How to become a 'go-to' guy?

AvatarS · 2012-12-20T13:44:03+00:00

"but not knowing what people are doing can be a slight roadblock"
That's your problem right there. Why are you waiting on others to plan stuff so you can tag along? Take the reins and make the plans, and they will come. Plan enough fun stuff and everyone will remember what a good time they had with you, and invite you to everything too.
EDIT: Disclaimer - I am not a guy, but I speak from experience.

MyThrowawaySeddit · 2012-12-20T14:23:27+00:00

You're waiting for other people to make the first move.

Concentrate on finding and doing things that YOU enjoy. Feel free to invite the people you want to come along.

Have an awesome time doing it, and the rest will follow.

Lead, my man. Lead.

bk983 · 2012-12-20T13:47:56+00:00

be someone that is positive & fun to interact with and has fun wherever they are, so people enjoy hanging out w/ you regardless of whats going on around you
spend time researching cool events (big cities have these going on every night) and be the one that gathers people together to go to them. eventually, people will start reciprocating and inviting you to other things as well.
be a "connector", someone that introduces people from different social circles ... that is something others value and will want to keep hanging out w/ you for this reason.

TAOofSTEVE · 2012-12-20T14:27:11+00:00

Read Tofutofu's guide on Giving Value

It's a real eye opener on the subject.

TeaStainsAndTobacco · 2012-12-20T18:38:13+00:00

I know its a cliche suggestion, but Dale Carnegies book How to Win Friends and Influence people really put things in perspective for me as to how to do what your asking.

The main things I took away from this book were:

Take a genuine interest in other people.
Don't criticize, condemn, or complain
Remember that to another person, their name is the sweetest sound to hear
Try to honestly see things from the other person's point of view
Be sympathetic towards the person's ideas and desires

As far as giving yourself more value, there are tons of things you can do to make yourself a more interesting person. For instance,

Improve your social skills, meet many people and increase the amount of time you interact with others.
Try new things, travel, expose yourself to a wide variety of interests.
Educate yourself: read books, watch documentaries, see TED talks, read (intellectual) magazines.

Overall, I would say to learn to respect yourself and see yourself with value. Live a life that you are proud of instead of trying to impress others or seek validation, and then others should naturally start to want to be around you more. Its a great feeling when a lof of people with many different personality types want to hang out with you.

nittutt · 2012-12-20T15:38:00+00:00

How i became one: When i first started pickup 4 years ago i just started talking to EVERYONE i came across while out, introducing people to each other, making EVERYONE have a good time. From there i got hired as a promoter at a club, again, showed EVERYONE a good time. And it just escalated from there.

If you focus on making EVERYONE have a good time (BY YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME, not by trying forcefully to do it) you will eventually be a "go-to" guy.

Burn0Things · 2012-12-20T17:13:34+00:00

Say yes to more things. Don't be afraid to step out into the light. Go up on stage and sing karaoke, Be the one who's not afraid to talk to girls, Be the one who wants to skydive.

Kardlonoc · 2012-12-20T17:32:25+00:00

The value giver or the leader generally does that, takes the lead. If you offer activities to others, they will do so in return. Like imagine if you take your friend to the movies, and in return he asks you to come along to a cousins birthday party. You meet more people there and tell them you are going to concert, they go with you, etc, etc and so on. Most of the time it doesn't even need to be some event, it could be hanging out at your house, going to the beach or doing something silly like blowing bubbles in the park.

You of course don't have to take the initiative on events, eventually it reaches a point for many that they are getting invited for so much stuff that they don't even need to lead events, people want them to show up because they are them. That is a sort of a different ballgame though, mostly how to become really fascinating to other people to the point they want you around. IE become their friend. Not an Facebook acquaintance but an actual friend on some level.

I mention this because one of the things to keep in mind is that males really do see other males as not only threats to getting girls but also kinda worthless except for proving their own value to others. In other words you won't get invited to shit unless you are bringing something to the table that that person can use. Sometime people don't think that way, they just want a large amount of people, but for more smaller stuff that happens more constantly they pick people with value. Sometime the value could be as little as just showing up to a thing, but its still value and people respect you for it.

That's why the go-to guy tries to show up to nearly everything and does nearly everything. Mind you he is more varied and less time committed, IE he tries to do as much as possible with as many people without coming off as a fake or a flake. This also leads to having a lot to talk about, a lot of passionate stuff that girls dig.

choc_is_back · 2012-12-20T17:23:54+00:00

Consistently partying hard and helping everybody have a blast is probably the biggest factor.

Being cheap and/or boring is probably the biggest factor in the other direction.

So if you get invited to a party, say 'HELL YESSSS', show up with some bottles/cans for all to enjoy regardless of whether you were supposed to bring your own drinks, have a good mood all the way trough including having lots and lots of great laughs with boys and girls alike, and keep going hard till about 6AM.

REPEAT.

