“Men will treat you as well or as poor as you let them” is a mindset that absolves men of accountability.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-02-24T22:21:11+00:00

while what you said is superficially true, you cant control the mens behavior, you can only control your own and set your own boundaries

GloeSticc · 2026-02-24T22:19:24+00:00

The statement, "men will treat you as well or as poor as you let them," is descriptively true, given that every individual is accountable for enforcing their own boundaries. It's equally true for women: "women will treat you as poor as you let them." It's true for any organism that wants to maximize energy ROI. If a person were to make self-deprecating jokes in a social group, it would similarly make sense that others around you would lose respect for your character as a consequence of the decisions that you make. Maybe we consider a friendship where one person doesn't enforce boundaries, and as a consequence, doesn't get to do what they want. Maybe even the dodo, where they were isolated on an island without natural predators and to maximize energy expenditure, became completely defenseless as a consequence of the lack of pressure the environment required them to produce.

You're right that it doesn't absolve the poor behavior of those that leverage the vulnerabilities of people to serve their desires, especially if these actions are fundamentally opposed to living in a high-trust peaceful society, but I don't think that this mindset absolves men of responsibility at all, since the judgement of the statement, "men will treat you as well or as poor as you let them." is prescriptive rather than descriptive. Women will do the exact same thing, the only difference being severity of consequences.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-02-24T22:52:52+00:00

Or portrays them as intrinsically shitty, immoral people

Which I hear they don’t like

DropSlight809 · 2026-02-24T21:56:35+00:00

I mean this argument goes both ways. While yes, i have heard men say that. I have heard women quip the same thing back "If your wallet is all your good for".

But the statement is true for what a person can control. Whether it's your narcissist parents, a terrible coworker/boss. You can't control if that guy is reducing women to cup sizes, but you can control if you're around him and how you react to him.

I also don't see how this advice falls far from your normal advice for men. Ie. if a man complains, it's really just a victim complex. (He's lonely, no, he's actually just lying and horny.)

A man's not a victim automatically if he is short, but he's going to have a very unfair starting point in todays dating culture. That's not women's responsibility to fix. Though he would be generally unhappy to hear about women say derogatory things about short men. Most women would say he needs to toughen up/or if he actually had a personality, it wouldn't matter if he was 4' (eg, if your short, we can make fun of that. If you're unhappy that its acceptable to make make fun of that, we can also indicate you're a bad person too!)

At what point is a victim a victim, and at which point are they just pushing their "victim complex"?

gammaradiation · 2026-02-25T00:07:37+00:00

I think this ultimately depends on the type of men you are courting. I had a ex that was used to being treated like crap. I specifically remember one time when there was a movie I wanted to see and I called her to bring my jacket to the theater because it had gotten cold.

She shows up and we chatted in the parking lot for a bit and when I said "oh the movie is about to start" she just hopped in her car and drove off... I called her and told her to turn around she was gonna watch the movie too.

She apparently had an ex that just treated her like a courier, she had just started to behave in a way that would keep the peace when bad behavior was around.

My point is that for every bad behavior that is present there are people that permit it and adjust their behavior to make it ok. If either party changes the dynamic will change.

The-Devilz-Advocate · 2026-02-24T22:16:47+00:00

If a man only cares about tits, it won’t matter if she’s covered up, “respectable,” young, old, shy, loud, religious, married, liberal, conservative. He’ll only think in cup sizes. He’s already made up his mind women are only good for a nice pair of tits to look at.

And if that's his prerogative then he should own up to the consequences.

I fail to understand the issue. If a man only thinks that women are good for their tits, it is not up to me or the other men in his life to change his behavior. We hold no power to change his mindset.

The only people that hold power to change his mindset is women. If women all collectively ignore that man, either that man stays alone, or is forced to change perspectives. Ergo, the power is to change his behavior is up to women.

You want men to simultaneously police themselves and each other while also jumping through the hoops set up by women. And if a misogynistic man gets a bunch of women, or sleeps with a bunch of women, it's not the fault of the women that willfully slept with him, no, it's the fault of the men around him that didn't cockblock him till the ends of the Earth while also white knighting the women that are ignoring his redflags.

