Q4 Men: How Easy is/was it for You to Get Casual Sex?

prodigy2throw · 2016-12-22T21:21:06+00:00

Mid 20s. Ontario.

It's really not easy at all. The only guys I know who get sex regularly are the local "Chads" or people who work in the bar/ nightclub industry. These guys pretty much gear their whole life around getting pussy (location, look, style, job, hobbies, drug use).

Even with the dating apps, it's literally night and day with guys in my circle. I have most friends who struggle to even match with fatties, and a select few who match so much they get annoyed and have a backlog of dates setup.

There really isn't a middle ground or magical "local sex bar" where you can go and get your regular dose of "hook up". It's a dog eat dog world.

Atticus_Crowley · 2016-12-22T21:19:02+00:00

27 years old, working a shitty part time job that pays shit while I go back to school. Recently broke up with my LTR of 2 years. Been just tindering for like a month maybe. Fucked 4 girls so far, with more down the pipeline and a 5th scheduled for tonight. I'm 5'7 skinny fat. I'd rate these girls to be 6-8's. My game is far from perfect. I live in a city so that helps a lot in terms of numbers. Honestly I think what's working for me is my age. I have been in LTRS since 2012. Online dating was rough back then. Now I'm older and women are a lot more receptive and down to cut the bullshit and hop into bed.

TL;DR: No one likes you when you're 23, but apparently 27 makes women wanna jump your bones.

drok007 · 2016-12-22T20:36:59+00:00

It's not as easy as it is for women, or weirdo fetish poly BP people. But it's not super difficult either.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T00:08:41+00:00

I'm also talking about getting women willing to fuck you without you being her "boyfriend". I'm talking fuckbuddies and friends with benefits too.

I can still fuck my ex whenever I want and she's said herself she doesn't want a relationship. She just still can't get enough of me sexually even tho she wants to find a normal relationship later in her life (ours was... interesting).

So essentially I can do all the crazy fucked up shit she likes in the bed (or the public bathroom or the park...) until whenever she finds some vanilla normie to settle down with.

I guess that makes me the alpha fux and future bf the beta bux eh? ;)

As for ONS I am confident I could go out any night and pull, especially with the right combo of drugs in my system.

In your responses please state how old you are, married or single, and if from the US, what region of the country; and if not from the US, what country do you live in. I suspect there are a lot of regional/cultural differences at play.

Early 20's, single, UK.

I do get the impression that it's far easier in the UK than it is in the US, probably due to the puritan roots still very much alive in modern US culture.

GaiusScaevolus · 2016-12-22T20:59:48+00:00

The 3 factors are status, game, and looks.

You need a baseline level of all 3, and a strong showing in at least 2.

The average guy can't do it, but the average guy has the ability to get to a place where he can do it.

Mid 20s, Northeast

trail22 · 2016-12-22T21:15:43+00:00

There was a guy on this american life who said its easy to get casual sex as a guy

First live in a large city

Second stay at a bar until closing time

Third massively lower your standards

I have never tried it, but I have been online and tried lowering my standards. I got too depressed before I could find out how low I had to reduce my standards.

Evidently as a guy who was in good shape with a good job, I could not get a date with a girl who was anywhere near that because on the online dating market place, a 5'3" asian guy not matter how much of an active social life, is not allowed to date a girl anywhere near his fitness level.

woefulwank · 2016-12-22T20:51:07+00:00

For average looking guys (5s), with average personalities, they ain't bedding girls in their peak more than once a year. I know these guys and they don't do overwhelming well numbers wise. That said, the sex they do get is usually in more of a dating capacity than after a night out.

For handsome guys who have no charisma or game, I'd say maybe triple the figure of the aforementioned, and it can be done out of a relationship (ons). I know these guys too, they don't do that much better than the average joes.

It's not easy, and I'm a solid 7.8. I have a decent level of wit, towards the upper end of intelligence, got good dress sense, and go out with young people who belong to various 'trendy' scenes as gay as that sounds - and still, it isn't easy. Certainly not as easy as a girl at her peak and certainly not as hard as an average no-game having loserboy, so the blueps are way off base there. Maybe 10 encounters with 10 different girls is a good year for someone in my economical, cultural, professional sphere; but it's not without its work. You have to spend time gaming, and giving your time away when it's most valuable - that could be spent cultivating something else.