Also helps if you actually organize shit yourself every now and then rather than wait around to be asked.

Burn0Things · 2012-12-20T17:14:39+00:00

Also whenever anyone says anything negative about a situation, try to spin it around into a positive one and convince them it was one.

im2rad2b4go10 · 2012-12-20T19:19:02+00:00

Be genuine to people and open to new ideas.

VCRrepairman · 2012-12-20T21:02:08+00:00

without a huge expression of hubris I feel like I am one of those guys......so much so I love it when I can (without saying "No" to anyone) stay at home and do nothing......I believe I am gifted with the company of interesting people mainly because I accept everyone. Not a religious person but I do love the Jesus parable of being all things to all men.....with that Mantra I accept in the masses and in return they take me in

lightbringermike · 2012-12-20T16:21:43+00:00

pick activities that "look" fun and do them. then when people ask you what new, tell them. now you are identified as "someone who does things". very simple (examples: take a class, go to book reading or music venue, walk you dog in public area)

gondi · 2012-12-20T16:59:01+00:00

the basic point is to be happy with yourself. Know that you're just as good as any tom dick and harry out there. I think that self confidence is the key to becoming a "go-to" guy. Try not to care too much about what others think. Do stuff that makes you happy. Be energetic and lively and people will be driven to you like a moth to a flame!

Dan-Man · 2012-12-20T17:54:29+00:00

Same problem here. Not got any invites to any Xmas or New years stuff. No idea who i need to know. Always feeling like im missing out on god knows what.

funkyjames · 2012-12-20T18:06:02+00:00

If they enjoy being around you, they will invite you to parties and events. Its that simple. Just be fun, funny, honest and a good friend, and your presence will be desired.

2012-12-20T18:48:25+00:00

You can't approach this in an obvious way. To get invited, you need to be liked and known. To be known, talk to people and make genuine connections. To be liked, talk to them often and genuinely. This doesn't work if there's something completely dickish about you.

But the most important thing in the world: NEVER say 'No' to an opportunity that comes your way. Say yes to everything. Always go out when your friends ask you. Meet more people.

Sneeoosh · 2012-12-20T19:35:32+00:00

I've been one of these guys for my entire life. The trick is to just always say 'yes' (for a while at least) to any invitation that is thrown your way. In addition to this, set up plans yourself and invite people! You may have a flopped social outing or two when you just get started, but once you get the ball rolling on this you really do get yourself in a cycle of feedback that's extremely helpful.

Invite people over/go somewhere where you've been invited --> meet people, have a good time, forge new connections ---> invite these people out/get invited by them out again.

That shit will keep repeating itself until you are THE man to know. Good luck.

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-12-20T19:42:28+00:00

Find the "gatekeepers" around your social circle and try to see what they're offering people. Don't try to directly work on the gatekeepers. Regardless of whether the gatekeepers are women or men, hey're like HB10s, chumps always want something from them, and that's how they know to reject you. But if you can provide independent value to them (i.e. you aren't making your value dependent on their response or validation) then you will start to connect with him and his circle.

itsiceyo · 2012-12-20T20:25:56+00:00

i am this guy. I get invited out to parties and bars on thursdays, fridays, and saturdays.. i came this way by being fun. I would hit up parties when i was around 19 because i had friends who were older than i am, and would go with them. I remember getting drunk off of vodka smirnoff when i started out, which made for a funny "i remember the first time i got drunk" story.

I was never this type, in HS, i was the quite, beta, type. Never had a gf in HS, was never on any sports teams, and i ditched after 4th period and went home almost everyday, so i was always too myself.

If you were to become one, id say to have fun, but make friendships most importantly. If you keep yourself open, and have a nice, real talk with someone, youve made a connection. Youve made a friend. Depending on how interesting you are, you'd get his number. (YES HIM. A GUY) Guys are the ones to throw parties, and if you become bros with the one who's throwing the parties. He'll get you to come out and join. And it starts from there. Always bring beer. Im the funny guy who brings those SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SMALL Corona's and its hilarious and people love it. Everyone loves humor.

just turned 26 last month, and i dont party as MUCH as i used to, but i still get invites and will make "appearances" for about 30mins then bounce saying i got somewhere else to be. But in the time span that im there, i make sure to greet everyone, say hi.. Ask how they've been and how work, girlfriends,boyfriends, families are regardless. HOpe this helps. I've actually got a lunch date in 30mins that imma be late to! godspeed my friend

nexinarus · 2012-12-20T22:01:49+00:00

be a value provider - give people a reason to want to hang out with you, but you should find your own value over copying what others do

eyeothemastodon · 2012-12-20T23:42:57+00:00

What you're describing has an instruction manual called Conquer Your Campus. While directed at college students, its applicable for all. Read it. Love it.

