During sex, what's more important to you: Your orgasm, or the validation you receive when you inspire sexual desire in someone?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2025-07-16T21:27:12+00:00

Things I think are more important than those things

Her orgasm, an intimate connection, and an overall pleasurable experience.

If it’s not good for both of us: it wasn’t a great experience.
If it’s a great experience, orgasms happen.
If I needed validation I’d get a parking pass.

leosandlattes · 2025-07-16T21:14:42+00:00

I don't know if either is the most important. I think it's most important that I have a good time, because I can enjoy the sex even if it doesn't result in my orgasm.

I don't know if I've ever thought about my bf's attraction to me during sex. Certainly there is an emotional gratification to feeling desired, but this usually comes well before sex. And when I was single, that was usually during the talking stage. Men express their desire for you, no sex required.

attendquoi · 2025-07-16T21:17:30+00:00

Orgasm, all day every day. No point in having sex otherwise.

SnooCats37 · 2025-07-16T21:52:57+00:00

It’s neither, it’s the physical and emotional intimacy me and my husband are sharing.

Powerful_Monitor3659 · 2025-07-16T21:28:46+00:00

I can't orgasm with someone unless I feel truly desired by them, so they both come as a package (pun unintended).

I guess I can orgasm alone, but it's no where near as good. Sex is a three course meal and a wank is satiating my hunger with a pot noodle.

Crazy-Crazy-3593 · 2025-07-17T02:21:32+00:00

(As a man):

the emotional and psychological gratification that comes from feeling desired and validated by your partner’s attraction to you ...

(For me, that includes making her cum)

For me, it's not even close, either.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2025-07-16T21:33:08+00:00

I, uh, also like making my partner feel good

Ideally it should be all of those things — me feeling pleasure and validation, him feeling pleasure and validation

flexible-photon · 2025-07-17T00:02:54+00:00

I can tell you with my partner it is completely the psychological connection and validation that I experience and the enthusiasm and pleasure that I can bring to her. Admittedly when I was much younger (I'm over 50 now) it was much more about my orgasm. The chemistry between me and my current lover is perhaps the strongest I have ever felt in my life and as such makes the sex that much more gratifying. I rarely am racing to my orgasm. In fact I usually try to hold it off because it's disappointing to me how tired I get afterwards when I don't want to be done with her. She can keep going and going as a woman.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-07-17T00:44:38+00:00

Orgasm.

I don’t need a man’s sexual interest to feel good about myself. 🤷‍♀️

Already know I am pretty darn awesome as a person.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-07-17T01:29:44+00:00

I don't know what's in my partner's head, so I'd say the physical element. It's nice if my partner likes me- and my partner not liking me is a turn off, sure, but the physical pleasure I feel is the only thing I can actually know for a certain exists.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-07-17T05:42:54+00:00

My orgasms are more important than knowing I sexually pleased someone.

I think men generally prefer their orgasm over knowing they sexual pleased someone.

I think many women would prefer orgasms rather than just validating their partners sexually .

However at least online I've seen many women complain about duty sex( sex entirely centered around validating/ maintaining ur partner sexually) as a con to keep a relationship. They say it turns sex from something they used to enjoy into a chore this is for LTR though.

For hookups at least online I see complaints that it didn't result in orgasm the validation from being sexually desired isn't really a point to even consider (bc it's usually a given at least in a hookup and also not very important bc men are generalized as 'will fuck anything')

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szclimber · 2025-07-16T21:34:05+00:00

Validation. Orgasm can be reached by putting in effort. Validation can't be reached by putting in effort.

2025-07-16T21:36:17+00:00

Probably the validation. The orgasm is nice, but it's something I can get at home.

Feeling like I'm good enough to want is harder to find.

MarioWilson122 · 2025-07-16T21:38:40+00:00

The easy answer is both of course as both things are great. If i had to choose just one then id have to choose my physical pleasure.

Because technically me getting her into bed in the first place already makes me feel desired and validated so i dont really need it during the sex.

Ego73 · 2025-07-16T21:51:48+00:00

Gratification all the way. I can orgasm all fine by myself, but being given the opportunity and trust to turn a woman into a sweaty mess is a privilege.

GridReXX · 2025-07-17T00:05:13+00:00

I’m going to echo leosandlattes’ reply.

I think it's most important that I have a good time, because I can enjoy the sex even if it doesn't result in my orgasm.

Same. As long as I’m into it and feeling lusty, the sexual intimacy and sensuous connection feels good to me whether or not I have an orgasm. An orgasm is a “cherry on top experience.

