Sending Wifey Back to School is a TRAP!! DO NOT DO IT!

Environmental_Day558 · 2026-01-05T12:23:45+00:00

People with degrees have higher earning potential than those without, and she will likely make that money back plus way more by retirement
If your wife is horny around random mfs she just met, you have bigger problems to face
That's a problem why?
As does getting a higher position, starting a family, etc.
Some weird shit to get hung up over. Why in tf would I resent having more money brought into the house? My wife got laid off months ago and has been looking for a job since, you know happy I'd be if she got one making more than me? That's less bills that I have to worry about. I can already think picture all of the shit I'd do around the house.

blebbyroo · 2026-01-05T12:05:52+00:00

It depends on the situation. I finished my masters part time while working 3x a week and bring primary carer for our first born for 2 years. I contributed only around 4k a month (pretax) for those years so we were pretty reliant on partners income.

Now I earn around 8k (pretax) having finished the masters and have gone back full time (though about to go on mat leave again for 6 months). Our lifestyle is considerably better with me having been able to finish the masters and I couldn’t have doge it if husband wasn’t willing to shoulder most the financial responsibility.

And as a “mature” student I promise you we aren’t there being horny around 20 year olds lol

Those negatively impacted relationships are like anything that adds an extra commitment on a work load, you get through it. Not all seasons are energetic and easy, but all pass if you are patient.

TeensyTea · 2026-01-05T12:06:45+00:00

i think personally it would depend — like if i was genuinely unhappy with my career and situation, and felt the only way to change it was to go to university, then for sure i'd be willing to strain a relationship for it.

if i was content with work in a relationship that is otherwise fine, then i probably wouldn't risk damaging or ending it for something unnecessary.

but as a partner, i certainly can't imagine actively trying to prevent my partner from getting an education...

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2026-01-05T12:35:26+00:00

Disagree.

Sending Wifey Back to School is a TRAP!! [...] She should be working & earning, not freeloading off you! [...] She's not investing in YOUR future, you're investing in hers!!

Why does this hypothetical woman expect you to pay for her degree? When I go back to university, I'll be paying for my degree, not my husband. This may surprise you, but a LOT of women work and earn their own money nowadays. (Unless you're specifically dating freeloaders.)

Depending on the field, you may need to update your skills every so often to stay competitive. Unless you expect your future wife to potentially stagnate in her career (requiring you to pick up the financial slack), this is a ridiculous stance.

well established 'risks' of her earning more & being more educated! You'll resent her!

Elsewhere in this thread, you suggest: 'marry an educated' woman. If you're marrying an educated woman, there's always going to be a risk of her 'earning more & being more educated'. A more beneficial solution is working on your insecurities, tbh.

myboobiezarequitebig · 2026-01-05T12:02:09+00:00

Ah, classic “women becoming educated is bad.”

ivegotcharisma · 2026-01-05T12:12:08+00:00

This study included men and women first of all. And yes there was a stat mentioned about 62% of women saying it negatively impacted their relationship, but if you asked men it would most likely be the same. It also mentioned that if you already have a healthy relationship and a supportive partner you’d have more success in school.

Overall sounds like going back to school is tough on most relationships, degrading those already suffering, and slightly impacting those that are healthy. I don’t see how this is an issue only for women.

sablesalsa · 2026-01-05T13:45:32+00:00

You're married... her future IS your future. Better hope you stay in working condition.

Sxnflower15 · 2026-01-05T12:06:21+00:00

Maybe the man is the one straining the relationship with his insecurities?

SeveralSadEvenings · 2026-01-05T12:42:59+00:00

My dad sending my mom back to school is probably one of the best things that happened to our family; financially, emotionally, etc.

But my parents loved each other and were mature adults who tackled her education as a team. They understood the role swap and the time constraints, and everyone stepped up because this was the goal of everything; come to America, get a degree, get a job, live in prosperity and peace.

And it worked. 30 years of a happy marriage, an educated and employed wife, an educated and employed daughter, my dad left behind a legacy of elevating at least 2 families out of generational poverty.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2026-01-05T13:56:30+00:00

Well, if we thought people couldn’t get any more idiotic on this sub… 🙄

I went back to college in my mid-20s to get a career in healthcare.

