slightly annoyed that toxic female traits are just laughed at like it's normal

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-08-06T14:17:44+00:00

My issue was that 100% of how I interacted with my STBX had to be configured to match how she felt.

Like "well she probably just frustrated because she feels like you're trying to control her and so you need to phrase what you have to say in this ultra specific way to mitigate the chances she will blow up on you"

Every day seemed like she was on a razor's edge and it was my fault if I couldn't work with that.

dugduggyneow · 2023-08-06T13:36:18+00:00

Absolutely agree with this. So many things are just portrayed as this is normal with a double standard for men.

Recently, my spouse had an emotional affair and I remembered an event during the beginning of our relationship where she net a friend in a cafe telling me that she just needed to give some stuff to him that she had bought overseas. Later she told me that she had met him some time ago on a dating app but the meeting was just to give some things to him.

I brought that recently while in anguish over her affair, and was told that girls would not even have told me about meeting an old friend whom they met on a dating app and I should appreciate the honesty she showed when she told me later.

This response is when I am being implored to see that she has been trustworthy up until the affair.

Retying3043 · 2023-08-06T16:02:07+00:00

You are on the right track. There is abundant misandry in our society.

captainchippsixx · 2023-08-06T13:36:41+00:00

That’s because we don’t check that shite hard when it comes up. If most guys called out their bull shite when it happens, and we say look either be an adult and we complement each others lives or leave.

No more high road, let it roll off, and not a big deal.

jasoncb123 · 2023-08-06T16:14:06+00:00

My ex was notorious for this. I think the almost 20 years we were together I can recall 2 maybe 3 times she admitted and apologized for something wrong she did.

I don’t know how to do anything, I don’t know how to drive, I don’t know how to fix anything, I don’t know how to use my own tools, I don’t know how to clean, I wear the wrong clothes, I don’t know how to cook or do laundry….you get my point ……..

I’ve spent the better part of the last year coming to terms with all her BS.

And any time I would be doing something if I had questions about a project. I was working on the first thing out of her mouth would always be “You should call my dad or my brother. “

That was just so aggravating and frustrating

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-08-06T15:42:03+00:00

Society teaches ppl that men are tough and words don’t hurt, we are supposed to face challenges head on and never ask for help. Being a man is tough because we can’t ask for help which makes us look as being weak.

1antinomy · 2023-08-06T17:10:25+00:00

That’s because despite the propaganda that’s put out there, most men are controlled by their wives, both directly & indirectly

Guys don’t realize it because they’re trained to believe they are the leaders in the relationship when they really aren’t

NickRubesSFW · 2023-08-06T17:17:22+00:00

Sexism has swung the other way completely now. Men are just as victimized as women, if not more so because women feel validated in mistreating men. The system is set up to support victimized women but not so much for victimized men.

The societally unpopular opinion is it's time to support men as well, just as much as women.

To point out how ridiculous the problem is, realize that there are business groups with the stated purpose of only supporting women, can you even IMAGINE if there was a business group that would not assist women but ONLY MEN?

Can you imagine the uproar and loud canceling that would happen?

I understand the statistic that men get paid more than women, but I don't think that's true at all anymore, and I bet that is based on old data and stilted research.

rb577511 · 2023-08-06T19:07:26+00:00

Welcome to the club of the enlightened. I don't look at women. I don't talk to women unless absolutely necessary. I have pointed out the spectacular bias of the media toward men. Some people have come back and said that they never really noticed it before. It's everywhere.

meltdownthetown · 2023-08-06T19:57:52+00:00

Agree. However. Just look through this forum and you will see a whole lot of men waking up to the double standards. We fight against it at a personal level by resolving to never put ourselves in such a skewed relationship again. We respect ourselves and if any female desires to be part of our life they need to show respect as well. I wasn't put on this earth to be somebody else's servant: male or female.

idiotwind1083 · 2023-08-06T20:05:22+00:00

Once you're out of the harness and remove the blinders.....its easier to spot all the other draft horses.

1Cobbler · 2023-08-06T22:25:54+00:00

The whole "permission slip from the mrs" thing really grinds my gears. It was always a big drama for me to go do anything without her, but she would literally do it all the time and barely ever even mention it to me before-hand.

