How do women think? just with emotions?

Longjumping-Can-6083 · 2022-08-17T01:41:58+00:00

You may be one of the few men that get cash and prizes in a divorce and for that I salute you.

O-nie · 2022-08-16T22:42:16+00:00

Get all you can at this point. She drew first blood with the falsely-acquired TRO. Honestly, you were being dumb by not getting the equity and half of the marital assets on your initial offer. Women always get everything they can and guys need to start playing the same game.

JohnnyMnemo · 2022-08-17T02:07:42+00:00

Why on earth did you offer CS when you had that kind of income disparity.

EmCee311 · 2022-08-16T22:35:47+00:00

Outside of 50/50 with your kids it sounds like you’ll make out pretty well in this, at least compared to many on this sub - be thankful for that. Go out and be the best version of yourself you can be, build a newer, better you, in every aspect.

JD-Anderson · 2022-08-16T22:31:35+00:00

I stopped asking what my ex was thinking years ago and just appreciate her stupidity. She divorced me about 6 years before I started peaking. I really do appreciate her for it all.

O-nie · 2022-08-16T22:57:36+00:00

Women’s key emotional driver is pride. Your stbx wants to win, no matter the cost. If she let you walk away on your terms, she hasn’t won, you have. Even if she comes out behind on paper, she wants to make you pay in court.

CuckFromGujarat · 2022-08-17T02:12:38+00:00

Reasons you stated in last para are perfectly true & seen most of the time. Many wives don't understand what they want actually & sometimes they enjoy fighting & it's like an energy booster for them which leads to self destruction with spouse destruction too!

James_Jimothy · 2022-08-17T00:22:08+00:00

Honestly? Yes, there is truth in this. I'm not saying that men don't feel engage similar behavior, but subscribing to the sexes being "the same" mantra isn't helpful especially when facing divorce, IMO.

In studies of the five big personality traits, it's been noted that, on average, women score higher in neuroticism (moodiness, emotional instability) as well as extroversion (not surprising as women on average derive more meaning from personal relationships and what others think of them).

What that means, I suspect, is that women ruminate on "emotions" (both negative and positive) more and generally are less encouraged to temper or assess them critically. And in marriages/child-rearing where stress and frustration is commonplace, negative feelings can build without that internal check/balance system eventually eroding goodwill.

Moreover, the "happy wife"/ "if mama ain't happy" mantra reinforces the centrality and supremacy of the female spouse's feelings/self-interest as part of the cultural milieu and may color women's expectations of marriage.

That said, it's just my observation.

Gattsama · 2022-08-17T08:24:51+00:00

Hey, sorry you are in the middle of this BS. I'm also in the middle. We were together for 17yrs, married 12yrs, no kids, she hasn't worked in 12yrs. I make excellent money, and have always worked a ton of extra shifts to allow us to have a great lifestyle (which is of course now biting me in the ass). We have to sell the house (she can't afford it, I don't want it, and neither of us have the assets to buy the other out).

Remember a woman's reality are her emotions. If she feels it, it is true. So we could have sold the house between May - July at the peak of the market for maybe $150-200k MORE than current. That would be an extra $60-80k in her pocket. Let's play make believe and she gets a job after the divorce allowing her to save $10k/yr, hence it would take her 6-8 YEARS to make up that potential lost. She gets to stay in the house a few extra months, but at the cost of YEARS of lost potential income???

Why would she do that? Because feelings... Who knows what those feelings are: I said we need to sell, I wanted to sell then, she's angry at me, she's afraid to find a rental, doesn't want to move, etc. Who knows & who cares :)

You are not going to every figure her out, and trying is a waste of time. I accept the STBX for what she is, like a hurricane or flood; not really evil, but not safe to be in/around.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-08-17T09:27:09+00:00

Emotionalism, not rationalism, is a woman's proclivity.

And they are not bad at math. They divorce more than men because they want a bigger, better deal.

akihonj · 2022-08-17T09:55:48+00:00

Do they think with emotion, yes they do sadly.

Often they'll go down the route of asking for a divorce because they want to see you fight for the marriage, they think emotionally that's what they would do so it's what you will also do.

Then when you say ok, they get hurt, for two reasons

First, agreeing to the divorce to them means you didn't actually care enough about the marriage to fight for it

Second you didn't actually care enough about her to fight for it.

