To what extent do you care about your parent’s opinion of your partner?

bodhasattva · 2023-11-12T02:44:58+00:00

TBH, my parents are such great people that if they didnt like my GF then she is 100% the problem

Hasnt happened yet

MyLastBestChance · 2023-11-12T02:06:24+00:00

I take my parents opinion very seriously. They may be able to see things in the way that we interact that I’m not aware of, especially fairly early on in the infatuation phase. That said, their opinion isn’t determinative if I feel strongly that they are mistaken one way or the other .

P.S. Annoyingly, they’re almost always right 🤣

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2023-11-12T02:43:15+00:00

22M/engineer/latino I care a lot about my family. I want my wife to be very involved with my family. If my parents don’t like her, it would be a huge problem for me.

wtknight · 2023-11-12T02:01:56+00:00

Not at all, unless my partner were actually actively saying things to hurt my parents' feelings to their face.

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-11-12T02:32:28+00:00

26/white and hispanic/SAHM former stripper

I haven't spoken a word to my biological parents in 9 years and have a restraining order against them. I will never speak to them again. It was over my relationship and pregnancy that occurred at 16. We're still happily together a decade later and having our 4th child in the spring. Their opinion couldn't mean less to me.

My loved ones mean more to me than my own life. My loved ones also love me in return and want the best for me. That list of people does not include my biological parents. My boyfriend's parents are my only parents and their approval of my life decisions means the world to me.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-11-12T02:35:39+00:00

30F/ corporate /asian

A lot. A marriage isn't just two people. It's two families.

If my parents don't like you, then we have an issue. And if your parents don't like me we have an issue. And if we don't like each others parents we have an issue.

Fauxmannequin · 2023-11-12T02:13:52+00:00

26F/warehouse/white

I don’t hugely care what they think of any of my partners. Sure, it’s nice if my partner is liked, but if not, oh well - they’re not the ones dating them anyway. And if I thought they weren’t a good person & partner, I wouldn’t be dating them either.

Pretty-Shopping205 · 2023-11-12T04:42:38+00:00

Could give 2 shits..

Toxic_LigmaMale · 2023-11-12T03:17:57+00:00

30m/construction/white. I absolutely do not care. Never really have. My parents have never cared much either.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-11-12T04:40:46+00:00

33/administrator/Latino

Don’t care, my parents are incredibly flawed people with one not even knowing who I am (by choice). Blood isn’t thicker than water for men.

Safinated · 2023-11-12T05:55:08+00:00

Very little, because I know what my parents are like

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2023-11-12T06:00:36+00:00

27/AEC/white

They’ve been so unhappy in their own marriage for so long that I don’t take their opinions on this sort of thing too seriously. It’s one of those things where if you met them you’d understand.

Curious_Attention719 · 2023-11-12T06:41:11+00:00

30/supervisor/mixed

One's dead, the other? I care about because of his failings and insights. I was resistive to RP teachings because my dad was RP before RP and thought it was outdated the way he viewed women; experience has shown he's mostly right.

literaryhogwartian · 2023-11-12T08:01:06+00:00

Late30s, married.

Not at all. I'm an adult

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-11-12T02:00:17+00:00

39F/physician/white. I care because I want them to like my boyfriend and treat him like part of the family. That being said, I’ve never dated anyone my parents have actively disliked. They wouldn’t meddle in my life though, cuz I’m an adult and they have no reason to

Icequeen343 · 2023-11-12T08:12:30+00:00

My parents aren’t dating my partner I am so why would I care what my parents think?

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2023-11-12T09:04:01+00:00

Woman, late 20's, European, administrative.

I don't care at all. If I wasn't adult yet and they would try to forbid it, I would run out of window to meet the guy I love. Whatever they say I simply don't care, I go with my heart regardless my parent's or anyone's opinion.

They have absolutely no power or even influence over my relationship and no ability to ruin it. If they would try, I would choose him and I would have no problem to cut them off and never see them again for him. They have no power over it and no power to somehow damage it because I don't allow them that power, I stand my ground.

