Planning to end things with LVM tomorrow

catlady4u · 2021-06-24T01:09:00+00:00

Ugh, the constant togetherness was depressing. I mean 24/7. To the extreme.. early in the relationship, he picked the lock on the bathroom door when I was on the toilet.. and he did it again, after I got mad at him the first time. This mfer could not stand to be alone, even when I was in the bathroom.

You will feel better when you get rid of your LVM. It's only been 7 months for you, it was 20 months for me. Good luck and please keep us up to date on your progress!

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-06-24T00:12:37+00:00

Ah, the classic devil’s advocate looking for his lifelong debate partner. He sounds kind of miserable to be around and I’m already tired for you. I can’t stand people who dismiss my feelings, opinions, and desires the second they learn them.

You deserve someone who appreciates what you bring to the table, not someone looking to sweep it off so he can make more room for his things.

lesslikeumorelikeme · 2021-06-24T00:15:51+00:00

You don’t even need to ‘justify’ or have reasons for breaking up with him. Simply wanting to break up is a perfectly sound reason in itself! It does sound like a great decision. I’ve heard some people wanting to take up all your time is an isolation technique that leads to abuse.

CoconutYogurtCEO · 2021-06-24T00:45:42+00:00

I feel like you just described my ex! He always questioned me on any of my original thoughts, ideas, etc interrogating me on where they came from and similarly, taking the opposition no matter what. Also, we spent nearly every day together and it felt like I was suffocating (even though I couldn't fully pinpoint how I felt at the time). I didn't dump him early enough, since he wasn't a "bad guy" as you also described, but as time went on, my body eventually started to signal to me what to do and my brain caught up a few weeks later. I would get nauseous/physically ill when he came home/entered the room, I would recoil when he touched me, I could barely hold a conversation with him (my brain literally would not let me, it was so bizarre). The final week I couldn't sleep, my body wouldn't let me. But I wouldn't be tired during the day. And then at the end of that week I (my gut) just knew exactly what to do and broke up with him. It was the biggest weight off my shoulders and felt like I could finally breathe again. After a few weeks of an adjustment to my routine and not having him around me almost every day, I had my life back and felt like myself again. I didn't even notice or realize I wasn't myself bc I thought I had won the boyfriend-lottery!!! Smh lol.

Okay I got a little rambly here, but I often look back and wish I dumped him sooner and saved myself sooo much more time. That is the advice I'd give my past self so that is what I shall pass along to you. I literally couldn't do it until my body basically did it for me lol. I don't recommend letting it get to that point. Respect yourself and your precious time by walking away now. No need to drag it out and stick around this clingy yet passive-aggressive loser. He, like my ex, sounds like he's on his way to being controlling. That's why my ex always opposed me, because I am confident/sassy/ambitious and he could never fully control me and he knew it. So he did dumb LV bs like that. No thanks. I've met so many new friends and way better romantic prospects since that relationship and have been having so much fun being single! you got this, you know you deserve better.<3 stay strong, we are all rooting for you! Choose yourself first, and remember, at the end of the day, he is just some guy!

springtulip475 · 2021-06-24T00:10:42+00:00

i’m proud of you, you will feel freer and happier, i promise! you deserve the whole package, not a christmas man (i’ve seen this comment before, a christmas man is a man with a mix of green and red flags). you deserve someone who values your opinions and experiences, empathizes with your perspective and does not challenge every position you take. you deserve to have someone respect your stances without pressuring you to justify, explain or defend yourself. you deserve someone with a good sense of humour whose jokes aren’t at your expense, you deserve someone who makes you laugh. you deserve someone who respects your time, encourages you to focus on your career, other friendships and hobbies. you deserve someone who doesn’t monopolize your attention out of pure selfishness to isolate you. you deserve someone who respects your schedule and plans thoughtful dates to spend quality time together. you will find that someone, you will find your HVM and until you do, never settle. and if you don’t (a possibility we should prepare ourselves for), remember you are your own HVW and you are all you need. ❤️

Platipus6 · 2021-06-24T01:17:43+00:00

constantly takes the opposition no matter what it is.

omfg been there. Spending an hour prepping before saying one mild sentence or else you get the interrogation. And then you still get the interrogation. Nightmare.

He doesn't want to understand, he wants to exhaust you. Combined with deliberately being unclear as to whether he's joking, he's a sadist. He enjoys fucking with you and causing distress.

You're absolutely right to break up with him. Don't get sucked into why you're ending it.

Elegant-Emergency-60 · 2021-06-24T01:20:26+00:00

Hey you got this! Yeah breaking up is tough and awkward every time but what you’ve listed out are all deal breakers. I always like the whole ‘hey this just isn’t working out for me and it’s unfair to keep wasting your time when there is someone out there for you that will be crazy about you.’

