Q4A: Do you feel you were ever "used" by some of your partners? For money, sex, emotional support which wasn't reciprocated or anything of sort?

Bright_Itempas · 2019-12-24T19:17:04+00:00

Only once. I was 24 and dating a legal clerk who had graduated 2 years prior from one of the top law schools in the nation. I learned after dumping him that he had been writing articles based off things I had talked to him about and was getting published in national newspapers and well-respected legal journals for these pitches.

At first I thought it was a coincidence, but then I came across a third op-ed, and he started citing my life experiences as "ground truths" and straight up plagiarized quotes from our Gchats. All-told, he has 5 articles out there with my thoughts, research, and life as the basis.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-12-24T19:41:56+00:00

I was pretty much a starter “wife”. Supported my ex while he started a business, I lent him money, my parents lent us both money. Worked and paid the rent while he started his first business from nothing. After almost 7 years he went from being busted to selling franchises and making lots of money......and I was told now that he was rich, he had no intention of marrying the first girl he ever slept with.

Not gonna lie, I’m infinitely grateful to him, just wish he had done it a lot sooner. Things didn’t go as well for him.

Bekiala · 2019-12-24T19:42:35+00:00

I think my early boyfriends and myself were mostly reciprocally being immature and inappropriate as we both learned about life, relationships and ourselves.

Laremort · 2019-12-24T22:58:45+00:00

Yup. 2 years and he used me as his sextoy. He cheated on me, and I was only the "sex guarantee", if he didn't find a good hole to fuck, he would fuck me instead. He raped me a couple of times, and abused of my body when I was asleep. I stayed to years with him cause I was affraid of being alone and not being loved again, and he destroyed my self confidence at a serious point.

mintpuffyfluffs · 2019-12-24T21:29:54+00:00

Yep. Together 7.5 years. The whole time he said he wanted marriage/family but kept putting it off. After I moved out, he said I had “ just symbolized sex to him”.

Malarki101 · 2019-12-24T21:45:22+00:00

I've helped buy two houses. Got dumped a few months after the paperwork went through in both situations. In all fairness, my wife of 10 years had reasons to cheat, and my girlfriend of 3, we were polyamorous. Things crumbled in both, but dammit, the next house I buy will be mine. Thousands lost for me in both cases. And both cases, it was worth it for the love we had. I get where they are coming from as well. I can't justify spending so much while getting so little reciprocation though. If I were bitter, which I'm not, I'd think I was used. I wasn't, they were just toxic relationships. I had this idea of what relationships are, and they just aren't that.

CommittedToLearning · 2019-12-24T19:29:40+00:00

I've definitely been used as a living dildo and it's pretty great tbh

Although idk if you can consider it not reciprocated since I got to fuck her just as much as she got to fuck me

lady_baphomet · 2019-12-24T23:16:36+00:00

Yep! My ex common law husband used me for emotional support, & money, and sex, he could not hold down a job longer than 3 months and awful hygiene. Did nothing but smoke weed and game all day, legit gaming 12 hours 7 days a week! Only gave me affection when he wanted sex. Controlled our money 100%, he'd have no issue blowing 60$ on a new game and 100$ on weed, but when I needed new clothes or shoes because what I had was falling apart, it was not in the budget. If I DID need something, I had to essentially he's try to extort sex from me, pretty much treating me like a whore. The worst thing he did, that I'll NEVER forgive would be after I told him about how my father molested me, my ex would conveniently "forget" and then tell me to go visit that sick bastard for money, so HE the ex) could go off and buy weed.

He also took everything when I left, my flat screen tv, my PS4, my Warhammer 40k books, and other things of value, then tried to take my last 600$ for rent I "owed" him, at that I told him to fuck off. I pretty much left with a few important items and the clothes on my back I never looked back. I wasted my teen to young adult years on that loser, and I vowed to get that time back

Barneysparky · 2019-12-24T18:47:58+00:00

[deleted]

XtoDoubt · 2019-12-24T19:18:39+00:00

I don't think it was intentional, but hot damn did I sacrifice a lot for an ex just to have her leave.

PrsnPersuasion · 2019-12-24T20:43:11+00:00

Yes. My most recent ex was borderline (didn’t vet enough - my mistake) and I became her emotional tampon. However, whenever I was even in a remotely bad mood, she internalized it and got cold. I.e., she was allowed to be upset, but I wasn’t. What’s new?

welcometothejl · 2019-12-24T20:16:39+00:00

Absolutely. My ex wife was miserable during marriage despite going from living on her own in an apartment and having to pay her way, to living in a nice house and having no bills at all. She was always upset about something and it was my job to make her happy. You could say, well you shouldn't have gotten married, but we had a complicated situation and I wanted to do what was right. I really thought if I worked hard I could make her happy, but I could only make her happy until she wasn't, and anything I did had a short shelf life. The problem is once I was married she could walk away with half the money and all the pussy. She had all the leverage. For me, and I would advise this for any man out there, do not get married without a pre nup. I have no issues sharing if someone loves me and wants to be with me, but supporting someone who doesn't want to be with you, or someone who makes your life miserable after the marriage is over is the biggest racket and a big reason the red pill exists.

mwait · 2019-12-24T19:46:12+00:00

When I was younger(early 20s) I had a broad tell me she was only dating me because I was, in her words, "tall and hot".

I know lots of dudes, esp here, think they want to be desired solely for their looks... And how lucky the chicks are who have so many dudes lusting after them. But in reality, finding out that you are only valued for that kinda sucks.

