Men cannot escape friendzone for this reason

LapazGracie · 2024-04-19T12:45:30+00:00

I imagine most "friend zone" situations arise from a combination of factors.

1) Men believe that if they get close to a woman they have a better chance of being with her. Which works in some cases. But in some cases it fails spectacularly.

2) Women don't realize how many men in their life are just chasing them as a mate. They think that a friendship is possible. Even though that is not the mans intent whatsoever. It doesn't help that men are often coy about this because they know if they say outright "Oh yeah I just you to be my girlfriend" it will fuck everything up.

So you have these weird courtships where the dude struck out a long time ago. But doesn't realize it because both people are treating the situation as something other than what it is.

As far as it being "because of your weakness" or whatever. That's mostly nonsense. You think she won't figure out your weaknesses if you guys sleep in the same bed for a year?

Like the other poster said you're either compatible or you're not.

Deranged_Loner · 2024-04-19T13:03:47+00:00

There is an easy way to get out the friend zone. Stop being friends with her.

Barneysparky · 2024-04-19T12:44:27+00:00

What the difference between this and getting to know about him dating?

Do you think you'd hide this intolerable "weakness".

Does weakness stand for mental illness that does not allow the guy to form a secure attachment?

Sparkling_gourami · 2024-04-19T13:22:23+00:00

I often wonder how often these "men show their weakness" and the women leaves are for other reasons, like just a general lack of attraction. Realistically, most of the people you date won't turn into anything long term whether you show weakness or not. So if you show weakness to someone you're dating, there is still a strong chance it's not going to work out. Factor in that women often times break up with men more than the other way around, it'd be really easy to blame it on showing vulnerability.

I dated a woman earlier this year, and she commented that she liked that I could be vulnerable. When she talked about herself having anxiety, I shared I also struggled with it as well sometimes. But I also had a lot of ways to show that I didn't let anxiety control my life, and I had heathy ways to manage it. We actually connected on that topic, and she saw that I would actually be able to listen and understand her unlike people she dated in the past. When things started to get a bit more serious and she ended things because she said she wasn't in a place to start a relationship, I immediately wondered if showing her vulnerability was why she ended it. But when I replayed our interactions in my mind, there were also a hundred other tiny reasons I could latch on to. Maybe my jokes weren't funny enough, maybe I had bad skin, maybe I slouch too much, maybe I'm too this, or that.

There is a cognitive distortion called mind reading, where you assume you know what the other person is thinking. But the truth is, you can never know what's in their mind except what they tell you. Did the people you showed weakness to just turn out to be bad people who would have treated you poorly regardless? Did they specifically attack you on the basis of what you said? If they did that, then they're just a negative person and eventually it would have come out at you in another way.

I think as men, we like to believe we have women figured out but the truth is women are just humans like us. Women who claim to understand men also fall into the same fallacy. We're complex, we're messy. There is no perfect playbook to win a woman's love.

Sadsad0088 · 2024-04-19T13:49:05+00:00

There is no friendzone, she either likes you or she doesn’t.

If she likes you you won’t be in the friendzone

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-04-19T13:18:08+00:00

The most obvious reason might be that she doesn’t want a relationship or isn’t interested in him romantically.

DarayRaven · 2024-04-19T13:12:24+00:00

This whole mental gymnastics is dumb

Guys can definitely get out of the friend-zone anytime but most prefer not to because they think it's optimal to be her beta-orbiter than try to move on and start something new with a different woman

alotofironsinthefire · 2024-04-19T13:25:34+00:00

Friend zone happens because a lot of men confuse the emotional intimacy women give in friendship with romantic intimacy.

Electric_Death_1349 · 2024-04-19T13:25:00+00:00

There is a very easy way to “escape the friendzone” - don’t become friends with women in the first place

RubyDiscus · 2024-04-19T12:39:02+00:00

Friend zone is due to incompatibility.

I don't think it's about their weaknesses per say

spanglesandbambi · 2024-04-19T13:17:56+00:00

Or maybe she just doesn't want to date and you aren't the catch you think you are.

Come on guys it's 2024 stop presuming every woman wants a man as you know being single or a lesbian is an option ffs.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-04-19T13:20:30+00:00

If you are in the friendzone it’s because either 1) you didn’t actually tell her how you feel and so you’re not assertive enough to deserve to have a girlfriend or 2) she already told you how she felt but you decided to “stick around” because you don’t want to believe her soft rejection.

