Q4W: What turns you off about guys?

damaskrose · 2016-09-08T23:52:23+00:00

In addition to what everyone else has said... Guys who are indiscriminate in the women they hit on. Makes them look like they're just desperately trying to fill the role of "girlfriend" and they don't actually care about the individual qualities of the women they ask out.

When we're pursued by a guy, we want it to be because he actually likes us, not just because he wants a girlfriend and treats the candidates as interchangeable. Most women want to be a guy's first choice, not his third or fourth or fifth choice after he's already tried (and failed) with all her friends.

delores_rose · 2016-09-08T16:58:07+00:00

-Extra weight doesn't bother me as much as men who are skinny or jacked. My ideal is a teddy bear type, maybe a little extra weight but not weak or obese.

-Men who are clingy when you just start dating.

-Indecisiveness.

-Men have long hair that looks like shit. If you are going to grow it out, trim the ends regularly and if you are going bald in the front, just chop it off. I'd rather see a bald man that a guy who looks like a washed up roadie.

[deleted] · 2016-09-08T17:16:58+00:00

I suppose stupidity and submissiveness. I actually don't care about physical attractiveness looking how my exes were, as long as they're not smelly I guess. My PUA ex was actually shorter than me.

However, since I want to be able to freely express my opinions, I want someone who is naturally dominant so that they won't feel like I'm trying to control them. I wouldn't be able to be like RPW who say "not express your opinions because he'll always go along with what you say". If I decide to date again, I want someone who can listen to different perspectives without becoming submissive. Expressing your opinion, doesn't mean you're nagging or being controlling, there can be a balance. It's not like I will nag or use ultimatums, but I want to be able to freely discuss with my partner and express my thoughts, sue me I guess. In my mind someone who becomes submissive by just listening to different ideas and opinions is weak and naturally submissive.

shoup88 · 2016-09-08T18:37:55+00:00

Lack of social graces. I get second hand cringe when a guy can't read the room. Whether his voice is too loud, jokes aren't funny, bragging, obnoxious - these things make me very uncomfortable, and I end up pitying the guy.

wynterpetals · 2016-09-08T17:49:00+00:00

the one thing that turns me off is badgering. i had this one fellow who asked for my number so he could pay me back with a coffee for helping him out. he was a stranger, but I thought, sure why not. so I gave him my number, then he promptly asked when we could meet. so i casually said, well you have my number, so text me. but then he kept going on and on, about a 'connection.'

dude. we just met. you know maybe two things about me. and he was ready to propose.

and also, i later told him I am not looking for anything serious and he joyfully responded him either! ...and so that was another annoying point..where he thought 'nothing serious' meant 'friends with benefits.' nope buddy. not going to happen.

lettucescream · 2016-09-08T17:20:48+00:00

If he's rude to people in the service industry.

If he's overweight.

If he can't take no for an answer, i.e. continues to ask you out even after you refused and you have to end up blocking his number.

If he's always complaining/overly critical of everything.

[deleted] · 2016-09-08T18:27:25+00:00

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questioningwoman · 2016-09-08T17:00:45+00:00

Someone who refuses to bathe or brush his teeth. Someone who's a jerk to me. Controlling/insecure.

lettucescream · 2016-09-08T17:21:12+00:00

showiness in general, whether that be in appearance or with personality. someone desperate to be approved of in every single setting. someone macho, someone mean, someone controlling or with excessive undue pride, someone aggressive, someone aimless, someone hateful... i'm not asking for much. be happy. be nice. be chill.

i'm more tolerant/appreciating of physical things, given that no one's perfect, differences are interesting, and lots of it is based on things people can't easily change. i think someone with bad acne would be hard to deal with, though, or anyone without basic grooming habits. i'm also really not into guys with light hair; i've just never really liked it. if i find myself attracted to someone with light hair, it's always in spite of that. having too-short hair is also typically not attractive to me.

it's not an exclusive list though; i'm sure there's more (kind of skipped the obvious basics, like 'don't be a bigot').

lollygagyo · 2016-09-08T17:38:07+00:00

Okay, this is going to sound superbly weird, but my number 1 process of elimination criteria is smell. So many dudes -- SO MANY DUDES -- smell like dairy to me and I have noticed that I just do not like the dairy dudes, over time. Men who smell like dairy, they're off my list, no matter how cute they happen to be.

(What can I say, I'm a weirdo).

