Do men and women just have completely opposite attitudes towards sex? (for some aspects)

SmeggingRight · 2019-08-20T16:13:18+00:00

Q4A: Can you rationalize why the opposite sex feels the way they do as described in the above two major paragraphs

Simple.

Sex is harder to get for guys. Therefore, any sex is a positive.

Sex is easy to get for girls. They prefer relationships. Therefore, they want quality sex with a quality guy.

screenmagnet · 2019-08-20T16:34:23+00:00

These guys love the idea of being used for sex; they are thrilled at the idea of women seeing them as a walking dildo. They don't even care if they want a relationship from the woman, because getting sex is either all they wanted anyway, or good enough even without a relationship.

Sure, this is what men say, at least initially. And they may even believe it, because they’ve never been confronted with that situation before. But my experience has repeatedly told me otherwise. Fuckboys love to dish it out, but they sure can’t take it. Not from a girl whose opinion actually matters to them. All of a sudden, kissing, cuddles, feels, and commitment becomes the price you have to pay for his dick.

There is an element of truth to what you are saying, though. Most men don’t mind being used for sex, as long as they never saw the woman as LTR-material, in the first place. But women almost universally hate the feeling of being used for sex, regardless of how they feel about the man. Even if she knows she would use him for sex, she still gets offended by the thought of being used by him for sex.

Seroriman · 2019-08-20T15:58:41+00:00

Women and men are in fundamentally different positions - young, hot women have a lot more options and get to pick, to some extent - but they also face a lot of opportunity cost. Whenever they have sex their physical risks are higher (pregnancy, pair-bonding to undesirable men for virgins and low-N, STD which they are both more likely to contract and which sometimes have more severe effects on them). While they may enjoy better sex then men, bad sex is also a lot worse for them and there is no guaranteed "baseline" of satisfaction.

Also: If they have sex with one guy there is a fair chance it's gonna drive away a few others (which is why women are discreet with their casual sex, especially if they - often correctly - assume people would disapprove). Especially if they fuck someone who is really low-value in the eyes of other men.

So....women have a lot more options, but also have to pick a lot more carefully if they want to have good results. And much of it is plain biology, which drives these differences.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-08-20T13:02:46+00:00

Women are very vulnerable during sex. They are naturally in the submissive, less powerful position. Being penetrated is just inherently different than penetrating. It’s just riskier all around for women too and because of all this, women make it out to be a bigger deal than men.

“The only bad blowjob is no blowjob” or whatever the saying is. That mindset just doesn’t exist among women really. It’s 100 times more serious for women. Don’t listen to women when they say “SeX Is nOt a bIg dEaL,” because it’s certainly not how they act. They say that because they don’t want to be slut shamed or whatever (and fair enough I guess), not because they actually believe what they are saying.

Texastentialism · 2019-08-20T14:18:20+00:00

Men and women have entirely different experiences of sex and sexuality, so naturally they have different attitudes toward it.

When you boil it down the major underlying difference is spontaneous vs. responsive sexuality. This undergirds the difference in male and female response to the things mentioned in your OP. Add to that the fact that women pay a greater biological cost (pregnancy) and the fact that "bad sex" for us is not just boring and unsatisfying but often painful and violative, and it's not hard to see why we feel differently about it sex qua sex than men do.

Female_urinary_maze · 2019-08-20T16:29:01+00:00

I think the idea that men don't mind harassment is probably bullshit. It could bother them plenty without us hearing about it, because our culture doesn't take the idea of a woman harming a man seriously and treats men like indiscriminate sex monsters.

A mate of mine receives unsolicited nudes and he sure as heck doesn't appreciate it.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-08-20T17:03:41+00:00

First, men don’t get emotional pleasure from negative attention and playing the perpetual victim. So, right off the bat, major difference between men and women.

Secondly, apples and oranges. The way most women express sexual attention towards men is very different from how most men express sexual attention towards women. I don’t mean verbally and soft bullshit like that.

