What makes marriage successful?

heartless_monk · 2023-08-04T20:05:38+00:00

no man, regardless of wealth or looks, will ever be immune from the bullshit that comes with marriage.

regardless.. what makes a marriage successful?

loyalty, clear comprehension, and sexual compatibility.

Xan-Diesel · 2023-08-04T18:01:15+00:00

Tom Bradys divorce should tell you everything you need to know about your question. He is arguably the G.O.A.T. for his field, is classically good looking and by all accounts is a dedicated Father and Husband. He meets all the "checklist" criteria for modern women (6 figure income, 6 pack abs, 6' height etc.) and STILL saw his marriage dissolve.

Look at the "husband store" joke. It boils down to this: it is NEVER good enough. There is NOTHING you can do to negotiate desire. There is absolutely zero reason for a man to marry.

DatabaseSpace · 2023-08-04T19:52:17+00:00

As soon as they get bored family law is there to make you finance their future relationships so I guess you either have to make much less than them (then they will never marry you) or make sure they never get bored? Sounds like a lose lose situation. Alimony and no fault divorce needs to end, until then it’s not worth it.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-08-04T19:54:28+00:00

It takes a lot of discussion with your partner. There’s really four key components (questions) to determine if you can be in a long term relationship with someone.

“Have I effectively communicated my needs and wants from this partner?
“Is this partner willing and capable of providing those needs?”
“Do I really understand what this partner needs and wants me to provide?”
“Am I willing and capable of providing those needs?”

Backyardbaby67 · 2023-08-04T21:10:49+00:00

…The abolition of no fault divorce…

SecretDoctor8121 · 2023-08-04T22:09:31+00:00

What makes it successful?If you don't do it.

CaliDude75 · 2023-08-04T22:58:07+00:00

Obviously not what I and my ex did/didn't do. I felt judged by her a lot of the time, which made me want to kind of become reclusive, and not share with her, even though she said she wanted me to share all the time.

Also not being taken advantage of. I have the "nice guy" curse which I'm still trying to break out of, where I just instinctively want to serve and do nice things. But that can turn into entitlement and co-dependency by the receiver. In my post-divorce life, it's manifested itself by sending mixed signals to women that you're romantically ambivalent about, making them think you're interested in them, when you may or may not be.

I would say being non-judgmental, giving each other time and space to talk things out, willingness to compromise on non-essentials, but agreeing on big principle things for the most part (money management/priorities, life goals).

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-05T00:45:55+00:00

The odds are not in men’s favor and continue to trend in the wrong direction. Just look at all of the high profile divorces in the news over the last decade. It doesn’t matter if you have money like Bill Gates, if your the star QB like Tom Brady or a famous movie star like Johnny Depp - your marriage can still fail.

These are not the same women from your grandmothers or even your mothers generation and this is not the same society. Divorce is now a socially accepted norm, often even encouraged. Just look at all the romcoms and many of the sitcoms geared towards woman. Many of them feature cute, quirky / funny characters that are either divorced or going through one. It’s always portrayed in a funny and playful way but none of them show the devastation it causes.

Swimming_Ad9593 · 2023-08-05T01:03:52+00:00

Honestly at the end of the day it doesn't matter what you look like, what you provide; emotionally, financially, or around the house. If she wants out and sees an out that's it. If she is like my ex she will leave you at the drop of a hat wondering what the fuck just happened. This is the unfortunate truth with some women, and there is nothing that we can do to change any of it.

SII75 · 2023-08-05T02:00:23+00:00

No marriage is successful to be honest. The ones that last just have a high level of tolerance and have the bigger picture mentality in mind. In the end human emotion is unpredictable and therefore we all just sitting ducks. In today’s world, it’s best to stay single.

northdakotact · 2023-08-04T20:35:51+00:00

Harrison Ford, Michael Jordan, Brad Pitt, Tiger woods, Arnold. The biggest Alpha males on the planet and they got stepped on and crushed.

Retying3043 · 2023-08-04T21:26:07+00:00

Agree with what others have said. In short, marriage is simply not possible today due to the current laws incentivizing the worst aspects of female nature.

pk2at · 2023-08-04T20:42:23+00:00

Its really simple, as soon as you get married get legal separation and continue living happily married. Its marriage laws that are the problem, not the institution itself

yuehhangalt · 2023-08-04T22:46:27+00:00

John Gottman’s research advises the following:

Enhance Love Maps: This principle encourages partners to get to know each other deeply and understand each other's inner worlds, hopes, and dreams.

Nurture Fondness and Admiration: Cultivate a positive view of each other, appreciating and valuing your partner's qualities and strengths.

