Sudden separation

Positive_Rub_6696 · 2024-10-31T19:21:18+00:00

My ex was dead-set that porn was nearly as bad as cheating. Early on it was a little softer-approach: “if you need porn, it means I’m not enough for you.” Well, she wasn’t. Having gone from every night we were together (before moving in together) to less frequent (maybe weekly) after moving in together, then more like biweekly or even monthly after we got married, then less-frequently still after the first kid came. You get the idea… suffice it to say, her measly sexual (un)availability absolutely caused me to rely on porn.

Granted, it’s an emotional, if not hormonal time. Many women suffer some level of postpartum depression, and her “discovering” the porn may have been the last straw. Worst case is it was part of her plan. Get you hooked in to CS, then wait for OP to trip up bad enough.

Dance4theSmokers · 2024-10-31T18:28:28+00:00

I had similiar issues years ago with my now ex wife. Especially the post pregnancy issues except for mine became physically and verbally abusive during that time. Quick question, why didn’t you use a private browser or you not clear your history!!! C’mon man!

TheHumbleFarmer · 2024-10-31T18:07:47+00:00

Yep same exact story. Hard thing is she's probably been thinking about it a long time. I don't know if they will ever come back from this but it's best to just go with what she wants for now and get through all the depression that comes with it then come to find out that you really have ultimately done nothing wrong. Porn boundary? Give me a fucking break homie you guys should be experiencing all the sexual love and it is Missy of any normal couple and she should be completely comfortable in your marriage enough to let you whack off let her whack off right in front of you for God's sakes who cares. It's the hiddenness that messes things up most of the time. Now fast forward a year or two and you'll be feeling a lot better. You'll come to the conclusion that you just need to give her what she needs and that being a divorce and prepare to deal with all the heartache of all the bullshit she's about to put you through. Don't worry this isn't your fault she's going crazy. Don't go crazy following her. I promise you a beautiful life is on the other side. Take it from me and my awesome new 10 years younger girlfriend that is 100% devoted to me worships the ground I walk on and has the craziest fun sex you could ever imagine. She loves watching me jerk off she loves porn she loves hookups with others everything's cool they really are really really cool girls out there nowadays. Not sure how long you've been out of the dating game but the dating game nowadays especially for an established adult male with anything good going for him is way way better than what it was years ago. Enjoy it my friend. Cheers Love you dude

Beauty2218 · 2024-10-31T17:53:11+00:00

I’m a woman here . Don’t want to say much here but if you wanted to message me that’s fine . Same situation.

tondeaf · 2024-10-31T10:32:59+00:00

I've heard women say that women should not be allowed to make any serious decisions anywhere close to pregnancy.

ZsFunBus · 2024-10-31T07:55:29+00:00

You don’t specify why you agreed to this boundary in the first place though. Have you had problems with too much porn in the past?

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2024-10-31T05:18:46+00:00

Absolute nonsense. I'd take a look at some of her stuff. Almost all female-oriented media except the Hallmark Channel has what was once considered softcore porn in it. Does she read romance novels? Call them what they are, porn books.

She has no right to control your sexuality.

Boomhower113 · 2024-10-31T02:33:32+00:00

You jerk off occasionally? You sound like the worst husband ever.

Did you take a piss without her permission, too?

newblackmetal · 2024-10-30T22:51:02+00:00

She sounds like a total asshole. I bet if the situation was reversed and you were pregnant, you would not be bothered if she watched porn when you both can't have sex. Sounds like a excuse, a lame one.

If women lurkers are here reading this post, this is lame, do not do this. If you have female friends thinking about this route, talk them out of it please.

probebeta · 2024-10-30T22:50:38+00:00

The best thing you can do right now is leave her alone, start gym and exercise, and get a lawyer planning for worst case. Do this now, shes not your concern. If she hasn't f* anybody and comes back it could be good for the family. If she did, and it won't be hard to find out, then you're done with her.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2024-10-30T21:32:23+00:00

I’d refuse to live in a world where I can’t smack one out with visual aid… especially when there’s zero at home

Chasdava · 2024-10-30T21:02:58+00:00

Same as a lot of others are saying here… sometimes the SO is looking for a fault-based reason so they don’t have to defensibly explain why they’d rather have a new start. Fairly cowardly if you ask me, but it’s common. “Woo hoo! You f’ed up. Now I get to go!” Frequently enough, the reason ends up looking pretty puny bc they’re too eager and don’t want to explain themselves.

Confident-Crawdad · 2024-10-30T20:21:52+00:00

My dudes, it's your peen. If you want to beat it, she's got zero say. Same thing with what you choose to read and the images you choose to look at.

You're well shut of such a woman.

