To what extent would you want your spouse to emulate conventional/stereotypical traits associated with masculinity or femininity?

Fan_Service_3703 · 2025-07-02T17:31:37+00:00

My GF is conventionally feminine in style, a sharp, put-together look just radiates elegance and confidence. I am also stylish and appearance focused (albeit a much more conventionally masculine clothing style), so I'd argue this is something we have in common rather than a "polarity"/yin-yang type thing.

I am VERY submissive in the bedroom, and broadly submissive in the day-to-day aspects of the relationship (eg where we go out, what we do, what our timings are etc). My GF is very decisive in life and prefers to take the lead in the bedroom, so in that sense we compliment each other.

She usually pays for our dates but I buy her more gifts. She makes a lot more money.

Lastly I am an extremely hairy man, but unlike most men I prefer when my GF doesn't shave. I'm a hairy man who adores hairy women.

ThatBitchA · 2025-07-02T18:02:26+00:00

No extent.

I expect my spouse to be a blend of masculine and feminine traits.

I expect my spouse to be a whole human and not some 2D caricature.

MongoBobalossus · 2025-07-02T17:21:52+00:00

What is a “certain masculine/feminine polarity”, exactly?

torytho · 2025-07-02T17:23:59+00:00

My partner is slightly more feminine than I would have preferred, but it's way more important to me that he be happy and secure in who he is. And regardless he's very attractive to me.

EulenWatcher · 2025-07-02T18:10:16+00:00

I don't subscribe to strict femininity or masculinity roles, and I prefer my partner not to hang on them either. There are beneficial traits in both gender roles, and I don't really think that we should differentiate them by gender.

My husband's grown into more masculine features over the years, but I like both how he looked as a teenager and how he looks as a man. We're both egalitarian, so we discuss and make important decisions together. The way we split financial burden and chores changes over time to adapt to our needs, but there were periods of time when I was paying out bills and he was doing most chores and vice versa. It's more about "who has the time" rather than "you cook, because you're a woman". He has a good mix of what people describe as masculine or feminine traits. He's capable, responsible, caring and nurturing, protective, strong he has good communication skills, he cares for others, empathetic. In terms of skillset he has pretty masculine skills related to his job and hobbies, but he also cooks well and he's great with kids.

I look feminine, but I usually do not dress very feminine. I was called both very feminine or very masculine behavior-wise, and I think I have some beneficial traits from both sets as well. I do not plan to be a SAHM, and these days I do more chores and cooking and I can't say that I enjoy it. I prefer to work.

I don't think my husband and I are complementary, because we try to fulfill our gender roles (we don't). It's rather because of our personalities, how much efforts we put in our relationship, having compatible views and values, having similar background and being able to communicate and seek compromises.

cutegolpnik · 2025-07-02T18:05:14+00:00

If they’re showing effort, love, care, affection, nurturing, protection, support, etc I don’t really gaf if it comes out in ways our culture considers “masculine” or “feminine” what matters is whether they are doing it at all.

Ego73 · 2025-07-02T18:39:03+00:00

I wouldn't really give a fuck

wtknight · 2025-07-02T18:46:52+00:00

I think that it’s possible for men and women to both be masculine and feminine and to be friends. I wouldn’t want to marry a man, and I also wouldn’t want to marry someone who isn’t also a friend.

Odd_Quit_8905 · 2025-07-02T17:20:53+00:00

The good traits of femininity/masculinity are be awesome, but I think the game is avoiding the particularly unfavorable aspects of non-femininity/non-masculinity. To put it simply, what i (and most men) don’t want is a boorish, rude, aggressive, arrogant or unkempt woman. And I’m sure most women don’t want some excessively dolled up, meek, wimpy, timid, fragile, frail and insecure boy.

attendquoi · 2025-07-02T17:18:44+00:00

I find stereotypical masculinity to be very unattractive.

leosandlattes · 2025-07-02T17:23:25+00:00

My boyfriend is my best friend, we both work, we share a home, we have shared goals and shared values and emotional/sexual intimacy. But there are also some responsibilities that are more traditionally divided between us. Like he pays for our dates, he makes more money, he takes care of physical home labor, I take care of our meals and do most of the cleaning.

As far as masculine/feminine polarity, we have a good deal of that by disposition, mannerisms, interests, and appearance.

He's an engineer (keyboard toucher variety), goes hunting and target shooting, has really male coded interests like a love for nice tools and lawn mowers and grills (lmfao), and he spends a lot of his free time either playing video games or fixing up a classic Mustang. He is also more direct and to the point than I am.

I'm a designer, I collect rare or novelty handbags, am obsessed with everything pink, and I have more feminine aligned hobbies like gardening, taking care of my houseplants, baking, crocheting, and playing "girly" games. I am bubblier and sillier and, between the two of us, I am the needier, more affectionate one.

That being said, I do not think masculine/feminine polarity is necessarily a requirement in a marriage. I just think the majority of men are attracted to feminine appearance and disposition, and the majority of women are attracted to masculine appearance and disposition.

