I saw a FB post yesterday that really put into perspective the issues I have with polyamory and the attitudes of many of those who engage in it. I just can't anymore with the superiority complexes and holier-than-thou BS that runs rampant in that community.

Here is an excerpt of the post:

"There is a beautiful way to have open relationships....

Instead of holding another/others to the agreements you THINK they should have, instead of MAKING your lovers sign contracts, and give you promises so you can feel better,

You get to do a whole lot of self inquiry, self discovery, and make agreements with YOURSELF

Keep asking the question, "who am I?" allowing yourself room and space to be THAT each day, to discover that each day.

Learn to be comfortable with your own discomfort, the times you want desperately to control another, to be in control, those are the times you breathe and find a way to let go even further."

For some background, polyamory is common in my social circle, and I see this type of sentiment expressed quite often. The thing that I continue to notice and take issue with is this insufferable attitude that wanting a partner who is faithful somehow means you're cOnTrOlLiNg them.

"MAKING your lovers sign contracts so you can feel better." The gaslighting and boundary shaming are off the charts!!

I don't know who needs to hear this, but it is perfectly normal and natural to want a loyal romantic partner who values the relationship over their shallow sexual urges.

MOST PEOPLE - especially women - naturally feel a sense of jealousy, anger, fear, insecurity, or betrayal at the thought of their partner sleeping with someone else. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

These are 100% normal, natural, and valid human emotions that pretty much everyone experiences. They are integral facets of our intuition. They aren't character flaws that need to be fixed, denied, or CoMmUnIcATed away.

And the Olympic-level mental gymnastics you engage in to convince yourself you're okay with your partner acting as community dick does not make you more eVoLvEd than me, Jessica.

Also - if someone expects me to engage in such mental gymnastics in order to be in a relationship with them, how is that any less cOnTrOlLiNg than me wanting them to be faithful??

Why should I have to settle for being uncomfortable just for the sake of being in a relationship? I, for one, refuse to engage in that level of emotional masochism. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than suffer through a relationship where I feel uncomfortable and my heart feels unsafe. Been there, done that, and all I got out of it was trauma.

I refuse to waste my precious time, energy, or emotions on any man who does not choose to stay loyal to me out of his own free will. That's not control - it's self-preservation! And even if I never end up finding that man, there are plenty of other things I can fill up my life with that will bring me happiness and peace. I no longer have room in my life for people or situations that I have to convince myself to feel good about.

If I feel like I have to "MAKE" a man be faithful to me because his dick is more important to him than the relationship, then I no longer want the dick or the relationship. End of story.