I am not sure how to handle the situation I am in. Over the 10 years I have been married I have allowed my wife to make all decisions and basically run the family and household. I've faded away into a passive beta and allowed my wife to assume the alpha role. I very much meet the Nice Guy description. I'm highly successful in my career but and the complete opposite at home. To make things even worse, my wife cheated on me a few months ago and we are working through it. At first I was scared of losing her but I've gotten over that. We both want to try to make things work, especially because we have kids and feel like we need to at least try to salvage things. If we can't, we can't and we will move on. It was after the affair that I started looking inward and came across NMMNG and MRP. I've been lurking and reading for about a month and trying to apply what I can. I've read NMMNG, am half way through WISNIFG, and been going to the gym regularly and am in the best shape of my adult life. I started playing ice hockey again as a first step toward doing something for me.

I am still struggling with implementing some of the concepts at home. For example, last night I came home from work to an immediate shit test. My wife was leaving for yoga and to meet a friend for coffee. Before leaving she went on a rant about the dishes. She complained no one else "sees" any other messes around the house except dishes and she is stuck cleaning up everything else, therefore, she isn't doing dishes anymore and expects them to be done when she gets home. She's tired of them not being done. Of course, I do get through the dishes most nights. I am not perfect. I have about 3 hours after work to make dinner, eat dinner, clean up dinner, play with the kids, help with homework, and get them in to bed. I try to get the dishes done and the kitchen clean and usually do. I really don't want to get into a pissing match about how many times I do it (or don't do it). This dominance/calling the shots really blankets all interaction with her--this is just an example. I'm always succumbing to her demands or complaints. Any push back is met with severe disagreement and no matter how justified or "correct" I feel, she never sees things from my perspective. I never "win" any disputes. If I ignore her shit tests or try to joke as a response, she tends to get angry, and adds that to her list of things to rant about.

Sex feels like an impossible situation too. We'll have sex about once a week, which is "fine with her". I used to get very upset when she would say no but learned quickly how big of a mistake that was. I've been working to not get angry or feel let down/disappointed when she says no. I also feel like I am in a lose/lose situation when it comes to my reaction to a hard no. Based on sidebar reading, if rejected I shouldn't get upset and I should stop giving her attention. This tends to backfire because as soon as I don't snuggle or stop paying attention to her she throws it in my face and says it isn't going to help her "want me". "How can you want sex one second and then ignore me the next second." How do you stop giving her attention after a hard no without appearing butthurt? Especially in this context where we are in bed about to watch an episode of Game of Thrones. Just laying there not talking/touching makes me appear angry/upset to her but really I am trying to give the impression of IDGAF. I've told her that I am not mad but I do want sex more than once a week.

What am I missing or doing wrong?