Do you think a woman is better or worse off for not engaging in "hookup culture?"

sublimemongrel · 2019-03-08T18:15:15+00:00

It mitigates it, not eliminates it. Obviously the more time you spend getting to know each other the more you can glean whether you’re on the same page. But it’s not perfect or fool proof, nothing regarding dating or sex relations is.

Also it’s not that drastic. If a man can’t “wait” until I’m ready so be it, plenty of other men I find equally attractive will. Although personally that has never happened to me. Every guy I wanted I had sex on my timeline the first time.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-08T18:18:59+00:00

making him wait doesn't solve the problem of him losing interest once he gets it

no it doesnt "Solve" it any mor ethan policing "solveS" that crime happens. it MITIGATES it.

here about where exactly this "hurt" is coming from.

catching feels from sex and being dumped

the hope of the strategy is, and it is the most time honored female strategy, that the male will develop an attachment to the woman if he dates her without sex for X amount of time an dbe more reluctant to dump her or be sufficiently enamored of her non sexual company to want to stay with her

I think this strategy disqualifies many otherwise desirable men who don't have the patience to wait.

it is this way by design. there are pretty much ONLY benefits to the female imperative from catching and marrying a husband willing to wait on you. not making men wait serves the male imperative

you all rail about womens N-counts lol the quickest way to rack up an N count WITHOUT being a bar whore is to give sex to men youre TRYING to have LTRs with too soon

this is the eternal dance of mutually antagonistic male and female imperatives

whichbladeN · 2019-03-08T18:14:29+00:00

If she doesn't have an urge to do it, then she's obviously better off having never slept around.

Because on the off chance she wants to be with someone who doesn't like sluts, she passes the checklist.

But if there's an active desire to have strange dick, then obviously a woman would have to weigh the pros and cons of short term gratification vs long term effects on interpersonal relationships.

OR they could just lie about their sex life. But most people don't want to live their life constantly telling a lie.

boomcheese44 · 2019-03-08T18:25:13+00:00

for why women make men wait for sex. However, making him wait doesn't solve the problem of him losing interest once he gets it and it creates the problem that he might think you are not into him and move on. Also, I think this strategy disqualifies many otherwise desirable men who don't have the patience to wait. It seems to me that the benefits of making men wait don't outweigh the costs.

Waiting definitely helps because it will quickly filter out the lower effort guys and there are soo many of them.

Even if he leaves me later I would feel less bad because at least I made him work for it.

Why do qualified men not have the patience to wait? If he can't wait 2-4 dates (2-4 weeks MAX) then he's got patience issues and he's NOT qualified to be a good long term partner (certainly not in my eyes).

If he's feeling horny he can jerk off or something geez. Go watch porn.

philomexa · 2019-03-08T18:48:52+00:00

The hurt is catching feelz and getting dumped, or worse, becoming pregnant by a man with zero life mate/fatherly attributes.

Birth control and abortions exist, but human error and fallibility inject a margin of error that some women (like myself) find intolerable.

I can't say if other women are better or worse off in hook up culture, some manage the risk in stride and others find the entire premise repulsive. The women who can't manage the risk (of being hurt or getting pregnant by a non-ideal mate) should probably shy away from hook up culture and just stick with monogamy.

If women didn't benefit from making men wait, it wouldn't a viable mating strategy. But apparently it does work, so women will continue to do it for their benefit.

Every man I've slept with has gone through a waiting stage where I suss out his values, capabilities, compatibility, and sincerity. I didn't want to get pregnant, but I also know BC fails and humans are cowards. If I'm going engage in an activity that has a moderate risk of blowing up my entire life, I'm going to choose my activity partners carefully.

Electra_Cute · 2019-03-08T18:25:00+00:00

In general I would think that most people would be worse off engaging in it because it seems there is a lot of problems in "hookup culture".

beachredwhine · 2019-03-08T22:34:27+00:00

A significant portion of people lose respect for a person after hooking up with them. There's actual research indicating this.

