Question For Women/Feminists, Did you go through a Man hating phase?

SmurfESmurferson · 2017-08-22T01:09:09+00:00

I wouldn't call it a "hatred" phase. I would consider it a "prey" phase.

When you're a pretty young thing (late teens/early 20s), part of maturing is understanding that some men are looking to use you, manipulate you, sometimes they even want to hurt you.

It's a jarring realization, and there's a period of trying to figure out who you can trust, and who you can't.

Layered on top of this is the fact that women are probably the most attractive they're every going to be at that age. So while we're starting to realize that not all men can be trusted, we're also being approached/hit on. Sometimes aggressively.

And sometimes it goes beyond an aggressive come on. I've told the stories here before - I've been groped on the NYC subway, had my ass pinched on the street, one guy tried to take pics down my blouse. Chased by a homeless guy down a street.

That shit puts you on your guard, and dings your trust in men. It takes some maturity, and some faith in the good men in your life, to look up from those moments and see the good guys in the background - the two guys who warned me about the dude taking the pics, the one who pulled the guy off me on the subway, the cop who grabbed the homeless guy.

In essence, it wasn't about my hatred of men. It was about feeling like their prey.

LittleWindowpane · 2017-08-22T01:13:05+00:00

I was raised by a hyper alpha father who would have been imprisoned at age 18 had he been born in 1977 instead of 1943. On good days, he treated me like his buddies from Vietnam. On bad days, I stayed away from him as much as I could.

I have never hated "men." How could I? Literally every single man I have met since leaving home has been more stable and less alarming than my father. I don't love "men" - I love a few men in particular - but I don't hate them, either.

madscientistlove · 2017-08-22T06:59:28+00:00

I wouldn't say it was a hatred phrase, but I did have an anger phase. First, echoing everything /u/SmurfESmurferson said in her comment, she's spot on.

But on top of feeling distrustful, I was angry about it. When I was young and incredibly naive, I thought men were just like me, and I believed what they said.

When men on the street asked for my number to be friends, I thought they were being honest-- that they wanted friends. When a friend wanted to stay the night because he was "too drunk to drive home"-- and then when he couldn't sleep on the floor and wanted to sleep in my bed with me-- I thought he was being honest! Of course they were lying, and I was confused when they got mad that I wouldn't fuck them.

Eventually I figured out that my mom was right and all men "only want one thing"... namely, sex. And that men will use you for sex and toss you out if you let them.

And Jesus Christ, I was pissed about that, and I wanted to hurt them back. Luckily, that anger phase didn't last more than a couple years, and I got over it. Not all men are scumbags, not all women are bitches.

The takeaway is, there are good men out there, you just need to be careful who you trust.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-08-22T01:57:07+00:00

No. I went through a woman hating phase. I got it sorted out with reading books on genetics, human behavior--and also going to therapy. Just took some years. I went through a 'red pill' phase of sorts a couple years back. I was objectively sexist as fuck though.

I got out of red pill (better said, my head out of my ass) about a half a year after and moved onto more intensive hobby study after that. Therapy occurred after that and smoothed out some of my edges I still had. I don't have the best opinion of women, even today, so I attempt to understand their behavior and perspective from a more rigorous standpoint to counteract my bias. I see it as a challenge now.

OfSpock · 2017-08-22T02:24:34+00:00

More of a 'Why are men so annoying?' phase. A milder version of the 'Prey' phase listed above.

Fexa-Aura · 2017-08-22T01:15:34+00:00

I didn't date men for about 3 years because I hated them.

uto-uto · 2017-08-22T04:31:39+00:00

sure did. it wasn't a feminism driven thing, just a string-of-bad-boyfriends driven thing. it helped me for a time so i do understand to a degree, but it's something you've gotta grow out of and move on from.

GinSmokeLies · 2017-08-22T01:36:03+00:00

Yes, briefly, after I broke up with my first boyfriend (I was 20.) I've told stories about him before so I won't go into detail there. In addition to (and partly because of) that situation, during that time I also felt betrayed by several close male friends. I was also going through a rough patch with my dad, and getting over some latent issues from being raised in a very patriarchal Christian sect, so I swung in the opposite direction and did the man-hating thing for a while and got into second wave feminism. It didn't last long, maybe 6 months to a year.

sublimemongrel · 2017-08-22T02:33:14+00:00

No not at all.

GoldPilot · 2017-08-22T03:22:04+00:00

Nah. I never went through a phase of hating myself or other men in general when I decided that I self identified as a feminist. Misplacing negative feelings never really occurred to me.

I've never understood the idea that feminism or inclusive culture requires male/cis/white people to self-flagellate in order to be seen as progressive.

whichbladeN · 2017-08-22T01:41:43+00:00

No.

I may dislike PUA and TRP, but I never hated actual men in my life for slimy things other men are capable of.

[deleted] · 2017-08-22T06:42:42+00:00

I hated everyone for a while, including men. Now I realize everyone has good reasons - the reasons need to be understood and the hatred only prevents you from seeing things as clear as you could from your perspective.

