Let's talk about cheating. 3 Questions.

theawaregirl · 2020-03-04T16:40:17+00:00

They're both shitty people and neither is better or worse than the other. They're both cheating scum.

It is NEVER okay to cheat. There is no circumstance that makes it "okay."

I would never take a cheater back. Further, I'd never be with someone who'd cheated on anyone, even if that person wasn't me. Because if they'd disrespect me and our relationship so deeply once, why the fuck would I expect them not to do it again? I do not share. They can go find someone who does, but it ain't me.

diffdedbed · 2020-03-04T16:55:44+00:00

Bonus question: When is it ok to cheat?

When your spouse is watching.

Ireallyreallydontgaf · 2020-03-04T19:22:47+00:00

Obviously It’s never ok to cheat, and it’s not more ok for one gender to cheat than the other.

Like wtf is this question?

NarniaFox · 2020-03-04T16:48:26+00:00

It's equally bad for men and women, your break your promise and you hurt your partner. You also put them at the risks of STDs or a child from your affair.

It is okay to cheat only if you are in fake relationships, though it isn't cheating then. I'd never take back a cheater, if they do it once they most likely do it again.

WastingOrchid · 2020-03-04T17:05:09+00:00

Both are awful. Why would changing genders change it? Each one is still intentionally seeking out another person while in a committed relationship. Each one is still going to absolutely destroy their partner’s self esteem just so they can nut/get nutted in slightly more frequently. It’s selfish, cruel, and so easily avoidable.

The only times “cheating” is okay in my opinion is when it’s been agreed upon by the couple (I.e. open relationships). I think that’s not actually cheating, but I’ve met a lot of people who really try to argue that it is so I guess it falls into that category for some. If both parties are fine with it and enjoying themselves then man, you do you.

Would I ever take a cheater back? It’d be way too easy to say “no” had it not actually happened to me. The psychology there is a little complicated. I want to say no, because it’s a dick move and I shouldn’t want them back. In reality it’s way more messy. My ex’s cheating completely fucked me up and I couldn’t help but feel like it was my own inadequacy that had driven him away. I hated myself more in those months than I ever have before, made worse since I had the texts he sent her outlining the ways she was better than me (“wow you’re SO much hotter than my gf” etc.). So then when he came back and told me he’d made a mistake and had never meant it and clearly I was hotter than her and whatever else, I wanted so badly to believe that over the only other possibility I could think of (that I wasn’t good enough) that, yeah, I folded. Quickly spiraled into a horribly abusive situation since I was emotionally dependent on him at that point and he started using that to his advantage, so the relationship didn’t last much longer, but I did take him back. I wish I could say I wouldn’t do it again but honestly? I never thought I would have in the first place.

Emervila · 2020-03-04T17:48:51+00:00

Which one is worse:

When you are cheated.

When is it ok to cheat?

When you are garbage

And would you ever take a cheater back? Yes/No? Why?

No. Loyalty is a binary matter only Yes or No, is your SO loyal? if Y= LTR; if N= WTF just move on!

ninja_deli · 2020-03-04T17:49:16+00:00

One is not worse than the other. They are both pieces of shit. Equal shit.

Never ok to cheat.

And I would NEVER take a cheater back. I know several cheaters and it changes you once you cheat. It gets easier and easier for them to do and justify/excuse. The old adage once a cheater always a cheater is true in many cases.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-03-04T20:29:54+00:00

It is bad when a man cheats on me. Who gaf "men cheating on women" or "women cheating on men"

Physiologist21 · 2020-03-04T22:21:49+00:00

Women will cheat way more in situations that would be observed by others as a normal, or good relationship simply out of boredom / narcissism.

Men tend to cheat way more when the woman refuses to have sex with their husband / are in situations when they are being used as ATMS.

So imo, worse when women cheat because they simply must have shit be perfect all the time in all aspects of a relationship and can never be happy when they have to settle in some way.

Bonus question: Never, but you know, mitigating circumstances sometimes.

Almost never, no.

2020-03-04T23:33:30+00:00

[deleted]

PickleLine · 2020-03-05T06:45:41+00:00

It's worse for women on average. A man can sleep with women that they don't really like or respect. Men can physically cheat without emotionally cheating. Women almost always emotionally cheat. They've been trained to look for emotions and validation from men. If they're sleeping with a man, chances are she sees the man as a source of emotional validation, good feelings, etc beyond just a physical hook up.