What they often fail to understand is that when a divorce is asked for its because that is the final nail in the coffin, when you cross that line it's rare that you can come back from it usually because the one being asked knows it's only a matter of time before that becomes a weapon to be used at will.

Nobody wants to live under that.

azwildcat74 · 2022-08-17T13:43:37+00:00

DO NOT GIVE HER SHIT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO. Falling on your sword and conceding shit when SHE should have to do so for you is part of what keeps the family court system broken, it sets normative precedent. She wants to go scorched earth, make her ass pay.

playerknowmore · 2022-08-17T02:34:43+00:00

Only thing that makes since is your replacement is loaded, and she wanted to start her new life without you.

Nobody-941 · 2022-08-17T05:33:49+00:00

Wondering what your lawyer said about going after her about the false TRO. I got one that was a lie whole cloth. I had good evidence and the judge warned her to drop it and she did. When I asked my lawyer about any repercussions, they basically told me there is no real practical recourse. It's amazing to me that such a devastating tactic can be leveraged with zero threat of accountability.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-08-17T10:07:39+00:00

Women want a spouse who earns 61% more than they do. She stopped respecting you.

ZarBandit · 2022-08-17T00:57:46+00:00

Once you come to terms that her love was predicated on your utility to her, then you can accept that a divorce means your utility is being reduced to zero. The only way to make you useful is to extract more resources from you regardless of whether it is reasonable.

Add on the mental jujitsu that all women do that the reason why she feels unhappy is because you are the bad person, and you’ll get her entitlement to take everything.

She loved you like a tool from a toolbox. You were a thing. If a tool breaks or you think you can get a better tool, there’s no investment in keeping you around. You’re discarded without any emotion.

This what utilitarian ‘love’ is. When she said she loved you, she only meant she loved what you could do for her.

ThrowAwayAccount__0 · 2022-08-16T22:28:18+00:00

One thing I learned in life is that, as a man, it's always best to figure out where I fucked up and learn from that.

All of the weak men I've ever met, who are miserable, sad, angry, and frustrated, are stuck with the idea of blaming others.

I learned I can't control others, and I can't reason with people. I can only control myself. Therefore, if I'm in a bad situation, I have to take whatever part of the blame is for me, and live with that. Some people are just assholes but it's my responsibility to learn how to identify them and avoid them

If I walk down the street waving my wallet, it's my fault I got mugged. It's not right or fair, but I was ignorant of the risk. It's my job to learn the risk and minimize it. By doing so I can have a clean conscience and keep moving forward.

Learn from it and move on.

Stop wishing your ex bad luck. Stop blaming her for making decisions you don't understand or agree with. It doesn't matter.

99% of the time it's just our pride making us think or hate or feel. You can say 75% all you want but it doesn't matter when it's you signing the papers.

Just move on and learn to take accountability so you don't get suckered next time. You said it yourself, you got in this mess because you fell for her bullshit.

That's your fault. Learn from it and move on and up. Anything else is just fluff that slows you down.

So much of this subreddit is guys blaming women. Sometimes the women are the problem. I'm not saying that's not the case. But at the end of the day do you want to be the man moving forward and living life or a guy complaining about his ex on the Internet?

Seems pretty simple to me.

Long-Review-1861 · 2022-08-17T20:18:54+00:00

Women are ruthless so I'm happy that you may come out ok

TipNo6062 · 2022-08-17T13:10:04+00:00

I'm a woman (50f). I can be emotional, and I'm also very analytical. Here's what happened to me in summary.

Found out husband was cheating. Was in shock. It was COVID. He wanted to save our marriage, I needed to process and initially agreed. Demanded he write out that if we divorce I get the house and I can't remember what else. No kids.

We both got counsellors. I didn't want to make any drastic changes immediately, especially as we didn't know what was happening with COVID (Spring 2020). We also run a business together and it's complicated. We're attempting reconciliation, but it's difficult - trust from my end is pretty much gone.