Part of the reason the MeToo movement became a thing is because there were menusing job opportunities as blackmail for sex.

No, that was THE primary reason most people supported the movement because a gross power imbalance to force somebody to do something is a scenario that most people can understand.

But that has nothing to do with your prior statement or order to men. If shitty men continue being shitty because women reward them despite being shitty, that's not up to the men to fix it and intervene. It's up to women.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2026-02-25T01:30:20+00:00

It doesn't matter though

Nothing I do is going to change the behaviour of other people.

I can only control myself. So either I let them treat me poorly or I set boundaries like a pro and leave at any sign of a red flag

Axis_Control · 2026-02-25T06:59:42+00:00

I think it depends on the man, some men will be respectful and not treat you in a certain way if you spesk up.

But some men have psychopathic traits and will treat you poorly even if you speak up because they have no empathy or respect.

AccomplishedDot7092 · 2026-02-24T22:31:29+00:00

There's nothing wrong with just wanting sex. If I only want a woman for sex there's no accountability to absolve me from because I've done nothing wrong.

ResponsibleSwitch883 · 2026-02-24T22:21:21+00:00

This is not true.

Men will treat you as well or as badly as their values allow them

Baezil · 2026-02-24T22:38:28+00:00

I tend to prefer "We teach people how to treat us by what we do or don't allow" but it's basically the same thing.

It's not about absolving anyone of accountability. I'm sure there are abusive people who attempt to repurpose it like that or to make themselves feel better about being abusive but the popular and most common way it is used/recommended is as empowerment.

It's about exercising your own agency being a far superior strategy than telling someone else what they should or shouldn't be doing. When we rely on that, we often trap ourselves in a cycle of powerlessness where we end up getting treated poorly over and over and over. It can feel righteous and justified and everyone might agree with us that the other person is in the wrong but... it's just a shit strategy if you are dealing with someone uninterested in caring.

When being used correctly, it's also necessarily dependent on the individual having sufficient agency to enforce a boundary. If they don't have that agency, then setting a boundary they cannot enforce is probably worse than not setting any boundary at all.

LillthOfBabylon · 2026-02-25T11:26:36+00:00

Nothing you said is specific to men.

Then men shouldnt let men speak for them.

And nothing you also said about metoo is specific to women either.

Explain the relevance of the statement to my post.

Second, thats how the world works. Either social deals, contracts of some sort, sex, or some sort of other transaction.

Think about how to use people is not normal. Thats a sociopath/psychopath, someone who clearly lacks empathy.

HouseOfInfinity · 2026-02-25T16:30:11+00:00

I agree with the sentiment someone only treat you the way you allow them to in a way. It’s a platitude that generalize.

For instance, I have an older sister that always vents, upset our younger sister who lives with her won’t help with the bills. I told her that its only happens because she allows it. She never setup boundaries or rules nor does she communicate this to our other sister.

Obviously our younger sister should at least offer something. Especially when the older one talks about all the bills she has etc.

It’s not my older sister fault our younger one is a freeloader. It’s a character flaw. However there’s things she can do/say that would prevent such behavior and cause her anxiety.

Insert the man into the place of my sister. I understand the meaning and message behind the platitude but context matters.

TheRedPillRipper · 2026-02-24T22:11:29+00:00

victim blaming

accountability

Objectively, whilst boundaries matter what is far more fundamental is one’s ability to enforce them. For instance a person makes up their mind. Say Tit size. Or Rape. If another individual does not possess the ability to enforce their own boundaries in response? The outcome is going to be.. Unpalatable.

That is not victim blaming. It is objective reality. It is that simple.

SamuraiGoblin · 2026-02-24T23:44:41+00:00

Why is this a gendered question? In a healthy relationship, people get out of it what they put in. In a toxic relationship, there is an gross imbalance.

It's a non-gendered issue with a simple (but often not easy) solution: don't be in a toxic relationship with an abusive person.

LillthOfBabylon · 2026-02-25T02:15:37+00:00

This reeks of manipulation.. its like something a man baby would say.