For example, I was at club Liquid in Las Vegas. I was in the pool, alone, just having a drink. This group of girls comes up to me. The fat one starts talking to me. How did she initiate the conversation? She said something to the effect of, “I’m getting married tomorrow. You look like you have a nice butt, would you mind if I feel it?” I said, sure. She put her hands inside my swim shorts and skin on skin felt up my ass. This was a total stranger.

Now... plenty of excuses and ways to reframe what actually happened. But what actually no BS happened on my end? I’m sitting there looking to have a good time. I’m clearly no way in hell interested in having sex with the girl who approached me. But, she’s still a person, and I realize that she’s just looking to have a good time. She didn’t just grope me. She didn’t just walk up to me and say something like, “I hope you like girls with experience riding motorcycles, because I’m going to ride that face so good ... blah blah blah.” What did she do?

She showed me she’s just having a good time. She showed me that she just wants to feel up a guy’s ass. Even though I had zero interest in her and would never have sex with her, I had no stick up my ass, so whatever, knock yourself out. So I let her grab my ass. I didn’t think she would put her hands inside my swim shorts. But, whatever. She was going to grope my ass with my permission anyway, so, whether it was in or out of my swim shorts, same difference.

What is so “offensive” about that? Nothing. It’s someone who finds you to be attractive. How is that cause for offense? Even if a swarm of women gathered around me and were like, “Oh, the only thing you’re good for is sex. You’re just a walking dildo. Show us your dick, etc.” I wouldn’t be offended or bothered. I know who I am. I have degrees, honors, a career, major cases under my belt. So, I don’t take objectification personally or negatively. To me, it’s just people acting stupid and just looking to have fun.

But there’s something else that’s also going on in the background. It’s like a contract ... it’s not just about what’s there, but also about what’s not there that’s important!

I know that women are unlikely to suddenly and unpredictably escalate, so I don’t anticipate or expect to be surprised; and,
I’m never afraid for my physical safety.

If that fat woman looked like the girl in the poster of the wanted serial rapist on the loose, and she was 6’11” and 480lbs, it would be a very different story.

What irritates me is when women are like, “omg, I’m so offended, eww, so disgusting when guys behave that way, blah blah blah.” It’s like, bitch, calm your nipples. He literally just said, “Hey, is this seat taken?”

I can’t imagine the level of narcissism it would take for me to look at another human being, who just happened to be born with different genitals, and think, “Eww, she just asked to grab my ass, fucking gross, what a creep, I’m so disgusted and offended right now like omg I can’t even!”

That being said ... that being said ...

I’m sure we’ve all seen guys and felt a cringe at something objectively disgusting or offensive.

I remember walking off the subway one day, and this guy just groped this woman’s boobs and ran off laughing.
this other time, I was sitting outdoors in a café, and this guy just walks up to a girl sitting next to my table and is like, “I’m gonna jerk off to you tonight, and you’re going to be my bitch,” and then just walked away smiling.

Now, imagine going through that just once a month ... since age 15. Now you’re 22. That’s 96 such experiences you have. “A” girl walks up to you. She’s obviously attracted to you. But you’re not flattered. You’re scared, because she’s twice your size. You’re also scared, because you have no idea how unpredictable she might be. You’re also scared, because you don’t know what’s going to come out of her mouth and where she’s going to try and take the social situation or interaction. All she says is, “Hey, sorry, you looked so fucking hot and gorgeous, I just had to come over and say hello to you. I’m Amanda.”

Nothing objectively offensive or disgusting. But it triggers all those prior experiences in your mind. All of a sudden, you associate all those prior feelings and experiences with Amanda. Now, Amanda “is” how she makes you “feel,” which is offended, disgusting and unsafe. Amanda is “creepy.” You want to get away from Amanda.

