Never go to a "life coach"

Cairenne · 2021-06-15T06:22:55+00:00

AND I nearly forgot, but when the pandemic first hit I hired a “sales coach” who shrugged off the fact I was pursuing an adhd diagnosis and had some stuff to work through in favour of telling me it was all in my head and I just needed to work harder. She cost thousands. There is a level of rage I feel on this topic that I can’t quite convey, and it’s actively harmful.

frostedgemstone · 2021-06-15T06:51:07+00:00

I always thought even the title itself sounded stupid. It is the epitome of “those who can’t do, teach” even though there’s not even any real ‘teaching’ going on

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2021-06-15T05:35:49+00:00

“Life coaching” is a huge scam. I just listened to an episode of The Financial Feminist, where they talked about MLMs, and a lot of these life coaching accreditation agencies function the same way. They make their money off of getting people to sign up and pay for a program that is supposed to train them to become life coaches, with the expectation that people are going to pay them for their services. But the real money is made from referring more clients to the life coaching program, so there’s this pipeline from being a client of a life coach to paying money to become a life coach. The program keeps churning out more and more coaches, to the point where the market is beyond saturated.

Cairenne · 2021-06-15T06:21:01+00:00

Ugh, yes. Especially true of life and business coaches - I’ve been self employed online long enough to remember when they were actually good, but for a looooong time now there’s been a glut of people quitting their jobs and immediately becoming business coaches. Or fitness coaches. Or life coaches. Etc.

They’re unqualified and actually harmful.

Further! Two trends I’ve noticed that suck especially badly.

“Trauma informed” means nothing, may even mean they’ve experienced trauma and are therefore sensitive to it’s use, requires nothing to call yourself, and is a way of saying “hey I’m not like those other coaches, I know this exists and I care so much” 🤦🏻‍♀️ still harmful. Get an actual therapist, they’re also usually less expensive.

Adhd coaches that were previously more general coaches but got diagnosed within the last few months and are now adhd coaches. I do not have WORDS for how annoying this is.

It’s all especially frustrating to me personally because my business does rub up against these issues all the time (I run a role playing game I designed to help business owners, it gets wild) and as soon as I realised that I started planning on going to get licensed. I have a few years of training to do before I feel comfortable describing just how much of a difference what I’ve built makes. In the meantime I say “you need to go see someone” with a regularity. I’d be making far more if I cared less.

It’s just sickening and I truly hope that part of the industry collapses soon.

_electrafire · 2021-06-15T03:51:14+00:00

Loving this vibe of calling out new age bs. Just like we don’t share our trauma with men, we should stick to professionals. Gurus can be similar to cult leaders and prey upon vulnerable women

stealthreplife · 2021-06-15T11:48:21+00:00

I mostly agree for the reasons you mentioned. I first found life coaching through a friend who was doing it on the side to try to escape the rat race. She linked me to a (free) extensive podcast series from a life coach school and it changed my life. As she pursued her certification, she asked if I would volunteer for a free coaching session under supervision and it was surprisingly good.

I kind of see them in the same light as high school guidance counselors - some are great at what they do and very passionate about helping people, and others are awful, give bad advice, shouldn't be in that position.

They seem like they're easier to vet than therapists because most of them generate free content and offer a trial session. I've also had some pretty awful therapists, who do get accredited.

Aksentia_Ivanovitcha · 2021-06-15T06:37:20+00:00

Recently watched this youtuber who has aspergers and is calling himself a relationship coach. He goes on explaining how he would go to social events and just fall asleep and be shocked and insulted when ppl told him he was being inappropriate and rude. Now, im no medic, but going off his own descriptions it sounds as though its a condition he can manage and control but chooses not to. He desecribe his normal way of action as - making himself super tired by engaging in social interaction till he basically drops dead. Instead of thinking maybe he should engage with less ppl, maybe he should limit social interaction to a dose that will enable him to manage his energy levels in ways that dont make him want to take a nap in the middle of a social gathering making everyone uncomfortable, he expects ppl to accomodate his naps. He even goes on to say he especially likes being around ppl when he's tired and compares his friends group to his grandma, who does not mind when her grandson doesnt really listens when he comes visit her.

