Do women reap most of the benefits of a relationship being single?

hungrychick404 · 2023-10-09T23:04:59+00:00

So Instagram models benefit from being single is what you’re really trying to argue?

No one I know has thousands of Instagram followers for being single. Just because you love looking at Instagram models all day doesn’t mean most above average women are even close to being one.

operation-spot · 2023-10-09T22:49:27+00:00

It would seem men vastly overestimate the value of their approval.

I was single and celibate for 5 years, and over that time was "wooed" by men who almost invariably turned cold and/or insulting when I didn't want to date or appreciate being simped for. Validation is cheap as fuck.

operation-spot · 2023-10-09T23:02:33+00:00

It’s interesting that you don’t feel seen or validated without a relationship. What’s behind that opinion?

What does sexual empowerment mean to you? Is access to sex the main thing you think about?

Do people, including friends and family, not listen to you? If so, you need better friends.

If a man is suspicious he’s not the man for me. There’s no reason to assume that every man around a woman is a potential partner or that she’s bound to cheat on you. Most women don’t have a new guy every week even though they probably could because women aren’t men. While you as a man may desire a new partner every week, most women don’t think that way.

It’s completely true that men are also competing against a woman’s single life and many don’t offer a better life than the one she already has. I don’t think women are avoiding relationships they just don’t have a good enough reason to enter one. Can you elaborate on your point about plausible deniability?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-10-10T00:16:13+00:00

-Women don’t get validation when family and friends are constantly going “so when are you going to get married?! Have you met anyone? I my neighbor has a son, I should introduce you two!!”

-Never heard a woman go “I need empowerment, I’m gonna fuck, hmmm, that guy!”

-My friends listened attentively to me, like that’s part if friendship. What is this even?!

how many people go “you know, at first I thought Karen was a gossip and a snake. But know that I know she’s getting plowed by Ted in accounting, I have gained a lot of respect for her. I should ask her to house sit for me next weekend”. This one makes no sense.

-pretty sure most people don’t want to start a family without a LTR. Just cause it doesn’t work out that way it’s not like women are going “single mom life looks easy! I could do that, no problem!”

None of those things have anything to do with relationships at all. Like bruh, what is this list?!

jay10033 · 2023-10-09T22:59:49+00:00

and fatten their friends list on social media which makes the woman feel socially savvy and more attractive to employers.

What job interview have you gone to where you were asked about your social media friends/follower lists?

If she were to get a boyfriend the man would naturally be suspicious and jealous of all the men entertaining her and would prefer for her to cut down contact with them which would mean that she would get more and more of her perks from one man only.

Are you implying that women are generally ok and not jealous of their partner's pre-existing relationships with women?

Every man basically has to compete alone against an army of other men not just in the sense of competing to get into a relationship over another man but in the sense of making her consider a relationship with anyone because outside of a relationship the woman can reap a lot of value without putting in any effort or compromising anything.

Desirable men get the same treatment. Enter "side chicks". There's a willingness to be the other just for a window of hope of eventually being the primary.

She will always have plausible deniability and she does not have to give anything back which in turn causes her negotiation skills to become underdeveloped more easily possibly leading to a cycle that reinforces the avoidance of relationships.

Huh?

Familiesarenations · 2023-10-10T00:21:24+00:00

Women reap more benefits being single, unless they have kids. It CAN be easier to build wealth as a couple but in the age of rampant divorce a risky business proposition to lean on a spouse or lover. And like you said, men can be jealous and controlling, and lead to the woman becoming stunted and lazy (the same holds true if you flip the genders)

The only ones who truly benefit from long-lasting monogamous relationships are children.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-10-10T05:53:04+00:00

I'm going to zoom in on your claim that gender is something people only have in relationships, and that it's a benefit. You claim that people are seen as genderless when single because there's no "polarity". I assume this is synonymous with contrast, but I don't know why you'd think people can only be contrasted with those they're in a relationship with. There are certain gender roles that are primarily attached to romantic relationships so it may be more prominent, but overall it's still one of the primary characteristics we notice in a person and that determines the behaviour we expect from them. And it may be a benefit for men to experience gender, but not women, as it places them firmly beneath men in terms of power. That's no benefit.

physious · 2023-10-09T23:16:07+00:00

Yes, I agree they usually benefit from things that are easier in a relationship. Women support each other, which I genuinely think is great for them - I'm not the type to see one happy group of people and get bitter and turn it into a competition.

So the natural solution is to do the same as men. A lot of men (rightfully so) complain that they don't get the same respect, but not many actually support other men.

ex) I like leaving a positive comment when one of my guy friends posts on insta.

