Why you should never be friends with someone you’re physically attracted to

I've seen many women comment on how some men befriend them, and then after a while (months, years), the guy confesses his feelings. When they reject him, he suddenly stops talking to them and ghosts them. I can imagine that for any gender, this would be hurtful (although it's more common among men). It's totally reasonable to feel hurt, and the guy is probably not worth dating in the first place.

However, I also see many men commenting that just as a man is not entitled to a relationship, a woman is not entitled to a friendship. Staying in a one-sided relationship makes it harder to move on and hurts every time you hang out with them. I can’t help but agree with that too, although it's a bit more nuanced.

Any person is entitled to remove themselves from any kind of relationship (romantic or platonic) at any point without being obligated to give a reason. However, if the relationship is already established, it's a nice gesture and basic human decency to give the other person closure for ending the relationship (of course, if that person wasn't bad to you or did anything wrong, like gossip about you to your other friends, cheat on you, etc.).

But the fundamental problem comes before that. Most people who confess to their already established friends probably developed feelings towards them even before becoming friends (with some exceptions). Your friend WILL be surprised if you confess to them (regardless of whether they say yes or no), because becoming friends with someone doesn't imply the relationship will become romantic.

Men's solution to this should not be to sacrifice their feelings and stay in a platonic relationship if the woman says no. Instead, they should make it so the woman is not hurt if the man ends the friendship. How's that done?

If you know you're not attracted to the woman, then great! You can be friends, knowing there's a much smaller chance you'll date them since there's no physical attraction. A stable romantic relationship usually requires both physical and emotional attraction, and it's much harder to date someone if you lack one of them.

If you ARE attracted to a woman, there are two scenarios:

  1. You want to date them.
  2. You want to befriend them.

If you want to date them, COMMUNICATE! Express your intentions from the very start. Tell them that although you're not going to be in a romantic relationship right away, you want the possibility of a romantic relationship on the table (so she's not surprised when you confess to her).

For that to work, you both need to be attracted to each other. Once that's established, you can talk and hang out with them just like you would with your friends and see if you're compatible. If you don't click as friends, great! You can both move on and no one gets hurt.

If you DO click, now you know you both have physical and emotional attraction. Now you can confess to her. But if she says no for whatever reason (which she has a total right to), you won't be a jerk if you stop being friends, because she knew you were attracted to her and wouldn't be surprised. The condition of the already established friendship has changed. In this case, just as she's not obligated to date you for any reason, you're not obligated to stay friends, and neither of you will be jerks. The woman won't be hurt if you ghost her, compared to a situation where she didn't know you were attracted to her. If she does get hurt even then, you would know she wasn't worth dating in the first place.

In scenario 2, NEVER befriend them. If you know you're attracted to them, and if you emotionally click with them, you'll want to date them even more. If you confess to them in that scenario, the initial condition of the friendship changes, and not only would you both be hurt, but she might think you befriended her only for her body and to fuck her (which most of us men know isn't true).

That is why, if you're attracted to someone, NEVER befriend them for the sake of both of you.