Why has the balance of power in the sexual marketplace shifted so strongly in women's favor?

I believe this is one of the core questions this sub has talked about and will continue to talk about. People point the finger at a variety of reasons, such as:

  • Feminism/sexual liberation/the pill

  • Male unemployment/increasing female economic power

  • Hypergamy/decline of monogamy/hookup culture

And some might even deny that such a bargaining power disparity exists. But for the sake of argument, let's assume it does if only for the sake of not getting sidetracked.

We can also debate causes till the cows come home, which ones are relevant/significant, what came first, what effect it's had, but let's also assume for the sake of clarity and focus that all of those bullet points hold some water.

The question becomes, what are men to do? We can't put the genie back in the bottle, many of the major social changes are here to stay, absent some kind of black swan unforeseeable change.

RP thought offers a variety of strategies and tactics, but the ultimate goal of all of them is to place a man in a position where he can have relationships with women on his terms, and only his terms if he so chooses. Feminism has also advocated similar approaches for women. The jury is out on how effective this approach is, and it largely depends upon individual application of RP approaches - in particular, whether you can develop enough value in yourself that women will accept your leadership. A loser who has internalized the RP concepts but still has no self-esteem and no life is still a loser.

And then there's MGTOW crowd who believe the SMP is broken and shifted so thoroughly in women's favor that the only sane move for a man is to drop out of that market entirely. Some schools of feminism have also advocated this in the past as well. Ultimately I regard this as futile - the Atlas Shrugged scenario might make sense in an economic/political context, but you're never going to get the vast majority of men and women to stop having sex. So the SMP itself isn't going anywhere, and dropping out is cutting off your nose to spite your face unless you're basically asexual.

But wait a minute - that last sentence opens up an interesting thought. What if men focused on controlling and channeling their sex drives as the foundation of their sexual strategy?

When you stop and think about it, the overwhelming majority of a woman's sexual bargaining power comes from her sexuality itself. But when faced with a man in control of his sex drive, suddenly her leverage all but disappears! We see a similar phenomenon occur when a man and a woman have entered into a sexual relationship but haven't formed a committed relationship yet. Before they have sex, a woman's leverage is at its highest. Afterwards, the reverse is true. And once a real relationship forms, things reach an equilibrium.

It's an interesting irony of women that they desire to be desired, but nothing is more unattractive (or worse, threatening) to them than a man who cannot control his desire. A man who can be led around by his cock is no challenge, and also no value to a woman, as he can be also led astray just as easily and therefore can't be trusted either. It's the reason why women hold nice guys and creeps in contempt - a man either controls his sex drive, or it controls him - directly or indirectly.

Now perhaps it's time to bring up Chad. Us guys have a nasty tendency to focus on the superficial aspects of Chad, and not so much why. The less intelligent of us focus on the purely superficial like looks/money/status/options. The smarter ones pick up on the psychological traits like high self-esteem, abundance mentality, holding frame etc. And the truly lost look at extreme examples of Chad and look to things like Dark Triad, dread game, and power. These are all missing the point.

The true mark of a Chad, what separates the real McCoy from the frauds and poseurs is this: a true alpha is a man who has harnessed his sex drive and uses his energy to enrich his own life.

That's why Chad has abundance mentality - sex is not the driving force in his life and women pick up on that. That's why Chad has psychological self-sufficiency dealing with women. It's why he successfully builds a lifestyle that works for him and helps him fulfill his mission in life. Almost all of RP thought dances around this issue - tell us how Chad looks, and acts, and thinks, but rarely if ever touches upon the root of all that.

Now just to test this theory, let's stop and examine the commonly cited causes for the current SMP disparity.

  • The side effect of birth control, sexual liberation, and women's increased purchasing power, is that men don't need to be successful anymore in order to get laid. They just have to be able to fake being Chad long enough. That's not a high threshold.

  • The side effect of highly accessible pornography is that many men have been compulsive masturbators - leading them further away from sexual self-control.

  • The side effect of monogamy breaking down is that more and more men are missing the necessary ballast that helps him achieve sexual self-control. A wife used to mean a man could take getting laid for granted, a family meant a man had something to motivate him beyond his own gratification.

  • Male unemployment and declining male educational performance means its harder and harder for men to pursue gainful careers, rather than just a job. One of the main ways healthy men use their sex drives is to channel that passion and energy into their work. Easier said than done with a McJob or some dumbshit office job. Take a way a man's work and you take away his main tool for keeping himself sane.

As we can see, many of the social changes in the last few generations have made it dramatically harder for men to learn how to harness their sex drive. At the same time women are pursuing their own agendas more vigorously, men are becoming even more lost, and genuine Chads becoming rarer and rarer.

This is what RP should really be focusing on, and BP as well really. Having more men taking control of their sex drives and using it to build a life for themselves serves literally everybody's interests!

Now a few notes on this, to go from speculation and hypothesis into something we guys can test for ourselves in our own lives. First, controlling your sex drive does not mean repressing or pretending it doesn't exist - that will drive you crazy just as fast as wanking yourself into depression. A man cannot control his sex drive by sheer force of will - not without nasty emotional side effects. The key to sexual self-control lies in two things. The first is removing the things that dissipate your sexual energy - that means NoFap and no more compulsively chasing women or other distractions. That's what monk mode is supposed to be about. The second key is to find non-sexual outlets to invest your motivation, passion, and drive into. It's a curious thing about the human condition that the more energy we spend productively, the more energy we have in the long run. So harnessing your sex-drive is all about getting that virtuous cycle going. Some good examples of productive outlets are physical exercise, creative endeavors, entrepreneurship and developing marketable skills. Stop wasting your energy on bullshit and start spending it on useful stuff and I'm willing to bet every penny that your sex drive will become much easier to control, your self-esteem will rise, and women will notice.

Women aren't stupid, and if there's one thing nearly every woman becomes attuned to very quickly, it's when a man is lusting after them. Once you stop lusting after women uncontrollably, watch as your anxiety fades away, your confidence is stronger, and their respect for you rises. Don't believe me? Try it. What have you got to lose.