Does anyone here have experience with a grey/gray divorce?

Maretallama · 2025-08-31T12:10:20+00:00

I’m in it now….

Findom_Daddy · 2025-02-02T01:00:47+00:00

r/GrayDivorce is a good place to start. Community of those going thru or that have gone through it.

sphinxsley · 2024-10-02T19:24:59+00:00

I would suggest putting the house in a trust with both of you as the beneficiaries. You'll need your lawyers & a financial planner to plan all that out. Then rent it out to help pay for two separate places. (Too bad for your wife, everyone needs to compromise. Maybe she can find a 2 BR condo with a pool.)

In any case, try to avoid selling it, since it will likely rise in value.

No_Zone_911 · 2024-07-16T04:42:17+00:00

You should hire a male escort to “bump” into her, seduce her, and then catch her cheating to avoid alimony.

WindowFuzz · 2024-07-15T17:00:30+00:00

Talk to a lawyer. I spoke with three to get a range of possible outcomes. They will meet for you for free for the initial consultation in many cases. In the Northeast, you will probably have to give up about 60% of your assets and you’ll probably be paying alimony until you retire. The divorce sucked about 1 million out of our retirement plans because now we need to pay for two separate domicile for the rest of our lives.

LonelyNC123 · 2024-07-15T14:37:11+00:00

I'm in the USA. I'm 59.

I hope you are ready to work until you DIE because you will never get to retire now.

If mine would agree to a 50/50 asset split we would be OK.

But mine is making it abundantly clear she will use alimony to hold me hostage until I die.

Good luck.

This is pure, total Hell.

87YoungTed · 2024-07-15T02:44:50+00:00

If you don't mind keep us updated. I'm 55, married for 35 years, stayed after many threats to divorce and take the kids away and have just literally had enough. I make in the low $200k range compared to her mid $50k and somehow I'm the idiot. Stayed for the kids who are all now out on their own.

This week everything has come to a head and I've had enough. I'd been thinking that I'll just suffer through to the finish line, but I just can't do it anymore.

I'm calling an attorney friend of mine (business lawyer) tomorrow for recommendations for a good divorce attorney. I'm going to get an idea of what I'm looking at and make a decision one way or another.

Mynewadventures · 2024-07-14T14:51:50+00:00

Why not you live in the house and let the "kids come use the pool"?

Why does she, with minimal assets and minimal ability to keep up the house get to stay there so that "the kids can come by and use the pool"?

Top-Pop-2624 · 2024-07-14T11:09:37+00:00

Expert in gray divorce. Was married 42 years. She decided to cheat. Yes old people do that sometimes. Anyway won't live with betrayal. Even split on all assets. Figured she'd get it anyway. It sucks. Never thought she'd do that.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-07-14T05:20:35+00:00

I may be wrong on this - but it sounds like you may want to try to sell everything. Payoff all the debts and then split the remaining.

Then, you would just have to negotiate some type spousal support. That will be your biggest sticking point.

I would sell it as a “fresh start.” She may not like it - but that may be the cleanest

JasonBourne1965 · 2024-07-14T02:42:14+00:00

When we decided to divorce, we agreed that we were both completely committed to keeping all related discussions amicable for the sake of our two late teen boys. Also, we didn't want to find ourselves in a situation down the road where one or the other of us would feel awkward attending an event such as a friend's wedding, etc.

So, to this end, we split everything 50/50 right down to the penny. I had made a good living for many years, and she was a great SAHM, and our boys have turned out great. (We were good partners as parents, and we remain good, supportive friends).

So, even though we had accumulated quite a few valuable assets, we split everything right down the middle. Good luck to you both.

We did utilize the services of a Certified Financial Planner to help us figure out the best way to divide our assets equitably, including things like tax consequences. We probably spent $1,000 on the CFP, and it was worth 10x that.

karavan7 · 2024-07-14T01:32:47+00:00

That's all marital property at this point. I'm not saying that's fair, but it's the way it is. Get a lawyer.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-07-14T00:38:45+00:00

So - ya’ll have $260 in retirement. Which means that you have $130 and she was $130.

Ya’ll have $150 in debt, so each of you have $75,000 of debt.

You’re going to split everything in 2.

Your main concern is going to be alimony - it may be permanent depending on your location and length of marriage.

We need a lot more details to help

Pmoneywhazzup · 2024-07-13T23:40:46+00:00

I just completed one. Both of us are 55. Married 20 years. Two teenagers, and a house. I make about twice what she does, but she had significantly more non-marital assets than me (inherited IRA and a separate house). It was fairly amicable, and our ultimate deal was 50/50 custody, I pay CS under the state guidelines, and I pay part of the marital house payment for five years until our youngest graduates from HS, then we sell the house and split the equity 50/50. We keep our respective retirement accounts and pensions, and deal with our separate debts individually (her car payment and CC debt). I had no debt. It worked out about as well as I hoped. I am an attorney, but not a family lawyer. I researched my ass off, and talked to my family lawyer friends before pulling the trigger. Please do not take this or any other comments as legal advice, and hire an experienced family lawyer asap, if you have not already.

mr21vp · 2024-07-13T22:34:59+00:00

I'm 55 and currently going through an uncontested, amicable (so far) divorce using a paralegal service. But I started planning about 5 years ago - sold our house put proceeds in joint brokerage acct, retired and started consulting to drop my income, stashed cash the same amount that she blew on salon/clothes/restaurants/crap from Target. We agreed no alimony, hands off each other's pensions, and split accts 50/50.

Thinking out loud here - would it be advantageous for your to try something similar? Retire (or go part-time) now to balance out incomes, start IRA withdrawals/stash the cash, sell the house and rent, pay off all debts, and then file for divorce when you hit 65

bluephotoshop · 2024-07-13T22:26:00+00:00

I think you need to mention any house equity, and maybe ages and values of your cars. Amounts in savings and checking accounts?

JasonBourne1965 · 2024-07-16T04:08:25+00:00

Well, we were both fully retired at the time; and we do live in California.

michaelmanal · 2024-11-27T03:34:46+00:00

I know you made this post a while ago but this channel is great for gray divorce https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcnAtnhWi5s

Title	Does anyone here have experience with a grey/gray divorce?
Author	scope6262
Upvotes	7
Comments	71
Date	July 13, 2024 9:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1e2lavn/does_anyone_here_have_experience_with_a_greygray/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-anyone-here-have-experience-with-a-greygray.1524207 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524207

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