Of course I want to have good relationship with my parents but love and romantic relationship is worth much more to me.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-11-12T09:52:00+00:00

I'm certainly not going to be asking for permission to date anyone (and my parents know I will do what I want anyway) but it's my job to make sure my partner and parents get along. In my family/culture (Northern Irish Scots Presbyterian) there certainly can be unreasonable requirements, for example members of my family have been distances from for having gay relationships or dating Catholics, and I certainly wouldn't take any of that nonsense, but if they had a reasonable objection (and I assume they would, as my parents are reasonable people and would actually support me dating someone of any sex or ethnicity for a start) I'd hear them out and consider it. We have a culture of families being very close including in laws and as I live in England now it means seeing each other means staying over at each other's houses, which means it's important my parents and partner don't want to kill each other, but that's on me to facilitate. (In reality they get on very well. There's a running joke that he's the favourite child.)

Barely-moral · 2023-11-12T10:30:59+00:00

Mid 30s/lawyer/latino.

I don't care about my parents opinion of my partner. They were good parents. Have nothing against them except the unavoidable feeding of platitudes and empty advice they gave me that made me an incel.

They don't precisely approve of my choice in partner. I don't think it is about my partner but about the life they wanted for me.

My father climbed the ladder and wanted me to climb even higher. I don't give a shit about that kind of life. Picking a homeless woman as a partner closes many doors.

All I want from life is a romantic relationship that I stay in from as early as I can get it until I did. Everything and everyone else including them is either a tool, an obstacle or irrelevant.

I gave my parents the same option I gave to everyone that said anything unbecoming towards miss moral. "Accept it and deal with it in silence or you will be removed from my life. Both options are the same for me."

No one is worth opposing my parents for.

My goals are worth opposing anyone.

Not at my big age anyway.

Why is age relevant?

It’s not worth going against my loved ones.

I can't understand how accepting the limitations others put on your life can ever be acceptable. There is only one life to live and anyone getting in the way can get screwed. Loved one or not.

KayRay1994 · 2023-11-12T11:10:52+00:00

29/video editor/middle eastern

my relationship with my parents is pretty messy, so their opinion doesn’t hold too much weight. That being said, I would consider their perspective at the very least and see if they bring up any viable points - if anything because their concern is at least worth considering to see if there is any validity in it or not

basedmama21 · 2023-11-12T16:16:29+00:00

31/stay at home mom/west indian

I couldn’t care less what they think about him… Since he’s the best husband I could ever ask for, but luckily, they like him. His parents on the other hand… They don’t like me because I don’t let them walk all over us. So there’s that.

pssnflwr · 2023-11-12T02:24:08+00:00

don’t care at all. they’re life choices are not to be modeled after.

AppointmentFit5552 · 2023-11-12T13:13:46+00:00

34/surgeon/white

Why would myself or anyone else care what other people think of my partner? I’m the one that has to date her, not them.

Why people place more importance on a parental bond over a romantic one is beyond me.

I swear to god people just unnecessarily complicate their lives for no reason.

h1shman · 2023-11-12T14:59:10+00:00

I care absolutely zero. My close friends opinions are much more important.

Grouchy_Cookie_7813 · 2023-11-13T00:46:40+00:00

About 0, parents haven’t been involved for 10 years.

20s, white , officeworker.

begayallday · 2023-11-12T03:10:46+00:00

44/bus driver/white

My parents’ opinion doesn’t matter in the slightest. They don’t even know I’m married.

AngeCruelle · 2023-11-12T03:33:30+00:00

25/grad student/Black

My parents' opinion is a strict make-or-break for me. I love them and trust their judgment of character. They're very reasonable and not the types who would find petty reasons to dislike my partner. If they don't like a guy I automatically know it's better not to proceed.