Be the change you want to see, y'know?

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-10-10T00:07:10+00:00

If you turn into a blob when you stop interacting about sex then you've given too much of yourself to the idea of gender .

Spare-Estimate5596 · 2023-10-10T00:41:42+00:00

Women traded husbands at home for simps online. Not only do they get more money but they also dont have to have sex with ugly men.

Safinated · 2023-10-10T00:56:07+00:00

Sex is the most important thing in the world to men, according to men. They will fuck anything, are never satisfied, and do everything to get sex. They built society, hunted the mammoth, go to work, shower, educate themselves, compete, socialize, are nice and open doors — just because women like that stuff

So men benefit most in relationships

AceOfSpadesGymBro · 2023-10-10T01:43:24+00:00

I can figure out all your problems with women just from your first few sentences.

ViolentMagician1 · 2023-10-09T22:55:54+00:00

Yes. They're the more privleged, worshipped, and respected gender.

Longjumping_Step_858 · 2023-10-09T23:33:37+00:00

Depends on how you interpret that. Initially those are benefits but they come at a cost. I remember dating an ex that was addicted to the social media validation. She wouldn't cheat on me, but neither was I okay with it, so when she tried to cut it off she became very insecure without the attention and no matter what I did, it was never enough. One mans attention, even if I was 100% focused on her, would never be enough for her. I had to cut her off once I realized that she wasn't capable of living a fulfilling life due to her constant need for social media attention and validation. She generated all of her worth from it.

I think we are going to see that becoming a massive issue for a lot of women in the next decade or two. Some of the heavily online millennial women exhibit it, but it's just going to get worse since the generations after had access to mainstream social media since their teens.

JumboJetz · 2023-10-09T22:59:11+00:00

I think that men can actually reap a lot of the family benefit you mention being single because men can impregnate a woman and just get custody a few days a week and still have a family that way. So arguably men have an advantage in starting a family for minimal effort.

However - every other point you made is accurate that women who are single have more access to these things.

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Hot-Law2682 · 2023-10-10T01:46:39+00:00

The first two things just boil down to "women can get sexual attention outside of relationships easier then men can" which is true but the vast, vast majority of the attention the women get is crude and undesirable. Generally if a woman finds a guy she is genuinely attracted to, she also wants to date him.

The next two things, respect and being listened to, can both be achieved my single men. If you have close friends and a good career you get both.

Starting a family is something neither gender really does without a relationship behind it.

AntiHypergamist · 2023-10-10T02:35:35+00:00

The main historical benefit of marriage , resources,women now have access to outside of marriage. I still don’t know how women and businesses got away with that, men have collectively done nothing to secure their own self interests and futures

Rogue5454 · 2023-10-10T04:47:56+00:00

Women benefit from not being in a relationship with a man because statistically they’re still doing “it all” when in a relationship with them even though they’ve also been in the workforce for 50 years now.

There’s insanely less stress without one & they’re finding fulfillment in their careers & bonds with their women friends more satisfying.

Open-Consequence4194 · 2023-10-10T06:40:04+00:00

Just to be clear, womens lives are not that easy. It's not usual for a woman to have a huge social media following, and women put effort into their day-to-day lives, careers, and relationships just as men do. If a woman wants children, it's not easy or cheap to have them alone, just as it isn't for men (and women have the added burden of pregnancy if they decide to have biological children rather than adopt).

You are right, though - just not quite in the way you think. A man is not competing with every other man in pursuit of a woman, because in today's world, there needn't be a winner at all. You aren't competing against the world - you're competing with an empty room.

The truth is that woman have always been able to get their needs met without being in a relationship. Women have always had strong relationships with friends and family, have always had a supportive community, and have always been responsible for managing not only their lives but the lives of those around them. They have been responsible for child rearing, for looking after their own emotional well being (and their husbands too), and for cultivating and maintaining intimate relationships. Think of the matriarch of the family, who keeps everything together, or the trope that "behind every strong man, there's a strong woman." However, women used to be entirely dependent on men financially. Before that, they were literally property. Now that women have the ability to lead autonomous lives, they are simply continuing in the way they always have been. But men have largely not adjusted to this. There's a crisis of male loneliness because men have been conditioned to rely on women to meet their emotional needs, and to provide intimacy. It's almost like society has told men that the only acceptable way to receive intimacy is through sex, and now that it's not guaranteed, they are floundering. I think the question is not whether women reap these benefits outside a relationship (they do), but why men do not, and what can we do to change that.