2020-03-04T17:06:29+00:00

for me obviously its worse when a man cheats because i only date men? i don't care about female infidelity lol

thedeadpill · 2020-03-04T18:54:37+00:00

Full disclosure: I cheated towards the end of my marriage; the women I slept with knew I was married, and did not seem to have much of a problem with it. I was caught (red handed, or, rather dick-wet?), but it didn't immediately precipitate the end of my marriage, and we soldiered on for another couple of years. Would not do again, would not recommend.

Explain why, for both genders, why one is worse than the other.

Neither is worse. They're both really bad!

Bonus question: When is it ok to cheat?

It isn't.

And would you ever take a cheater back? Yes/No? Why?

No.

Cheating is predicated on the idea that there is something wrong with the party that is cheating, or that there is something wrong with the relationship.

If there's something wrong with the cheater, it's not your job to fix it.

If there's something wrong with the relationship, IME, it's gotten to the point where it's not fixable, and no amount of communication is going to fix what's missing.

Now, there's research that shows that most marriages can totally survive infidelity. I just don't think I would want to engage in that whole circus again.

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Orange_Paisley · 2020-03-04T17:31:16+00:00

I do not think either has moral standing so neither is worse.

passepar2t · 2020-03-04T19:11:37+00:00

It's ok to cheat when you're "the other person."

MuleFool42 · 2020-03-04T22:29:39+00:00

It's bad when either person does it because you're hurting and/or disrespecting the other person when you do it and would rather cheat than address the issue and either fix it or break up.

It's never ok.

I personally would never take a cheater back and recommend that to my friends because once the trust is gone there is really no coming back from that.

naomiomii · 2020-03-05T00:02:53+00:00

It’s never okay to cheat but if my boyfriend did we would need to talk about why it happened. Sometimes cheating is a symptom of a broken relationship and not out of spite. So I would probably suggest couples counseling. I’m not insecure about my worth for it to ruin my life but it would still hurt me and take awhile to fix.

jelli2015 · 2020-03-05T01:52:37+00:00

Neither is better or worse. Cheaters are terrible people. Period.

And it is never okay to cheat. My relationship with my sister is irreparably damaged because she dared to try to convince me to do it. I’ve dropped friends for cheating on their SO.

I would never take one back. The moment you cheat, you’re dead to me.

CHAD_TDK · 2020-03-05T03:37:58+00:00

Which one is worse:

When a woman cheats

or

When a man cheats?

It's the same, no difference.

Bonus question: When is it ok to cheat?

Never.

And would you ever take a cheater back? Yes/No?

No

Why?

Just my personal philosophy based on my experience.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-03-05T06:16:48+00:00

Which one is worse:

When a woman cheats

or

When a man cheats?

Both are equally bad. That said women have it easier when it comes to cheating.

Bonus question: When is it ok to cheat?

Dead bedroom, dead relationship and you are on the way out.

And would you ever take a cheater back? Yes/No? Why?

I would. Sometimes sex is just impersonal.

WicGoingAnonymous · 2020-03-05T07:59:00+00:00

When is it ok to cheat?

When the desire for cheating is caused by a situation that can't be avoided, that can't be resolved in another way (and you have tried), where if the cheating is undiscovered it will prevent a lot of hurt, you are able to keep this secret and it's temporary.

It has to be temporary because if it's a permanent situation then you should find a different solution because you can't cheat permanently. You are either going to get caught or you are going eventually going for the different solution, might aswell skip the cheating part.