Zabadoodude · 2023-11-12T07:30:19+00:00

34m/ artist, formerly software engineer / Eastern European

I value my parents opinion. If they thought there was something wrong with my partner I would hear them out, but if they were unable to convince me to share their concerns, I wouldn't let their dissaproval affect my relationship.

In practice, I have a similar enough worldview to them that if I like a woman well enough to introduce her to my parents, they will probably like her too. They absolutely love my current gf.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-11-12T02:48:28+00:00

30’s/unemployed/black

Both my eldest brother and I married Caucasian women. By our mother are tolerated. Civility would be an apt adjective. Our father is far more accommodating.

Life would’ve been easier, choosing someone of my own culture. I however have never let difficultly overly influence my choices.

Godspeed and good luck!

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-11-12T02:57:27+00:00

I respect my parents’ opinions, but I will ultimately date whomever I want.

TenaciousVillain · 2023-11-12T03:44:24+00:00

Caring about opinions and feeling an obligation to act on opinions are two very, very different things.

I care about my parents' opinions when I ask for them or when they are respectfully provided. However, my parents are aware of and respect my boundaries. They also understand that I am never obligated as a woman over the age of 18 to adhere to any opinion they have about any aspect of my life. My parents and I also share a high level of trust.

It's not going against them to reject an opinion they may hold, it's making an independent decision to live my life in a manner of my choosing. I don't seek the approval of others and I'm not a people pleaser, something I've worked hard to overcome.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-11-12T04:11:19+00:00

31F/teacher/white

Depends on what they don't like about them. If they don't like their character or the way they approach life and relationships, their opinion matters a lot. If they don't like something superficial, like his haircut or that he has tattoos, I don't really take that into consideration.

leosandlattes · 2023-11-12T05:45:33+00:00

28/product design/Asian

I care a lot about what my parents think. Generally I would want them to approve of my partner because Asian cultures are very family oriented… it would make life very difficult if my parents didn’t like who I was ultimately going to marry.

That being said I’ve defied my parents once already when I dropped out of college the first time I tried it, and then again when I moved out of my parents house and in with my now-fiancé. So I’m sure if I really felt strongly about someone they didn’t like, I’d marry him anyway.

hannahg000 · 2023-11-12T06:21:19+00:00

20/college student/white

i care a lot about what my parents think. i want them to be proud of me and approve of my decisions. and that means i care about their opinion of who i choose to date/marry. my parents are very reasonable people so if they don’t approve of someone then that means i should really consider their opinions.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-11-12T11:00:46+00:00

21/student/Croatian

I still live with my parents and I'm financially dependant on them, so they feel like they should give me their opinion.

The thing is, I know my mom wouldn't say anything unless he was really shitty, so I value her opinion a lot.

alphamaker420 · 2023-11-12T15:10:47+00:00

Mid 20's/black

Id prefer to date someone that gets along with my parents just because it would be nice to bring my partner to family activities and things. I want them to like whoever Im dating and I find their advice valuable but to an extent.

BlueMountainDace · 2023-11-12T15:57:54+00:00

It’s huge. I don’t think I’d have married my wife, or she me, if our parents didn’t really like us.

To feel otherwise, unless you have abusive parents, is dumb and naive. Frankly, a good partner wouldn’t want it for their partner because you’re going end up constantly being in the middle and that’s not a good place to be.

It’s poor life planning to ignore your parents. They often know you better than you know yourself and can see the red flags you can’t.

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Den_the_God-King · 2023-11-15T15:07:08+00:00

30/security/white

I don’t have any contact with my parents, don’t give a flying fuck what they think.

PS: I’m surprised by the number of commenters still tethered to mommy and daddy.

Title	To what extent do you care about your parent’s opinion of your partner?
Author	penndelnj
Upvotes	8
Comments	46
Date	November 12, 2023 1:55 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17t9vy5/to_what_extent_do_you_care_about_your_parents/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/to-what-extent-do-you-care-about-your-parents.1238179 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238179

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