TexAgStros0806 · 2024-10-30T19:46:49+00:00

Similar story for me. Ex wife had a miscarriage in May and I watched porn in the period of time we couldn’t have sex. This was the first time it was ever discussed and she instantly flipped. She was absolutely using it as an excuse as a reason for divorce. She still continued to have sex with me afterwards about the month we were still together and even two days before we split. Filed for divorce two months after the miscarriage and we were only married for 10 months. She didn’t love me, only wanted a baby and when that was gone she found every excuse imaginable. Other than that one thing I was a damn good husband to her.

DaddyNoBux · 2024-10-30T17:37:17+00:00

This is what they do my man

My ex had checked out and was banging coworker chad. Once monkey branch was activated and Chad gave the word, she engineered an incident over something trivial to end things.

Lawyer up bro, it’s over and your life has just went into hard mode

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-10-30T17:21:47+00:00

She was already checked out of the marriage. The porn incident is just an excuse for her to be able to divorce with the narrative it was all your fault.

There is no way to fix it once a woman turns a light switch off for you. The lack of intimacy and her resentment toward you was a loud and clear signal she had turned that light off.

Think back to when she stopped giving you bjs. That is when her attraction for you first started to fade. For your future relationships when this happens that is the time to fix things, not after it gets to the point of no return.

darealyst · 2024-10-30T17:06:42+00:00

Brother it aint about the porn. If she was actually that concerned about how you empty your balls shed be more interested in being the one to do it.

joemoorcarz · 2024-10-30T16:49:35+00:00

First point women tend to throw divorce as a threat to get whatever it is they want. If she serious then the relationship is already gone

The best advice is charge forward with a divorce, if she realizes you're not going to beg and plead she may wake up.

Let her know hormonal problems and such are completely unexceptionable. That you will only accept a complete commitment to the marriage. Definitely let her know even thinking of ending the relationship means it's over.

At this point you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

AdvertisingWarm2797 · 2024-10-30T16:31:29+00:00

It could have been the type of media you were consuming that aggravated her response? Potentially, a video or image that she wasn't expecting to see?

techrmd3 · 2024-10-30T15:28:15+00:00

Actually this situation is pretty rare to go all the way to divorce.

It is normal around pregnancy for the hormones to go crazy and therefore minor issues become big issues.

You appear to be in what UK? not US I think. As to the mechanics if you are in UK, I would grant her wish and go for a legal separation. (but don't be too surprised that after the emotional/hormonal tide turns she seeks reconciliation)

I'm not saying this to defend the marriage. (if you decide to go.... then go) but this on the surface seems to be a woman fraught with an emotional surge just going a bit too far. Many times the legal hurdles to dissolving a marriage seem to moderate the progression for women in these situations.

I normally would also not claim (in this situation) that her actions set a limitation on the longevity of the marriage. This situation is common enough that some marriages are seen to recover some not.

So first decide if you want to stay in this marriage or not. If you don't decide to stay go for full divorce no stop no allowing her pleading to dissuade you.

If you decide to stay, you probably need to plan on having 1-2 or more kids at like 3 year increments... the 2nd and 3rd times will NOT have these hormonal swings causing this behavior btw.

But if you decide to only do this ONE kid... there IS now an egg timer on your Marriage and you have bought yourself say 5-7 years more of marriage and then the woman WILL divorce you for certain.

captainchippsixx · 2024-10-30T15:09:48+00:00

I personally think you are not compatible at first read of a short paragraph.

At this point I would advise 1- don’t beg here for a chance. You need to go forward as this is happening. Don’t sit back and get the shit beat out of you. I would strongly strongly advise a lawyer asap. You have custody and child support to worry about.

Stand up for your self. If she has issues tell her This is bullshit. I have found if you stand up for yourself her tune will change. Right now she has no respect for you. Telling her fuck it okay let’s get divorced and you can be a single mom. Seriously be fair. Own your shit.

Ask if she would consider counseling only after you see a counselor yourself.

2 - you should see a counselor on your own to really delve into it- you may not have a problem. It could be her issue (past related or not). Porn addiction is a problem. But it doesn’t sound like that. Is she old school? She doesn’t self gratify herself? She kind of vanilla in the bedroom before this?
(I say this because my ex was that way 100%. Thought clean shaven was disgusting and child like, no self gratification (she claims although she changed that tune right after I said fuck it) .

Obviously I don’t want you to stress her out but she already is. But don’t be a doormat. Don’t let her take all the assets. If you are divorcing than let’s follow the law!

Mynewadventures · 2024-10-30T15:01:26+00:00

How utterly insecure do you have to be to get pissed about your spouse watching porn, especially when they are not having sexual relations.

As a man I wouldn't put up with being told that I couldn't look at porn because I would have no problem with my spouse looking at porn and rubbing one out.

disgustinbrother · 2024-10-30T14:49:59+00:00

I can't see why therapy wouldn't fix this. Unless she is using it as an excuse to leave you. She is acting real fast over a porn issue..

Title	Sudden separation
Author	McBApex
Upvotes	19
Comments	42
Date	October 30, 2024 12:27 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1gflagc/sudden_separation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/sudden-separation.1534043 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534043

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