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M3taBuster · 2025-07-02T18:58:00+00:00

When I think of my ideal partner, she would probably be considered traditionally feminine in every way except when it comes to hobbies and interests.

I certainly prefer women who are hyper-feminine when it comes to appearance. And also mostly when it comes to personality and gender roles within a relationship, as well. But I think it's extremely important for partners to share at least a few hobbies and interests, and ALL of my hobbies and interests happen to be traditionally masculine, or neutral at best. So that would require my partner to have mostly masculine hobbies.

And to what extent do I conform to traditional masculinity, myself? Well I certainly do when it comes to hobbies and interests, like I said. I think the only masculine hobbies I'm not interested in are sports and cars. And I also have a pretty masculine personality, and I'm willing/capable of upholding traditionally masculine roles in a relationship. And my appearance is fairly masculine, aside from having longish hair, no beard, and not being very hairy. But I'm in very good shape, so I think that offsets the other things I mentioned.

Practical-Monk1586 · 2025-07-02T19:02:13+00:00

As a tomboy girlie, who is also straight as an arrow, I wonder about this a lot. I’ve always had equal guy/girl friends, love playing sports/competition, do not enjoy doing make up/dressing up. Yet I’m an extremely nurturing woman who works with children etc. I feel in my natural element in both spheres. Also LOVE polarity in the bedroom & I’m attracted to masculine men. It’s all very confusing 🥲

KayRay1994 · 2025-07-02T19:07:20+00:00

I’ll answer both ways, largely because I don’t exactly have a traditional view and i could end up with either, so I’ve thought about how these roles work quite a bit - I am def drawn to feminine ‘energy’, regardless of the person’s gender - but also femininity in itself is multifaceted and doesn’t inherently tie into traditional gender roles (imo as far as masculine and feminine energy and expression, the ‘traditional’ way is just one of many). Like I personally lean on a less traditional, more I guess archetypal style of ‘hold space and anchor’ type of masculinity, I’m not traditional myself though I do lean masculine

If my partner is a man, I’d def want someone who leans on the softer artistic type. Like think of the thoughtful sensitive guy with artistic depth type, not exactly ‘soft boy’, but something leaning in that direction. Def someone on the more eccentric, out of the box direction, so not traditionally masculine at all, in fact probably leaning more feminine - but also not effeminate.

As for women, I for sure want a feminine woman - but also someone who embodies the ‘dark feminine’ archetype; think clever, cunning, has this chaotic energy about her while also being able to emotionally read others, moves with a certain grace and has a sense of performance and sensuality to her. I am drawn to and deeply respect the powerful feminine type (powerful feminine =/= girlboss, to be very clear), so someone like that would be ideal

I think for a relationship, and even marriage to flourish you need someone that has a complimentary energy to yours. “Best friends” might be a part of it, it might not - sometimes it’s romantic interest off the bat, sometimes it’s a slow burn, sometimes it’s friendship first - so much of it depends on what dynamic works best for you, what dynamic you attract and whether who you are and the dynamic you attract are complimentary to each other. Like I don’t think there are wrong answers assuming the dynamic is mutual and wanted by both partners, but they also have to balance each other’s energies out

OrangePeelPotatoes · 2025-07-02T19:07:47+00:00

I generally prefer women I consider feminine. Most of my male friends are the same.

And in my anecdotal experience, most women I know prefer masculine men.

I'm not sure on how these wants relate to actual marriage success though. Id imagine theres a small correlation, but not a very large one. A correlation likely exists because "desiring you partner" is probably a net positive on ensuring marriage success. But desire is more complicated than just masculinity/femininity and marriage hinges on more than just base-desire.

floracalendula · 2025-07-02T19:26:44+00:00

I know I don't conform as well as a tradcon would like, or for that matter a lot of people here, even some of the blue pillers. Never had it in my household growing up, don't miss it. If I have to choose, make it model 1, but with a dash of model 2 to allow for certain inherent differences in anatomy/hormone makeup.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-07-02T19:30:51+00:00

I wanted my wife to be who she was and be my best friend and partner. “Stereotypical Gender roles” weren’t even on my radar

ChironGhostHugger · 2025-07-02T19:57:28+00:00

Since I'm heavily masculine in traits, desires, and needs, I want a man that compliments me. So I'm going for a little bit of both, tbh? I want someone who I can be friends with and at least discuss the important stuff, but I also want someone who compliments that masculine energy I have. I don't think it would work if we were both overly masculine, and I can't really behave as a woman, so I go for more feminine men. My prior partnerships have all been to more feminine, soft men, and it didn't make as much of an impact as the actual attitude and personality of the man, and how close I was to him. So I would say don't worry about it too much.

VisceralSardonic · 2025-07-02T22:12:43+00:00

I prefer the best friend model of things. I’m not going to say that none of the things I like in my partner fall along traditional gender roles, but I view that as more of a coincidence than a need for polarization. Some of the things that are absolute requirements for me in a relationship break the gender role expectations completely.