More normal exclusionary factors:

rude to service staff or anyone he perceives to be 'beneath him'
classism, racism, sexism esp the insidious, coded kind
bad conversationalist
bland (no interests, no passion)
narcissism
doesn't ask me any questions about myself/talks at me rather than to me (seriously, why do you go on dates with other people if you just want to talk about yourself, you weirdo? Stay home and talk to the mirror).
poor hygiene
disses his exes on the 1st date or meeting, particularly with some variant of 'bitches be cray'
disses his mother during early conversation
negging, anything that I think is PUA
stupidity
forced crassness
inability to swear fluidly
weird laugh (some men sound really wheezy and unless you are a chainsmoker this is unacceptable)
judgmental, esp about shit like alcohol, drugs, smoking
blonde hair, esp if it's body hair
goes to the gym a lot
fat (sorry, not really my thing, but I'm generous about what I describe as fat)
overly muscular (I hate bros who look like they're on steroids)
bad facial hair (I love beards but only if they're good)
body language of a limp noodle (goddamn, man, move with force in the world!)
tells me I'm pretty too many times within an hour of meeting me (boring, shows you don't care what I have to say etc).
men who simper. Like wtf, this facial expression is disgusting.
bad eyebrows

I could go on and on and on and on. I'm almost stupidly picky.

[deleted] · Thu Sep 8 17:27:58 2016 UTC

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SpaceWhiskey · 2016-09-08T21:15:14+00:00

Cruelty. Any type of bullying behavior, treating waitstaff/retail workers like crap, animal cruelty, poor sportsmanship. Someone who is either a sore loser or for that matter a sore winner. Being a braggart. Waving credentials or money around. Any behavior that's a sign of desperation, a need for validation, ect.

Not much disgusts me physically aside from a lack of basic hygiene, which I hardly think is asking a lot. I don't have height standards, I've dated fat guys, rail skinny guys, a guy with psoriasis, a ginger dude with so much hair. Usually if he's clean and healthy and happy with himself, I'm happy. I'm almost 100% into personality over looks when it comes to a LTR.

That being said, I definitely have physical turn-offs when it comes to man-gazing, that is just looking out into the world and people watching from my metaphorical outdoor cafe table as I sip my chai. There are always exceptions to the rule (like if I've gotten to know a guy and he's so awesome I don't care what he looks like) but if I'm being shallow I'm not crazy into beards. I also don't like military haircuts or the preppy look in general. I tend to like long hair on guys.

GridReXX · 2016-09-09T12:22:00+00:00

Im turned off by gross things.

So you know how as a woman I'll make sure not to make it a point to shit or do gross bodily things in your presence to the best of my ability... I prefer not to see the gross of guys either.

Like don't spit around me. Don't pop pimples around me.

Brush your teeth. Floss those babies.

Remove excess oil from your face.

Clean the gook from your eyes and the wax from your ears.

Don't have dirty fingernails.

Don't be overly talkative or whiny. I'm neither.

Don't be super skinny. Like I have a decent sized ass and a rack. Show me you can handle it.

Rihanna said it in her song "Yeah I Said It" "you can be rough boy but you won't". so don't be afraid to be a bit aggressive during sexy times or foreplay. A light choke has never hurt anyone.

Don't be a lame. Don't be an ass. Don't be socially inept which basically means be a cool and considerate mother fucker.

Don't be an idiot and don't ever tell me "I don't like reading". I honestly don't care if you don't but saying aloud is just a whole new level of "wtf" to me. Someone was recently interested in me and said that and I totally DOA. It's like saying I don't like to learn.

Lastly. Do not be afraid to grab my ass (if we are actually dating). The subtle grab in public is sexy. Don't be a pussy.

monkees4va · 2016-09-08T17:23:31+00:00

Me personally, treating me like a piece of meat. I don't do casual and I only sleep with men I've had a friendship with first, so harassing me sexually makes me anxious and panic.

I have no distinctive physical type, but I like intelligence and stereotypically nerdy interests. Dated engineering and physics undergrads, as well as an eccentric weeabo. It's not that I share those interests - it's the passion that attracts me.

anitapk · 2016-09-08T17:58:02+00:00

Looks wise: Skinny, bmi over 26, pear shape, weak chin, tiny eyes, ginger, short (below 5 feet 7), high pitched voice, patchy beard, hair not taken care of, curls, black skin, small shoulders, ugly head shape if bald.

Personality: insecure, no humor, gets pis see easily, not protective, not assertive, has no friends, has little sexual experience, needy, bitter, angry, bitchy, embarrasses me in public, desperate, orbiter type, feminist, mra, stingy, doesn't like to eat much, always wants fast food, disrespects parents/family, has bad or no parent figures, too available, gives in to my whining too much, doesn't listen, doesn't lIke to drive, feminine, not manly, no strength, complains too much.