An example: the wife has terminal cancer and hasn't had sex with you for over a year because of the cancer treatment, she only has a couple of months left to live and you can't last without sex anymore. Yes it's ok to cheat and way better then you divorcing your wife in her last months to live.

exit_sandman · 2020-03-05T10:14:38+00:00

When a woman cheats, because the likelihood that I or one of my friends might be affected is a lot higher than when it's a man cheating :P But seriously: female cheating includes the possibility of paternity fraud, and that makes it potentially infinitely more devastating. A man who cheats communicates "deep down, I want more kids". A woman who cheats communicates "deep down, I want kids that aren't yours." While I don't expect women to be okay with the former, the latter is still a lot more personal.
I don't think it's "okay" per se, but I can think of two situations with mitigating circumstances. (a) if we're dealing with a hard case of DBR and breaking up isn't a feasible solution and (b) if the person doing the cheating has already decided to break up - in that case they're just doing prematurely what they could have done a few days later without moral judgment anyway.
No. For starters, not all people are cut out to cheat, and while we can't say for sure who would never do, we definitely can say who is willing to do - those who already did it. Thus, by knowingly dating someone with a history of cheating, you're already accepting the risk that (s)he will do it again. On top of that: since the wording "would you ever take a cheater back" implies that I was the one being cheated on, I'd just send her the message that I am a pushover whom she can cheat on without consequences, which in turn increases the chance that she'll do it again even more.

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-03-05T12:43:28+00:00

When a woman cheats or When a man cheats?

By a hair's length, women.

Explain why, for both genders, why one is worse than the other.

With women, a man could be duped into raising a kid that isn't his, which is a huge waste of resources. Women are also ever so slightly more likely to pick up an STD and bring it home.

Bonus question: When is it ok to cheat?

it's not.

And would you ever take a cheater back? Yes/No? Why?

No, that relationship would be tainted.

nonedat · 2020-03-06T21:30:19+00:00

When either of them cheat, but only if they stop being intimate with the person they're cheating on.

SeasonedRP · 2020-03-04T19:30:48+00:00

It's worse for the relationship if it is the woman who cheats. If she does, she's lost attraction to the guy and the relationship is doomed. Men can cheat and remain attracted to their partners. If what you are aiming at is who is worse morally, I'd say it is equally bad or neutral or whatever your value system says about cheating.

I wouldn't remain with a woman who cheated on me because I'd know she isn't into me anymore and never will be. No point in staying with her.

dylang92 · 2020-03-04T17:59:42+00:00

There shouldn’t be a question here of which is worse, because both are shitty people in the situation. I don’t care what you have between your legs, you don’t get a pass

SherbertBacon · 2020-03-04T20:08:14+00:00

Both equally bad, because cheating is hurtful and immoral regardless of gender, never "ok" to cheat (although I can understand doing it to escape an abusive situation), "no," trust would be irreparably broken.

DangZagnut · 2020-03-04T16:52:45+00:00

I had lovers, not relationships. The concept of cheating is some outdated, sex negative, religious quackery by stupid people.

And yes it’s meant to be inflammatory to you sex negative fetishists.

Why do men hate women cheating? A loss of affection to someone else and getting pegged to raise someone’s bastard.

Why do women hate cheating? He’s transferring emotional control and money to someone else.

So both sides hate it, because they’re locked in their exclusivity desires to control a person and have all the resources for themselves.

There’s no worse. Women can more easily get sex, which they barely care about, and men have a harder time getting sex, which they do care about.

It’s just sex people. You have a psychological issue if it’s a problem for you. Does a hand shake give you a problem? Does her having surgery with a doctor up in her guts give you a problem?

Are you so shallow and pathetic it matters? All this question will show is a bunch of religious fruit loops with psychological disorders terrified of her being “dirty” from another man’s penis and gold diggers terrified of him giving money to someone else.

So people live in irrational fear. I’m sure they’ve already bought up all the toilet paper in Australia.

Why even care? I mean sure, you can argue about disease vectors and all that, but outside of that. There will be no logical response that isn’t based on fear and psychological issues.

As a guy, why do you care what she’s doing when she’s not with you? As a girl, why do you care what he’s doing if he’s not with you?

Why are you people “committing” in the first place? To prop up a dying institution that already has a 50% failure rate which almost no one is happy in after five years?

SirNemesis · 2020-03-04T20:45:22+00:00

It's way worse for a woman to cheat physically, but it's worse for a man to cheat emotionally. Basic evolutionary psychology.

death_by_1000_cats · 2020-03-05T01:32:42+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Let's talk about cheating. 3 Questions.
Author	ReachForYourDreams
Upvotes	0
Comments	86
Date	March 4, 2020 3:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fdeugs/lets_talk_about_cheating_3_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/lets-talk-about-cheating-3-questions.352384 https://theredarchive.com/post/352384

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