I don't even hate red pill dudes. I think most of them are making a mistake, misled & fed bad information; I think the ones who exploit men by selling dumb books and telling them horrible shit to prop up their own ego would probably be bad dudes without pill colors.

damaskrose · 2017-08-22T07:08:20+00:00

I never had a man-hating phase because I never believed AMALT; if I did then I'd want nothing to do with them.

RockinSocksII · 2017-08-22T01:31:24+00:00

Nah, I usually get along better with men than women.

figthief · 2017-08-22T02:57:09+00:00

Yes. My father loved me so fully and as my attention become more directed at boys, I never found that level of affection again. I had romantic idealizations about the opposite sex and became disillusioned by them in my teens. I spent enough time around guys to see how the viewed women, and I even sensed the changed in my father and brothers when I hit puberty.

My relationships were never particularly bad. But I was never loved the way I wanted to be loved. Deep down I want a man to love me in an all encompassing way, like my father did, or like how men in romantic fiction do. Instead they "love" me for the outer perimeter of my body provided it is the best outer perimeter of a body they have access to at that point in time.

But the reality is, that's fine. I used to get mad when my cat peed on the bathmat too, thinking maybe she was retaliating like when she knocked glasses off the table. But it turns out when the nonslip part of it gets wet it smells like another cat marked it. She didn't have a "choice" in peeing on the bathmat, she's just a stupid animal and that's how she's "made".

Men are a lot more likeable when you pretty yourself up and they allow you to control them. They also gives you the best parts of themselves, which isn't their "love" it's their sacrifice. It's one noble thing they have that we don't, and it's their redeeming feature.

GridReXX · 2017-08-22T12:14:32+00:00

I went through a phase of "wow all men really want is sex."

I didn't harbor hatred. More like a disinterest in men and their antics.

[deleted] · 2017-08-22T14:24:52+00:00

no hate here ever. Men always fascinated me and i wanted their attention and it was easy to get and they were always fun. Even if one dude was someone to dislike, it never translated to "hate all men".

I don't understand or like women like that and hope they all stay the fuck away from me and from men.

shoup88 · 2017-08-22T14:54:07+00:00

I went through a brief man-hating phase when I got really into film studies and realized just how much men and male stories dominate the culture. I was frustrated by how difficult it was to find movies by and about real women I could relate to, and how minimized female roles were.

I'm still frustrated and angry about this, but I don't blame men anymore. I blame the larger system, and mostly the general complacency everyone seems to have about it.

TheBlackQuill · 2017-08-22T04:01:38+00:00

I only go through women hating phase if anything... I used to be bullied by my female classmates... Granted there are some guys who tease me, but they usually do it to my face, whereas the female ones will backstab you and for whatever reasons, it hurts more compared being teased in the face. I hate a lot of women, but if there is anyone that I hate more than anyone else, it is myself for being a fool and to let other people walk all over me... I have been avoiding people since then and learn not to expect much from other people. The guy who teased me actually I have a grudging respect for because he is an actual smart guy, but not so much for the girls... They have no substances... Honestly, I can't think anything good about women in general anymore, save for few individuals...

wuboo · 2017-08-22T14:34:17+00:00

Nope, never have. I am, and have been for a long time, in a stupidity-hating phase.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-08-22T23:01:58+00:00

No.

I had an MRA phase tho.

darla10 · 2017-08-22T15:00:23+00:00

I went through a little phase like this when I was 21. After getting blatantly hit on by my professors (both in their late 40s, both explicitly said my future could be a lot 'better' if I gave in to their advances) my self esteem took a massive hit.

I didn't become a feminist but I suddenly realized how some men could be. I fucked their shit up tho. Their wives thanked me. Hoes before bros.

I wish I could be one of those women who fucks her way to the top. I'm a little jealous of those psychos gals.

crossover123 · 2017-08-27T06:39:44+00:00

well i had more of an anti-sexual phase than a man hating phase

[deleted] · 2017-08-22T13:01:09+00:00

nope. i fucking LOVE men. I am boy crazy and always wanted a nigga of my own. Why hate men?

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FidelityRP · Tue Aug 22 1:11:29 2017 UTC

Not a woman but I thought I'd let you know I never went through a hate phase with women. I never got that angry phase. For me it was like 'oh so that's what x wanted me to say when she did y'. It just improved my understanding with how girls wanted you to respond sexually to their subtle advances.

If anything I was annoyed at myself for not picking up on some of their cues.

Since I never had an anger phase there are probably a lot of other men out there that haven't either.

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Title	Question For Women/Feminists, Did you go through a Man hating phase?
Author	keonkla
Upvotes	15
Comments	256
Date	August 22, 2017 12:57 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6v7j7v/question_for_womenfeminists_did_you_go_through_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-womenfeminists-did-you-go-through-a.266374 https://theredarchive.com/post/266374

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