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[deleted] · 2016-09-08T19:54:17+00:00

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[deleted] · 2016-09-08T20:02:51+00:00

Gonna answer this before reading other response so as not to cloud mind with other human opinions.

Also, this is being answered in the sense of a man who has already met the 'physically attractive enough' bar - I'm pretty sure we all know no one is attracted to 500 lb. grease-covered cave-dwellers (of either sex). It seemed to be what was being gotten at in the thread yesterday - shit a man can do to fuck up something that could have gone somewhere (rather than 'obvious stuff women don't find attractive).

(in no particular order):

cruelty/unkindness - to other people, to animals. It doesn't have to be overt yelling at waitstaff, either. Any revealing of a tendency to thoughtlessness or to conflating 'masculinity' with 'coldheartedness' - nope.
misplaced arrogance. Arrogance can, at times, be warranted. Oftentimes, it seems to be a strategy that's actually being used to attract women ('I have to come off as super confident and smart so I'll just blargh jargon about my STEM work for 30 mins without letting her get a word in edgewise) - i.e. I'm not sure some of these guys even are arrogant - they're just using it as a pickup strategy. It isn't attractive. Arrogance - if you're going with that, you'd better be able to back that shit up. Hard. It better be obvious that it's warranted. That early on, that's rare (though possible - if I'm on a date with Usain Bolt, for instance, his being arrogant about his sprinting skills is justified and not a point against him).
inappropriate jealousy over exes (mine) or hostility towards exes (his - and yes, this could be justified, but bringing up past relationship bitching too early makes me wary)
childishness, petulance, needing emotional babysitting
insecurity (we are all insecure, I get that, but some people really let it get the better of them and don't realize it's on full display)
neediness/clinginess
pushiness. If I'm kind of into a dude I only just met and unsure about the connection, pushing me is bad
general signs of emotional volatility. RP likes to say women love drama but I really, really don't, esp. not in relationships. emotional stability, ability to roll with things, disinclination to freak out over minor shit etc. - all of that is good.
intangibles. So. many. intangibles. If it's very early - if I only met a guy a couple of hours ago and am unsure about the attraction, very minor things can kill it.
sexual creepiness. Overtly sexual/vulgar conversation. I may, in the future, want to bang so hard and so often I can't think straight, but this kind of thing too soon is gross. only exception is - see below for that rare sex-only connection (and if that's the case, you'll KNOW I'm into it from my responses, there won't be any coyness, nervousness or turning away in that situation)

Also keep in mind that I'm talking about the 'just met/getting to know someone' phase here. Once in a relationship I am much more willing to forgive human flaws etc. and I understand that all humans have their moments. Needing me to be around after a hard day is fine and I'm happy to do that for someone I'm already with, for example, but haranguing me about not messaging back on time on time or getting pissy about me being busy too early is a red flag.

Another note: all of this commentary is about a man I would be interested in in a general sense, including the sexual. If I'm extremely sexually attracted to someone these behaviours will put me off a relationship with him but it won't put me off sex. And keep in mind that this is very rare. You have to pretty much be my physical/sexual ideal for me to go for this kind of thing, and if you are, your behaviour doesn't really matter much at all as long as you can meet a very low probably-not-a-serial-killer bar. You don't have to pull any red pill/PUA shit at this point, don't have to amog anyone, don't have to amusedly master me - you're getting laid unless you decide to take a detour on the way home to run over some kittens. 95% of the time, though, when I meet a guy I'm interested in, it's the kind where he seems interesting as a person AND as a sexual partner AND as a possible relationship.

GridReXX · 2016-09-08T20:28:23+00:00

unsubstantiated confidence.
incompetence.
visibly tiny penises.
bad kissers.
incel supporters.
men over 6'0 in height.
"particular" chewers.
guys who swear by the TRP.
Green Party supporters.
Men with feminine voices.
Betapotato head

Iwanturpizzabb · 2016-09-08T21:24:17+00:00

Submissiveness, meekness, bad grammar/spelling, stupidity, lack of social awareness, weak chins, light colored hair, short stature, short hair or baldness, pear shaped bodies, conservative political values, small shoulders, small hands, large muffin tops, high pitched voices, insecurity, misogyny, curly hair, wide noses, cruelty, lack of masculinity, childishness, patchy beards or inability to grow a beard, small penises, baby face/fat cheeks

[deleted] · 2016-09-08T22:02:27+00:00

Number one turn off is that he's obsessed with things that bore me.

