Discussion: Is there a discrepancy between how we raise boys vs. how we raise girls? What sort of discrepancy? And why does it exist?

wtknight · 2017-04-27T20:46:24+00:00

Girls in their early teens know a hell of a lot more about what boys want; than boys in their early teens know what girls want.

Girls are a lot more complicated in what they want at that age than boys are. That is why boys seem more clueless than girls.

LSTW1234 · 2017-04-27T20:51:18+00:00

There are absolutely differences between how we raise boys and girls, but I'm not sure this is one of them. I think teenage boys are just simpler in their sexual wants, easier to figure out and also more aggressive about making it known. No one sat me down and taught me what boys want - it was pretty obvious.

Littleknownfacts · 2017-04-27T21:23:54+00:00

One major discrepancy that I personally take issue with is the public school system. It's completely focused on feminine modes of communication and learning, thus disadvantaging and discouraging boys from a young age. Girls generally do better because they have an easier time sitting down, listening, and taking instruction. Not to mention that listening and discussing topics and themes are also in the feminine sphere. Boys need hands on experience to learn, they need one on one attention - sort of like an apprenticeship. They need to learn through trial and error, and experimentation.

INB4- you want to take girls out of school. No. I think both modes of learning should be available for all students (that way to catch any non-normative learners too). But the school system does not have enough support from communities or the government to make that happen, and so it's just easier for teachers to handle mixed gender classes by telling them all to shut up, sit down, and listen.

goatismycopilot · 2017-04-27T23:42:19+00:00

I think there are some fairly big differences in how girls and boys are raised based on class and ethnicity. My perception from listening to the childhood a few colleagues from the upper middle classes and upper classes experienced were pretty sweet whether they were boys or girls, no responsibilities, nobody had a job, trips to all kinds of places, private school, vehicles bought for them.

On the other hand I had friends raised in certain families where the girls had quite a bit of household responsibility, the men had basically none plus the girls schooling was taken much less seriously. When my mom and uncle were growing up they were two years apart, my uncle had a ton of freedom and my mother had none at all plus my mom had to do a bunch of cooking and cleaning and my uncle loafed.

When I was growing up there was none of this you go girl rah rah stuff thrown at girls, I went to a public school. The teachers did not care, nobody gave me encouragement. I was not actively discouraged either but literally nobody cared. I really did figure everything out for myself because the era I grew up in that was the expected method. As a teenager, I would have slit my wrists before asking adults for advice and none was given to me. If my parents gave me advice about anything other than "get a good job" " don't end up in jail" and the ever popular "don't get pregnant" I don't remember it at all.

So, it is weird for me to hear people complain about the bad advice they were given about being nice because I just got no advice at all.

EliteSpartanRanger · 2017-04-27T20:46:48+00:00

Girls' parents don't really tell them what boys like. Many parents say the same things that they usually say to boys. "Be a nice person, only go for LTRs, casual sex is bad, make sure you really like the person before having sex with them, a guy who cares about looks is shallow, you should find a guy who likes you just for who you are, you should keep on being nice and find a guy who doesn't care if you're fat".

Girls get the idea of what boys like from watching movies, magazines like Cosmo, real life interaction and social reading.

dakru · 2017-04-27T21:15:56+00:00

the male perspective is considered the default in our society. what men want is shouted from the rooftops. how many movies and tv shows feature a relatable guy winning over a hot babe? the message to women is: men want hot babes. but what women want-- what the hot babe in the movie would want in real life-- isn't part of the plot, it's not covered. she's a plot device, a reward for good (or heroic) behavior. plot lines that do deal with what women want are considered "chick flicks," they're "girly." they're not intended for straight dudes to watch.

[deleted] · 2017-04-27T23:09:16+00:00

Girls are taught to be polite, kind, and obey social norms and boys are taught to be daring. Honestly both have their negatives but I'd prefer being a boy. Its very apparent when boys complain in early adulthood that they didnt know about these undiscussed social rules and norms that this discrepancy fucks them up to tho.

BiggerDthanYou · 2017-04-27T21:22:30+00:00

This is highly dependent on the cultural context and varies from family to family.

But "boys will be boys" is a trope for a reason. Generally boys raise each other and girls get strict rules set upon them.

trpobserver · 2017-04-27T20:43:09+00:00

Yes.
Boys are allowed to do mostly whatever they want. Girls are told time and time again not do something because it's dangerous.
Fuck if I know.