I’m afraid of bugs and dislike taking out the garbage, so I appreciate a man (or woman) who can do both for me, which I know are traditionally masculine things to do. On the other hand though, I refuse to be with someone who isn’t emotionally open or able to express vulnerability in front of me, who would pay for all of our dates or put me on a ‘princess’ pedestal so that I can’t be a real, accountable, flawed human being, or who would hog the grill at a barbecue (since I love grilling), even if any are unconventional masculine traits.

I also get SUPER frustrated with a guy who focuses too much on masculine vs. feminine, because it ends up placing imaginary societal rules on both of our lives, instead of prioritizing how we both want and need to live. Adhering to gender roles because they’re gender roles is an absolute dealbreaker for me because of that.

Every marriage and relationship is different. All people can do is make decisions based on their own needs and that of their partner.

Redhotangelxxx · 2025-07-03T03:10:54+00:00

Masculine/feminine polarity is bullshit. It's just gender roles but reinvented to appeal to young people.

My boyfriend looks very masculine and is more typically male in his hobbies too (think video games, collecting figurines, gym, manga) but is also an introvert and very soft spoken in groups of people. He does not have a leader type personality and can not make a decision if his life depended on it lol, and other than for time-saving reasons that is not a problem for me.

He has typical masculine relationships to his friends and family I'd say, while I have very close, emotionally supportive, talk about everything all the time relationships with mine which is more stereotypically feminine. In this regard I wish he was more feminine as we would just be more similar.

We both have varying degrees of masculine and feminine traits, while both landing more on our respective gender's side of the spectrum.

relish5k · 2025-07-03T04:53:47+00:00

I guess it’s both? best friends who fuck each other is essentially the gist but there is certainly a masculinity / femininity polarization that makes you continually interested in each other. without that difference / polarization you go to far into best friends territory and then the spark dies down and you become like roommates.

ConstipatedAvocado · 2025-07-03T13:26:34+00:00

I'm very masculine and she's super feminine. She's a little less feminine sexually but thats about it. I legit feel people who eschew gender roles are nuts, but hey, I'm not one to shame people's lifestyles. I think people are trying to reinvent the wheel because, ultimately, they often struggle to live up to societal expectations placed on either sex. If you're struggling to pay the bills or take control or express strength then just find a woman who wont shave her legs or take care of the home or some shit. Naturally, when we're younger, one tends to think that the stuff human beings have been doing for a millennia or somehow out of date or out of touch...tragedy is, unlike even millennials (who would often end up settling into heteronormative sensibilities), gen Zers arent making the shift. Hence why "tradwives" or "redpillers" have exploded in popularity.

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-07-03T15:50:58+00:00

I'm pretty fluid in this. We're living in modern times, anyone can do anything, within reason. The only thing that comes to mind that I may not be able to do is lift something really heavy. Maybe that's something he could either help me with, or do himself. And I hope, physically defend me in the 0.01% chance of a situation happening where I need it and can't do it myself. I don't get myself into dangerous situations like that. Carry me when I'm injured. Etc.

I'd like to do the same things for my spouse if I'm able to.

a masculine-feminine polarity is needed as the primal tension that drives all humans to seek out members of the opposite sex.

Um, within reason? Everything's so extreme these days. There has to be a balance. Either spouse has to pick up slack in the opposite area at some point.

Some people say that marriage flourishes best when both partners are like best friends -- best friends who share a home, share financial and household responsibilities, have shared goals and shared values, with deeper emotional intimacy and of course, sexual intimacy.

This is my ideal relationship.

FredWest_2 · 2025-07-02T17:30:50+00:00

I prefer fluidity between the roles.

My wife would probably be seen as "masculine" by those on here - she runs her own business, is outspoken, strong willpower etc.

But at home she (and these are her words, not mine) "turns her brain off" and relies on me to take care of her. She's certainly capable of making decisions and caring for herself, but prefers the experience of being (incoming cringe) "babied" in private.

This is the preferred situation for me too. I respect how bold and focused (masculine traits, I guess) she is with the outside world, but at the same time enjoy the feeling of her wanting to be looked after by me.

I think people are all different, and should just try it out until they figure out what works for them.

throwaway73737828 · 2025-07-02T17:37:59+00:00

Ngl, the only time a marriage flourishes is when the men makes a lot of money and makes more than her wife, Its not about masculine-feminine or being best friends and fuck each other. But suppose the men makes a lot of money like I said, then the best way a marriage can function is masculine and feminine dynamic, because after you come from work you are tired asf, no one wants to clean,cook or do the laundries. So the home looks like shit in weekdays and for the baby the women looking for it is better than getting a maid, because you care about your children more than the maid obviously, but forget everything I said if the men doesnt make a lot of money and is richer than his partner

Title	To what extent would you want your spouse to emulate conventional/stereotypical traits associated with masculinity or femininity?
Author	disgruntledvegetable
Upvotes	5
Comments	72
Date	July 2, 2025 4:34 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1lq0j36/to_what_extent_would_you_want_your_spouse_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/to-what-extent-would-you-want-your-spouse-to.1556187 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556187

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