Just seperated

yourcarlosdanger · 2024-05-31T04:38:08+00:00

When I was on the witness stand being grilled by her lawyer in Kangaroo Court, I mean Family Court I remember thinking, this is it. This is as bad as it gets. This is rock bottom. Everything from here on is better, stronger, mine to shape. Everything from today on is a little bit better every day.

Jsutton3187 · 2024-06-01T21:33:57+00:00

Just finalized my divorce in Texas after 20 yrs to the day almost.... Hang in there. There's plenty of things to keep busy, just talk to ppl don't go through it alone. And yes get a lawyer.

Scared_Life_1812 · 2024-05-30T22:54:47+00:00

I am a husband myself and my perspective won’t be please but do you think that if you made your wife feel safe and loved during your marriage, she would cheat on you? I think it’s easy to have a victim mindset and just blame it on your wife character. Most ppl are not cheaters, they just felt so unhappy due to a lack of safety.

For example, when your wife told you about the cheating, did you blame her or did you try to understand why she felt the need to cheat. What did she not get from you that she had to seek it from someone else.

If you blame which is what most will do, you basically destroy safety. Imagine she try to come clean and you blame her, what would she tell you anything since all she will get is toxic shot as a respond.

47omek · 2024-05-30T21:02:44+00:00

I hope "separated" does not mean you've moved out and aren't living in the marital home. Huge mistake if you have, move back home and do not move out without a custody order signed by a judge.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-05-30T20:31:45+00:00

Don't shield your children from the truth about their mother. Hiding and deflecting what she did only serves one person, your soon to be ex wife. Best they have a full understanding so they can heal and react to this news as they desire.

I regret the time that past with my son not knowing the full story.

captainchippsixx · 2024-05-30T19:46:54+00:00

Get organized man.

1- Lawyer asap. Her actions have shown you cannot trust her.

2- call your family and then calm her parents.

3- Write a to do list about everything you can think of. Change passwords. Know exactly where the assets and debts are at. Put alerts all accounts. Etc .

Listen man. Wives that know the $$$ will not be there for her lifestyle as a single mom do one or more following tactics without fail. - first they start a story it’s your fault and get it out before you even blink. She didn’t do anything. She was just talking to a guy. - they start moving money and making charges on cards. Our debt is your debt. - they get a lawyer before you and sell the story to them and keep you on the defensive the whole time.
- they start planning on how they can ensure full support $$$ by accusing you of abuse. Police may be called.
- they look to toss you out of the house. Then Any prized possessions or expensive stuff can be sold or relocated.

Nowhere2_GoButUp · 2024-05-30T18:20:53+00:00

Hi BC, sorry this is happening to you. My story has some similarity to yours, especially the family dynamic.

This is a great place to vent, just like the subreddit is named, we're all men in some stage of divorce and a lot of great folks here.

You're not alone, even though you'll convince yourself that some days. It will be a rollercoaster of emotions, but take good care of your health with exercise and diet. Bad things won't help, stay far away, you need to be in your best logical mind to deal with the events upcoming.

Be transactional and google 180/grey rock, you need to be cold and unfulfilling in order to get the divorce ball rolling. Try finding some hobbies to take up your time, be there for your kids as well. Wishing you good fortune and calmer days.

nfg2020 · 2024-05-30T18:13:53+00:00

Nothing good is easy. Tough road ahead but focus on you. Hit the gym. Read some self improvement books. Try not to dwell on the uncontrollable. One day at a time. Just remember when you start drifting and reminiscing on the past…it was never going to work out. She was the cheater and the lair not you.

One_Parking16 · 2024-05-30T18:12:01+00:00

SSM on YouTube has gotten through tough times. You have your health, and you will find happiness again.

Visual_Cycle_1066 · 2024-05-30T15:25:23+00:00

The World is about to become your oyster my friend. Stay Positive. You are jettisoning a 46 yr old pre-menopausal cheater and liar. You will be far better off without her.

Double down on your workouts, career focus and connection with kids. Develop your hobbies. You are The Captain my man, run your ship strong.

You will also find that if you get on top of your game, at 41 you will have a wide variety of options with women.

"Geez, feel just lost, scared and alone." You are none of these things. You are just spinning at the moment. Deep breaths and tamp down the emotions. Grab yourself by the balls and get after it my brother, the future is wide open.

azwildcat74 · 2024-05-30T14:40:03+00:00

How did she meet the 22 year old, just out of morbid curiosity?

Equivalent_Rabbit_62 · 2024-05-30T14:38:15+00:00

It’s going to suck. I’m still going through the court process. But like my cousin told me “ you don’t want anything to do with someone that wants nothing to do with you”

althaf7788 · 2024-05-30T14:27:38+00:00

Updateme!

Ok-Grand-1882 · 2024-05-30T14:11:36+00:00

Updateme

Helpful-Country-4245 · 2024-05-30T13:20:33+00:00

Updateme

sak144 · 2024-05-30T13:13:16+00:00

The next year or so of your life is going to be rough and filled with all sorts of emotions. No way around it. What you feel is totally normal. But you need to break free from the role of being "provider/protector/joy giver" and be very selfish during this time. That's how you are going to eventually heal. You now get to reinvent your life in any way you want without having to get buy-in or approval from her ever again on anything.

Your only two priorities from this point forward are yourself and your kids. Full stop. Ignore anything she says about anything from this point forward and you are going to live a way more peaceful and fulfilling 2nd half of your life than the 1st.

playerknowmore · 2024-05-30T12:24:26+00:00

Retrain your brain to be a little selfish. I'm pretty sure she was your life. It is time for you to realize that you are the main character in your life. Everyone else is expendable. If anyone doesn't fit into your life or doesn't want to be in your life, let them go. Your life will be better for it.

A few things are going to happen in the next few years. You are going to realize that you can live without her. She's going to find the market for 46 years old women, which is casual at best. Upon the realization, she is going to feel cheated. Then, she will try to needle her way back. Move on, it's what's best for you. She thinks she is irreplaceable, trust me she is.

pieperson5571 · 2024-05-30T11:33:26+00:00

You did the most difficult part.

Updateme.

stupididiot78 · 2024-05-30T07:34:16+00:00

It feels like the worst day of your life because it is. You're going to have a bunch of those in the near future. Stay strong. Focus on your kids and yourself. Take all the energy and work you put into your relationship with your ex (just because you aren't divorced yet doesn't mean you're together anymore, words matter so start using the right ones) and put it into rebuilding yourself and your life. Don't ever feel guilty or bad for her either. She chose this path. She's not yours to worry about anymore. She doesn't care about you so you've got to care for yourself.

You got this.

usedbc · 2024-05-30T07:21:25+00:00

Yeah menopause is kicking in.

Thank you, definitely feels like a big rollercoaster ahead.

Potential_Item610 · 2024-05-30T07:18:24+00:00

My condolences brother, there is a rocky emotional road ahead of you that many here have trodden before you. It sounds cliche however look after yourself physically, get to a lawyer ASAP and do not let her back onto your life for the sake of the kids etc. the woman you loved is now gone and you must protect yourself from the one now in her place.

Rollercoaster72 · 2024-05-30T06:44:22+00:00

Sorry to hat hear that .... 46f? Is she in the menopause or entering it?

Feels like women entering this phase of life very often just want to return to their 20's, don't feel family anymore and fuck around... but that's just my opinion

It will be a rollercoaster of feelings for you now, but you will make it and life will be better!

Title	Just seperated
Author	usedbc
Upvotes	51
Comments	58
Date	May 30, 2024 6:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1d3x9uz/just_seperated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-seperated.1520017 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520017

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