That doesn’t make how you feel “the objective truth” about Amanda. Just because you feel like Amanda is disgusting, offensive, creepy, etc., doesn’t mean that she actually is all those things, objectively. Your feelings are not objective truth and reality. But nevertheless, your feelings do motivate you to run away and to reframe what happened and backwards rationalize it into memory. Amanda didn’t make you feel those things ... Amanda was those things ... which means that Amanda is now experience number 97, which as you can imagine, creates a downward spiraling vicious cycle with every new woman you meet and interact with.

White matter density vs. grey matter volume. Totally a function of how the male and female brain process information, store memories and recall memories.

tia-now · 2019-08-20T17:02:17+00:00

I'm kind of jaded on the subject, but I think *part* of it comes down to men being more starved for baseline validation. Even a relatively attractive man doesn't get a lot of overt attention from women, so their "goal" (being wanted sexually) is relatively lower.

Whereas women for the most part are in a position to take it for granted, and they do. Just like the wealthy are more likely to say, "money isn't that important". It's another symptom/example of "sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive"

Violetta311 · 2019-08-20T17:57:32+00:00

Believe me, if women were guaranteed to have multiple orgasms whenever they had random sex, they would be way more into it. But from what I hear, women often don’t get even one orgasm from one night stands. I don’t do ONS and THE reason is that I’m not spreading my legs without a guarantee of satisfaction. Also, bad sex for a woman often means physical pain. I’m not risking that. I’m worth more. It’s worked out for me well, I haven’t had mediocre sex, let alone bad sex, in 15 years.

azngirl7689 · 2019-08-20T13:52:28+00:00

Men catch feels too. They initially like the fuckgirl until they realize she’s only there for sex. As far as the other stuff- try getting that shit 500x a day and see if you like it. No one in reality likes being treated like a hole/dildo.

DrTushfinger · 2019-08-20T13:17:58+00:00

Women go for quality, men for quantity. Because if this women have choices, this is pretty basic stuff though. We are incredibly complex animals and relationships are layered with nuance.

QueenCousland86 · 2019-08-20T15:06:44+00:00

Women, for the most part, do not like to be objectified. A man who is catcalling you, groping you, or sending you unsolicited pictures of his dick isn't doing it because he likes your personality. He's doing it because he's thinking of you as nothing but a vagina to which he'd like to have access. He's thinking of you as less than human, which is fuckin' insulting.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-08-20T14:06:13+00:00

I don’t care how hot he is, groping me without my consent is sexual assault and catcalling is harassment. If Brad Pitt did it to me I would be me-tooing to the news media and calling up Gloria Alred.

AxeLond · 2019-08-20T15:54:46+00:00

Listen, say you're playing a online game and there's one team attacking and one team defending. You can be randomly assigned to be the attacking or defending team, and how you play the match will greatly depend on whether you're attacking or defending. You can play however you want, but there's an optimal strategy for each role and how you think about the game will depend on what role you're currently playing and if you practice enough you can become a really good attacker, but still be a terrible defender.

In this scenario there's no difference between people playing an attacking role or defending role, the game literally decides this for you by a coin flip, and everyone have to play each role 50% of the time. If a person is currently attacking or defending it tells you Nothing about them as a person. Everyone who plays attack love X, and people who play defend all hate X, it makes no sense, because the roles will be switched around just 30 minutes later.

I don't know if that analogy makes sense, but there's a lot of dynamics that influences how each gender role should act, men can become 2x as strong as women, there's 107 males per 100 women born. How you play the game will be different depending if you're a man or a woman, and even if all men act the same way then that's probably more due to it being the optimal thing to do, rather than any fundamental difference between how men and women think.

villanelle23eve · 2019-08-20T18:44:15+00:00

Sex is a bigger investment for women than men, so they get upset at lower returns. Like another user said, nobody likes being objectified, not if they value the personhood of the other person.

As for harassment, you can't separate attractiveness from the discussion of harassment. A lot of guys who say they wouldn't mind being catcalled by women seriously don't take into account that unattractive women exist, or are women. There even were a couple of studies about the lack of awareness men have about the women around them.

