Why are men less upset?

MrsPound111 · 2015-09-03T16:02:23+00:00

I think maybe men have learnt to brush off criticism more throughout their lives, women generally get treated with kid gloves.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2015-09-03T15:06:34+00:00

Men respond aggressively. The one's fighting BACK on xbox are "upset", in that they felt "threatened" or like someone was trying to dominate them, but their response is to fight, not to huddle up and cry

TheGreasyPole · 2015-09-03T17:30:09+00:00

Ok,

Rather ironically for a bunch of red pill men ... The answers below seem to rely on culture.

They're assuming you're talking about the west. But, interestingly, this effect is common across all cultures.

I'm pretty sure Mongolian men don't get as upset as Mongolian females... And aboriginal men don't get as upset as aboriginal females... And so on.

So the real question is... If it's culture, why are so many cultures the same ? Why aren't there as many cultures where women do not get upset, and men do ?

Why are all the cultures so lop sided one way ?

My answer would be that these cultural artefacts are responding to a genetic difference between men and women.

Men are geneticslly predisposed to hide emotion that make them vulnerable (but not emotions that don't make them vulnerable, like anger)... Because in the evolutionary environment men who looked vulnerable could expect a physical challenge.

If you're a small guy, the time to stick your spear "in the big males back" is when he appears to be vulnerable. So men hide vulnerabilities.

Any cut is "just a scratch".... If he's limping it's "not so bad, just a cramp, it'll be fine in a minute".... If he's sick "I don't need a doctor, I'm fine".... And if he gets emotionally hurt "I didn't really like that bitch anyway".

This isn't confined to just humans. Animals show less vulnerability. They limp less, when injured. They seek to hide or conceal wounds. They try to maintain normal behaviours when sick. Lest "the small lion sink his fangs into my back whilst I'm vulnerable".

The cultural conventions we see run across so many cultures because they are in response to this "genetic preference" for stoic males.

That's WHY dad tells the girl "come here, it'll be ok. I'll make it better" but tells the boy "pick yourself up son. It's just a scratch. You'll be fine. Stop whining".

It's supported and amplified by culture, sure. It can perhaps even be reversed temporarily by culture if that culture tries really hard, but the preference bends the way it does because the men "who hid their vulnerabilities" had more children than those that didn't, and the preference isn't there in the women because "showing vulnerabilities" didn't cause them to have less kids.

Our culture has been telling men "it's ok to cry" for at least two generations now. So men cry more than women ? Do they fuck.

What's culture fighting against ? What's preventing men (after 40 years of being told it's ok) not crying more than women ?

The innate preference.

And it won't go away until it's bred out. You can try and teach men to be vulnerable all you want... You'll be fighting against that headwind for an infinitely long time, unless you the men who are vulnerable have more kids than those that hide it. Even then it'll take a few thousand years.

Just to be clear. Given harsh enough training regimes you could train men to overcome this prefernce. I'm just saying you will have to train every generation anew, the same way.... Until the preference is changed, by differential replication.

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2015-09-03T15:37:33+00:00

Probably both. Men tend to face worse treatment in general so being called names online doesn't register and they're taught to keep their concerns to themselves because no one cares if they have hurt feelings.

On the other side women are used to a much higher standard of treatment so losing that with online anonymity is quite a shock and they're taught that if something bothers them they need to say something because that's a real problem.

Maoist-Pussy · 2015-09-03T16:27:57+00:00

Which hurts worse: being called a faggot, or knowing that you failed to control yourself and started blubbering in public because someone called you a faggot?

CursedLemon · 2015-09-03T15:05:06+00:00

Men don't get upset because men are programmed/taught not to feel threatened - it simply doesn't intimidate them because they don't believe repercussion is coming their way, or they believe that they can handle whatever comes.

Dietyz · 2015-09-03T15:17:22+00:00

We insult each other in a playful, friendly way much more than women do, so its natural to assume some men would become better at brushing things off

blametheboogie · 2015-09-03T22:14:28+00:00

Judging by my friends and family members teenage and young adult children, girls/women bully online a lot more than boys/men. As far as I know no men I know in real life have been harassed online.

SerpOfZerk · 2015-09-04T00:04:19+00:00

Whenever I shit talk or someone shit talks me its all fun and games really

I just don't take things personally

JeanValjean197o · 2015-09-04T05:27:27+00:00

tl;dr: no one gives a shit if men are in distress. It's a learned behavior and this one is more likely to be punished when males do it and rewarded when females do it.

What is the point of getting upset?

Getting upset is an emotional reaction, but outwardly it's purpose is to communicate that upset to others with the expectation that they will both care and assist you.

No one cares or assists men. In fact, outward expressions of distress are seen as weakness in men and as we all know both women and men punish weakness in men.

So then there is no advantage in showing signs of distress and there is a potential negative consequence to it.

Conversely there is no consequence for women no matter how weak and pathetic they are and they can almost always expect help so long as their claims seem half-way credible. Less credible claims will be accepted if they are pretty and young.

Rufus_Reddit · 2015-09-03T16:13:57+00:00

is that because men are in reality less upset or because they have been socialised ...

That's a false dichotomy. For example, people who have developed effective coping mechanisms in response to social stimulus will be less upset.

The notion of "less upset" is also terribly imprecise. When I was young, my sister killed my pet hamster by putting it in a sock and slamming it on the floor, and a few years ago I say a guy on a razor scooter get killed in a collision with a car. Both were profoundly upsetting, but I have no clue which one I was more upset about.

