Reminder: Delete your dating apps! Your sanity will thank you.

dimsummer- · 2021-08-05T12:44:52+00:00

Lol thank you I needed to see this. I’ve never met a HVM on a dating app and all my friends whose partners seem HV met them in real life. There is no reason for me to be on the apps.

Revy_Ur_Engines · 2021-08-05T13:14:27+00:00

I hate how men justify treating women like trash for being on apps like tinder. Um men treat every dating app like a hookup app. Some play the short game while others have to play the long game. I don’t think I’ve met any health male individual on an app. They all have a slew of mental and emotional issues and rather “heal” themselves through a woman than do the self work.

mimiandthekeyboard · 2021-08-05T14:04:53+00:00

Online dating is disgusting, I can’t believe I was ever on there

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-08-05T12:44:55+00:00

I'm a huge advocate of focusing on other parts of your life - things that have a GUARANTEED, concrete pay-off. For me this includes education, fitness, volunteering, etc.

But you know what? I'd even argue you can meet men way more efficiently this way. Taking up martial arts? Bam, surrounded by men. Mostly scrotes, but hey, that's the case wherever you go. You don't have to sit through 100 potentially shitty dinners, either.

The other weekend I participated in a beach clean-up & tried paddleboarding for the first time. Met some lovely people, including a few really lovely women. Expanded my friendship circle. Honestly, I had a great time, and it's not inconceivable that you could meet a good man doing stuff like this - stuff with purpose. In fact, I really do think it's more likely than it would be on an app. Bonus? You can catch red flags from afar - you don't have to chat for a week to hear a scrote say something low-value in passing.

And you don't waste your time swiping in the process - you're just out there living life.

cutsforluck · 2021-08-05T12:03:58+00:00

Very true. I remember something another wise redditor said, [paraphrased]: 'HVM don't swipe women like a takeout menu, it just doesn't appeal to them'

I've been contemplating trying dating again...been out of it for a few years. However, the thought of doing dating apps fills me with dread. But it doesn't seem like there are any other realistic ways to meet people, either. Catch-22.

arwenagon24999 · 2021-08-05T13:51:01+00:00

I’m honestly kinda confused- I am not on dating apps personally but the podcast ok’d them to build a rotation. I made a post about this topic a few weeks ago too but it didn’t really clear things up.

Cibonita · 2021-08-05T14:31:47+00:00

Since they treat all social media like dating apps... might be time to delete some of those profiles too!

Vmchik · 2021-08-05T12:07:48+00:00

Yes to all of this, dating apps are a complete waste of time and any man I met who was decently normal would tell me he never used apps before and preferred real life. Any man that lives on dating apps is a red flag. I moved to a new city a year ago and have been on dating apps on and off and it’s the same men over and over. If they were truly desirable they wouldn’t on the apps like that since good men get snatched up quick unlike women who are surrounded by lvm. I truly believe a majority of them are avoidants who just use the apps for entertainment. I really want to believe it’s possible to find a HVM that way but the chances are as slim as the lottery. For the women that did find theirs online good for you, but I still wouldn’t advice women to stay on the apps for the sake of their own sanity.

Edit: checked the stats and the percentage of women on tinder went from around 45% in 2018 down to 24.2% in 2021. Looks like women collectively are sick of it.

FirePreferred_theOG · 2021-08-05T18:01:20+00:00

I had sworn them off for a year after my last situationship... that you guessed it, I met OLD!! But then it was talked about on the pod.... and I was like maybe.... just maybe......

Yeah, NO! It's the same hell hole it has always been if not worse. I though maybe I'd just 'practice' my 'block & delete' as needed. But, no, my energy is worth more than this. NO ONE of value. And a time waster!! No thank you!!

I 100% agree with you and appreciate this post. The man for me (and each one of you!!) is NOT the type of man searching for his wife on OLD!! He's living his own amazing life as we should be!!