Everyone treats everyone as well or poor as you they let them. If you try to change that... it's weirdo behaviour and entitled as hell.

AwardLimp2736 · 2026-02-25T05:10:48+00:00

Actual abuse happens in relationships, and relationships are chosen by women.

Attacking men for thought crimes , which is what looking or objectifying a woman is, is just away to hurt good men who aren't being abusive but are still men and enjoy the female form, while women constantly choose to be in relationships with men who treat them like crap because it arouses their emotions.

So tired of it.

captaindestucto · 2026-02-24T22:23:56+00:00

It's a general maxim that applies to relationships where people have a degree of agency over what they will/will not accept, not a excuse for harassment or SA or whatever you're claiming.

As for #metoo.. lol. It took Rose McGowan 20 years to expose Weinstein. In her 40s when the roles were drying up. Dozens of women would have been subject to the 'casting couch' during that time. The other prominent voice in that movement, Asia Argento, was accused of having sex with a 17 year old boy then paying him off.

MarioWilson122 · 2026-02-25T00:52:46+00:00

Well if he only cares to enter dating for sexual purposes, then he may only look for women for that purpose. Nothing is wrong with a man doing that, aslong as he isn't mistreating anyone. Which isn't a guaranee just because a man has that mindset.

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Throwawaypmme2 · 2026-02-25T08:17:08+00:00

Using job opportunities for sex? Are you talking about Hollywood?

Nothing you said is specific to men. And nothing you also said about metoo is specific to women either. If you really think men didnt do the same things, well

Second, thats how the world works. Either social deals, contracts of some sort, sex, or some sort of other transaction. Thats if you want to really technical about it and boil it down to saying you're trading things. Most deals are made behind closed doors for a reason. A ton of those actors and actresses who were in metoo were also just starting out their career. They were willing to go the extra mile basically to get roles. That was the norm, and it probably still is.

The same way women in white collar work are miserable to deal with. Because they believe they need to make a name for themselves with their male peers. So they're difficult to work with

toasterchild · 2026-02-25T13:32:42+00:00

The comment isn't intended to sign blame though, it's to help people choose to remove themselves from bad situations. It's about claiming your own power.

decolored · 2026-02-26T09:05:39+00:00

“Women will treat you as well or as poor as you let them” is a mindset that informs men of what they are held accountable for and why it impacts them.

Your move!

diaryofadeadman00 · 2026-02-26T14:16:14+00:00

> Part of the reason the MeToo movement became a thing is because there were menusing job opportunities as blackmail for sex.

Which they should be perfectly allowed to. Why should bartering sex be illegal or socially taboo? What's so special about sex? "If you want this job, suck my dick" is no different to "if you want this job, make me a cup of tea".

> Predators/abusers love taking advantage of vulnerable people, so to imply that abusive men are allowed to act a certain way is victim blaming.

Women are not "vulnerable". They're equal. Women love being equal it's beneficial and "vulnerable" when it's beneficial.

Foreign_Look8668 · 2026-02-26T19:40:48+00:00

You're right. Maybe when bad things happen, people address the perpetrator and the victim differently.

Sometimes, It's not so much that men aren't being repremanded of their bad behaviour. It's just that it is sometimes pointless trying to get through to certain people.

Even if they are held accountable, they don't care. They will continue to do what they do unless the ycare imprisoned for life for what they have done.

The lack of remorse or change may seem like they are being obsolved but it's really just that people can only do so much to deal with their actions.

Conversely, people often talk to victims about prevention of future occurance of being treated badly. That can come of as victim blaming and sometimes, it is.

LillthOfBabylon · 2026-02-25T11:28:58+00:00

There's nothing dehumanizing about casual sex.

Since everyone knows that’s not the argument being made here, i’m assuming this is being said because guys here assume dehumanizing women is just a normal part of the casual sex subculture,

Title	“Men will treat you as well or as poor as you let them” is a mindset that absolves men of accountability.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	7
Comments	97
Date	February 24, 2026 9:45 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rdtt02/men_will_treat_you_as_well_or_as_poor_as_you_let/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-will-treat-you-as-well-or-as-poor-as-you-let.1574187 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574187

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