It´s incredible how all this changes you

Reflog1791 · 2023-11-07T22:27:30+00:00

I experienced a mindset shift 2 or 3 years after the shitshow. Something along the lines of being tired of being angry and divorce enveloping my life. It became obvious the only choice was to move forward and enjoy life again.

Now I view divorce as a difficult challenge that I overcame and I’m happy about it. All the things I get to do now would be completely out of the question if I was still servant boy to what’s her face.

Taking one of my high school coaches out to play golf this weekend. There are a lot of ways to enjoy life but you have to get creative.

SecretAltruistic6878 · 2023-11-08T01:29:21+00:00

I am sitting on my porch, smoking an Oliva O, with a bottle of Burbon, listening to an audio book and loving my evening. I did everything right which was why I was wrong. Couple of books saved me from depression. Hope you find your same thing

domo_roboto · 2023-11-08T00:06:03+00:00

Yoda said, "fear...fear leads to anger...anger leads to hate...hate leads to suffering"

Taking it at face value, one could try to avoid this or go through the phases as expeditiously as possible. I myself couldn't bypass this, but did push through the brunt of it all to come out the other side. One comforting thought for me was to think back to a time before meeting the ex, and mentally picking things up from that point on. Mindset, aspirations, positive outlook on life....it's like going back in time (despite us being older now) and creating a new branch in life.

Think about that and see if it provides some hope and comfort.

BigSkyHiker · 2023-11-07T23:30:57+00:00

I find myself saying "I miss me" a lot. As others have said, this process and the grief it brings completely changes a person. I used to be an extrovert, happy and outgoing, positive attitude, and now I feel like a shell of my former self. I do believe that I can regain who I was before this but I have this fear that I will never quite be the truly loving, caring and trusting person I once was because of the enormous amount of scar tissue on my heart. Definitely makes me worried about moving forward.

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-11-07T22:09:26+00:00

I definately became more pragmatic. I'm living with someone now with no intention of marraige. It's great! My money is mine and hers is hers. I wish I'd done that with my ex 30 years ago. I would've been able to keep all of my work retirement and saved a fortune on the divorce. Live and learn.

HereinPA1 · 2023-11-07T21:33:10+00:00

I’m sitting on my patio right now thinking the same thing. She’s just trying to take from me because she can and she’s employed making great money. None of it makes sense. I have all this anger and rage right now and how many outlets are there for it? Everything is stacked in their favor and we have to just bear it?

I walk around with this constant feeling of disgust and I never did before. I’m still in separation and I hope to god it passes once this is over with.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-11-08T02:13:14+00:00

I view relationships in a much more transactional way these days. I give less, expect in return, check myself all the time ... I guess it sounds like I'm keeping score. But after I realized how little she was invested in the relationship despite the number of years, and how much more give it was than take - I'm trying hard to avoid that situation again. Maybe I took some things for granted but I was never complacent. She became complacent, entitled and, the worst sin in my book, uncaring.

SecondManAsleep · 2023-11-08T06:52:30+00:00

I, for one, am less gullible. It's strange. I'm simultaneously less trusting of those around me and less trusting of my own thought process. Anyone else experience this?

TheNattyJew · 2023-11-08T02:35:14+00:00

This woman betrays me and even gets alimony,

That's the worst. Sorry mate

old58m · 2023-11-08T01:03:02+00:00

I don't enjoy anything anymore, not even jerking off. I just feel numb.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-11-07T21:57:24+00:00

Nope trying since 2020. I just lost costs, time , my love . I don’t so much resent the poor crazy just the state police law and medical non-services who turned this from a persons mental crisis into a hostage drama . Staying alone coz the next one might win. Quit while you’re “ahead”.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-11-08T19:19:52+00:00

Same story you will see over and over OP. Good dude gets blindsided by the wife that is "just so unhappy" and wife has some scumbag already lined up in the background. I learned a couple hard life lessons, the people closest to you will gladly stick a knife in your back, life isn't fair and nobody cares about your feelings. On the other side of the coin, overcoming adversity is what men do, one foot in front of the other and although it seems like we get the short end of the stick, statistically men fair way better than women after divorce. My life hit a speed bump but I'm finally back on an upward trajectory free of the dead weight of my exw.

My exes AP may have thought he won a prize but he "won" a woman easily capable of betrayal, two additional mouths to provide for and likely a 3rd divorce when he is near retirement age. I won freedom from a cheater, a return to a life I want and freedom to pursue what I want. You need some time OP but you will see the big picture in time.

MoronLoserF · 2023-11-08T07:13:33+00:00

There are so many options out there now. So many damn divorced women looking for a financial responsible man.

Grow your self and become a tank. My man I got these women in my chats that keep talking and I can tell they are really attracted to me. Like they initiate conversations and talk to me. I am the catch now and tables have definitely turned. Matter of fact I bet I can even attract beautiful single females.

DrawerEither9136 · 2023-11-08T09:32:57+00:00

Im so sorry brother. Society obviously is trying to trap us by marriage and kids.

I cannot imagine how hard it is that scenario which you are going through.

Try some hobbies, try finding new buds, and remember to improve yourself everyday.

" Our biggest power is not to never fall, it is if we fall to stand up again" - Confucious

Sorry if I wrote something incorrect.

Impossible_Sport291 · 2023-11-08T16:16:12+00:00

I always wanted to be a "harder" man. I have always been too passive, too much of a push over.

This has cured me of that. Sure, my heart has hardened a bit more, but it's protected more too.

Grouchy_Software963 · 2023-11-08T17:34:30+00:00

It's a shit show for sure. Just remember it is a chance to remake your life as you want it. I enjoy things now that I could have never done while with the ex, my sex life is better, I travel when and where I want, I do what I want, and as long as I send in my check, I am free.

Don't look at what you have lost, look at it as a chance to get what you always wanted in life.

Classic_Dill · 2023-11-08T22:39:03+00:00

Here's the deal, social norms are utter BS!!! they are their because misery loves company, you need to live YOUR life, YOUR way, and society and the Bible aren't real good supporters of that., break the mold and be free!

Also the trauma of divorce can create PTSD, the chemicals in your brain actually change, my Psychiatrist (when i used to go) told me on day one, "You will never be the same you, you will be a new you"!!!

lifeisallihave · 2023-11-08T18:20:46+00:00

Try to discover who you were again. You are still a kind, loving person. Do not allow what happened to you to consume you. Be kind to yourself, love yourself again because you are still awesome.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-11-08T18:31:44+00:00

Personally, the entire process demonstrated to me the petulant evil that resides in society. I was back stabbed by people I thought I could trust, and supported by ones whom I thought wouldn’t. Ex cheated multiple times, abuse, drugs, and alcohol, and yet those back stabbers still support her, and most of them were from local church. I still count myself a staunch Christian, but now I trust few, without them first proving themselves, and continuously.

No_Carob6632 · 2023-11-09T20:32:46+00:00

With trauma the only way to face the pain is to steer right into it and let it pass through you. Only on the other side will you find peace.

SingingBird420 · 2023-11-08T00:22:47+00:00

Can relate. I wish I was happy again.

Title	It´s incredible how all this changes you
Author	Initial_Topic_4989
Upvotes	99
Comments	51
Date	November 7, 2023 9:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17q4rju/its_incredible_how_all_this_changes_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/its-incredible-how-all-this-changes-you.1237719 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237719

Comments