The far majority of people I went to school with were working while in school. How do you think they were affording to pay for their classes and supplies?
Of course she’ll meet people. She would met the same amount of people if she was working. This sounds like ragebait to imply women should not leave their homes. She might trip and fall on someone’s dick..🙄
If your belief is that she is investing in her future versus that of the couple than the marriage is already on track to fail. I went to school to better the future of my family (husband and son).
Another dumb take. Most people are taking classes at the same time their partner is working at their job.

klamxy · 2026-01-05T12:11:39+00:00

My dad thought it was unacceptable that my mum had not finished school. She had to go back :)

Tylikcat · 2026-01-05T19:04:23+00:00

Ah, yes, the fail camp of "Anything I can to do keep her down and ensure my control will make for a better relationships." Which makes for an amazing definition of better relationship.

(As an aside, when my exhusband tried to interfere with my research career - this was before I went to grad school - I left.)

LaPrimaVera · 2026-01-05T14:22:26+00:00

This is genuinely funny. I did my post grad while working and shat out a kid half way through, our marriage wasn't strained at all. Enough so that my husband actually pushed me to start a second post grad this year.

I also now outearn him, judging by the jokes about me using the extra money to buy him new cars I'd say he is comfortable with that.

ComplexAttitude4Lyfe · 2026-01-05T12:09:57+00:00

First off

wifey

Are you five?

She should be working & earning, not freeloading off you.

If she doesn't have a degree, how will she earn the 50% I'm guessing you expect to "earn her keep"? Or should she just get a McDonalds job?

I'd also be curious how the trads in this sub respond.

She'll meet tons of people & have a shit ton of time to be horny around them everyday, with no responsibilities!

Well one of us did college wrong and I'm convinced it's not me. I went and did what i needed to to earn my degree and move on. If you're going cause you're horny and assume no responsibilities, you need to burn your copy of Animal House.

Not to mention well established 'risks' of her earning more & being more educated! You'll resent her!

This one... i have to agree unfortunately. I know a woman whose husband doesn't earn as much and yes, it dies lead to resentment, which he has not handled well.

the_scar_when_you_go · 2026-01-05T14:15:48+00:00

Thinking of a financial dependent - whether SAH as a spouse or parent, or in school - as a "freeloader" is erroneous. It's (at least adjacent to) the price-value fallacy. Just bc the work being done isn't generating a paycheck doesn't mean it's not worth a paycheck.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics indicates that women with a bachelor's or higher have a mean income 83% higher than that of women without a degree. The effect of that can be similar to having two less educated incomes for 25 yrs of her working life, even accounting for 5 non-working yrs. A savvy couple could build so much more wealth together with that benefit.

(The Math™ - If we have a woman who goes back to school at 25, earns a bachelor's, and then re-enters the workforce... and that she completes the degree at 30 and works until 67. And she otherwise would have worked without a degree from 25 to 67. That's either 42 yrs at [income] or 37 yrs at 1.83 x [income]... which comes out to about 25 extra yrs worth of [income]. Imperfect, but indicative of the potential.)

...

If we're concerned that she's just looking for an excuse to cheat then why send her to work? She's gonna "be horny" around ppl all day while getting paid for it. (The larger issue, ofc, is the fact that our hypothetical wife is someone we wouldn't trust to plantsit, either bc she's awful or bc we're awfully insecure. Either way, why are we with her? What's the point of trying to preserve a bad relationship?)

...

Same issue hits in "future investments." If the goal is to have a life together, then her future is our future. They're the same future. If that's not the attitude we hold, then we can't expect any of the support or assistance we aren't providing, from her. Why would she contribute to "our" future, when she's not included in it? Kinda have to pick a side.

...

Sounds like the relationship issues being discussed are things that are reasonably expected in any major life change... less time, poor communication, sexual dissatisfaction, arguments... also prevalent when the life change is having a baby or having a SAH partner enter the workforce. Is it appropriate to say that those things are also "a trap" bc they decrease satisfaction?

...