A personal testimonial: I had never thrown a party that got more than a half dozen dudes to show up, which usually devolved into xbox gaming and getting stoned watching Planet Earth. After reading it, I managed to wrangle in a group of friends that loved to party and in my senior year I packed out my house 3 times with parties that I started. We managed to have one of our first big parties just dripping with girls with a 3:1 ratio that later in the evening, I met the first girl I ever dated and fell hard for. Times have never been better and it felt like half the people my age in Duluth knew me for those couple years.

thatguyscat · 2012-12-21T01:00:49+00:00

Forgive my insult, but don't be a candy ass. Grab people by the brain and get them to come. If you have friends, tell them to come do shit. All I have to do is tell people "hey, let's go get trashed at my house" or something, assign people a light booze goal, and get everything set up. Tell people to bring enough for eachother, then show up with 3 bottles of vodka. You pulled more weight, you got people more drunk. You showed that you wanted those people trashed and having fun. People take notice and talk about it. Plus in the morning, if someone forgot their lights on (usually a very attractive lady) I charge up the battery while making light conversation, I fulfilled a need for her to leave, and she knows where I live. Score a number, she comes back because she knows the place. She was safe with her girls and trashed there, its comfortable, its known, its quiet for once. You know where it goes from there. Just find something you're good at, show generosity for people, and somehow merge the two. I'm the go to guy for fixing shit, and its gotten me a lot in life. If you can cook, fan-fuckin-tastic, people literally eat that shit up. It's all about what you bring to the table, and how nice you are about it.

IAmTheEngineer · 2012-12-21T01:13:46+00:00

I'm this guy. To describe me, people say they always think I'm taller even though I'm only 5 foot 8. My personality is big, and that's key. Don't necessarily be the life of the party, but be somebody who is prominent enough that you make many moderate events occur that have a great effect on peoples pleasure.

porcupine-free · 2012-12-21T01:41:56+00:00

Yes, I am one of those guys, and no, I used to be a hermit who was always ignored. I turned my life around from loser to popular guy that everyone loves. I still am a loner and I still sit at home alone because I'm a natural introvert. However I still go out a lot and I have so much fun, at the end of every weekend I sit down and exhale and think 'holy shit I had the best weekend ever - again!'.

I can't really say much more than it took a lot of practice and a lot of me going out and meeting a ton of people. You just have to go and do it. Join every meet and greet/singles/networking thing you can find and go to every single event.

Another thing someone mentioned, the 'gatekeepers'. I have made legit friends with tons of these guys. They are constantly throwing cool events and I've made it clear I am a fun-loving guy who wants to be their legit friend. I get invited to just about fucking everything.

Just the other day I was out organizing one of my own social meet n greets and one of the young ladies said to me "All us girls were talking about everyone we know and we all agreed you are the favorite of everyone. All the guys have all these weird problems but you are the normal one that everyone likes." I guarantee you years ago I was one of the weirdo boys that everyone thought was quiet and creepy. Now I'm the opposite.

I finally want to add in that I am still perceived as a quiet and calm, laid back guy. I never really "changed" who I am at my core. I just changed the way I treat the world and how I live, and that changed everything.

Jerfy · 2012-12-21T01:56:14+00:00

Have you read everything on the side bar? I just read an article last night that was posted in this. Summed up the post pretty much said be alpha. Give value instead of take it. Be the life of the party, be that guy. Just for you I'll get the link to the exact thread that talked about this exact question! Kudos to TofuTofu :)

edit: Just noticed another redditor posted his guide to you as well, my bad!

thebassmau5 · 2012-12-21T02:10:30+00:00

IAMA go to guy. It's pretty sweet, but you have to be somewhat exclusive, or hard to get too. If you're always at a party for the entire duration of said party, you shall seem lame. Some parties it's worth it. If you ever get bored, leave. If you're bored and still there it makes you seem desperate. I only became one by doing the organizing and always being at an event, but sometimes just skipping out.

TheDonkeyKongDon · 2012-12-20T21:08:15+00:00

Being a nice guy. I didn't get laid as much as my asshole friends during my late teens early 20's. But I like to think it's paid off. You'll get friendzoned and what not but the point is girls will start to realize you're genuinely a nice guy and want to hang out with you. In the end running into a group of pretty girls who all like you and say hi and spend time with you at the bar or whatever will attract more girls.

Emerce_Yourself · 2012-12-21T02:16:27+00:00

Doesn't matter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnuIT3p5t6o

Make3 · 2012-12-27T03:54:20+00:00

Concretly, I have had success making friend that go out a lot and asking them what they're doing on x or x night. They usually have a few projects per night, you might have some with some other friends, you'll end up easily with a demi dozen plan for any given friday/saturday.

Kozbot · 2012-12-20T19:30:35+00:00

have drugs

Title	How to become a 'go-to' guy?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	184
Comments	74
Date	December 20, 2012 1:39 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/15602a/how_to_become_a_goto_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-become-a-go-to-guy.1344580 https://theredarchive.com/post/1344580

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