I dated this guy I thought was "the one" for two years. It took me another two years of ranting, self-doubt, shame, and sadness to finally fully accept that leaving my LV ex and finding FDS were the best choices I've ever made for myself. A "gentle" LVM can seem harmless at first — kind, funny, calm, pays for dates, asks about your day — but those are bare minimum, not HV, traits. Here are some seemingly-innocuous red flags I missed while I was still pick-meing through what I thought was the best relationship I'd ever find. I've dated several men since him, better and worse, and I believe blocking them the moment I see these behaviors has saved me a lot of grief:

🚩 Harboring extreme disdain for women in your (or his!) social circle. One example among many is his former roommate's new girlfriend (now fiancée). He'd say things like "she's changing him, she's using him, they're never going to work, he's wasting his time" with literally no reasoning, and all I could think was, wow, no real friend would be this salty in the shadows. He hated when she was in their house, and hated it even more when they announced they'd be moving to a new home together. There was not a single moment where he expressed happiness for either of them because all he could see was what was being taken from him. If you, the one he's fucking, are the only woman he seems to like, you're probably going to end up the "crazy ex" in his narrative.
🚩 "Saturdays are for the boys" mentality. You know the deal; agree to hang out at his place, get up, shower, dress, hop on the bus for 45 minutes, he lets you in, and he's just there in his pajamas playing video games on Discord with The Boys asking "so what do you wanna do?"
🚩 Had a car, made a point to never pick me up from the airport. It's too far, of course, but he'd still like to see me if I'm not too tired!
🚩 History of berating his mother. Self-explanatory. He apparently learned to "solve" this character flaw by...
🚩 Instead of blowing up, completely shutting down when I do or say anything he disagrees with. In public or private, no matter where we were or what we were doing the conversation would be over and he'd just be sitting there staring at the floor, ignoring me. Sometimes in my own home. When the emotional intelligence is too low for him to even express a basic statement of feeling, you're about to have to mother this grown man.
🚩 Low sense of object constance. Whatever it was that put him into silent treatment mode would inevitably send him spiraling — he admitted to playing out entire arguments in his head, without my participation or even knowledge. This would end in him questioning our relationship, sometimes going no-contact for days. At first I thought he was just socially inept, but in retrospect he had lots of close, long-term friendships and a plethora of absent, silent, "crazy" ex-girlfriends. This was gaslighting. "You've done something wrong, and no, you don't get to know what it was. If you loved me you'd already know, so you'd better try harder to make me happy before I give up on you." It’s a clever way to neg without ever opening his mouth. Please understand that he is quietly harboring multiple unwarranted vendettas against you if he's pulling shit like this, which is dangerous as all hell.
🚩 Referred to himself as "conflict-averse," which is code for terrified of/inexperienced in having difficult conversations, which are a foundational skill for a healthy relationship.
🚩 Happily enjoyed my company in his hobbies, only to enthusiastically accept and then bail last-minute on participating in mine, habitually.(He technically didn’t do anything “wrong,” he just got busy, and if you’re upset then you’re being overbearing/clingy!)This is a red flag because it quietly shows that he's only interested in spending time with you if you're doing what he wants.
🚩 Passive-aggressively shaming me for how I spend my money. Self-explanatory and ALWAYS grounds for an auto-block, though I didn't see it that way at the time.

The quiet, unassuming LVM with these traits is a loose cannon that could erupt on you at any moment. If you see any of these subtle but controlling LV habits, please, stop fawning over how sweet, kind, funny, or generous he is, step back, and take a look at the big picture. Is he really worth the trouble you're about to find yourself in?