Resentment - the emotion - is a normal thing that happens when we're human. The actions we associate with resentment, like aggression and sabotage, are choices. Even if we have strong feelings, we still have to choose to do those things, or they won't happen. I'm a big fan of being respected. And respecting me means I get credit for the good I do and accountability for the rest. It would be disingenuous for me to lay my choices on someone else like that, and you'd have to not respect me to buy it.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2026-01-05T15:48:04+00:00

It's not freeloading if it's investing in our shared financial future...which it is. Imagine he lost his job, should I immediately divorce him because he's now freeloading off of me? How long should I give him to find a new job before I kick him to the curb? Or do I just make him sleep in the yard until he gains employment? Or do I just remind him several times daily he's on mama's bank roll and a slug.
So you're married, but you don't trust your wife to be around other people alone with free time? So what else don't you want her doing? Having hobbies? Going to work? Leaving the house?
We're married...it's meant to be our future. That beach house isn't going to afford itself on one ok salary.
It can, it can also bring you closer together as the spouse provided for feels looked after, less stressed, and tries to pick up the slack elsewhere. It can make the time you do share feel more electric and important. It can also really help when one spouse is telling the other how proud they are of them for working hard for the family and for the future of the family. The little non annoying bids for attention are sweet and being given the space to pursue important things for a shared future makes you really appreciate the restraint and security. After all, you're together forever. What's a few years in the scope of forever?
Education is a piece of paper with some smancy info to go with it. My husband was intrigued by different things I was learning about and we'd discuss it over dinner, but I don't think he ever resented that I got to sit around thinking about how video games influence adolescent development and by sit around thinking, I mean writing a 15 page paper with more 50+ page sources to read than I'd ever want to read. In fact, I remember him being distinctly pleased not to have to be educated.

I also don't recall him resenting when he found out my salary would equal his and represent me earning triple my old salary with incredibly good and cheap benefits. He just about shit a brick and wept for joy because it would mean so much less burden and more fun and the opportunity for him to pursue his own passions without worrying about our financial stability. In fact, I remember when I called him at work to tell him I got the job his voice cracked he was so happy and he's not that sort of dude that cracks easily.

And god forbid someday we part....I mean his chances of having to give me bunches of money or worry about how any children we have will live is now zero. We'll earn just about the same and he'll know the kids will have a very financially stable mother and place to be half the time. Shit, depending where he's at, I'll owe him spousal support and he can be a freeloading slug then too?

mashedturnip · 2026-01-05T17:50:08+00:00

It’s not a trap. It’s the inevitable result of freedom

eggsceptnllyoeuffish · 2026-01-05T17:21:57+00:00

5) Not to mention well established 'risks' of her earning more & being more educated! You'll resent her!

I'd be happy to be with someone who was more educated, and I don't care about money

3) She's not investing in YOUR future, you're investing in hers!!

I guess this implies that the guy has to be paying for her education? But she could always go back to school and pay for it herself

Common mechanisms reported in the literature: less time together, decreased desire/time for intimacy, role conflict/expectation shifts, and more conflict.

This just makes it seem like its important to make some time for each other even when she's back in school

1) She should be working & earning, not freeloading off you!

College is a good way to increase earning power

2) She'll meet tons of people & have a shit ton of time to be horny around them everyday, with no responsibilities!

Idk if everyone is getting horny for each other in college

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-01-05T19:47:46+00:00

Oddly enough, I only know women who sent hubby back to school, and yeah, it never ended well. The women I know who went back to school had their degrees paid for by their employers through adult education programs, and it didn’t/doesn’t seem to be negatively impacting their marriages.

Of course this is just my limited anecdotal experience… like yours. I would say paying for a spouse’s degree can be either a really good or really bad idea depending on endless factors, like what your relationship is like and their reasons for going back to school. However, point 1 and point… 1? (5?) directly contradict each other, and if 2 is a concern, your marriage is already over.

anewleaf1234 · 2026-01-05T22:32:41+00:00

Or she can get her degree and make more money and the family will be in a better position.

IF you think your wife is going to cheat on you if she attends classes this seems like your marriage is already rocky or you have major trust issues you need to address.

If you are upset that she makes more money, that's your issue to deal with.

autistic_cool_kid · 2026-01-06T04:03:05+00:00

Imagine wanting to make your wife happy

mlo9109 · 2026-01-05T12:00:17+00:00

Are you married to my friend? She just uprooted herself and her husband to another state to pursue a PhD at 35 last year. I'm convinced they're going to end up divorced after she graduates.

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Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2026-01-05T14:37:22+00:00

My knee-jerk is correlation-causation fallacy:

Partners who are dissatisfied in the relationship are more likely to want to return to school vs. become a parent, other things, etc.

Title	Sending Wifey Back to School is a TRAP!! DO NOT DO IT!
Author	Present-Car-9713
Upvotes	0
Comments	114
Date	January 5, 2026 11:56 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1q4jsmc/sending_wifey_back_to_school_is_a_trap_do_not_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/sending-wifey-back-to-school-is-a-trap-do-not-do.1570471 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570471

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