1 a month would be manageable but personally I don't feel it necessary to rack up numbers for the sake of it. Plus sex is way more pleasurable for me in a relationship context when the girl knows exactly what kind of dirty shit that turns me on.

[deleted] · 2016-12-22T22:34:40+00:00

I'm 32, short and autistic.

age 18-20 I had a few one night stands. Mostly with people in my friends group - I was in a very big grunge/metal sub-culture with tons of acquaintances. Found it difficult to make any of these encounters last - felt I was cute enough for a one off encounter but too weird for anything lasting.

As the "sub culture" dried up and I got older I had a few relationships. At 25 I spent a year as a PUA, trying to get my mojo back, and had a few sexual experiences in clubs (but not home sex) - with very beautiful (and sometimes younger) women - again found it difficult to spin any of these into relationships.

Basically I'd get their number on the night and then later be coldly told that they weren't looking for lasting contact with guys they met in clubs.

Had a few more relationships, then my social phobia and shyness took over again. Closest I've had all year is a few good dating-ish friendships with hugging and hand holding and one make out/fondling session with an attractive drunk friend 10 years younger than me. And what do you know, she didn't want to see me again.

[deleted] · 2016-12-22T23:52:49+00:00

Mid thirties. Single again this year.

I think I've slept with 30-40 girls. I've had 4 long term gfs.

I actually turned down quite a few so I don't know how high it would've been if I tried.

I also go through self inflicted dry spells quite often.. But that's my own fault

wub1234 · 2016-12-22T21:12:32+00:00

I wouldn't say it's easy, certainly not for an average guy for me, but I found casual trysts easier to find than commitment. I haven't got some impressive n-count or anything, but I've had a fair few casual dalliances where we both knew it wouldn't last.

I didn't particularly want this, though, I would have settled down when I was much younger than I am now. I always find dating in a serious context, where you're actively seeking commitment, or pursuing some woman who you're really interested in, to be far harder because they're looking for someone special rather than just any old idiot who is halfway decent and willing to fuck them.

[deleted] · 2016-12-22T21:16:11+00:00

i think all of this has more to do with one's location, charisma and extroversion than their looks.

IAteAllThePills · 2016-12-22T22:37:51+00:00

I'm a reformed incel who has sex with a new girl every few months. That is going to increase as I work out and hone my technique - I am skinny and relatively new to not being a socially awkward sperg. I'm less than 5'7" and black with a decent Pharrell kind of face. I only go for Asian girls and all the girls I have ever had sex with (8 so far) have been Asian. All except one were on the first night I met them properly. One 3 (she really wanted it), one 8 (conversation game was on fire that night), the rest 6-7. I get dates all the time, from Tinder mostly, but also from parties and such - this was always the relatively easy part. I wouldn't describe getting casual sex as easy for me per se, but I do feel that I've kind of figured out how to get it, despite having race and height stacked against me. I have Chad-esque moments, such as getting almost dragged back to a girl's apartment after a party recently and given a blow job on her sofa.

While I subscribe to the core red pill principles and definitely have a red view of the world, my own experience is why I don't take a lot of it seriously. According to that narrative, I shouldn't exist. My face gets me in the door, and my game (which shares a significant amount with PUA but I figured it out through observation and trial and error, realising now that PUA is basically words for the things I'd already figured out I needed to do) makes it happen. That's kind of it.

wub1234 · 2016-12-22T20:41:36+00:00

More or less impossible.

I spent most of my 20s in LTRs, but FWB just for casual sex without her hoping for commitment, no way.

Some women are still interested in me as a potential husband and father of their kids, but in no way for casual sex.

EDIT: 36, Southern Germany, single.

