Q4All: How true is this statement?

Augustus_Rex · 2017-07-31T22:05:13+00:00

There are plenty of things about high N count that are concerning for other guys I think - it can't just be boiled down to one factor. In response to your question, I'd say it's both. Here is an incomplete list of further reasoning.

If she's wild with lots of guys in the past then becomes some sort of 'born-again virgin' prude for you, it indicates a lack of physical attraction.
If she's slutty there's a significantly increased chance she's got cancer-producing HPV or some other STD.
It indicates that she does not respect traditional values and won't be able to raise a family based on those values.
Sluttiness is a great predictor of if a woman has the grit to keep a relationship happy and healthy. (Just based on the data)
It indicates that her relationships with men are fleeting and based on lust rather than love. Again, not optimal for raising a family.
There's the evo psych perspective that men find sluts unattractive for relationships because there's a larger risk of acting as an accidental cuckold. One would want to be certain that a child is their own if they are going to spend years and years providing for it (and that was a hard thing to be certain of if you were paired with a slut in prehistoric times).
As other users have said, there's insecurity about not being able to measure up to other guys. This is almost always, strangely in my opinion, presented as some sort of "gotcha!" towards the people that don't want to date promiscuous women. Everyone has insecurities - I'm sure most women would be insecure if they found out that their boyfriend used to date a 10/10 and they didn't think they could compete.

Littleknownfacts · 2017-07-31T23:26:35+00:00

I think the guys that care about n count don't realize the sex will die down naturally regardless of if he is her first or her 100th. That's just the natural rhythm of long term relationships. Unless of course they both make a concerted effort to not let the sex dissipate (which means more than whining about from the guys end). And if she is the type to keep up the effort at an n of 1 than she's the type of person that would put the effort in after 100.

Love8Death · 2017-07-31T22:01:13+00:00

are they concerned about whether she was a "slut" for every man in her life except him?

This is the typical issue focused on.

She was a slut for them but not me? Fuck that noise.

Which I totally agree with that sentiment as she'll never treat him with the lust he desires.

annwow11 · 2017-08-01T00:45:50+00:00

I think a lot of it is rooted in resentment. If a man spent a decade being unable to get sexual attention and his gf told him that she spent that entire decade basking in it, I can see how that can grow resentment. Men see women as achievement trophies as well. "I thought I had the hardest trophy to get in this entire game, but it turns out it's the easiest!"

Men like to tell themselves that only they, in their infinite raw masculinity and gaming prowess, could get their special snowflake to come out of her shell, when reality confronts them and tells them that's not the case they get hurt.

I don't think this is healthy but it is what it is.

BearSaint · 2017-07-31T22:24:06+00:00

I would say it's about submission as women submit ultimately to a man through sex, as that is when she is most vulnerable. If she's submitted to many other men in such ways that she refuses to do for you this indicates clearly that she "loved" those other men more than you. As she was willing to submit to them to a greater degree. So simply ensure that you do not marry any woman who will not submit to you fully any do anything and everything for you that she has already done for other men. For a woman you describe who was having huge orgies she is clearly not marriage material. The man should divorce her, spend time to heal, start dating again, and make sure he doesn't accidentally marry a non marriage material woman again.

Merger-Arbitrage · 2017-08-01T04:44:27+00:00

This is in reference to a man who found out that his extremely prudish wife had actually been quite sexually free and loose in her college days. The difference between the mediocre, uncreative sex he says she begrudgingly gave to him and the video he saw of her giving blowjobs and having multiple men and a woman in a recorded orgy honestly is staggering.

Is there seriously a shred of evidence other than that bitter shill's word that women somehow go from being sex-beasts to prudish wives? Most people don't change much in this respect. They become promiscuous fairly young (I've known very few exceptions to that) and then usually stay around in promiscuous circles, unless they somehow opt for LTRs later and actually manage to find one that lasts (>1 year).

Are the men who care about N more concerned with the idea of their wife/girlfriend being with other guys...or are they concerned about whether she was a "slut" for every man in her life except him?

They are probably concerned about:

1) What kind of person becomes slutty/promiscuous and/or how that kind of past impacts future behavior.

2) Whether she gives up sex more or less easily - this will indicate how much he means to her and how 'exclusive' it is to be chosen by her for sex.

3) Maybe something about insecurity and not 'measuring up' to the performance/endowment of her previous partners.

pinkgoldrose · 2017-07-31T21:57:59+00:00

I mean, technically, the best of herself sexually is when she agrees to get pregnant with his sperm. That's her ressources and energy going into his spawn for at least 18 years and 9 months. Another top contender for giving him the best of herself sexually is when she agrees to marry him, in theory renouncing all other potential suitors and swearing a lifetime of sex with him, although you cynics believe in divorce and adultery.

GuitarsAreGettingOld · 2017-07-31T22:58:40+00:00

So, my question is this;

Are the men who care about N more concerned with the idea of their wife/girlfriend being with other guys...or are they concerned about whether she was a "slut" for every man in her life except him?