Fact is, women get catcalled by unattractive men, in a way that is objectifying and creates a threatening atmosphere. Men imagine this as cute anime girls saying how cute he is like in Ouran Highschool. It's implausible to find a guy hot who's saying "plupluplu gragrada!" to you like you're a chicken, or saying that your ass is like a trashcan and he'd like to put his junk in it, no matter how much time he spends at the gym. Do you get that?

It's categorically something guys shouldn't do. If a really hot guy did it, idk how a woman would react, but at some level he's violating boundaries set by society and that's a red flag.

ComplexProjection · 2019-08-20T13:21:07+00:00

You are giving too much credit to what women are saying. You should look more to what women are doing.

When a woman says she does not like being catcalled, ask her how she would react if Brad Pit was doing it. You'll understand then that being catcalled is not the problem. Being catcalled by man she does not find attractive is the problem. This is true for all your example. Women are as interested in sex and in whoring around as men, but they are more picky with who they want to do it.

Moreover, a lot of women are now riding a lot of cocks, but to "preserve" their reputation, will say things like "I was used", "I wanted much more", "Where are all the good men". Believe none of that. Women who don't want to ride cocks don't do it, simple as that.

wtknight · 2019-08-20T13:53:05+00:00

Not really. The differences stem from thirst levels and from power differentials. If a woman is with a man who she is strongly attracted to and who she feels safe with, she will have the desires of and often act like a man sexually, although the female sex drive tends to work reactively rather than proactively.

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Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-08-20T17:14:18+00:00

yes? lol

skystar86 · 2019-08-20T17:23:12+00:00

I wouldn't feel harassed by unsolicited nudes of a man or a woman even if I wasn't into the person. I'd just think meh and click out. What's this mean?

Whiteliesmatter1 · 2019-08-20T18:10:44+00:00

Yes in many ways men and women are yin and yang. Part of it is self-perpetuating, and part of it is innate.

rus9384 · 2019-08-20T20:09:51+00:00

Women hate harassment when something deey inside them makes them being afraid. Even (and I would say especially, if he is muscular) an attractive man can cause that feeling.

As for fuckbois thing, well, girls are taught to value relationships and not value sex outside of them, boys are not.

cloudnymphe · 2019-08-21T00:06:25+00:00

I don’t think think the major difference here is that men and women inherently have different attitudes towards casual sex. But that usually when women complain about the fuckboy man who’s only using them for sex, the guy in question is usually a super shitty selfish sex partner and thinks sex is all about him and doesn’t care about her pleasure. Hence feeling “used”. Vs when men talk about fuckgirl women, the women is usually at least a decent sex partner and is satisfying them in that aspect. But I still know men who have been very upset and hurt about a women using them for sex and not wanting to date them, men catch feelings too and have emotional intimacy needs beyond sex.

trail22 · 2019-08-21T00:41:13+00:00

I think there is a parallel between being frined-zoned and being pumped and dumped.

gorpadorp · 2019-08-22T00:43:13+00:00

Troll account is obvious

DrTushfinger · 2019-08-20T14:57:45+00:00

Opposite attract you feel me? We can be opposite but then we are opposite of our opposites because there is a double-switch. Yes I am saying the stereotype of “fuckboyitis” is applicable to women. And the stereotype of being the mature partner who isn’t so immediate about sexuality is applicable to men. Actually we are all driven by our biological wiring to pass on our genes, it’s sex sex sex everywhere, it’s a question of individual personality how much you disengage from it.

Title	Do men and women just have completely opposite attitudes towards sex? (for some aspects)
Author	throwaway32242
Upvotes	27
Comments	141
Date	August 20, 2019 12:56 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/csych3/do_men_and_women_just_have_completely_opposite/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-men-and-women-just-have-completely-opposite.254361 https://theredarchive.com/post/254361

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