EDIT 2: That doesn't mean that getting a relationship was easy for me. I always had to qualify and perform a lot first.

fuxdpus · 2016-12-22T21:00:36+00:00

It is incredibly easy for me. All I do is put on my sexy dress and go to the nightclub. Or I just go on tinder or post an add on some dating or personals site, saying "I want sex". My inbox fills up in seconds. /s

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T02:01:02+00:00

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[deleted] · 2016-12-22T21:37:13+00:00

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hentaipolice · 2016-12-22T21:57:37+00:00

It's impossible for me (28, single, Los Angeles). It seems easier for my really tall friends/co workers though.

the_calibre_cat · 2016-12-22T23:40:47+00:00

Not easy at all. It has to be the right situation, and it's... next to impossible at clubs, in my experience. Maybe I'm a noob, but I'm still trying different approaches - none of those have ever succeeded. More likely, I'm able to get casual sex from women I know loosely, and whom I've presented myself as a fun, fit, easy-going guy.

Also, the easiest women? Are in relationships. Women not in a relationship are generally interested in locking you down, they're only down for casual sex rarely, and when they're young.

nomdplume · 2016-12-23T01:55:28+00:00

Back when I was single and hooking up (in my twenties), every 'hookup' was casual. Some of them turned into actual relationships, some of them may have been motivated by the desire for a relationship, and some of them were just causal the whole time (ONSs or FWBs).

Rarely did I ever spend much time 'dating' prior to sex.

That said, making any hookup happen was a combination of concerted effort and dumb luck. I often had long dry spells between partners and experienced lots of failures. And I was one of the more 'lucky' ones amongst the other 'average' guys I knew, lol.

I faced the same situation when it came to 'sidepieces' in my (non-sexually exclusive) marriage (during my thirties). Many more failures than successes, even though, again, I had a pretty decent relative track record.

All of this was occurring in the 'mountain states' region of the US.

Average dudes are not taking bar sluts home.

Actually, 'bar sluts' seemed to be the easiest for me. Unfortunately, I wasn't really into bar sluts that much, so being able to pull that off occasionally didn't really feel particularly satisfying. Bar sluts aren't known for their discriminating tastes, so knowing that I was just the most recent guy to take them home and that it would probably be someone else in a couple of weeks got kinda depressing...

Noircir · 2016-12-22T20:50:37+00:00

It's really not as hard as people make it seem. Which is why the incel sub and concept is so strange to me.

But then again it's not like I can just go into a place, talk to a girl and 10 minutes later I'm smashing. I'm not that good looking.

It happens occasionally when I hit a bar or party.

EDIT: I'm 23 and I live in Chicago

[deleted] · 2016-12-22T21:01:14+00:00

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[deleted] · 2016-12-22T21:11:20+00:00

Sex without some promise of commitment or possibility thereof? Nope.

Maybe a few times when people were all drunk and stuff in my teens. not since then.

Based on looks alone? Now? nope. Anyone who knows me will be looking for some sort of providership. Been tested.

35 . Northeast, Also tested in NYC, mid atlantic , miami

[deleted] · 2016-12-22T22:16:13+00:00

Hard. Really hard. I'm still a virgin.

KrispyMcSockington · 2016-12-23T03:10:41+00:00

It was hard work. I had to lose weight, improve the way I spoke to women and be more confident. I also had to develop a dgaf attitude. Also had to throw my feelers out everywhere for a small chance of success.

andrewisgood · 2016-12-23T03:42:05+00:00

30, in a relationship, Canada. I didn't have much luck. There have been some random one offs, including one where I went to the bar and this one woman was really interested in me. My game was very bad, and there are issues with me with being shy at times. Online dating helped a little bit because I can be kinda quirky and women do like that.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T05:45:22+00:00

Mid 20s, South Africa. It's pretty simple, still takes a modicum of effort but it's not the arduous task that TRP makes it out to be. I struggled a bit a few years back because I'd just gotten out of a three year super toxic LTR and I'd forgotten how to be single but that came right with a bit of practice. I'm also pretty deep in the club scene though which definitely helps. Interestingly, all of the last 5 casual sexual encounters I've had were instigated by the woman.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T09:41:18+00:00

jesus bloop world is some kind of paradise.

ppdthrowawai · 2016-12-23T16:09:50+00:00

Posting my answer in both threads

Straight male, midwest, upper middle class, above average looks, 30. I will answer both questions because I think the difference is interesting.