Have been out with a stunning-looking guy who talked about football the whole time--he played at a high level and I could see that it was his life. But I wanted to shoot myself after a couple of days of listening to that.

I like someone well-rounded. I don't have to like all their hobbies, but there has to be some I connect with.

goatismycopilot · 2016-09-09T01:07:38+00:00

Turns off, a lot of men are this weird combination of both condescending and clueless. I can tolerate some arrogance when somebody is right but there are large subsections of men who like to pontificate and they are either not right or very bright. Although, here in PPD we constantly hear that women are herd animals, my own observational experience has been a lot of guys who are individually just fine act like total assholes in groups especially if they want to impress one particular man.

American men tend to have the style instincts of an eight year old boy.

Men always assume their interests ar emenaingful and deeper than women's when the reality is sitting around passively watching spectator sports, drinking in bars, and gaming are all just as stupid as the stupid shit women do.

I have also never met a man who said he was a Libertarian or an atheist who was not an insufferable bore. Conspiracy theorists are almost always men and they are either boring pseudo intellectuals or socially inept.

Fat out of shape guys who complain about overweight women are a turn off, as are rude guys, guys who are going bald but try and cover it up or grow a pony tail, Bro type guys, and middle aged golfers.

Askeiu · 2016-09-09T02:23:10+00:00

Sexist
Taller than 5'11"
Too much body hair. I think one of the reasons I mostly sleep with Asian guys is I love smooth, hairless skin. Such a turn on.
Self-absorbed/overconfident *Farmer's tan, though it's not a dealbreaker at all
Fat
Clingy/needy. If they text me constantly as if afraid I've forgotten they exist, text me goodnight/good morning every day, or make nervous, insecure remarks about me seeing other people.
Complaining about "fat chicks" *Facial hair longer than maybe a third of an inch
Entitlement, especially to sex
Excessive complimenting

[deleted] · 2016-09-09T17:13:07+00:00

For me:

Very liberal/SJW political views.
Religious outlook.
Drinking often or doing drugs.
Lots of ONS's and/or very promiscuous.
Very extroverted and enjoys partying.
Often frequents bars and goes to clubs.
Does not lift weights.
Overweight.
Ethnicity other than white or East Asian.
Wants a submissive / dependent woman.

artichokess · 2016-09-09T18:25:03+00:00

i ask myself that a lot, considering i don't really date them anymore. what exactly about them is such a turn off?

i think the biggest thing, besides the male body, is the social pressures of navigating masculinity. i feel sorry for them, but being tangled up in that mess of a man that feels any sort of loyalty to gender roles is simply not appealing.

Minerva_x4 · 2016-09-12T02:26:13+00:00

Small hands. Small frame. Short height. Narrow shoulders. Weak chin. Large nose (even worse when in pair). Women hips. Moobs. Weak or inability to grow facial hair.

Mentally: lack of confidence. Misogyny. (though they seem to possess the above traits often, so I don't usually have to worry to like a guy and he turns out to be a misogynist or something)

sunkindonut149 · 2016-09-12T19:20:29+00:00

Fuccbois turn me off.

MisgenderedCactus · 2016-09-20T01:51:45+00:00

Bad hygiene.

WAFFLE_FUCKER · 2016-09-29T02:24:51+00:00

pushy for sex, even when i say no

philomexa · 2016-09-08T17:29:02+00:00

blonde/fair/ginger
shorter than 5'3"
chubby/fat/flabby/obese
weak chin/jaw
characteristics of Klinefelter syndrome (an extra X chromosome)
nebbish, ineffectual, indecisive
a mere whiff of being on the autism spectrum
over-sized machismo
blatant insecurity/jealousy/controlling
hubris
average hair cuts, average fashion sense
right leaning politics
lack of artistry
a "square" personality
baby faced/round face, clean shaven (can be overlooked if hypothetical man hits all my attraction points)
receding hair line, balding, bald
blandness
derives self worth from income/job (or places far too much importance behind income/job)
miscellaneous signs of lack of hygiene (bad teeth, bad skin, dirty hair, etc)

Title	Q4W: What turns you off about guys?
Author	SkinnySweaty
Upvotes	15
Comments	218
Date	September 8, 2016 4:48 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/51s99i/q4w_what_turns_you_off_about_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4w-what-turns-you-off-about-guys.273127 https://theredarchive.com/post/273127

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