Electronic-Purple293 · 2023-08-06T17:20:29+00:00

Things are changing, brothers. Ads insult men because women spend most of the money, it doesn't matter if they are single or married. Men don't need much.

Decon_SaintJohn · 2023-08-06T18:20:32+00:00

Same experience. When the verbal abuse and her outbursts/rages became so intense it made me breakdown and cry, I begged her to do something about it. She started getting therapy. The literal first day of therapy, she came home with what she learned and weaponized it, using it against me. She would say things like: "You're not capable of showing emotions because you're a man." "You trigger me, because you're like my father, that's why I act like this." Etc, etc, etc.

The verbal abuse was ongoing and became even more intolerable, even with her going through further therapy sessions. The attacks, denial, invalidation, and degradation of my true self, i.e.: emotional, compassionate, feeling, empathic, loving, and kind person I am, was beaten down to a pulp. Finally, after close to a year of being seperated from her, I am now finally finding my authentic self again.

I definitely experienced a bias towards me, being I'm male, and that her negative behaviors, were pushed aside because that's just "how women are," and as the man, you should just accept and deal with it.

SagittariusQueen8 · 2023-08-06T18:50:33+00:00

As a female I absolutely agree with you. I am taking the time to while single to learn about my toxicity and digging deeper into the root cause of it and will be seeking therapy for it. You are validated by your annoyance and it’s an embarrassment to the females who are actually putting in the work to help themselves to not be toxic in the future.

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-08-07T00:23:46+00:00

I agree, OP. Especially when the woman is young or cute or desirable (and she knows it), men make any excuse to tolerate her behavior. And you're right, it's passed-off as a funny quirk instead of a toxic feature.

My ex had a well-earned reputation for becoming "hangry". I honestly hadn't ever heard that word before we met. She would more-or-less laugh it off, like being hungry was a perfectly good excuse to be a rude asshole to me.

Sure, let's put that in perspective. If I were a rude asshole to my boss, or my mom, or my bros, imagine me just laughing it off and saying, "Yeah, but I was HUNGRY, so I get a free pass because I can't schedule my feedings or regulate my emotions."

Wassp868 · 2023-08-06T19:55:17+00:00

Not only sitcoms bro, I've not seen it yet and I intend too(stream), Barbie movie was the same.

This is not your anger stage. It is reality and as you date and meet more women a lot (not all) will be like that.

ThanosStockingCap · 2023-08-07T00:35:08+00:00

Yeahhhhh toxicity from women during a divorce process is pretty much expected . Especially if you check them on areas they’re falling short or staying above their bs, it’s pretty much a right of passage for them to go low and bounce their toxic thoughts to their echo chamber. But let us do that and we’ll never hear the end of it.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-07T08:49:05+00:00

Would you rather watch reality? Dad comes home from work and is immediately screamed at in front of the kids for having a work appointment run late and she had to pick up the kids from daycare for the first time in 3 weeks. Who’s going to watch that show?

It’s a lot easier to laugh at a bumbling dad on tv making silly mistakes that are corrected in a playful way by the all-knowing wife.

If a women is even semi-good looking she knows she’s always going to have options. In modern times with how we’re all permanently connected those options are just quick DM away. Did you two have a fight? Guess what, she can go get instant validation that she’s right and you’re an asshole from 5-10 guys she went to school / work with that will agree with her because they want to get laid.

Since this is the reality we are in, a lot of women think they’re doing you a big favor just by being in your presence. After all theres 5-10 guys waiting on the bench dying for a chance to put up with her bullshit in exchange for some sex.

mrsafro · 2023-08-07T16:22:54+00:00

Being called names or broken down verbally during a fit of rage is abuse. No matter what you did, and should not be tolerated more than once in a relationship ever. Period!

RideATX · 2023-08-08T14:22:06+00:00

This post is a perfect encapsulation of why having frame is everything... If you are following her lead and trying to please her/make her happy it's a road to misery. You have to lead and not put up with bullshit like this. Do what you do, be on your mission and do not give an inch. Yes, Virginia you do have to be an asshole.

Title	slightly annoyed that toxic female traits are just laughed at like it's normal
Author	tragicaddiction
Upvotes	74
Comments	34
Date	August 6, 2023 1:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15jpmm2/slightly_annoyed_that_toxic_female_traits_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/slightly-annoyed-that-toxic-female-traits-are-just.1227677 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227677

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