Casual sex on command is pretty difficult to get. I'd have a particularly hard time going out to a bar or club and reliably bringing a girl home that night. Give me a couple of dates with handful of different girls and I'd eventually find a few that I click with. It requires a lot of upfront work. Getting a little harem of FWBs over time is not too difficult but takes time to develop. It tends to be kind of organic with different girls coming and going.

On the other hand, I find commitment extremely easy to get. All the casual sex partners wanted commitment and stuck around despite me not offering it. If it goes past 2-3 dates, it was always inevitably me turning them down. Good women tend to gravitate to me and I ended up turning a lot down just because I found them too boring or something along those lines. Finding someone who I think is a good match for me is the hard part. That requires efficiently dating a lot of women and turning them down quickly.

Gnometard · 2016-12-22T20:42:08+00:00

It's incredibly easy if I can tolerate hearing the SocJus crap IRL, which is an issue as I get older.

I'm 30 in a college town so my options are single mothers who offer nothing to the world, fat people, or the empowered young college girls that think giving it up easy is empowering. I have enjoyed watching these types end up getting pregnant and dumped or become bitter because they can't find a man

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Candy_Kittens · 2016-12-23T01:31:46+00:00

28 Australia.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha :(

ifelsedowhile · 2016-12-23T02:14:07+00:00

I easily get laid all the time because I treat women like human beings!1!!
/s
if you're neither a Chad nor a Donald and you want to have a double digit figure of casual sex in a year or so without lowering your standards too much you need to spend 90% of your free time trying to get laid. that's my personal experience.

DashneDK2 · 2016-12-23T02:54:05+00:00

SE-Asia/Europe: Easy as shit. Mainly I'd just use prostitutes. They're cheap and readily available, no drama, no tears and gone when you want them. Tourist girls (especially America) are also pretty easy, and share many of the same qualities.

ThorLives · 2016-12-23T08:00:14+00:00

Funny, I was out with some friends tonight and the "number" question came up - i.e. how many people have you slept with. One of my gay friends started telling us how many men he had slept with. We weren't trying to out-do each other with our number count, but I started laughing saying, "It's bullshit because it's 10 times easier for gay men to hookup than straight men!" One of the women looked at me and was like, "Women want to hookup too!" (Ugh. I wanted to roll my eyes so hard at her.) I explained that women do not want to hookup nearly as much as men want to. Relatively speaking, most women are still prudes when it comes to casual sex. I went on to tell her some statistics about how many sexual partners the average gay man has versus the average straight man, even mentioning Gaëtan Dugas (who was thought to be "patient zero" in the AIDS crisis): "Dugas is described as being a charming, handsome, sexual athlete who, according to his own estimation, averaged hundreds of sex partners per year. He claimed to have had over 2,500 sexual partners across North America since becoming sexually active in 1972." - a feat that would be simply impossible for a straight man, unless, maybe, he was a massively famous first-tier professional athlete (where "groupies" show up at the bar trying to sleep with him).

She was stunned by how many sexual partners gay men have, and how easy it is for gay men -- because men want to have casual sex, but women don't. She seemed pretty surprised. It's like I revealed some secret by saying that men were far more interested in casual sex and hookups than women were. I was just sitting there thinking, "You have to be kidding me if you think women are as down for casual sex as men are. How could you possibly think that?"

As I've said before, my 20s were total shit when it came to sex (3 sexual partners in 10 years, and 8 years of that 10 year period, I was single). I do significantly better now - I've slept with 6 women so far this year, but it's not "easy". That's not to say that I had to work my ass off for these girls - but it's a matter of finding girls who are willing to actually have sex. I've met a shit-ton of girls this year - the work comes from meeting tons and tons of women, and finding ones that I'm into and are down for sex, not necessarily from putting in a ton of work trying to get each girl into bed. I sometimes wish I was gay, because I know it's sooooo much easier to get a man to have sex than it is to get a woman to have sex.

