34+00:00

Would it have been appropriate to call 911 at the first sign of non-compliance as attempted kidnapping or custodial interference and begin videoing her? Yes it would be for effect because there were other ways to deescalate which is what OP did, but possibly a way to teach the person a lesson on rules of engagement?

Tactical_Herper · 2019-10-29T17:47:22+00:00

Would of just told her how you really felt. But Im glad your kid is safe.

Men-Are-Human · 2019-11-02T12:45:38+00:00

This is disgusting,. It at least it didn't escalate. Would you allow me to add this to www.menarehuman.com for future awareness? it can be anonymous or named, if you prefer.

Dsb0208 · 2019-10-29T10:47:32+00:00

If it’s ok to ask, are you not her birth father? The way you said “my wife trusts me as a parent” seemed like it was implying there was a reason why you wouldn’t. If you are her father, and your daughter looks like she could be your off spring, and you don’t look crazy, then that lady was a HUGE BITCH!

Midwinter77 · 2019-10-29T04:06:31+00:00

I would have lit that bitch up dude.

DuPhuc · 2019-10-29T04:37:22+00:00

r/mensrights

2019-10-29T08:15:16+00:00

Short version -- man goes to park, steps on dog shit.

DeathcampEnthusiast · 2019-10-29T13:01:46+00:00

If something like this happens again.. sneak to your car and keep making eye contact with her.

CourageousCauliflowr · 2019-10-30T00:14:17+00:00

She's right to fear men. She doesn't know you from Adam. Check out the sex offender registry for your hood. It may be a lady like this that keeps a dude from raping your little girl someday soon.

Read article "schrodinger's rapist".

fogoticus · 2019-10-29T00:48:29+00:00

Ok. I might get downvoted but I believe she just wanted some form of confirmation you're her parent. Not that she thought only a mom could take of her child.

Edit: Go ahead and downvote. I would do the same. No. I didn't say "I would randomly accuse men of being kidnappers". I said "I would try to make sure the kid is with an actual parent".

This is one of the major problems of this subreddit. The intent is good. It's just the defensive behavior the subreddit took that fucks it up sometimes with people getting very easily offended and choosing to be the victim sometimes when it's really not the case. I have a point of view that states that woman simply wanted some reassurance. People took it as if I'm siding with a sexist bitch because the post is written in such a way that portrays a question like this as a question that only a sexist bitch could in fact ask. But swap the roles and it's kind of the same boat in my eyes. I don't know.

I side with men's rights 100% of the time. I'm just not feeling it this time around. I just feel like it's a misconception simply because of the fact that this is a bit of a sensitive subreddit and a lot of people see the worse in things faster than they see the good.

2019-10-29T01:25:02+00:00

That's really offensive. Although I get how the lady can get worked up by the sight of it because of that crimes happening involving missing children. I'm sure she just want to ensure the safety of the kid but she's really talking to a real parent of the kid so it does sound discriminating and disrespectful. If it happens to be your kid with a random stranger, she could be the one to save your kid but on the other hand she could be a kidnapper. lol.

blazershorts · 2019-10-29T01:01:02+00:00

Isn't it possible that your daughter was hurt and yelled "mama mama" and you weren't close enough to hear it? Because if so, the stranger may not have been an asshole.

Except for the first thing, the "do you know her?" part, because obviously.

yazhppanan · 2019-10-29T10:54:09+00:00

I know I would get down voted for this but I think that lady was right . There are too many kids getting kidnapped everyday . And she looked out for a child she nothing about .

I support men's having equal right as women but at this point that women was right . Just think instead of you , if a complete stranger had came forward and took your child , that lady would have defended your child .

Don't get me wrong but sometimes equality comes second before the safety of our loved ones .

Just my thoughts

michelle1pa · 2019-10-29T01:12:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Lethn · 2019-10-28T22:21:17+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	"She's my daughter" // "Well is her mom around?"
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2914
Comments	270
Date	October 28, 2019 10:06 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/dogaaf/shes_my_daughter_well_is_her_mom_around/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/shes-my-daughter-well-is-her-mom-around.1203111 https://theredarchive.com/post/1203111

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