Cool_Relative7359 · 2023-10-10T08:27:52+00:00

Benefits of relationships include:

-being seen and validated as a man/woman through polarity instead of lingering as a genderless blob

As a woman this isnt something I'd consider a benefit. I am my gender. There's no need to prove it to anyone. Or be in a relationship in order to be a woman. Nor does a man. Im bi. My gender remains the same whether my partner is a man, woman, enby or no one.

-having access to sex and sexual empowerment (including words and gestures)

What with the orgasm gap in hetero sex, this isn't an automatic benefit to women in a committed relationship with a man as they only have a 60% of orgasm. Only 15% in a one night stand.

-being listend to attentively

Thats what friends and community are for. You don't need to be in a relationship to have emotional support or get attention from other people. You just need to invest in IRL real community.

-winning respect and trust from people

Again,you don't need to be in a relationship for that. You just have to be a trustworthy person by word and deed.

-starting a family

Again, women don't need to be in a relationship for this (sperm banks exist) and neither do men, -(although adoption as a single person is harder to get as is surrogacy due to expense but still possible at least in my country. In vitro is also expensive )

This assumes all women benefit from being mothers. But in actuality woman are almost always the default caregiver to children, whether they want to be or not. Not every woman wants to start a family or be a mother. And of those who do want that experience, fewer and fewer are willing to be the default caregiver so choose to be CF anyway.

On the other hand for women it's very different because in the age of social media women can passively attract thousands of male followers who will shower them with humor, free advice on hobbies or career, event invitations and fatten their friends list on social media which makes the woman feel socially savvy and more attractive to employers.

This only applies for social media jobs. My social media has always been private and locked up and around 200ppl and I have never had issues getting a job in my field. Unless you're in social media your social media presence is irrelevant. I've never even had a linked-in account. It's unnecessary

If she were to get a boyfriend the man would naturally be suspicious and jealous of all the men entertaining her and would prefer for her to cut down contact with them which would mean that she would get more and more of her perks from one man only. Obviously this also applies to sex where she can no longer have a new guy every week.

I think you're overestimating how good or attractive casual sex with men is for women. It's not. 15% chance of orgasm is not a good enough reason to risk pregnancy, STIs, social stigma and the possibility of violence when there are so many toys out there with zero risk and a guarantee of orgasm.

Queer women do engage in casual sex at much greater rates because their chance of orgasm is 85% in a wlw ONS and the risks are either not present or mitigated significantly. But for most het women, casually engaging with men sexually is too much risk for not nearly enough pay off.

Every man basically has to compete alone against an army of other men not just in the sense of competing to get into a relationship over another man but in the sense of making her consider a relationship with anyone because outside of a relationship the woman can reap a lot of value without putting in any effort or compromising anything.

Men aren't competing with other men. They're competing with a woman's peace and happiness without them in her life. If she's happier without you in it, she's not going to want you there. It's why women are more likely to remain single than settle. Single doesn't equate to lonely for women, but being in a relationship with the wrong person, does. Dying alone also doesn't scare us, because we usually outlive our husbands/partners and that's just our reality. Being in a relationship just to be in one makes zero sense.

She will always have plausible deniability and she does not have to give anything back which in turn causes her negotiation skills to become underdeveloped more easily possibly leading to a cycle that reinforces the avoidance of relationships.

Give back what? If you engage in a parasocial relationship with someone and think that gives you an actual relationship with that person, that's on you. Parasocial relationships aren't real. No one is forcing you to give that person any of your time or attention. If you don't want to-just don't.

Also define undedeveelopped negotiation skills and why they would lead to avoiding relationships?

upsidemaze · 2023-10-10T16:50:54+00:00

You underestimate value a good man provide for a woman.

Feminists wanted independence from men and got it. Now woman can be independent of men. But some woman will have it better than others. I remember reading article about woman with PhD obsessively reading mormon mom's blog and feeling jealous of their lifestyle lol.

Its a market of ideas, some ideas win other loose. A woman can be CEO if she put her mind to it, she can be housewife if she wants, she can never marry and have kids or pop out a soccer team. Choice lies with women, consequences lies with women.

People say women can't have it all, I am not so sure. there is only one way for women to find out, by making a decision. Making a choice has consequences, not making a choice has consequences too.

So what do women loose by being single, not being in relationship. Is it a bad thing? women will find that out, but they wont be able to change it if they dont like what they losr

Title	Do women reap most of the benefits of a relationship being single?
Author	MacaronFinancial
Upvotes	18
Comments	95
Date	October 9, 2023 10:35 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17455wa/do_women_reap_most_of_the_benefits_of_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-reap-most-of-the-benefits-of-a.1234569 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234569

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