Sex doesn't "ebb and flow" in a relationship. Sex is on a ratchet, it only decreases

petrichordium · 2018-11-29T17:22:34+00:00

so first off, if you really look at deadbedrooms, you’ll notice many of the high libido partners are women. A minority, but a substantial minority. This tells you the actual male sex drive is much more variable and subject to age/entropy than you’re allowing. And that even supposed high libido males lose a lot of ... steam over the course of LTRs. Basically they get lazy, and this is not all on the women. But what you note IS a pattern for higher libido males, and here is my take on how to manage it.

1) find a girl who is capable of both intense passionate sex AND also maintenance sex. Redpill men are so weepy and bitch-like about the massive supposed difference between validational and transactional sex, and they obviously have hangups about sexually confident women, so maybe this is some selection bias at play. IMo, If you don’t regularly seduce and turn on your partner, her primal attraction will fade, yes. But nonetheless : find you a girl who can ALSO give you head while she’s thinking about rando whatever so that y’all can get on with life. Women on this sub will regularly admit to getting their partners off for reasons other than primal sexual arousal (my favorite was “so he can pass out and i can finish watching Sabrina”). This is not evil feminine wiles; it is “relationship material.”

2) make sure it is understood that your sexual satisfaction is an axiom of a successful relationship EARLY on, and then live in a way that proves it. I liken it to the roof on a house. The roof isn’t something you necessarily look at every moment, but the house is fucking useless without it. If she balks at that metaphor, walk. Now when i say “needs sex” i mean you have to project a strong sexual energy. A lazy ass “blow me bb” is not going to cut it longterm. After she takes care of you... be awesome. She should associate having sex with you with good things.

3) during dry spells, don’t be a whiny little bitch. Don’t be an abusive asshole. Make sure shit is taken care of in life logistics WITHIN REASON before trying to fuck, but make it clear that having sex does not belong on the bottom of the list. If you have done all of this and she is still not fucking you, then by all means spend more time out of the house exercising, socializing, living your life.... and then seducing her when you are in the house. Redpill people call this passive dread. I call it “being a mature and grounded person who still looks after their needs and keeps standards.”

Basically find someone who is aligned with your sexual mores and then don’t get fucking lazy. Hold yourself to high standards, then hold your partner to standards at that level.

crackrocksteady7 · 2018-11-29T16:39:49+00:00

Moving in together

yeah thats not how that works, the logistics result in 5x as much banging

$event". ($event== home renovation is finished

I remember when I thought I was clever for writing shit like this. I hope you're 17 and not in your mid 20s

mindsanitizer · 2018-11-29T18:35:11+00:00

Have you been in a long term relationship, or are you theorising?

Just wondering.

Littleknownfacts · 2018-11-29T16:40:57+00:00

If the true curve of sex supply in a relationship was known to men, as well as the common triggers (committing and doing the stuff women want), fewer men would want to be in long-term relationshits (especially marriages with kids and houses).

How could they not know? This has been a meme since the beginning of time. This also doesn't take into account that male sex drive also plummets with age (though granted not as quickly or deeply as women's). Lastly, with premarital sex and cohabitation no longer frowned upon, men don't need to marry before sex. They usually experience the decline of sex in an LTR as cohabitation and kids happen, and agree to marry anyway.

Orange_Paisley · 2018-11-29T20:24:35+00:00

I see you blame it all on the woman. What do you have to say about erectile dysfunction then?

a_vanillae · 2018-11-29T22:05:21+00:00

I can only speak for my own relationship. It absolutely follows an "ebb and flow" model. Most recent example: for 18 months after my youngest child was born, while I was nursing and presumably not ovulating, my sex drive was in the tank. I still liked sex, but I didn't really want to orgasm. Now that everything is pretty much back to pre-baby norms, we still have sex regularly. He gets "validational" sex around ovulation and "transactional" sex around my period or when I'm recovering from illness. The big difference between the two is I'm less likely to seek pleasure for myself during "transactional" sex and also less likely to submit to or ask for anything out of the norm.

We've experienced everything in your list excluding menopause, but including serious medical events that maybe cause us to not take each other for granted quite as much?

Another potential factor is we were married much younger than average, or I was anyway. I was 21 and he was 27.

Beyond that though, if it's true that married sex always dwindles over time, why do married people still have more sex on average than singles (according to statistics)?

[deleted] · 2018-11-29T22:57:41+00:00

Ebb and flow is how I'd best describe it, albeit I've not lived with a girl more than 4/5 years and not been married.

In my experience, it's not always the girl's fault. My drive can lower when I'm working a lot or having a busy time socially. Also, it's essentially on tap, so I think less of where the next fuck is coming from. I can think "hmmm, I'd like to have sex" and be having it within 30 minutes, whereas when you're single you are basically planning your life around it.

I cut back on jerking off recently and that has helped steady it out. My gf knows that she is going to be mainly responsible for keeping me regular in that regard, and so far she has been more attentive.

All in all though, I wouldn't disagree with you about the milestones after getting married. I think though the idea of guys needing sex all the time doesn't fit that well as they get older.

Also, the impact of having babies seems to make it difficult to have a lot of sex. It's not cut and dry that it's because women don't need to barter for commitment anymore, that is a huge change to lifestyle by all accounts. Most new parents will tell you they're just straight up exhausted.

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nostake · 2018-11-29T17:42:19+00:00

Humans are probably the only species that has sex outside of female fertile period. This evolved to keep a male interested in a ltr and help raise kids. When the security of a ltr is sealed by the state there is no reason for women to do it

petrichordium · 2018-11-29T18:43:51+00:00

Not my experience at all. I'm 7 years in with my live-in partner and we still fuck just as much now as we did in our first year.

misiepatysie · 2018-11-30T09:02:49+00:00

That ist funny. I found in my life that men tend to have a lower libido after moving in, whereas mine was always as high, if not higher then before.

[deleted] · 2018-11-30T12:26:21+00:00

Strange mine has remained sort of consistant probably more sex now than the first year.

[deleted] · 2018-12-19T21:44:10+00:00

The way I look at it sex is the barometer of the health of the relationship.

sadomasochrist · 2018-11-29T18:53:47+00:00

This is generally true but there's ways to turn it around eg MRP. We're at it morning and night for the last couple years. But first two kids almost killed it. So we're an outlier in your data set.

More or less you're recognizing that a woman's sex drive functions for strength and genetic diversity. Women are designed to leave their partners.

Men then can respond by dominating their partner. It's sort of a cheat code in the game of male disposibility.

Title	Sex doesn't "ebb and flow" in a relationship. Sex is on a ratchet, it only decreases
Author	mindsanitizer
Upvotes	18
Comments	157
Date	November 29, 2018 4:36 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a1iwfb/sex_doesnt_ebb_and_flow_in_a_relationship_sex_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/sex-doesnt-ebb-and-flow-in-a-relationship-sex-is.258810 https://theredarchive.com/post/258810

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