Nagicman1 · 2016-12-23T14:45:30+00:00

Before my surgery when I was ugly, I would get 0, I had to use hookers. After my surgery I can easily get laid at least once a week.

[deleted] · 2016-12-23T21:33:50+00:00

Late 20s, moved to the US from EE in early 20s for the grad school.

It's hard. It was hard there, it's hard here. Hard as in impossibly hard. I'm talking years long dry spells, 3 years being the record. And I wouldn't say I'm below average now (kinda gained weight after moving here, but not much overweight + gym gives some definition, shoulders etc) and I'm one of the very few white blonde guys here in the South with all the latinas around.

Andress1 · 2016-12-24T00:31:47+00:00

Not easy enough,so i barely try at all.I just go on with my life.

intothekeep · 2016-12-24T02:43:13+00:00

Not sure, never tried not my thing 18 Maryland

ppd_guy · 2016-12-28T04:51:55+00:00

Easy as fuck. Can fire up Tinder or OKC and be fucking a 7.5+ within a day or two. Can do the same at bars but it's more difficult for me because I hate the effort & process of wooing a stranger over loud music. I'm very physically attractive, though, and charming when I want to be.

29; in an LTR but GF is fine with my bringing another girl home.

Canada, west coast.

prodigy2throw · 2016-12-22T21:18:00+00:00

I mean, I've never been super interested in NSA sex. My favorite relationships when I was younger (back in high school) were sleeping with my close friends; these days I'm poly and date multiple people.

This question seems pointless though. Back in high school I was the dweeby geeky guy who didn't have much social status and didn't care about much of anything, but at one point I was sleeping with my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend, and a FWB concurrently (they all knew about each other and consented to open relationships btw, so no worries, I wasn't being gross and redpill). So even though I wasn't tall, wasn't built, wasn't rich, wasn't dominant, and wasn't high-status, twerps are going to swear up and down I must've been "totes alfalfa brah" because girls felt comfortable and safe sleeping with me.

These days I'm not really interested in FWB, so I turn people down if they're interested in that but I'm not interested in dating them. It's hard to find people I find interesting and compatible enough to want in my life though, and at two partners I'm pretty poly-saturated. So I'm not sure how easy it'd be to find casual sex partners; I guess I've never really had to look, so I'm not even sure how one would go about doing that.

[deleted] · 2016-12-22T21:56:15+00:00

It isn't fucking easy at all. 26 years old, diverse cultural background but 100% white, moved around a lot, met a lot of people, befriended a male model in college and was introduced to the world of high fashion, saw with my own eyes how easy chads have it in life.

I've never had casual sex. I've never met a girl for the first time talked to her for a few hour and then brought her home to dissapoint her with some lackluster sex(I JEST! I apply myself fully to the task at hand).

What I've had was, I'd meet a girl. In a nightclub. At a bar. Through friends. In the fashion industry. At a fucking bookstore, it doesn't matter.

I'd talk to her for 2 weeks, at least 1 week, and only then was I able to bang her. It would take me text messages, phone calls, dates, spending time with them, getting to know them, building a pseudo-relationship, and all that. Granted, all of the girls I banged were models or close to the industry in some way but I feel so bad about myself because I've only slept with 15+ girls and my friends not only slept with hundreds of girls each but they bang the girl the same night they were introduced to the girls.

I feel so inadequate with this so low of N count. I feel so bad about myself when I have to go through this work to get ''laid''. I also have never been approached. I have never been directly approached, like a girl coming up to talk to me and introduce herself. I'm having a 10 month no sex dry spell :/

I'm from the pretty people region of the Country. You figure it out ;D

Title	Q4 Men: How Easy is/was it for You to Get Casual Sex?
Author	LewisCross
Upvotes	11
Comments	262
Date	December 22, 2016 8:22 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5jssos/q4_men_how_easy_iswas_it_for_you_to_get_casual_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4-men-how-easy-iswas-it-for-you-to-get-casual-sex.271090 https://theredarchive.com/post/271090

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