2019-12-24T18:46:19+00:00

Kinda, but I don't blame em...I have had a tendency to hate effort, which has meant tolerating a lot so long as it meant not having to try harder to be in situations I actually want to be in. A big part of growing up for me has been realizing that tolerating substandard situations itself takes almost superhuman effort

Trying is better

largepaycheckaddict · 2019-12-24T19:35:18+00:00

Only been in 3 “official” relationships. All 3 were healthy to a degree aside from my own neuroses wasn’t very toxic as it was just defeatist and hating on myself. I got the vibe one of these girls only dated me cause she couldn’t stand to see me happy with someone else but that’s just the way it is.

I have gone on dates with women who were obviously on the rebound or just looking for someone to buy them drinks for a night though.

noNooodleArms · 2019-12-24T20:09:00+00:00

Used? Yes. Not reciprocated? No.

My last girlfriend was much younger and straight up used me to enter the mainstream, having been raised in a conservative cult. I had a hot young woman on my arm for years, and she helped mainstream me into the middle class. Win/win.

Jathrowaway97 · 2019-12-24T20:23:50+00:00

Yep all of the above. I planned and paid for all our dates except the first one. He had issues with his parents,especially his father for abandoning him and he would open up to me a lot about it and misdirect his anger onto me sometimes. He would confess his regrets and messed up stuff he did and I’d be all ears with no judgement. I tried to open up to him about my self esteem and family problems but he would get annoyed by it, I started going to therapy instead and he made fun of me for going. Sometimes I wouldn’t want to have sex because it wasn’t that great and I’d need to be in the right mood to do it enthusiastically. He’d get mad and sulky over this. It was my worst relationship by far and whenever I come across guys that remind me of him to even the slightest degree I cut them off.

blondie-- · 2019-12-24T22:52:07+00:00

My ex tried to use me for a green card. Dumped me over email when his mom moved to Canada and could sponsor him

acmemetalworks · 2019-12-25T02:04:27+00:00

Only for the past few relationships, so 25 years or so.

LotBuilder · 2019-12-24T19:18:18+00:00

All of them. and I was using them for something. That’s why relationships exist. If we didn’t want something from each other we would not have connected

Workaholiconew · 2019-12-24T21:51:43+00:00

Do you feel you were ever "used" by some of your partners? For money, sex, emotional support which wasn't reciprocated or anything of sort?

Most women, and not reserved by sexual or romantic partners, but any relationship. Sure, most will reciprocate in some small way, but not to the same extent, to not say value. Women also have this projection effect that men have the same value list than them, which is quite troublesome.

ToraChan23 · 2019-12-24T19:36:19+00:00

Every man and women feels this on some level at some point in their lives.

There are men and women in relationships RIGHT NOW being used. Some don't know it; even worse, some do know it but either don't care or don't have enough respect for themselves to care.

HBvancouver · 2019-12-24T23:16:49+00:00

I was an emotional placeholder a couple times (actually last two guys 🤦🏻‍♀️) One was really lonely and a introvert. We were friends and started dating, did not end well at all. The other is just afraid of getting hurt again but likes having someone there, we actually never slept together but had sleepovers every weekend and did date like things multiple times a week.

Both are lessons learned 🤷🏻‍♀️

catsuramen · 2019-12-25T05:32:11+00:00

Yes. My ex tried to use me as a baby incubator/vessel. His mom supported this man-child financially and she wanted him to have a kid. He was nowhere near ready (career & maturity wise) but as a mama's boy, he knew he had to pop out a grandkid in order for his mom to keep giving money to him. Of course, I refused.

So he cheated with another girl in his lab (and lied about it to me). Soon after he broke up with me, I found out he has a baby. In hindsight, I dodged a bullet because that girl is nothing but a meat incubator to shut his mom off for him.

Mountain_Fever · 2019-12-25T06:18:23+00:00

I know I was used for sex. He told me he only got married because he wanted sex. Funny thing is, we started having sex before we got married. Fancy that.

reluctantly_red · 2019-12-24T19:53:24+00:00

Yes!!! I'd be at least half a million dollars further ahead if I hadn't squander resources on my two ex-wives. Too many women don't have any idea what it means to reciprocate.

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2019-12-24T20:23:43+00:00

There was this one chick who i was the “rebound guy” for. She wasnt really into me, she was trying to get over a breakup and move on with life. It dissolved pretty fast

CatchPhraze · 2019-12-25T01:31:21+00:00

Yes! We where both bi women into house and trance. What a highschool romance. She was using my pictures to catfish people on MySpace lmao. Fuccck that.

G77R23D · 2019-12-25T02:06:55+00:00

No, never.

grand_tiremaster · 2019-12-25T02:38:22+00:00

My second boyfriend. Money/nice things or gifts. Pretty sure he was after my house also..

binkerfluid · 2019-12-25T05:05:25+00:00

For money yes, left me with over 10K in credit card debt and never paid bills or helped with mortgage. We had a family together but she never was all in. Sure she loved the sex and the security etc but she never was an equal partner.

CHAD_TDK · 2019-12-25T05:47:54+00:00

Yes, money.

2019-12-25T06:28:32+00:00

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-12-25T09:56:54+00:00

Once. I was dating a girl which I took for a beach weekend. She started bragging about she could get gifts and entertainment from all the dudes orbiting her.

I never contacted her again

Dora_Bowl · 2019-12-24T18:45:26+00:00

I have felt this way, but it was mostly just in my own head when I really did think it through.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-12-24T20:44:34+00:00

Sure a few. I used a few. Thats life

Title	Q4A: Do you feel you were ever "used" by some of your partners? For money, sex, emotional support which wasn't reciprocated or anything of sort?
Author	glitterfracture
Upvotes	84
Comments	107
Date	December 24, 2019 6:34 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ef56to/q4a_do_you_feel_you_were_ever_used_by_some_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4a-do-you-feel-you-were-ever-used-by-some-of-your.302879 https://theredarchive.com/post/302879

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