Married man, 43 years old. Wife is 40. We have two children together, aged 10 and 13.

My wife and I have been together for 20 years. Unfortunately, our sex life has been poor for most of that time. Early in our relationship, my wife developed vestibulitis, which made sex painful for her. This has understandably had a big impact on her and our relationship.

About a year and a half ago, she told me she no longer wanted to have sex with me. We tried once about 10 months ago, but it didn’t go well. Shortly after that, she said she wasn't sure if she wanted to stay married to me.

We attended couples therapy a few times, but it didn’t lead to any real progress. After that, I made a big effort—I tried to bring more physical affection, gave compliments, initiated date nights, and tried to rebuild our connection. However, we no longer sleep in the same bed, as she says she prefers to sleep alon är been like this for years.

I’ve brought up many times that I miss intimacy and closeness. I often feel unloved and unappreciated in our relationship. For me, sex is an important part of feeling emotionally close and connected to my partner. I’m still very attracted to my wife and want to express that—both emotionally and physically.

Today I brought it up again. She said she is happy with how our relationship is now and doesn’t want to change anything. I told her that this situation doesn’t work for me—I can’t live in a sexless marriage. She said that sex is still associated with pain for her, both physically and emotionally, because of all the years when she “went along with it” even though it hurt.

I suggested we might be able to slowly rebuild intimacy in a new way, but she didn’t show any interest in that.

So now I’m sitting here wondering: Is this something worth getting a divorce over? I long for closeness, appreciation, and to feel desired. Without that, I feel lonely and uncertain about our future together.

I love my wife andshe loves me but im unsure in what way.