There was a thread recently, which stated you should approach loads of girls, and if you do then you will become less socially awkward. Not for the first time, I pointed out that this is useless advice for introverts.

In response to my comment, someone has stated, as is often the case, that you can become an extrovert and change your personality, etc. What (s)he is describing here is not an introvert; this is someone who is shy and / or socially awkward. This does not correlate strongly with introversion at all.

I suppose if you are a very mild introvert then it's possible to change. But for what I would call a genuine introvert, you are not going to change because you are wired fundamentally differently to extroverts.

Also, note that no-one ever tells extroverts that they could become more introverted if they tried really hard! I've never once seen that! Introversion is frequently treated as some sort of disorder of which you can be cured if you just behave like normal people! No-one ever assumes that very extroverted people, who need to be around people constantly, have some sort of personality defect that needs to be ironed out.

One of the things you will frequently hear if you're an introvert is that if you push yourself outside of your comfort zone and just be more social that you will become more comfortable with it. In my life, I think I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone a fair bit. I've done a fair bit of networking, I've moved around quite a bit and had to put myself in new groups of people, I've worked abroad and as a freelancer I've worked in groups where everyone knew everyone else very well and no-one knew me. I've done a fair bit of public speaking and two best man speeches. I've done quite a lot of dating (with varying degrees of success!).

But none of this changed me in the slightest. I still feel exactly the same way that I did before. I remember doing a best man's speech at my friend's wedding, it was a bit nerve-wracking, but I know I can write a short, amusing speech and then stand up and deliver it. I tried to tell myself this and to also tell myself that no-one in the room wants you to fail and there is probably no-one who could do a better job. And it went incredibly well, I got so much praise and patted on the back so much, so many drinks bought for me...it was sort of nice.

But I would never want to do that ever again because I just don't have any desire to be the centre of attention. Even if people are praising me. But if I had to do it again then I could. But I don't want to do it.

If it was left up to my brain then I would probably never go out. Of course, I do go out. But at the very least, I have to push through this disinclination every time I do anything remotely social. It's never going to alter, I've got to an age now where I realise that I'm not going to change, I'm not going to become a social creature, it's just not possible.

And this isn't agoraphobia or social phobia. I don't get nervous. I'm an extremely calm person. I've never remotely come close to having a panic attack; people who knew me would find the idea of me having a panic attack laughable. I'm not concerned what people think about me, in fact I don't particularly care. I don't have any of these problems.

I just don't like being in loud places, I don't like meeting hundreds of people and having to engage in small talk (I don't mind doing small talk in a one-on-one situation with someone I'm interested in, in fact I enjoy it), I don't have any desire to be the centre of attention and it is not particularly pleasurable for me to be the centre of attention even if I'm being praised. I can do these things if pushed, but I don't want to do them, and I need to be on my own afterwards if I'm forced to do them!

And this is because, I surmise, my brain is wired to react to stimuli in a different way to other people. For example, I can remember going to air shows when I was a kid and hating loud noises, I hated being anywhere loud. Obviously I can deal with loud noises a bit more rationally now, but I don't like to be anywhere that is gratuitously loud, such as nightclubs, and I don't view it as an exciting experience.

I have spent quite a lot of time in nightclubs, and I found them hugely alienating. They embody pretty much everything that I find unappealing. There is no chance I am ever going to pick someone up in a nightclub, I find just tolerating them and attempting to communicate with people who I've known all my life hard enough in that environment.

When I was at uni, when we were going out to this sort of environment, there was always a part of me that hoped something would go awry and we wouldn't end up going. And then when we were actually there, I would always try to convince someone to come home with me. I couldn't actively not go there at all, I had to join in to some extent, but it just held absolutely no appeal to me. My favourite part of the night was when we got home, and just sat eating a takeaway and having a coffee, watching TV. I would have happily done that all evening.

I have spoken with someone on Reddit about how I would absolutely hate to go to Miami. Which is interesting because I just Googled nightclubs and introversion before I wrote this, and this came up:

I was watching the series Stephen Fry In America, and I was struck by something he said when visiting Miami (which he hated) and observing the party culture there: "If there's a word that makes me shiver with revulsion, it's the word fun."

Introversion is often misunderstood. There is often the assertion that “you're not really an introvert, you just haven't tried to not be an introvert”. As I said, maybe this is possible for a mild introvert. But any genuine introvert will simply find it impossible to change, and won't be motivated to change.

Because, even though it can cause me difficulties, I don't want to change because the way I behave and feel now is natural for me. I've been this way as long as I can remember, which is several decades. I don't want to be an extrovert. I don't have any desire to be that way whatsoever. I no more want to be an extrovert than I would want to be a homosexual.

Unfortunately, I don't see any prospect of this changing. I don't think introverts will ever be understood by a culture that lionises extroversion. And I'm still expecting at least some people to say in the comments section words to the effect of “you could be more extroverted if you really tried”. Let's wait and see.