I had lost so much hope for a while and got deep into man hating but realized that was just who I was associating with and reading about here (yay for the shift recently!). And, I'm not going to attract my HVM if my vibes keep saying all-of-you-suck-and-i-hate-you. So, I'm being more open and not as stand offish. I'm working on going out more and doing things that interest ME and focusing on really LIVING my life and I think we'll find each other when it's meant to be.

It's just as easy to believe the best will happen as it is the worst, so why not choose to believe the best outcome is coming? :)

aoi4eg · 2021-08-05T13:05:44+00:00

Thanks. Your post was the sing I needed.

A lot of men on tinder asked me "Are you here to meet someone or just pass time?" and I was like "Are you joking, mate? Who will voluntarily spend time on this app "just to pass time"?" and turns out that's exactly what they do. Especially ppl who work from home. They either ask you straightforward to come to their place for sex or endlessly swipe, have meaningless conversations and so on.

And even if they ask you on a date, but you say "I can't today, how about [day or two late]?" they immediately unmatch you or just ghost. Because apparently, no one needs a woman who's busy with work, gym, classes etc. They only need one who has nothing to do and will run to them immediately when they whistle.

starfighter07 · 2021-08-05T12:15:51+00:00

OLD is so time consuming. I see some of my friends and/or coworkers spending sometimes their whole week-ends talking to men who do zero effort to make it interesting. Then, because their free time revolves on OLD only, their only subject of conversation are men, how blah they are, how disappointed dates are...

Meanwhile, I go shopping, walk through a park, do some jogging, go to the cinema, read new books and newspapers, meet up with my friends... Yeah, honestly life sounds so much fun and interesting without OLD.

ro0ibos2 · 2021-08-05T16:52:47+00:00

The part people like is not know which profile will show up next and getting a match. It is designed to be addictive, like a slot machine at a casino or an Instagram feed. I do like that Tinder now has a video chatting feature and Bumble a voice chat feature, which saves some time, but overall the apps are usually unfruitful. I’d say it’s fine in a moderation and not something to rely on for dating.

I thought I was successful twice. The first was my boyfriend for a few months, but after we broke up he confesses that he really was only in the relationship for the sex. The other went out with me on 4 dates, we then have sex, and then he tells me he doesn’t want a relationship, and would only accept me as an FWB. I know I’ve had dates off dating apps that actually were looking for relationships, but they were awkward.

It’s so hard to find the right person in general, so for that reason I cannot knock OLD despite my bad experiences.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-08-05T12:38:16+00:00

yep! 12 months clean. and I am better than ever. OLD is a fucking trap, not a place to meet the person you want to spend your life with.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-08-05T19:26:40+00:00

I agree they're mostly set up to be a waste of time. That being said, I think there are ways to use them efficiently, if you have a great bullshit meter.

Limit the time you spend on them, don't chit chat. Swipe left on anyone without a quality job listed, with weird bathroom or gym selfies, with other women in their photos etc. Verify the data with some googlage. Unmatch anyone who seeks to be low effort right away. Get the guy on a video call and in person in a public place ASAP.

I've met some quality guys this way. Also it's great to build confidence and get practice reading people by racking up the numbers. OLD helped me get into an abundance mindset. It's also good during very busy periods in your life where you don't want to prioritize having a big social life.

l666l · 2021-08-05T14:12:32+00:00

I personally kind of like them as “practice.” It takes up… maybe 15 min of my day (or none if I just don’t open then app). Setting clear boundaries and even rejecting people is something I really struggled with in the past (I’m new here). It’s been a huge confidence boost/affirmation realizing I don’t need the attention or approval of these men.

However last night I was asked the “what are you looking for?” question. I said I was looking to go on fun dates and that ultimately I am looking for a partner but I’m happy and content with myself. he tried to just reword my answer (so transparent 🙄) but also said he “didn’t think he was ready for any sort of real commitment.” I said “okay. sounds like we aren’t at the same stage in life, ty for your honesty. bye!” and he is now trying to back pedal and adjust his answer. The entertainment is free.