I am in no way meaning to mock this guy, i identify with his condition and have embarassed myself socially in similar ways. Just goes to show many life coaches have some problems of their own they try to normalize via coaching others instead of coping. This guy was warmly recomended by other youtubers (one of them studied psychology) and has thousands of views.

I was amazed by his entitlement to ppl's patience and the unabashed way in which he goes out and lectures others to create a reality in which ppl will feel guilty for being creeped out by the guy who randomly naps at a social gathering. Women should take note.

It all especially pisses me off because i remembered during the fds podcast about women with autism, one of the speakers said something that really resonated with me: she said she had to go through a mourning process about the social life she thought she would have. It is a sad choice but one that is not dragging other ppl down.

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-06-15T16:06:43+00:00

So very true. I feel like I wasted a year of my life and probably $1,500 on a therapist who preferred it when I didn't talk and mostly just wanted me to do breathing exercises. Fuck that guy. And he had an actual master's degree.

Something I've learned is that the mental health career path tends to attract people with their own set of mental health issues.

It's all about control and projection. It's so much easier for them to tell others what to do with their problems and lives than to face their own issues.

I'm not saying someone with bad anxiety can't be a therapist. I'm talking about scrotes with narcissism becoming "wellness counselors" just to get an ego boost from those struggling. Things like that.

PizzaNo7741 · 2021-06-15T12:07:39+00:00

Thank you!! Some people have NO idea what they are talking about and will feed you some stupidity about “being a snob” for wanting to see a licensed doctor over a coach

.... bruh

myoklife · 2021-06-15T17:47:32+00:00

Yeah I know a handful of "life coaches" mostly from undergrad. They are all wealthy white males who travel and fuck around with their parents money and have never had a real job. They really think they have unlocked some secret life hack with their own brain powers or whatever, the secret to "happiness" and "working on your own terms" when really that's just called being born wealthy

insurrectionaryINTJ · 2021-06-15T04:15:27+00:00

Where do you check for prior complaints and violations?

ro0ibos2 · 2021-06-15T08:36:58+00:00

I have to somewhat disagree considering I have been speaking to a life coach after years of licensed mental health professionals. However, my coach was initially volunteering before I started paying her, and she charges me what I can afford. The program that matched me with her screened her out to ensure a good fit. Yea, life coaching is not regulated and I’m sure many are scammers. I lucked out.

I realized I did not actually need a treatment for a mental health diagnosis. I just needed to talk to someone who could give me motivation and a sense of direction. It was mainly regarding career, but also relationships. She helped me recognize and stand up for my values, and how to be more resourceful to solve problems on my own.

I don’t speak with her on a regular basis anymore—it’s not like she’s not treating anything. But when I feel like I’m at a crossroads and can’t decide what to do about something important, it’s nice to know that I have the option to make an appointment with her. Unfortunately, people in my life that I wouldn’t have to pay to listen to me sort through personal problems aren’t so helpful.

puzzlebitties · 2021-06-16T19:38:48+00:00

I have a friend who is a life coach and i would never ever go to one! She is in a horrible relationship which started through him having an affair with her as one of her clients. She talks about her clients and their issues and constantly crosses boundaries. I could never take advice from her.

modernmedusaa · 2021-06-16T22:55:11+00:00

Yes so many brain dead clout chasers are self proclaimed ‘life coaches’ these days. Many are car crash pickmeisha’s.

DoodleJack · 2021-06-15T15:00:21+00:00

Yes, 99% of "life coaches" are completely full of shit. BUT, if you can find one of the 1%, it's amazing. I've been working with a life coach for more than a year and the changes I've made and my progress with her help have been... insane. I don't even recognize myself anymore, and I've grown immensely.

That said, this person was trained through a decent program that, to my knowledge (close family are have also gone through the program) they are not referral based.