Turn Towards Each Other: Foster a strong emotional connection by actively responding to each other's bids for attention, affection, and support.

Let Your Partner Influence You: Recognize and value your partner's opinions, ideas, and preferences, fostering a sense of equality and teamwork in decision-making.

Solve Solvable Problems: Learn constructive ways to address and resolve conflicts that arise in the relationship.

Overcome Gridlock: Develop skills to manage and navigate deeper, ongoing conflicts that may seem unsolvable at first.

Create Shared Meaning: Build a sense of purpose and shared goals as a couple, fostering a sense of unity and meaning in the relationship.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-08-04T23:49:26+00:00

OP, this is an interesting question especially because I was just thinking that AI should maybe decide the answer for us. Check out this comment I made on another thread:
https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15hzgnv/you_cant_have_a_successful_relationship_with/jutm5w7/

lvdad · 2023-08-05T00:46:40+00:00

Having a short memory.

TheNattyJew · 2023-08-05T00:58:42+00:00

I've been married for 35 years, happily married at that. The only thing I can tell that I did differently than my divorced friends is that, my wife really really thinks I am THE man, that she couldn't do better than me post divorce. She is very conscientious, loyal and loves to please me. We like each other and do enjoy spending time together.

It also helps that we both make roughly the same amount of money, so there is no cash incentive for her to divorce me, if she wanted to.

Even though I have had good luck, I would never marry again. The risks are simply too high

polarshred · 2023-08-05T09:16:25+00:00

I think Jake Woodard has some good points. Check his Instagram and podcast

theduckbilledplatypi · 2023-08-04T21:44:37+00:00

Marriage doesn’t really work with women that have embraced western feminism. The reason is that eventually, you, being a human, will not do everything right (not even taking about cheating) and feminism pretty much preaches that we are to be discarded when that happens.

My advice would honestly be…look for women who don’t have those ideas or don’t embrace them. This might lead you down a way different cultural path but at the end of the day it will also probably land you a woman that isn’t going to treat you horribly.

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-08-04T20:10:36+00:00

Well, I'll give the most non-bitter answer I can

1) find a woman who understand how to pursue happiness for both herself and you. If either of you is deeply unhappy then that's where the divorce is. But this means some specifics that a lot of people simply won't give.

eat right
sleep enough
exercise
socialize

If you're doing those 4 things, its hard to be too discontent and if you are then it's time to see a shrink. Find a wife that does all those things. Do those things yourself as well.

A lot of people (men and women) treat happiness as objective based. "If only I had a better job I'd be happy" or "if only I could buy a house I'd be happy" or "if I had an extra 10k in the bank I'd be happy" but that's all wrong. People also look at social media too much and compare their lives to everyone else's highlight reels. Make sure your wife doesn't do that.

2) communication. Specific, unsexy communication. Like with excel sheets. Budget your expenses in dollar totals and have each party provide based on their share of household income. Schedule chores to occur at specific times like a business schedules daily, weekly, and monthly tasks. Talk about what you want to do during sex like in specific terms. Uncomfortably specific terms.

Another thing I'd like to try to do I'm actually borrowing from the parenting plan for my kids. Come up with a "tiebreaker" system when neither of you can agree and aren't willing to budge. This might me categorizing household decisions and saying who has final say in each category

1antinomy · 2023-08-04T23:47:43+00:00

Only two ways

Luck
Constant work, sacrifice, commitment & duty on BOTH sides

Unfortunately, we know that one gender only looks at marriage as fun, butterflies, vacations, traveling, cash prizes, falling in love with their best friend, happiness, spontaneousness, etc all forever

And they WILL bail when they aren’t “happy” anymore

The idea of falling in love forever with one person & it staying that way for the next 50 years is extremely rare

Especially when it isn’t our natural biology to be attracted to someone for that long

MoodyMusical · 2023-08-04T23:19:16+00:00

Open communication and a shared commitment to the marriage.

ww3historian · 2023-08-05T05:51:12+00:00

Man and woman who only want one vagina/penis for the rest of their lives. So many marriages broke up cos one person couldn’t commit to just one vagina/penis for the rest of their lives

tiaanaD_7750 · 2023-08-05T00:32:03+00:00

Not having one

georeddit2018 · 2023-08-05T18:24:44+00:00

Why do some of us know the risk of getting married and still sign up for it? I am also kinda guilty of this.

Title	What makes marriage successful?
Author	_vinland_
Upvotes	25
Comments	47
Date	August 4, 2023 5:31 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15i6bsx/what_makes_marriage_successful/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-makes-marriage-successful.1227393 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227393

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