Ericaeatscarrots · 2021-08-05T13:45:35+00:00

I’m so glad I’m not alone in feeling this way!

lolmemberberries · 2021-08-05T23:00:35+00:00

No regrets leaving online dating. I ended up devoting more time to cooking healthy meals for myself and getting exercise. I'm glowing and looking better than ever.

Fearless-Cookie · 2021-08-05T15:30:39+00:00

Also maybe being subjected to the rudeness and weirdness of matches.

But anyway, a high value male friend of mine who broke up with his gf used dating app for a short while (few weeks). And he stopped because he told me it wasn’t a good way to meet people whom you want to be in a relationship with because it lacked a certain organic and face-face interaction (can’t see body language etc). So that got me thinking because this HV male friend of mine didn’t have a scarcity mindset, and at the same time then, he was still thinking about the gf he broke up with. Which mean we would never know who we are dealing with on dating apps. maybe this person might still be clinging onto a past relationship but it’s easier to pretend to be interested, have chemistry and alright over texting than irl.

(Anyway, this HV make friend of mine is married to said-gf because he was so in love - basically a good example of if he wanted to he would)

GiraffeLibrarian · 2021-08-05T22:12:57+00:00

Even Raya and The League are trash. I can’t believe how these “selective apps” get filled with ugly, obese men who have no stable job and are couch surfing.

Professional-Pea-317 · 2021-08-06T01:38:54+00:00

I deleted all of mine. Went back 8 months after discovering FDS and realized that self respect is a male deterrent on those apps. LOL. It's awesome.

Rare_Awareness · 2021-08-05T17:53:31+00:00

Yes! I second this. Deleted my apps (upon finding FDS!) and shifted my focus to building my real life social network and I feel so much more complete and relieved.

BusinessTwistofLime · 2021-08-05T19:25:23+00:00

I absolutely agree with this post. The one thing that I see useful about OLD is that it helps me master boundaries and keeping up with red flags. PRE-FDS I was always trying to keep up conversations and entertain like the pickme that I was. Now I'm practicing not over investing and allowing conversations to fade because the man isn't investing in the conversation. I know at some point I'll probably get tired of dumpster diving, but right now it's helping me assimilate what I'm learning on FDS. Hopefully when I meet someone special, my practice in vetting will pay off.

sluggish_prune · 2021-08-05T23:55:26+00:00

God yes. Cesspool.

JesusisKingisLord · 2021-08-06T19:15:28+00:00

This is so true! A friend I admire who recently broke up with a scrub has deleted her apps and instead has taken to expanding her social networks IRL. This new approach has helped her explore her city more: for example, she went to a gala dinner for a charity she admires and then went solo to an upscale bar downtown. She’s exploring and coming into her own, I love it!

lksstsjp · 2021-08-05T15:42:07+00:00

I found my HVM on Tinder. I appreciate that OLD let me vet ppl before ever talking to them.

l666l · 2021-08-05T14:12:57+00:00

I personally kind of like them as “practice.” It takes up… maybe 15 min of my day (or none if I just don’t open then app). Setting clear boundaries and even rejecting people is something I really struggled with in the past (I’m new here). It’s been a huge confidence boost/affirmation realizing I don’t need the attention or approval of these men.

However last night I was asked the “what are you looking for?” question. I said I was looking to go on fun dates and that ultimately I am looking for a partner but I’m happy and content with myself. he tried to just reword my answer (so transparent 🙄) but also said he “didn’t think he was ready for any sort of real commitment.” I said “okay. sounds like we aren’t at the same stage in life, ty for your honesty. bye!” and he is now trying to back pedal and adjust his answer. The entertainment is free.

Vmchik · 2021-08-05T19:12:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

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Title	Reminder: Delete your dating apps! Your sanity will thank you.
Author	electroloop
Upvotes	460
Comments	82
Date	August 5, 2021 11:55 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/oyfza5/reminder_delete_your_dating_apps_your_sanity_will/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/reminder-delete-your-dating-apps-your-sanity-will.816208 https://theredarchive.com/post/816208

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