Obviously, LC isn't for everyone. Some people need therapy over coaching, and you have to find someone you "click" with, but I love my coach and idk what I'd do without her

yfunk3 · 2021-06-15T07:21:39+00:00

My sister calls herself a life cpachn has a life coach, and gora to life coaching workshops and groups. Ever since she first told me, I've known it was bullshit. But of course, I can't say shit. It doesn't help that she's the financial and professional success and I'm not, so people think it's because she's a life coach and has the qualifications. Um...no. It's because she has the snotty connections that I don't have.

onceuponasea · 2021-06-15T12:30:16+00:00

Life coach here. I am a somatic and embodiment coach. I have my degree in psychology and social work, have taken hundreds of trainings in the modality that I teach from accredited sources, many of whom are top professionals in the field of somatics and trauma such as Peter Levine and Richard Schwartz. I am currently pursuing my graduate degree in trauma and community counseling although I will continue to do my coaching despite having my graduate degree because of my interest in the entrepreneurial path. I also just signed up for Gabor Mate’s year long compassionate inquiry training that will help me enhance my skills as a coach. I eat and breathe my work. Learning + training will be something that I continue forever and is my top priority. I have a therapist of my own and also a coach. My coach is a Harvard trained clinical psychologist but decided to go the coaching route for her own personal reasons, mainly because she felt therapy had limitations particularly in the ways she desired to work.

I know there are many many people who will hate on coaches, and many coaches do not do a single training in their chosen modality so i understand why people would have a negative viewpoint of coaches as a whole. Definitely watch out for these frauds who claim they can coach- inquire about their studies, are they continuously enhancing their skills? Who are they learning from? Why did they decide to become one? Most are power + money hungry. I do sliding scale, as in I meet people where they’re at. I care, deeply. Which is why when I see posts like this I get it, but there also amazing coaches out there that genuinely want to help people and have incredible insight.

Edit: typos

TwistedRose1882 · 2021-06-15T14:44:47+00:00

If you go to a life coach go to one who went to and completed a PhD program or at minimum a clinical counseling program. Anyone else is a Miss Cleo, just saying.

Healthy-Salt-4361 · 2021-06-15T20:05:41+00:00

I think we should be EXTRA on the lookout for frauds who want to skim OUR brand to pivot into a career as an 'FDS lifecoach' or 'influencer'.

This is a grassroots movement of women who have had enough.

fak_beauty_standards · 2021-06-15T20:53:59+00:00

I would argue don't go to a therapist either, but it's my personal view. Often times they want you yo maintain status quo of your life. And it's therapists who say "work on your self esteem, learn to feel beautiful" when your partner lusts over insta women. Or "why do you think flowers are so important? Maybe you feel insecure, he loves you, why you do not believe him?". It's also new age bulshit. And the second you say you feel down, because idk, you lost a relative or a job, they put you on meds that are shit. Also, they are very much into daddy issues, whatever problems you have with life, it's always your dads fault and not shitty current circumstances.

jjlew922 · 2021-06-18T19:49:52+00:00

Love this! I became a certified life coach through an ICF program and focused on narcissistic abuse recovery (I have a degree in cognitive psychology plus raised by narc parents for context) but exited coaching back to business consulting because the coaching “industry” as a whole is unregulated and quite frankly cut throat and trash IMO. True coaching is about holding space and asking the right questions to help a client be empowered to find their own answers and truth. I’ve met hundreds of coaches and I feel less than 1% can actually do this well. There’s a lot of projection and advice giving which is not coaching. I had a great coach who was right for me after I outgrew therapy as I needed this type of stepping stone. I tried therapists too but not a right fit. Since therapists get training on transference and such you’re better off vs a self proclaimed coach but it’s about finding who works right for you. I find most people struggle with true emotional empathy and mirroring at times, we’re all human after all. I agree overall that most life coaches aren’t good and its almost like a fad right now and easy to get sucked in by the charismatic fluff I’ve seen. Trust your gut on anyone who tries to tell you what to do or how to think. Therapists need a diagnosis to get paid by insurance here in the US so consider that too. Coaches try to sell big ticket programs and mindset shifts. Not saying it’s all bad or all good, it just takes discernment to figure out what’s right for you.

Title	Never go to a "life coach"
Author	Heather619
Upvotes	336
Comments	53
Date	June 15, 2021 3:23 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o04iqk/never_go_to_a_life_coach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/never-go-to-a-life-coach.782117 https://theredarchive.com/post/782117

Comments