CMV: the fact that women complain about double standards when it comes to the number of past sexual partners reinforces the fact that men are not allowed to show insecurity

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-06-09T16:59:52+00:00

Don't spam.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-06-09T16:17:11+00:00

I think men should have standards and have every right to want a certain kind of woman, but it’s the hypocrisy that tends to get the most reactions. A man who practices the values he wants from a woman is fine, a man who doesn’t, then (usually when he either gets tired of all the casual sex or his options dwindle), decides he wants the low n count woman, that’s hypocrisy.

Men who complain that women give their best years to random chads, but expect low n count women to give her best years to some guy who spent his best years pumping and dumping and whose long established values are totally different from hers, why should she? Yes, men are not shamed for being sluts like women are but why should a low n count woman waste it all on a man who treated women the way that she purposefully avoided being treated?
Because she probably successfully kept a low n count from making sure not to be with those kinds of men to begin with, so why should she be with one when he has decided that he wants someone like her after all the randoms he had?

Basically why should a low n count woman be with a the type of man she most likely avoided so that she could keep her low n count?

DebatePony · 2020-06-09T16:08:38+00:00

"Men" can have whatever feelings they want about a "woman's" n count. But they shouldn't be all surprised pikachu face when they get called out if they are hypocrites.

the_purring_jew · 2020-06-09T16:40:10+00:00

"allowed"

youre ALLOWED TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, you're not "entitled" (i hate that word) to be found SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE if you do it

i dont understand men's demand to be unattractive and be found attractive. stop looking to women for "empathy" or whatever bullshit psychemology reddit word were using today

NarniaFox · 2020-06-09T16:24:20+00:00

To make things clear - I'm 23, my husband is my first and ever. I'm not sure that you're correct about you and guys like you having only one option of beta-buxxing.

It seems that in the US a third of women of 25 years old have been married once:

https://flowingdata.com/2017/11/01/who-is-married-by-now/

I don't have any problems with guys having preferences and I strongly believe that everyone should look for a partner who they are comfortable with. What I'm not okay with is slutshaming. You can and should, if you want, to look for a low-count woman, but it doesn't mean that you should shame women who are out of your preferences.

And to the part about insecurity - women usually talk about men showing and sharing their emotions, but vulnerable states are better be shown and shared with people who are actually close to you. Unfortunately, strangers have no responsibility to cater to your emotional needs and supporting you.

tickledpic · 2020-06-09T15:49:20+00:00

Showing insecurities and directing them at other people are two different things.

c_dolly · 2020-06-09T15:36:24+00:00

Idk there's a difference between showing insecurity and straight up hypocrisy. You can say that you want a low n count partner, and that's a standard you set for yourself (whether it comes from disgust or insecurity) but you can't claim that all women with an n count higher than 10 are terrible cheaters who can't pair bond, if you claim that you're not despite your high n-count.

hellobitchitsme · 2020-06-09T16:02:55+00:00

Yeah I call bullshit on that.

AlissonHarlan · 2020-06-09T16:35:41+00:00

Not sure if i understood you well, but, i don't think we should accept double -standards just because there is a reason behind (there is always a reason behind everything, so why the reason behind sleeping with a lot of guy is not accepted ? that's a mystery ;) )

the fact : men are insecure. they are allowed to be insecure. it's normal, it happens to everybody.

what you said : men being insecure allow them to treat women that have a 'high' body count as sluts. no it didn't. nobody will force them to have a relation ship with one of these women, but the fact that reaction to being insecure is belittling these women is not acceptable.

I make a distinction between emotions and how you react to them. another reaction would be to talk to your friends, crush or partner, and maybe discover that the truth is not always as shiny as we imagine.

That behind the 'slut' there is a heart, some insecurities, and maybe a trauma, who know ?

flamingoinghome · 2020-06-09T16:36:27+00:00

Where, in this body of somewhat disjointed text, do you say anything about men expressing their insecurities? Not anger, not disgust, but insecurity? And the men themselves are expressing it, rather than a woman hypothesizing or detecting an underlying insecurity?

yasee · 2020-06-09T15:38:39+00:00

part of becoming an emotionally mature person is knowing what feelings are and are not appropriate to express (and when, and in which contexts, and how). I get pissed off and resentful when I lose in goldeneye but I generally do not start insulting my friends and being a passive-aggressive shit about it

well, maybe sometimes I do but I shouldn't. Being expected to control some of your emotional impulses is not a bad or oppressive thing

tpain8 · 2020-06-09T15:44:29+00:00

People can want what they want, but if a man with a high count gets upset about a woman having a high count, he's a hypocrite.

It's not about insecurity, it's about condemning people for something that you also do. That's literally the definition of hypocrisy.

Mimoxs · 2020-06-09T15:53:56+00:00

It's not that you can't share your feelings, its that those feelings specifically deserve to be criticized. If you have a hypocritical double standard... People have the right to say "hey, that's a hypocritical double standard."

Are you really upset that people are calling out other people about insecurity and a double standard.... On the internet?

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psypD · 2020-06-09T16:51:46+00:00

Who gives a crap what women think about a man's preferences and the reasons behind them? If she is an used up slut she is out. It is what it is and it is not open to discussions?

Women have a million different little stupid reasons they use to disqualify a man and deem him unworthy of her stinky snatch. From his height to his hobbies, to his job, to his haircut,to the color of his socks ,to the breed of his pet dog. It is what it is and there is no discussing ,negotiations or bargaining about it with any woman. Trying to do so is a waste of time. Men are entitled to do the same for anything we see as a requirement and there is no need or reason to justify anything to anyone.