Either way: it’s all on you.

facelikethunder22 · 2024-04-19T13:07:42+00:00

The same thing happens in relationships.

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-04-19T13:48:48+00:00

But your relationship will never be what it could've been if you'd won her over the proper way.

You can't win someone over. That's not how wanting someone works.

Chiron008 · 2024-04-19T14:13:01+00:00

I'm sorry you got sidelined, OP. Speaking only for myself and not all women, once I've friendzoned someone, there is no way back. They way they got there is usually because I'd gotten the "ick", didn't respect something they said or did, or simply didn't see them as a love interest. I've never lost respect for a man because of him being vulnerable but know this: if you can't be your whole self with someone, they are not your person. Don't go changing who you are, just who you trust.

AutoModerator · 2024-04-19T12:32:05+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-04-19T12:32:05+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Poor_Olive_Snook · 2024-04-19T13:52:53+00:00

You've constructed a theory you're applying to all women based solely off of your own experiences. Did you ever think there's something about *you* that attracts this type of woman? Most women appreciate vulnerability in their partners

Acceptable-Truck3803 · 2024-04-19T14:32:46+00:00

What kind of weird self gatekeeping doomsday perspective is this ? This is how you tell me you don’t actually talk and interact with women.

Basic way on how to get out of the friend zone for men and women? Simple. Reduce your friendship slowly with said person and do that slow fade. Improve your looks. Get an edge. Date other people. Have a “glow up” by the next time you cross paths. Usually this takes 2 months or so. By that time he/she will either change her mind or he/she won’t. But that’s all you can do and it’s the highest chance of success. Please note this way has a success of 50/50. Thus high risk.

The goal here is to improve yourself for you, have a higher overall SMV, be happier, and not just to win your initial crush over.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2024-04-19T14:32:53+00:00

There is no friend zone. She simply doesn't fund you sexually and physically attractive. Chad can be a crying little bitch and still go from zero to romance. It is what it is

nakayamawara · 2024-04-19T14:34:25+00:00

what do you mean by weakness? aren't we all humans and weak? the friendzone is for people who can't move from a being child to being an assertive adult. being an adult needs accountability and confidence in life in general. and sexuality for romantic relationships.

Sharp_Platform8958 · 2024-04-19T14:44:03+00:00

This is why you need to date several women. Make them compete. It reduces friend zoning by a huge margin.

Safinated · 2024-04-19T14:44:53+00:00

Just because you think you’re attractive doesn’t mean she agrees 🤷🏼‍♀️

TonytheNetworker · 2024-04-19T15:04:49+00:00

Referring to women as “birds” seems oddly condescending to me. Anyway, this feels more like a young person problem (25 and under). As relationships become more evolved and complex I don’t see many guys feeling friendzoned but rather embracing female friendships or communicating that they have issue with being a friend to her while having feelings.

Commercial_Tea_8185 · 2024-04-19T16:20:21+00:00

I wish I could escape the ‘fuckzone’

CoolWhipMonkey · 2024-04-19T16:51:36+00:00

Maybe just be friends with people you want to be friends with?

MistyMaisel · 2024-04-19T16:58:58+00:00

You do know during a dating process they would find out about your crazy and leave you too, right? Like, when I was talking to dudes in a romantic way, I was always looking for the reason not to date him. It wasn't just looking for the reasons to continue forward.

Lilrip1998 · 2024-04-19T17:08:49+00:00

Men can’t escape the “friendzone” bc they aren’t sexually attracted to you.

The idea that men in LTRs don’t have emotionally vulnerable moments with their partners is insane

campskills21 · 2024-04-19T16:27:11+00:00

Guys get in friendzone because they are prone to get oneitis and think they can wear her down, or be available at the right time. Guys should never simp for girls like this, because girls enjoy the fact he cares about her and don’t reciprocate.

Title	Men cannot escape friendzone for this reason
Author	wolfloveyes
Upvotes	0
Comments	99
Date	April 19, 2024 12:32 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1c7vq6e/men_cannot_escape_friendzone_for_this_reason/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-cannot-escape-friendzone-for-this-reason.1515665 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515665

Comments