I don't know if I've ever thought about my bf's attraction to me during sex. Certainly there is an emotional gratification to feeling desired, but this usually comes well before sex. Men express their desire for you, no sex required.

Agreed.

wtknight · 2025-07-17T00:54:20+00:00

Neither. I actually enjoy my partner's experience the most. If she didn't enjoy it, then I'm not going to enjoy it mentally and emotionally afterward no matter how physically good the orgasm was.

Quealpedoestoy · 2025-07-17T01:22:58+00:00

Orgasms, the rest is just an extra bonus.

selecadm · 2025-07-17T02:06:11+00:00

The latter. Emotional and psychological gratification that comes from feeling desired and validated by my partner’s attraction to me. Am male.

Women cumming from my oral, it's wonderful. Unfortunately my female peers missed it in my teens due to my alleged autism. So all I had is hear a classmate bragging how he ate a pussy.

throwaway73737828 · 2025-07-17T06:06:55+00:00

Ngl I think this is underrated but its technique for me. Ive slept with a 9 out of 10 women but she did nothing at all, she just stood there while I did my thing, on the other hand Ive slept with a 6, and her technique was crazy, like she was giving effort and enthusiastic about it. I enjoyed the sex more with a 6 out of 10 girl than the 9. Also her pussy matters as well. Most women have average pussy its just normal wideness and wet, however if she has it tight and wet, you really get addicted to it. But its rare that you see one, if you get one, you hit the jackpot.

Former_Range_1730 · 2025-07-17T06:20:06+00:00

Not sure how to answer that because they are one and the same to me.

killacamron93 · 2025-07-17T11:02:01+00:00

The validation. As a man, it’s the validation because it requires so much just to have sex with a woman. Even in hook up culture this requires a lot, but for myself I’m cut so orgasm is very hard for me to reach

For women I do think it’s an orgasm since there’s no shortage of men willing to sleep with them not knowing anything below the surface.

Confident_Counter471 · 2025-07-17T11:29:10+00:00

I’ve never gotten into a sexual situation just to feel validation. Like sure it’s nice to feel wanted, but I felt wanted before the actual act of sex and that’s more than enough validation. If I’m actually going to have sex with someone it’s because I want the emotional intimacy and physical connection. Orgasms are great but I’ve had great sex without it too

whansami · 2025-07-17T11:40:04+00:00

Of those two, orgasm would be more important. But there are other things that are even more important to me than orgasm, like the ability to be fully vulnerable and “be known/seen”.

I don’t feel like I can guess others’ motivations. I’m not going to knowingly have sex with anyone if I believe they are just using me as a convenient sex doll, but I know I can’t really know what is in anyone else’s head.

To answer a question that you asked someone else, it appears to me that men are more likely to say “validation” than women, especially reading other subs.

salphon · 2025-07-18T16:52:14+00:00

Women seem to be more animalistic and care more about their orgasms than validation or connection, which is fine. Everyone should be aware of this.

Meanwhile, we have this French survey where most men who responded said they care more about validation:

https://journals.lww.com/aidsonline/Fulltext/2010/05150/Changes_in_sexual_behaviours__from_secular_trends.13.aspx

In a large French survey, 68.8% of men (N = 8948) admitted that "sexual intercourse is essential to feeling good about oneself" (Bajos et al. 2010)

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-07-19T01:16:43+00:00

Being intimate is well.. being.... intimate. - It is the ultimate in connection - the pleasure of being together with physical pleasure.

It feels like a connection because it is. Connection serves many vital functions - reproduction is one of the most important. We are connected to the tribe; however, we aren't usually intimate with them, well, usually anyway.

As an aside - what do you call a virgin in X state - "a good runner"

Why don't people in X state do the reverse cowboy? - because you never turn your back on family LOL

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-07-16T21:18:04+00:00

Orgasm is basically meaningless. I can have that anytime with myself. Validation is very important, but mostly in new sexual partners. In my long term partner, i always feel desired/know i am desired and do not need the validation.

petellapain · 2025-07-17T04:58:39+00:00

My orgasm. Im a bad person.

James_M_Croft · 2025-07-17T20:47:46+00:00

Personally? My orgasm.

I help women reach orgasms cause it makes them keep coming back.

I don't care much else what women think or do.

Title	During sex, what's more important to you: Your orgasm, or the validation you receive when you inspire sexual desire in someone?
Author	JonMyMon
Upvotes	7
Comments	85
Date	July 16, 2025 6:40 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1m1kruh/during_sex_whats_more_important_to_you_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/during-sex-whats-more-important-to-you-your-orgasm.1557339 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557339

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