So I am not really trying to CYV but more to point out that thinking of and debating whatever crappy shaming technique women try using at any given time is a big waste of time and energy. Ignore them, laugh it off and go find a more adequate and satisfying woman.

GreenSatyr · 2020-06-09T16:53:58+00:00

What you're doing here is twisting the meaning of the word "insecure". Insecure in the context of interpersonal relationships primarily means when you have a bad feeling such that the root of the problem is your self esteem, self worth, or self sufficiency.

If someone says "I feel insecure about your sexual history", that means that they own the problem as being their own and that the solution is for them to work on themselves with the support of whoever is willing to support them.

Meanwhile, what you are saying is that the problem lies with the sexual history and that the solution is that women should avoid accumulating sexual history. This is an attempt to control the behavior of others. You're trying to cast yourself as the vulnerable party by misusing the word "insecure" but what you are actually advocating is not in line with that word.

shbro1 · 2020-06-09T17:22:35+00:00

Why do you even try to date women? Sounds like you can’t stand them, in general.

If you’re so insecure about being a woman’s consolation prize, then maybe don’t date women who make you feel this way.

Plenty of women are serial monogamists, notwithstanding having had significant romantic or sexual experience with other men.

If a woman is lukewarm towards you, move onto something a little more reciprocal, perhaps. Don’t chalk up a woman’s tepid feelings for you as purely being a function of her n-count. Trust me, there are plenty of stone cold virgins out there who would also be bored to tears with your company.

Pursue people who are enthusiastic about it/you

GennyX · 2020-06-09T16:05:12+00:00

I’m all for men showing insecurities. However, if a man is insecure about something so pathetic, they can be insecure about it somewhere else. There are plenty of men who aren’t insecure about something so ridiculous, and those are my type. Someone who doesn’t give a shit about it.

relish5k · 2020-06-09T16:06:17+00:00

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tritoneharmonies · 2020-06-09T16:42:05+00:00

YES!
I've tried to tell people that making fun of men who want exclusivity in their relationship is essentially gaslighting them into believing they're crazy for not wanting to "share". It's vile and abusive, it doesn't only happen on social media, but inside relationships as well - and it being done on social media just reinforces the justification for these emotional abusers. And some of this sentiment extends to men being instinctively uncomfortable with something - it can't helped and it doesn't make the guy inadequate. It's ok to have feelings about these issues. Hypersensitivity and hysteria can be worked with if they impede the quality of one's life, but listening to one's gut feeling is hardly hysteria at all. It's healthy for a man to know what he can and can't mess with.

listentothenoises · 2020-06-09T17:00:16+00:00

Just don’t ask. I will admit it is very hard for me personally to separate the feeling of loving a woman to the jealous “ownership” kind of love. I respect women’s freedoms and I would never hold her past against her, she probably didn’t know I even existed so how can I be jealous? But when I’m in a relationship I know I’m going to have that selfish voice inside saying “I want this person, exclusively, for myself. This person is MY person.” Knowing her body count is only going to make me feel bad, whether she lies or tells the truth. Some things just aren’t worth knowing. And by not asking you show the ultimate form of security and confidence in yourself.

TripleMaxor · 2020-06-09T16:03:55+00:00

I come from a religious Muslim background and having any count was a red flag but I learned to be realistic. I still am against marriage especially to a girl with any count from non ex husbands/long term fiance. Islam has redpilled me against promiscuous girls before I knew this stuff. The reason is women never get over their exes and they always have emotional trauma and baggage to dump on your head.

FeniZio94 · 2020-06-09T16:22:17+00:00

It’s because they know they’re not worth dating.

I’ve had experiences with these type of women, but from the “Chad’s side”. I was the fwb/fb and these women would drop guys trying to seriously date them, just for some dick that literally treats them like common prostitutes (and I knew I wasn’t the only one hitting that).

They do this because they know that if dudes realize how easy they are, they will basically become the city’s bike (not the town’s bike, the CITY’s - where there are millions of people - bike). Nobody will really take them seriously, and since deep down inside they know their narcissism, entitlement and “empowerment” comes from literally whoring their value to zero, they know they’ll only be desirable by incels or soyboys.

It’s like fast forwarding the wall, and simply acknowledging that this X girl will have a pretty bad wall... therefore the investment isn’t worth it at all

Maximedius · 2020-06-09T16:25:24+00:00

No, men need to develop self worth, and stop dating such women.

This exactly. Why put up with a girl with 10 + partners for longer than a P & D? Brothers, it's not worth it. You are better than that.

This is somewhat what the redpill is about, and it is giving men confidence, which is destroying women's ability to land a beta bux later in life after having exercised their sexual freedom. This is why they complain.

I think you're spot on.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-06-09T16:40:19+00:00

Sharing your feelings is acting like a woman TBH. You don't need to share your feelings because you are icked out by n count. You just get icked out and find someone else. Who cares about sharing it? Who cares what feminist thinks?

Men shouldn't care, its not manly because its not a male nature to give a shit.

So you get weirded out by n count. Thats fine, I was there too when I was about 20. It really bugged me. I didn't get over it by talking to people, I didn't go to a therapist, I fucking manned up and got over myself.

I'm going to guess the quickest way to dry up panties is to say "I went to my therapist.".

Luckily most women are not feminist harpies. If you want to be treated like a man act like a man.

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