I, like most women, am cognizant of this. Holding off on having sex seems to effectively weed out prospective partners who are only looking for or too heavily prioritize sex. If someone can wait for sex with no guarantee of if or when it will happen, it instills a sense of security for the relationship in the woman.

kandyapplez · 2019-03-08T20:11:35+00:00

Also, I think this strategy disqualifies many otherwise desirable men who don't have the patience to wait

a woman who is in the position to disqualify some desirable men is probably also in the position to attract other desirable men who are okay with her standards. she doesn't need to engage in hooking up if she doesn't want to. men are not an endangered resource

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-03-08T18:15:40+00:00

Do you think a woman is better or worse off for not engaging in "hookup culture?"

I think this depends on the woman. The type of morals and values she grew up with and what not. Some women might benefit, others, like myself, would probably not.

[deleted] · 2019-03-08T18:54:23+00:00

I think women who engage in the hookup culture tend to fare better in general, since they tend to have more guys on their list who they can talk to/date, and they tend to be more extroverted.

goatismycopilot · 2019-03-08T19:02:30+00:00

Depends on what you want. Some women might enjoy hook up culture if they can do so without becoming overly attached and they are having fun, I say go for it. But many women find it difficult to have sex without having feelings of attachment that might not be reciprocated and that lack of reciprocation is where the "hurt" comes from. Many women hook up hoping for something more and when it does not happen they have hurt feelings.

I am not going to tell other laydee people what they should or should not feel about hook up culture, I know it is not for me and I am easily distracted by work and studying for a couple of stupid work certifications, meeting up with my friends, doing gym and yoga shit, I do not feeling like I am missing out on hook up culture. If you can give zero fucks do it, I am not that person.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-03-08T22:22:27+00:00

Worse.

Simply, there's more risks of STDs, ending up in dangerous situations and many just end up frustrated and lonely.

And of course I'm going to address the elephant in the room and go ahead with the fact that many men will simply reject sluts for being sluts.

poppy_blu · 2019-03-09T01:37:34+00:00

“Don’t make men wait because you’re being manipulative but don’t fuck men because then you’ll be a slut and we hate sluts.”

That good old manosphere logic. I’m starting to think their biggest problem isn’t personality after all, it’s that they’re just fucking stupid.

GridReXX · 2019-03-09T06:27:29+00:00

Most women don’t have scarcity mentality.

So a man who wouldn’t wait for her to trust they are on the same page isn’t a loss. If anything it’s validating.

Plus most women know what it’s like when a man actually likes you. He doesn’t just “leave” because you two didn’t have sex on day 2.

[deleted] · 2019-03-08T22:10:59+00:00

In the hurt more than help camp. Commitment came before sex, and it was easy to suss out bullshit artists because they have no sensitivity to where you're at mentally or emotionally, the least clue about the reality of where the relationship is at, how much attraction or sexual tension is actually present on the woman's part, etc. They just wanna stick their dick in you and only get excited at the prospect of an opportunity to do so. It's not rocket science, men (especially young ones) are not socially savvy enough to hide it. They vet themselves out and should go pump and dump elsewhere. Regardless of n-count and "broken pair bonders" I don't have any interest in a guy who makes decisions like commitment based on which way the wind is blowing his dick. Fickle, inconsistent, and frankly easy to manipulate with a strategic amount of skin showing let alone actual sex. Hard pass on sexing someone like that in the hopes of keeping him around. If I was all in though there was no arbitrary waiting period for appearances.

Mitigating risk doesn't remove risk entirely. It does make the potential good things and people much shinier, and keeps the turds pumping and dumping in their lane.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-03-08T22:14:03+00:00

I could more easily hook up with some rando that I didn’t care about than a guy I actually did care about. Feels are real. The guy who waited the longest was my husband and I would say that on some level both of us were somewhat hesitant. We had been friends a long time and I know we were both wondering about getting into a relationship before Thanksgiving and didn’t have sex until the week after New Years. We both had major feels and neither one wanted to screw up either the potential relationship or the long standing friendship.