Drenzard · 2015-09-03T22:07:03+00:00

Women can damsel, men can't, all the answers have been true so far. I'd also like to add on GreasyPole's point on what happens to men who bitch - they get slammed by both women and other men looking for someone to humiliate as whiny, entitled, bitter, worthless and pathetic. Same reason for the paradigm on the kind of treatment men receive for asking sympathy to men's issues ( MRA SCUM I HOPE YOU SUFFER SO MUCH THAT YOU OFF YOURSELF ) from both women and their orbiters, while any female complaining even about being called a mean name is showered with horror and coddling. Likewise with dating, a man who complains about loneliness or the gender dynamic is worse than Hitler. Women are free to complain as much as they please to the encouragement of other women, and for way more trivial things than men. This pattern continues everywhere. It all comes down to biology, males are a dime in a dozen and should fuck over each other for women's impression, while women sit on the laurels and applause or scorn the gladiators in the arena to their satisfaction. Of course, if one of the female spectators is ever harmed, everyone rushes to her defense.

This is the foundation for much of human behavior, there's almost no gender or social issue that doesn't ultimately assimilate into this overarching principle of evolutionary psychology. Which is not surprising considering we are an organism designed to reproduce, reproduction is though the other gender and thus they're constructed in a way in which the best sperm may win.

CuntyMcFagNuts69 · 2015-09-03T16:01:58+00:00

Men are rational.

From the words of my lady, "I would hang out with more women if they weren't women, all they do is bitch"

pickup_sticks · 2015-09-03T16:55:39+00:00

Guys harass each other all the time. One of the best things about being a guy is that you can harass your fellow guy friends without mercy.

Plugawy_Nedznik · 2015-09-04T06:21:40+00:00

So the article states that men report being less upset about online harassment than women, but is that because men are in reality less upset or because they have been socialised to not show a negative emotion in situations like this?

I would say the former. Men give each other shit all the time, from the moment they can speak we call each other names face to face.

Hell, recently at work two guys who I know are good buddies are engaged in some kind of medieval roleplay, saying things like "Come here when I call for you, dog!" "Quiet, peasant!" or "Watch your tone when you speak to your lord!" etc. Everyone thinks that shit's hilarious.

veyron3003 · 2015-09-03T15:39:13+00:00

Because men have a backbone and better suited to criticism. It also helps that we're not lied to about our looks.

GaiusScaevolus · 2015-09-03T16:51:37+00:00

Women seem to live and die of the validation of others more so than men.

Men are also raised with a 'sticks n stones' mentality, whereas women grow up with their being coddled emotionally.

cxj · 2015-09-03T21:18:11+00:00

IDK, I am just mind blown that anyone thinks this is a big deal. I remember an SC2 match from years ago that had an abnormally high degree of trash talk, and after my opponent beat me he PM'd me "RAPED FAGGOT." I responded, "well yeah I lost, but I wouldn't say I was raped. It was a close game, GG." And then the guy was like "yeah you're right, wanna RE?"

I think excessive, over the top assholery is a fun exchange for a lot of guys, hence the appeal of things like gangsta rap.

gaylooboil · 2015-09-03T21:19:19+00:00

The abuse that men face online is rarely personal. It never attacks who they are as a person. It is usually just some generic homophobic slurs. The abuse women face online is about attacking them for being a woman. It's attacking a core aspect of who that person is. Attacks against women on the Internet are often far more personal, and thus more vicious.

Red Pill approved comment:

Because females are overly emotional, overly dramatic children who can't take a little good natured prodding. Now let me tell you how it is females who have no empathy for men, and have no idea about the male experience.

bonerdude420 · 2015-09-04T04:02:00+00:00

More exposure/experience with direct conflict rather than indirect conflict

wazzup987 · 2015-09-04T05:58:23+00:00

because mean words are nothing compared to late rent or missing a car payment.

wtknight · 2015-09-03T17:21:00+00:00

It's a combination of both, but more the former than the latter, I'm guessing. Testosterone makes men naturally aggressive and competitive.

mykonos_rm · 2015-09-03T18:20:08+00:00

read the parable of the lady and the work horse. Long story short, men are conditioned to "take it".

phillpjay · 2015-09-03T19:06:53+00:00

I think that the comment sections on most subs within this site are enough to prove that the article is completely wrong lol

vincentninja68 · 2015-09-03T20:58:15+00:00

Most men's life are characterized by strife. "Man up" if you will, by definition is getting a person to deal with criticism and react to it either constructively or at least just brush it off. As far online harassment goes. That's just the internet for you. Give a person anonymity and place to voice their opinion and there's a good chance they'll use it to act like a ~~twat~~ jerk.

runitonce007 · 2015-09-04T00:31:45+00:00

Men probably get harassed online more than women tbh, but far less in real life. A man will often not insult another man on the street because even if he thinks he could take the guy in a fight - he's not SURE of it, & knows it's probably not worth finding out for sure. A jacked 6'3 30yr-old will get plenty of abuse online that would never get said to his face.

It's all subjective though. Men & women have different definitions of term 'harassment'. I've known women to find offence in the most trivial of things. They will complain about something that a man simply has to put up with.

Title	Why are men less upset?
Author	susandeath
Upvotes	16
Comments	87
Date	September 3, 2015 2:55 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3jhtmf/why_are_men_less_upset/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-men-less-upset.279832 https://theredarchive.com/post/279832

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