FF to November, HE SAYS "he can't take it anymore" effectively wants a divorce. I agreed. I said, ok draft up a proposal of what you think is fair. He was slow, I didn't care, I wasn't in a big rush. Finally, in summer 2021, we worked out our agreement. Used a mediator and were wrapped up in 3 weeks, mostly because of lawyers back and forth on contract language. I got the house, 1/2 of everything else. I think it was a fair deal, all things considered. We continue to half own business and property for the time being. I could have asked for alimony (he makes more money), probably could have asked for other things - but there was no point in going for the jugular, I didn't want to create a bitter battle.

IDK, I don't think I approached this emotionally. I am a business woman, this was painful, and in the end, it's just business and treated it as such.

pk2at · 2022-08-16T22:41:02+00:00

First make sure you get what you believe you are entitled to. Too many men count their chickens before they hatch in court. The feminist court may well believe you are a useless father and chose to work below your potential and award you nothing

W0o0zy010 · 2022-08-16T23:51:34+00:00

70% of that i didnt say.. if i would of not married her i would of been in my moms house. I also invested a lot in that house. Deck , back yard,cement,, bedroom set, washer ad dryer, carpet, fixed the sump disaster. Paid off her car 23k when i moved in. Her money problems were her fault. She’s never wanted me involved in the bank account always mead it has hard as possible till i gave up. All i was got to ask for was enough to reconfigure my life. Meaning going to an apartment and bout 6months of money to get myself situated . I was never going to try to bankrupt her. Then shit got dirty and she made my life hell. Funny how 0 of the check i was waiting on were there. She knew i needed them. And she made sure i got none of them. One check was for 27k. That i now have to wait 40more days to get replaced. I was basically out on the streets with nothing. If she wants to destroy me in court then fine. I will folllow up with everything i have. And it will be ugly. None of this even makes sense. CS? There aren’t any kids??

Bulldawg45_USMC8541 · 2022-08-17T00:23:06+00:00

Who is your lawyer?

upvotersfortruth · 2022-08-17T01:04:07+00:00

You’ll be lucky to keep legal under 25k

Seemedlikefun · 2022-08-17T13:45:59+00:00

I thought she was meeting a man online and having sex with him in a hotel? Why would you try to be so amicable with a liar, cheater who put your entire family's lives at risk by trading body fluids with randoms during a global pandemic, and then be surprised by a TRO? Have you considered that the coaching may be coming from other sources besides mom? Why do you think that's a good environment for your kids to be in 50% of the time?

TraditionalThing8279 · 2022-08-18T00:26:28+00:00

Oh the lie for the restraining order...happened to me too. My ex couldn't handle me finally getting upset and confronting her about how her and her family had been treating me for years.

She told everyone I was psychotic and owned guns, and based on her word alone and no proof (there was no violence or even threats, just heated words) bam, restraining order and mental health eval.

The system is so fucking broken. However, getting the TRO overturned based on lies is apparently very difficult to do. DAs usually won't pursue charges for it and the evidence required to prove it was bullshit is very high. Hopefully its better in your state.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-08-19T15:42:15+00:00

"How do women think?"

"That's the neat part. They don't."

(that was intended as a joke, not as my actual thoughts or feelings).

Your stbx somehow has the impression that the family courts are way more misandristic than they actually are. No, there's no frickin way you'd pay child support if you're making less than her and still have any reasonable amount of custody.

ZookeepergameLow2760 · 2022-08-22T08:46:39+00:00

I’m in a similar boat, my wife wants an uncontested divorce so she doesn’t spend in attorney fees. In a beginning I said ok, she keeps her savings, 401k and her money and I keep mine although I have way way less. Kids are adult so no CS, no alimony. She can stay in the house and we’ll sell it with equity. However she’s a miserable mean witch and does anything to humiliate me. I threatened her to break our agreement. I will take her money if she keeps on messing with me. I do not deserve that treatment and she has absolutely nothing against me that can fly in court. I’m in a no fault state and per my consultation, things are in my favor. She just got a new age epiphany and lost it. 20 years of marriage to the trash out of the blue. I do not disagree but what is the point to keep fighting.

Ordinary_Ad_3107 · 2022-08-29T21:03:32+00:00

Those prettier women are gonna age too

Title	How do women think? just with emotions?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	44
Comments	71
Date	August 16, 2022 10:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wq7an7/how_do_women_think_just_with_emotions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-women-think-just-with-emotions.1209076 https://theredarchive.com/post/1209076

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