Ubermensch-1 · 2019-03-08T22:32:06+00:00

It depends. There are female nymphomaniacs out there that get off on promiscuity, and hooking up represents an easy way to fill that urge.

That being said, I think the average person, male or female but especially female, proclaims to like sex far more than they actually do. For instance, lots of women who "like sex" aren't willing to ask out or approach men, which is how they'd go about getting sex, so they evidently don't like it that much. Lots of young, millennial women use "liking sex" as a pretense for hookups, when in reality, what they are seeking is emotional validation and attention from men, which is why they aren't willing to ever make the first move. Those women are worse off for hooking up since they don't get what they're after from the shallow nature of ONS, but you'd be hard-pressed to get them to admit it.

This is also likely the reason that many women will hook up with guys for a ONS, then try to continue talking to the guy after is the deed is done, even though the guy is already emotionally checked out by the following morning. They view sex as the key to getting into a relationship, which it's not, and which leaves them emotionally drained and complaining about how they "aren't treated right" or some other bs.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-03-08T18:18:04+00:00

It depends on the woman

For me, personally, I would have been worse off

boomcheese44 · 2019-03-08T20:11:32+00:00

Women are better off not engaging in hookup culture if they are not directly getting money or resources out of the guy. A Red Pill for women is that men invest into things they find value in. If he loses interest, he wasnt that interested in you in the first place. It is a filtering mechanism to with hold sex from men and it works very well whether we like it or not.

beachredwhine · 2019-03-08T21:20:03+00:00

I think i'm better off,but i don't know why i just can't do it?I just can't get down if you know what i mean,everytime i try i just see it as beneath me or i get extremely afraid to the point my hands shake vibrantly.Is there something wrong with me?this is why you will forever be alone sara!

Maybelowsmv · 2019-03-08T21:43:29+00:00

I think it's best for me to just wait...

A guy who isn't right for me post sex (after waiting) and a guy who doesn't want to wait till I'm comfortable... are simply not desirable mates for ME

yasee · 2019-03-08T22:32:41+00:00

there's enough variation out there that I don't feel like I can make that call for other women. I didn't engage in it when I was single but that was more circumstance than anything. I don't have any compunction about casual sex for myself or others and I don't think it's inherently harmful. There are health and safety risks but there are also things you can do to mitigate those

Clit-cheese · 2019-03-08T23:27:45+00:00

I always try and have sex on the first date just to analyze her. It almost always end up having sex on the first date. But rarely call her back since I get grossed out at girls that easy. Honestly feel really hopeless and have no interest in a relationship at this point.

Venicedreaming · 2019-03-09T01:13:37+00:00

Casual sex is pretty much all cons for everyone involved. Physically you risk STD, pregnancy, fatherhood, paternity payments, life time of responsibility. Emotionally you risk sticking it in crazies, taking it from crazies, attachment, unresolved romance, bonding issues, baggage forming risks

greensilvermoss · 2019-03-09T07:53:12+00:00

For me it's just the balance between what I want and what he wants.

What I want is to have sex with just one man for my entire life. I am not interested in diversity. It's not important what this man is like. The only important thing is that it's the same man. For me there's just more fun with familiarity and stability and knowing this person is part of my life, and it just gets better over time, more natural, more pure, more true desire. A new man that I barely know is not titillating, attractive or exciting to me. He is scary and foreign and I don't want to have sex with him. It comes with trust and emotional closeness and familiarity.

A man is usually the opposite. Wants to sample as many women as possible, is sexually attracted the most to novel females, is in a hurry to bang as early as possible.

