Were the guys who hurt you the most actually hot?

wtknight · 2025-08-28T18:57:31+00:00

Removed. No internal questions (men asking men or women asking women).

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-08-28T16:10:38+00:00

Absolutely not

I have dated each end of the hot/ugly spectrum and the amount of hurt is not related to attractiveness

toad-wrangler · 2025-08-28T15:55:24+00:00

Objectively, idk. But they were to me. 🤷‍♀️

throwawaylessons103 · 2025-08-28T17:32:21+00:00

I’ll go against the grain and say yeah, most of them were hot.

A few of them were average looking, but very charismatic. I suppose I became addicted to intermittent reinforcement (hot-cold behavior) and trying to prove my worth and that I COULD actually get the lukewarm people to like me.

A combo of low self-esteem and high ego.

throwawaypls2020 · 2025-08-28T16:04:17+00:00

Sigh nope. I am what people call demisexual.

He's overweight, short (5'4), his face was full of acne scars, he has zero fashion sense, and his hygiene & personal grooming are terrible. When I was dating, he was one of three prospects that was the least attractive, but he felt safe, I felt like he wouldn't hurt/betray me, so I picked him. He's nerdy, I loved that.

Then as I got to know him more, my attraction for him grew & grew, and he actually became perfect in my eyes, I couldn't even see other men let alone entertain them. I still got flirted with or hit on sometimes when I was out, and I turned them all down.

Friends always asked why is someone like me with someone like him, and I always told them I'm the lucky one.

Then D-day happened, found out he cheated on me with sex workers (had been for almost a year before I found out), and the veil of love that covered his shortcomings was just... gone. And he became this fat short unkempt gross dude to me. It makes my skin crawl when I remember us having sex in the past & how I used to jump onto him like a cat in heat.

Whenever I read men make assumptions that women get hurt because they pick the handsome fucboi, I just laugh.

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DenverKim · 2025-08-28T18:34:15+00:00

Absolutely not. It’s insane. I’ve been talking about this quite a bit lately. The whole red pill notion that if women would just date the little nerdy guys, then we would be set for life with perfect prince charmings is absolutely ridiculous. Those men are riddled with insecurity and anger, and in my experience have been the most dangerous and hurtful ones you could possibly date.

The bottom line is that you cannot determine how a person will treat you based on their looks.

One of the main things I look for in a potential partner is not their level of attractiveness, but their level of confidence. Not cockiness, but just calm, understated confidence. The perfect man to me is just a normal looking guy who isn’t overly concerned with what other people think about him.

The ones who are obsessed with their physical appearance on either end of the spectrum are the ones to avoid. In my experience, if they are overly obsessed with being good looking, then they are usually shallow and overly obsessed with the way their partner looks as well… On the opposite side, if they are overly insecure because they aren’t good looking enough, then they will be jealous, angry, and bitter. Most of them feel like a victim, and can never respect their partners because they never even learned how to respect themselves. The old saying, “hurt people hurt people” is incredibly accurate.

neanderthalcosmonaut · 2025-08-28T18:36:48+00:00

Not really. It hurt me the most because I had invested years of my life and given parts of myself to this person only for them to take and take and give nothing back. He was kind of a creep and a wook so definitely not hot. At the time I didn't mind but now those types of guys turn my stomach.

Tylikcat · 2025-08-28T16:02:45+00:00

Huh. So, the two who hurt me the most (one male, one female) were less hot than my ex-husband? (Who, at least when I was with him, was pretty ridiculous, if you like the pretty boy elf looking types. He went downhill after I dumped him.) But I cared more about them because they were bright enough for us to connect more. They were also pretty maladapted socially in a lot of ways, which is unfortunately common with folks who've spent too much time being the smartest person in the room.

And they were both decent looking. One was a little more interesting and very charismatic than the standard sort of hot - but lesbian beauty is also pretty different than straight beauty - and the other was decent looking in a slightly nerdy sort of way.

applejackpatches · 2025-08-28T16:50:36+00:00

I wouldn't say so, for me it had to do with how safe and accepted I felt. Then I have the rug pulled out from under me and came crashing down to reality. Physical attraction for me is just pass/fail, I don't really compare men beyond that.

attendquoi · 2025-08-28T17:17:26+00:00

I've never dated someone I didn't think was hot.

bluepvtstorm · 2025-08-28T17:42:05+00:00

Nope. It has been my experience that ugly dudes are the most hateful. They come in with the most insecurities and act like it.

The jealousy, the anxiety, the hatefulness because nobody ever chose them so they do everything to make you feel like shit.

I will never give an ugly dude a chance again. They write their own self fulfilling prophecy of being unlovable because they act unlovable.

FairwayBliss · 2025-08-28T16:51:08+00:00

The men who hurt me: yes, I was WAY out of their league. That’s what even made it more hurtful, because I settled..

Never had such an experience with people who also look good. It was more balanced.

wayna00 · 2025-08-28T17:17:43+00:00

For me it was the mindset, most of the time they were men that were superrrrrr insecure, handsome dudes that thought they were ugly, actual not attractive men etc

GoldSailfin · 2025-08-28T16:29:22+00:00

The worst pain I remember was from a nerd I was crushing on back in high school. And then later another nerd I was crushing on in my 30s. Both were attractive to ME, but no one else.

Title	Were the guys who hurt you the most actually hot?
Author	Dismal-Alfalfa-7613
Upvotes	14
Comments	96
Date	August 28, 2025 3:32 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1n2fho2/were_the_guys_who_hurt_you_the_most_actually_hot/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/were-the-guys-who-hurt-you-the-most-actually-hot.1560725 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560725

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