For me personally it was always the former. I found it off-putting and unromantic. I didn't worry about the latter, because sex in my LTRs wasn't lackluster.

wub1234 · 2017-07-31T22:04:56+00:00

I disagree with The Rational Male assertion and I don't think the OP is quite right in the assertion about being a 'slut' either.

The bottom line is that men who are worried about N-counts are concerned that they won't measure up to past lovers, and that this possibility increases the more men she has been with.

I will be extremely surprised if anyone holds their hands up and admits this in this thread. There will be all kinds of spurious nonsense about the number of sexual partners seriously impacting on women psychologically, or on their ability to bond with one partner, or other such specious crap.

If anyone actually holds their hands up and concedes that they're concerned about it because they're worried that they will be compared to past lovers, and won't measure up in sexual performance and penis size (yes, that old male preoccupation) then they will go up in my estimation.

theother-side · 2017-07-31T21:49:42+00:00

I'd say that I'm most concerned about the effects that numerous partners has on the ability to adequately pair-bond, to the extent necessary for survival of marriage and/or long-term monogamous relationships.

And it tells me a lot about the person when they're openly sleeping with tons of people just because they can. Woman like this, in my experience, tend to reek of extreme personal insecurities and (often) obscured mental illness.

Fexa-Aura · 2017-07-31T21:45:15+00:00

It's more about the man comparing himself to his partners past lovers, it's more rooted in insecurity.

uto-uto · 2017-07-31T21:51:06+00:00

probably both. those don't seem mutually exclusive to me, and actually, are pretty closely tied. i'm sure it's a mix, at which point it doesn't matter which thought has more presence.

prodigy2throw · 2017-07-31T23:08:43+00:00

I'm still not 100% sold on that story. It was so insanely gruesome and hilarious. Just doesn't seem to pass the smell test. Like why would she keep that video?

wtknight · 2017-07-31T23:27:17+00:00

I care mostly about the type of personality that a woman with a high N-count likely has, as most likely her personality wouldn't match well with my own. I can't really speak for other guys, but from the comments I read it seems men are concerned mostly that a woman with a high N is not as loyal, although if they decided their partner was too prudish, then the "slut for every other man" thing might factor in to their thinking as well. But if she is naughty enough with him then I don't think he's going to care.

Unabummer80 · 2017-07-31T23:50:28+00:00

I'll just reiterate what seems to have already been said.

If she doesnt want to get down and dirty with you, she doesnt have that impulse towards you. Without that impulse, you run a very real risk of the sex drying up completely. Somewhere down the line you could be looking at a totally dead bedroom. Then youre beta bux and getting rinsed out for your resources. So it's a big red flag.

squidracer · 2017-08-01T05:30:33+00:00

It's she's not giving you her best, then your not giving her your best.

It's totally about fedality. Most women even in their 40s will still fuck like a porn star.

Il128 · 2017-08-01T00:09:24+00:00

It's all about male insecurity.

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the_calibre_cat · 2017-07-31T21:59:29+00:00

Honestly I'd say the latter, because preoccupation with n-count just... makes no sense, otherwise. Most men don't know that the likelihood of eventual dissatisfaction with a partner increases with the number of sexual partners one has, I gotta admit I'd be more than a little upset if I find I found out my wife who's been hard to get in the marriage was, fast, loose, and naughty back in the day.

IIHotelYorba · 2017-08-01T01:29:34+00:00

Probably both. Thinking back to when I cared about things like that, I think I was young and assumed something along the lines of what incels say about vaginas wearing out and becoming roast beef vaginas.

Frankly I think the whole "man finds out about past that she won't do with him" is a pretty legit reason to be pissed off. I wouldn't even care that she did it, but I'd be incensed that she wouldn't do it with me. I'd drop her instantaneously. Like I wouldn't even give her a hard time because that girl clearly isn't into me.

Christian_Kong · 2017-08-01T01:49:01+00:00

I do not think that is why most men are worried about N count. Theres a few reasons why N count effect men and it mostly comes down to these past lovers having some effect on "their woman."

A man may not living up sexually/socially/financially/etc to one or more of their exes. This can lead to that (a man feeling that his)woman leaving them for an ex or another man that hit some of the boxes that the ex hit. I've seen enough women in my time leave or cheat on their bf's/husbands with one of their ex'es that came back in the picture for ons, regular sex or more.

Is it unreasonable to feel this way? It can be but for many men it is about risk mitigation. If a girl has a new BF every 3 weeks and you date her, you are probably not going to last more than 3 weeks. People can change but it's not worth the risk when there are many partners that can do the same thing for you and not be a potential risk.

I say this somewhat often around here. If you are and employer and you see an applicant that has been through 26 jobs in the last 6 years. Would you think they are a good hire for a long term full time position?