If I'm selfless, I give the man what he wants, which is sex right away, and that makes him happy. If I wanted to be selfish, I would wait until we're completely sure to stay together forever, until we're in a very stable and comfortable place, because that's what would make me happy. I'm not very selfish though, so usually I just do what the man wants and I give no thought to what I want. As a result I did not make my boyfriends wait for sex. But if a man wanted to be selfless and do what makes me happy, he would not have sex with me (that never happened).

mistresswhat · 2019-03-08T20:46:19+00:00

I feel like I'm better off for participating in hookup culture. My participation has been very deliberate and on the extreme end. I've had lots of fun and it's not like I've never had my feelings hurt but it hasn't happened that often or that badly, probably because I'm generally not trying to LTR them either.

I value sex and don't want to catch feelings for someone before learning they're bad in bed or just incompatible.

Men who care a great deal about n-count are displaying a massive red flag and are at the very least deeply incompatible with me so this way I get to chase them off just by existing and being straightforward. A perk.

I wouldn't recommend it to everyone but it's worked out for me.

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-03-08T18:26:16+00:00

Worse off because she destroys her RMV and swings higher quality dick in ons than she can lock down inflating her standards to what her rmv cant "afford". I personally think the results of the millenial tinder generation of women hitting the smv cliff at 40 majority unmarried will be nothing short of biblical

shipiaozi · 2019-03-08T18:35:01+00:00

Most people don't understand the true price of "hookup culture" or sexual freedom in general, and free market failed when consumer don't know the price.

The benefits of hookup culture is clear: social confidence, enjoyment and STR provider. The price is paternity uncertainty, male are less willingly to invest on children with high paternity uncertainty. Being initiative, strong and independent means she is more likely to cheat and don't need provider.

Better or worse? it depends on woman, woman from top class are better off because they don't need provider and could afford sexual freedom, woman from working class are more likely worse off. An average woman with low paternity uncertainty is much better than supermodel for loyal providers.

the_calibre_cat · 2019-03-08T19:14:08+00:00

Probably better. She gets to have wild fun in her youth, and eventually lock down a beta provider and doesn't even have to incur much any kind of penalty in terms of her own professional growth and fulfillment. Like, it can't really hurt.

bonersNlaughs · 2019-03-09T01:46:52+00:00

Both & neither, do you think a better worse, is worse or better, than a worse better. A rich playboys rare pullout method fail, is I think is better, than an holiday reps broken condom, depending on child maint£nanc€ and herpes.

hoere_des_heeren · 2019-03-09T03:28:10+00:00

Depends on the woman in question? It's good for some, bad for others?

But hey this is r/ppd where for some reason everything needs to believe in some weird idea that "males are like this; females are like this; individuals don't exist really and there are exactly two kinds of human beings that inhabit this planet with no further individual variance"

KikiYuyu · 2019-03-09T08:28:24+00:00

It depends on what the woman wants out of it. Personally I think it's better to not engage. It just looks like a source of stress and drama to me. And pregnancies and STDs...

SeemedGood · 2019-03-09T13:10:54+00:00

Better off.

pirulitinha · 2019-03-09T20:50:54+00:00

My perspective: if she wants a man whore as a husband/LTR, I think it's a better strategy to engage in hookup culture. If she wants a religious, loyal man, she should wait for sex until after marriage. If something in between is what she desires, like most women, the best strategy is to be a serial monogamist in late teens and early 20s until finding the most compatible partner to marry.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-03-10T20:49:08+00:00

I only like dating

The women I know who don't engage in hookup culture have a very limited knowledge of men

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Friendly_Tone · 2019-03-09T04:32:20+00:00

she is better off engaging. that way, she learns that dick is plentiful and overpriced.

she learns males' true appalling nature and gets disillusioned.

she puts herself and her friends first all the time.

males get a passing thought.

Title	Do you think a woman is better or worse off for not engaging in "hookup culture?"
Author	Mr_Smoogs
Upvotes	9
Comments	157
Date	March 8, 2019 6:09 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/aytbqa/do_you_think_a_woman_is_better_or_worse_off_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-a-woman-is-better-or-worse-off-for.256850 https://theredarchive.com/post/256850

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