Ladies, it is NOT "rude" to call men out when your boundaries are being violated

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-07-30T20:09:00+00:00

So, this story gave me big heebie jeebies. Please, please don’t even open the door to engage someone like this. You state you have not one, but “several” signs. This male clearly trespassed, gets you to open the door to him, lies to you, tries to shame you into compliance with the “rude” comment. I am really doubting whether he was a salesman at all.

catlady4u · 2021-07-30T19:19:58+00:00

What a jerk. He was rude by ignoring your signs. And to call YOU rude? Lol my petty ass would find out who he worked for and get him fired.

starlight_sequence · 2021-07-30T20:37:32+00:00

LOVE this! I had to do something similar recently.

I posted some ads on FB looking for a new roommate as mine is moving out. I explicitly stated in the post that I was only interested in female roommates, and I already have a cat and do not want to live with more pets.

Tell me HOW many men still messaged me, even acknowledging "I know you said only female roommates, but here's why I should be the exception!" and then tacking on a "Oh, and you'll hardly even notice my dog!"

After the second or third message like this, I started calling them out on it. I told them I clearly stated my boundaries about a living arrangement and can't imagine why they would think it's appropriate to completely ignore those boundaries and no, they are not the exception.

Most of them responded exactly as you'd expect.

barbedwiredaisycrown · 2021-07-30T19:19:48+00:00

Yes Queen! 👑 When I was younger I realized most men follow "It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" and when you forgive them for doing something like that it reinforces them not asking for permission!

Don't forgive. Chew them out. Tell them to cut it out! They're the ones being offensive and they need to be aware of that.

FrenchHeel · 2021-07-30T20:00:12+00:00

If you have no thin mints don’t ring my bell.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-07-30T19:10:58+00:00

I'm so here for this energy.

I've been building up boundaries from being a people pleasing doormat. Just yesterday I ran into a former friend who straight up ghosted me six months ago after I told them about my divorce and need for support. They were tripping over themselves trying to say they've been busy and have been meaning to call, trying to weasel back into my radar. I cut them off and just said "it's been six months. that's not a busy issue, that's a prioritization issue, and I would have respected you more if you'd been honest with me about that from the start." He looked like a scolded child and I'm loving my shiny new boundaries.

warinmymind94 · 2021-07-30T18:49:25+00:00

Love this energy. No more being polite or fake laughing it off and dismissing their bad behavior anymore.

I have a strict no answer the door policy since the fake cop incident. My roomate though still goes and answers the door and there's door to door salesman in my new neighborhood. I generally check the window where they can't see im peeping and only come if its a package I know they ordered. Even then I wait until they leave. I don't trust anyone anymore and play it safe.

theterminatress · 2021-07-30T23:36:52+00:00

One of my WOC mentees had her first experience of chewing out not only a man, but a whole damn team of men, at her corporate job for talking over here. She was fierce! I’m so ridiculously proud of her! She said, “You WILL NOT TALK OVER ME OR I AM ENDING THIS CALL.”

welmish · 2021-07-30T21:57:46+00:00

When he called you rude he is projecting.

parabenprincess · 2021-07-30T23:02:53+00:00

Fuck these men. I have no problems being rude as a last resort. They shouldn’t have spoken to me in the first place 😂

Yellowsunflowerlover · 2021-07-30T19:55:27+00:00

I usually open the door (don't have signs), and the moment they start with their pitch I slam the door. Sometimes I'm hoping they have a buddy with them so they can all go back and gossip that I'm the rude lady that slams doors in your face. They don't understand no and leave me alone, but they understand getting the door slammed in your face.

MissDesignDiva · 2021-07-30T23:44:26+00:00

And it's stuff like this that is why at my future home wherever that ends up being, I will 100% have one of those video doorbells where I and the person on the other side of the door can communicate, and I can see them, but they can't see me only hear me. And then If it's an annoying sales person I can tell them to f off.

elainejay82 · 2021-07-31T05:23:09+00:00

In terms of calling out boundary violation in a relationship...

I was just talking to a neighbor who used to be a police officer. He talked about getting calls for DV and how it was really difficult to talk the women into leaving. We all know the reasons for this stuff. He even mentioned that it takes a woman an average of 7 or 8 times before she leaves. Bingo. He's right. He also mentioned how psychologists would come in to do training with them on these things. I think he thought he was giving me good info to avoid being abused, but joke's on you old fart. It already happened to me. 😃

He said the cycles for healthy love and cycles for DV are exactly the same. Tension also cyclically builds in a normal relationship, not just in the abuse cycle. What he mentioned is different about the blow up phase in an abusive relationship is that boundary violation or disrespecting you (even simple name calling) is when you know you are in a bad situation and enduring abuse. Most natural cycles of a relationship will be a small verbal argument or a spat and it will not include degrading you during the disagreement. With an abuser it entails slow boundary violation and degrading you.

I know so much about DV and have spent about three years reading everything I can about it, but I never realized the cycles of a normal relationship and the cycles of an abusive one are similar. In fact, I never realized cycles exist in healthy relationships at all. I just never looked at it that way. I'm open to discussion about this because it's a brand new concept to me. Anyone have insight on this? I was under the impression only abusive relationships are cyclical. Are there cycles too for healthy relationships?

Regardless, you are in hot water when you see BOUNDARY VIOLATION and degradation.

We should absolutely NEVER EVER EVER accept boundary violation or disrespect/degradation from ANYONE. It is setting you setting you up to get abused or have more boundaries violated slowly with time. You need to be careful because it starts small. You need to keep your eyes peeled. And when this stuff shows? You get all the way away.

I hope we all understand DV does not only entail hitting. You can be ruined completely in a strictly verbally abusive, controlling, etc relationship.

We do not ever take boundary violation lightly. Ever. Calling someone out on this translates to, "I will not allow you to abuse me." It's just code talk to let them know you are not the type to be susceptible to this and that they cannot toy with you.

Don't ever EVER feel bad for protecting yourself.

Wild_Artio · 2021-07-30T21:37:57+00:00

It’s not rude but it can be dangerous.

kitnb · 2021-07-30T23:08:57+00:00

Queen! All day. Brava!

theterminatress · 2021-07-30T23:37:05+00:00

One of my WOC mentees had her first experience of chewing out not only a man, but a whole damn team of men, at her corporate job for talking over here. She was fierce! I’m so ridiculously proud of her! She said, “You WILL NOT TALK OVER ME OR I AM ENDING THIS CALL.”

intrepidis_dux · 2021-07-31T02:16:16+00:00

I feel better knowing another woman on this thread feels this way. I have been ridiculed in the past for wanting to be left alone when I'm at home. You're in the right sis. He can pout all he wants.

disillusionedideals · 2021-07-31T03:53:31+00:00

At that point, I wouldn't even open the door at all. There's no reason to open the door to anyone unless you're expecting them. Women can't be too careful or cautious with the kind of men out there.

Big-Respond8481 · 2021-07-31T11:03:02+00:00

I am baffled that the man who tries to sell something acts like this towards potential customers. How entitled can anyone be?

Title	Ladies, it is NOT "rude" to call men out when your boundaries are being violated
Author	EdajKoobemeht
Upvotes	1205
Comments	49
Date	July 30, 2021 5:49 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oupiwf/ladies_it_is_not_rude_to_call_men_out_when_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ladies-it-is-not-rude-to-call-men-out-when-your.795762 https://theredarchive.com/post/795762

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