Dominic_Badguy · 2017-08-01T02:16:32+00:00

Well the man who found about his wife's past wasn't really concerned about the n count but more about the sex acts she allowed those other guys to perform on her. Seeing that videotape shocked him because it made him wonder who his wife actually was. I know if I was in his position I would have reacted with the same anger. And I too would have wondered if she was actually attracted to me.

TheBookOfSeil · 2017-08-01T03:53:06+00:00

Honestly, it sounds like it could be a little of the both, and more of one than the other, depending on who you're asking.

Personally, the thing I take into consideration on that topic is the number of partners (it provides a little insight into what their sexual mentality is like; whether they have a wide range of attraction traits, are potentially impulsive when it comes to sex, etc., though, granted that a lower count wouldn't necessarily mean that she isn't impulsive or anything else. It simply gives me ideas to work with).

The "slut" thing doesn't necessarily concern me. As long as there aren't any STD's, I'm generally OK with that (though it might also tell me about her sexual longevity; if she's "slowing down," or she's constant and stable).

darksoldierk · 2017-08-01T04:45:35+00:00

It's about discipline. For example, you want to make sure that your partner didn't spend every penny they had on worthless shit right? You want to make sure that they aren't tens of thousands of dollars in debt due to their lack of discipline right? Well it isn't any different here. Men want to know that women who had opportunities had the self discipline to control themselves.

Bottom0ftheBarrel · 2017-08-01T05:32:12+00:00

The fear of not being her best and not measuring up (literally with regards to dick size) to her past lovers is what drives the dislike of high N-counts. And that obviously also fuels the fear that she might cheat. After all, if you're not her best she might go out looking for it again.

Madness20 · 2017-08-01T13:16:01+00:00

I think it's mostly wrong, and a bad reduction of the complexity of different aspects that a woman's N-count might be relevant to pick on red flags about why that woman might be an unreliable or potentially dangerous partner. Most men couldn't care less about a women's N-count when it comes to have a ONS with no strings attached, it mostly becomes relevant when it comes to men trying to evaluate if the woman in question is a eligible as his partner.

Woman's high N-count when it comes to relationships, might be an indicator of a lot of issues such as psychologically issues, emotional/social instability or inadaptation, unreliable for a long term relationship, possibly unreliable as a responsible mother or even as a faithful partner that will actually raise your kids instead of cheating with someone else and getting pregnant from it and forcing you to be a father of someone else's kids, etc.

Onna999 · 2017-08-01T14:59:59+00:00

Its his selfishness, imo. Like the girl could've tried this or that and decided its not for her? Nonsense.

LewisCross · 2017-08-01T15:38:27+00:00

Neither.

It's about the lying and dishonesty.

But if you have to choose between your two choices, it's that she was a slut for every other man in her life except him.

blackheartblackmask · 2017-08-01T16:10:43+00:00

I can only speak for myself but even if I were going casual I'd only go for low n girls.

Ime as a man it's your duty to unlock the female sex drive (by displaying prowess and confidence)

So there is no such thing as a low n or virgin girl who is bad in bed, but a slut is no assurance because just like the low n girl the sluts sex drive has to be activated which means even sluts regularly engage in starfish or Blaise blow jobs

Sluts come with other baggage that makes them less valuable (to me)

I like girls with standards, I like the idea of the challenge of making them fall from grace

As a guy my sexuality is possessive and objectifying I want to "own" my things. Just like if I were looking for a car I want the one with the least amount of owners

HossMcDank · 2017-08-01T18:23:07+00:00

I just don't want a woman that has a high partner count. Call it a stereotype, but most women I know who sleep around a lot either have serious personal issues or are dumb and unambitious.

Also, it's just kinda gross to think about.

theambivalentrooster · 2017-08-01T19:52:38+00:00

Wouldn't a woman be upset to find out that her boyfriend/husband went down on all his previous partners but won't for her?

Edit: i also remember a post on /r/relationships about a girl being upset about her engagement ring being vastly inferior to the one he bought for his previous fiancé

anoxfordman · 2017-08-02T10:44:31+00:00

Women always try to hamster their way around this universal truth. The same way you can't stand betas and get wet for Chad, we have turn ons and turn offs too. Men don't want a woman 50 other guys have had. Yes...you'll find guys who are okay with it but, you can also find guys that like dressing up in their mother's underwear.

Generally, most guys aren't okay with it.

couldbemage · 2017-08-02T21:26:07+00:00

I care about count in the opposite way. I specifically date sluts, and I expect them to be sluts for me.

artietx · 2017-08-01T18:40:43+00:00

It's both.

First of all, the more guys the more likely it is someone got it better. But also of course taking multiple dicks itself is just gross and disgusting whether she worked harder for those guys or not.

Don't forget, that in most cases high count means those were casual partners. So it's already something they got better - she slept with them and didn't mind if they slept with others.

Title	Q4All: How true is this statement?
Author	ClarityofDisaster
Upvotes	5
Comments	439
Date	July 31, 2017 9:40 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6qro9j/q4all_how_true_is_this_statement/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-how-true-is-this-statement.266664 https://theredarchive.com/post/266664

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