Bubbly-Manufacturer · 2021-06-24T00:42:29+00:00

Pls do it. He seems self absorbed and controlling. And like another user said a bit of a narc.

greenshadownymph · 2021-06-24T02:12:12+00:00

When you're in the relationship you can't see how bad the relationship is, and just because a relationship isn't as bad, does not mean the relationship is good. A year from now you'll be able to look back and really remember how terrible your current relationship is, and how destructive it is to your self esteem, and how your boyfriend has traumatized you. But right now you can't see all of it and you've just got to trust your gut and go.

modernmedusaa · 2021-06-24T00:08:27+00:00

[deleted]

JanaBanana33 · 2021-06-24T01:04:27+00:00

He sounds like a pest.

myoklife · 2021-06-24T02:02:00+00:00

Sounds like a real piece of work (narcissist) but I specifically want to say you do not want to spend your life with someone who does the Contrarian thing like that. I promise you, you will feel so light and free after you end it. It's so exhausting to have to explain and defend every single thing you say and that has probably been eating away at you in ways you won't know until it's over.

ThrowawayPhotoshop11 · 2021-06-24T04:28:50+00:00

If you’re writing about if you should break up with him online, it’s a sign you should

GalsofWisconsin · 2021-06-24T05:09:10+00:00

You should read my post on Men Who Play Devils Advocate. It’s in my history

orangechickengeneral · 2021-06-24T04:04:25+00:00

There have been way too many stories on the news lately, even in my own state, about women getting hurt after breaking up with their romantic partners. Is there any way you could say what you have to say to him through a text? Meeting someone like that in person to deliver the bad news could be very dangerous. Especially in light of your comment that he doesn't value your experience or opinion. Does he have a key to your house/apartment? Maybe it is time to change the locks before the big talk. I hate to sound dramatic but you just don't know when a seemingly normal man would flip a switch and turn violent. If you can please look up resources on how to leave a narc (it sounds like he is one) safely. I wish you well 🤍 hoping you can get out of this safely.

FDS-GFY · 2021-06-24T05:41:04+00:00

As someone who spent 15 years w a similar man, you are doing the right thing. He sounds codependent and needing a mommy, but hates his own mother and treats all women as her stand in.

RecordingImportant94 · 2021-06-24T11:05:53+00:00

Just because he isn’t quite as bad as others you’ve dated does not mean you have to bind yourself to him forevermore. You can end a relationship for any reason you damn well please, even if he has some good qualities, that doesn’t make up for the fact he is suffocating and controlling. As a rational person you’ll accept that perfection doesn’t exist, but that doesn’t mean you just settle for vaguely decent (and tbh he doesn’t sound great at all).

LWF3957 · 2021-06-24T07:18:23+00:00

One thing my therapist said, when I was trying to convince her of something, is: "stop, what are you doing right now?" and I explained I felt I had to make my case. "but why? I believe you. You don't need to prove anything to me."

It's not healthy if you feel you have to set up a whole court case with documents, witnesses, evidence, etc. if you're stating your boundaries, wants, needs, desires, opinions, etc. There's a place for that, and that's in the court of law. My parents forced me to "prove" that I deserved things, and it caused me to feel like every relationship is a transaction in which I'm the one that doesn't deserve basic needs met (let alone any wants or desires!). Working through this in therapy was crucial. Finding a partner who not only supports me having needs, wants, desires, boundaries, etc. but also encourages them was an important step in my healing.

I highly suggest the book Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Tawwab. It's all about what are boundaries, why are they necessary, and a whole half of the book is dedicated to giving you the wording and help on how to do it. It's an incredible resource.

Make a list of all the things you want in a perfect, dream partner. Include everything, no matter how trivial. Make sure it says somewhere on there that they need to 1. believe you if you say something. 2. Encourage you in your wants, needs, desires and help you to fulfill those (or fulfill those for you). These are basic things you DESERVE, not some unicorn traits only other women should have. It comes down to basic respect.

Also that spending crazy amounts of time is a red flag for his own trauma. He has a flawed attachment style leftover from traumatic bonding in his early childhood, and is looking to make you his surrogate caretaker. Run.

Davina33 · 2021-06-24T12:29:48+00:00

I really cannot stand contrarians. I mean those people whole say the sky was purple if you said it was grey, always having to argue. I used to work with a man like that and I was so glad when he left. I would definitely say that this is worth ending things with him for.

i_h8_m3 · 2021-06-24T20:41:11+00:00

The faster and sooner you do it the better. Last sunday I texted my ex not.to contact me or my family then blocked him and deleted his number, threw out any thing that reminded me of him. I was with him for 3 years but I already feel so much better. The first two days I cried..alot. its ok to cry you have to get it out. Ive just been keeping myself busy with work, learning new skills at work, going out, treating myself. It'll get better.

AJLake80 · 2021-06-24T14:09:10+00:00

Run. He sounds exhausting.

laurencetrishburn · 2021-06-24T17:59:07+00:00

You know what doesn't feel right. Trust your gut.

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