Girls in their early teens know a hell of a lot more about what boys want; than boys in their early teens know what girls want. Girls develop faster (we're told). Girls understand very well what boys are looking at and what they like. Girls see it. Girls' parents tell them very clearly what boys like, what boys want, and what boys do. (in contrast to the parental malpractice usually committed on boys; in which they're usually told NOTHING about girls AT ALL.)

I don't think I got the manual then. I was always told to be my own woman and men would flock to me. They didn't tell me I also had to have a base level of attractiveness. Lucky me, I got to figure that one out on my own.

[deleted] · 2017-04-27T21:02:02+00:00

I don't have children, but I am much older than my siblings and let me tell you when I'll be raising my own, I will simply make sure I do what best for them individually without wondering wether the reason I treat Annie different than Anthony roots in the gender difference or something else.

throwaway-aye-rye · 2017-04-27T21:41:56+00:00

Probably, but I'm not a guy
From my experience, two things about girls:

You're raised with kiddy gloves. Be nice, don't make a fuss, be clean, the world is rainbows. All of this is propagated by the fact that if you get hurt, usually someone will come and help you, since being idealistic, sweet, and nice is very good for making emotional support networks. The downside is that since most girls are naturally not very decent or smart; humans in general are not very decent or smart, so you end up with Tumblr-type social advocates who don't really know what they're going on about, lack of ambition, clingyness, perfectionism, etc. The benefit is that most girls aren't socially inept, 'cause if you're a complete loner and a girl, you might not live to own a house and be an adult. This isn't to say that guys aren't the same, of course, but it's just a process for girls that kinda makes sense.

The second is that girls are hounded by everyone to settle down at a really early age. So at a very early age you start learning how to be a good judge of character. By good I mean, has job, has good habits not a drug habit, passionate, also a good judge of character, not mentally ill, healthy, monogamous, treats marriage seriously, treats you like an equal, and kind. For some people, there's also the of your culture and looks are 7/10. Maybe like 50% will get through and you kinda forget the rest. It sucks 'cause most girls end up in a relationship not because they want one but because they've been told they can't live without one. Some of my friends date so they can have a guy to fuck when they get horny and an ear to complain to, but they don't actually love the guy because they don't feel the need to have a relationship. The poor guy gets dragged along for a couple years thinking he's got a stable relationship and then she drops him when she finds someone she actually likes, or when they go long-distance.

To protect girls, 'cause we are the weaker sex not only physically but also mentally. IMHO, there isn't really a comparison mentally since people are so different.

IIHotelYorba · 2017-04-28T03:25:28+00:00

To be fair women don't have to get into the arcane details of what men want. They don't have to pursue men. They just have to play goalie for all the attempts to get THEM.

Also, most advice given by parents is bullshit. "Most guys are just going to want to have sex with you!" Girls hear that and then go around wantonly rejecting 90% of guys who show ANY interest, then pat themselves on the back for being so shrewd. Then they fuck the guy who was just stubborn and stuck around.

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PurpleBanner · 2017-04-27T21:30:15+00:00

INB4 someone mentions the need to push girls into more STEM fields. Someone is going to talk about it. You know it, I know it.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-04-27T22:02:49+00:00

Yes, of course there is. My dad had me carry car batteries up a hill at age 7, and my sister did absolutely nothing ever of the sort because "she wasn't suppose to."

reepbot · 2017-04-28T00:17:12+00:00

That part about viewing women as "sweet angelic paragons of goodness and virtue" is a huge problem in our society. That line of thinking is why so many nice guys and white knights exist. Plus other problems too.

despisedlove2 · 2017-04-28T01:05:15+00:00

The answer lies partially in your username:

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/67nswq/z/dgrscqv

[deleted] · 2017-04-28T23:32:42+00:00

We mythologise females . "They're so mysterious and complex ". This cascades down into how we raise them which gives an intense bias and large amounts of favouritism towards girls over boys. We are starting to see the fruits of it now.

Title	Discussion: Is there a discrepancy between how we raise boys vs. how we raise girls? What sort of discrepancy? And why does it exist?
Author	HopefulAboutADHD
Upvotes	7
Comments	177
Date	April 27, 2017 8:37 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/67yeaf/discussion_is_there_a_discrepancy_between_how_we/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussion-is-there-a-discrepancy-between-how-we.268569 https://theredarchive.com/post/268569

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