Broke up with my bf

curlybeatbox · 2021-08-14T10:34:02+00:00

Start making a list of all the things you wanted to do over the last 3 years that your relationship caused you to put on hold. Last then in order of easiest/quickest to achieve and then start your list. As soon as you start seeing how many experiences you've managed to cross off and how many improvements you've made to your life, you'll start feeling as though you are being treated in the way you deserve to be. That the treatment you deserve was yours to give yourself and that in the future you won't settle for less from anyone else. This will be the benchmark and it'll always be better than someone who fails to match this level of love.

sluggish_prune · 2021-08-14T11:33:49+00:00

Hey, I too am in the middle of a breakup / divorce so I empathise with you, it’s hard even if it’s the right thing to do. I think you made the right choice but you haven’t wasted 3 years you have experienced 3 years and have took steps to ensure it wasn’t 4, good for you.

The only tip I have which has made things easier for me is literally spoiling myself, having fun, spending time with good people and doing some things I know my husband would have never done. I have booked a solo trip for the first time ever too and I am going to be proper touristy and have a ball. Create things to look forward too x

Muffcakelord · 2021-08-14T12:28:36+00:00

Haters say FDS is a bitter incel forum, yet you are one of countless examples of women who just got the clue you needed to realize that the treatment you recieved within your relationship was unacceptable, making it easier to start anew on new, better terms for yourself.

We are not involunatirly celibate, we are unknowingly mistreated and it's not gonna last for long. Thanks for sharing your situation and know that you'll love yourself for this!

Gambit12345 · 2021-08-14T11:34:34+00:00

First congrats! it’s not easy finding the courage to leave when you realize the relationship is a dead end regardless of time spent. I commend your strength. Fds was instrumental in my healing after I left my 5 year relationship last year. Digest every single thing in the handbook. I follow a few igs that have helped me so much such as imdatfeminist, lovingmeafterwe, nedratawwab, thebaberebellion, girlyouareaqueen. It’s important to be gracious with yourself. There will be painful moments and you’re allowed to feel what you’re feeling. Write down all the red flags and negatives about the relationship and pin the note in your phone. Refer to it every time you doubt yourself. You’ll run the gamut of every emotion under the sun, journal it out. Listen to yourself and start catering to your every need. We don’t realize how many tiny things about ourselves we lose in a relationship or even sacrificed as our lives intertwine with our partner’s. Try to change up the routine you had with him so you don’t run into him or are reminded of him as much. Think of this as getting to know yourself again. The world and your future is wide open to make it however you want.

Big-Paleontologist13 · 2021-08-14T11:16:18+00:00

spend as much time as possible here, you need to rewire your mind. it will be painful at times, also notice the mourning period while you shed your old self. write out how you’re feeling, thinking etc. you’ll have something to measure your progress against x i’m so proud of you btw

creamtart_ · 2021-08-14T11:00:22+00:00

Any ways to keep myself busy so the impact of pain is lessened?

This is the best time to absolutely devour the handbook. Read and reread every single post until it is drilled into your head. I did the exact same thing in my recovery from a NV ex. FDS became my go-to resource because of the straightforward no-nonsense tough love approach. I also then bought and read a lot of the recommended books because they’re extremely helpful.

I found that FDS and the recommended books didn’t just help with my relationship expectations and boundaries, but also made me change my approach to every other aspect of my life.

Austenma · 2021-08-14T14:57:08+00:00

I wasted all of my 20s on low value relationships and although I regret it, once I prioritized myself I got everything I've ever wanted.

Take care and get some good rest.

vowelsareimportant · 2021-08-14T13:47:20+00:00

These things helped me:

Allow yourself to wallow a bit. Watch some Rom-Coms, listen to some sad songs, eat a pint of ice-cream, have a good cry, and then let it go.

Lean onto your girlfriends. If you feel like texting him or calling him, see if one of your friends will be your text or call buddy to help you redirect.

Get dressed up and go have some fun. Right after my breakups I had some of the best nights. I went out dancing. I went to concerts. I went to fancy restaurants. I focused on doing what would make me feel good and happy.

Read some books. FDS has some amazing recommendations for self-help and relationship help. They were invaluable.

Take time. If you are lonely don't get on online dating or go out hoping to meet a guy. I promise you, it won't end well if you aren't really ready.

tellmesomething11 · 2021-08-14T15:23:54+00:00

I don’t know why you are getting messages asking why you broke up for marriage. You clearly wanted that and he didn’t. If anyone doesn’t want to be married, fine. But there are benefits to being married. For example, I was with my lvm for 14 years before we married. I divorced him after one year of marriage. If we had married back then, I would qualify for his SS benefits when I retired, because we passed ten years. That’s a small consolation of what he put me through. I would have liked that. I mean, I’m divorced so I’m happy 😆 but like I said, that would have been nice.

swatir24 · 2021-08-14T14:14:40+00:00

First things first, block him everywhere and don't give in to his requests to have that "last conversation". Since your feelings for him were genuine, you will find it difficult to heal. So give yourself as much time as possible and be kind to yourself but firm with him.

chainsawbobcat · 2021-08-14T15:07:10+00:00

Be glad it wasn't 7 years + a kid. No regrets, every bad experience is an opportunity for growth.

Seriously good for you for staying true to yourself. It's heartbreaking to be the one to end things, and then there's this fucked up voice being like "bUt hE diDnT eVeN aBuSE yOu!" Which is the settle-devil trying to convince you to go AGAINST your intuition.

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-08-14T13:38:16+00:00

I'm so sorry. You did the right thing. Better to waste three years than your whole life! You deserve more.

helena939392 · 2021-08-14T12:33:03+00:00

Be happy you ONLY wasted three years on this clown. Could've been five, could've been a decade. From now on you will be happier, I promise. 💖

sitpalsap · 2021-08-14T12:15:12+00:00

Dont be hard on yourself! You might want to blame yourself about the years wasted but forgive yourself for not knowing better until you actually lived through it and learnt it. Because that's simply how life works. If it took you 3 years to see the situation for what it is and learn, then so be it. Could have taken someone else less time and someone else much longer. What matters is you're finally moving in the right direction. It will only get better from now on. Also remind yourself that his behavior did not mean anythying about you and your worth, but only about who he is. Be your own best friend and give yourself only kindness at this difficult time. We're all proud of you! Go and put that crown on, queen!

extragouda · 2021-08-14T14:54:47+00:00

Better you wasted three years than if you wasted 6 years. Now you are free to find the right person. Sorry it hurts. It will get better!

HumanAdhesiveness360 · 2021-08-14T15:27:00+00:00

Congrats, you spared yourself lifetime of grief

daisy_0720 · 2021-08-14T16:24:59+00:00

The first thing I recommend doing is writing out a list of all the things you were unhappy/dissatisfied with in the relationship and all the things he did/was that you disliked. When you have weak moments (and you WILL have them) consult your list and you'll start to feel anger at the way he treated you. Some anger in the early stages of a breakup is helpful. It will prevent you reaching out to him and it is your body's way of processing the grief. Don't bottle up your emotions and force yourself to be 'fine'. A little cry now and again can be a therapeutic way of flushing him from your system.

Secondly, start imagining what your perfect boyfriend would do for you and how he would treat you in a relationship. Make a list if it helps. Would your ideal boyfriend buy you flowers every couple of weeks? Then buy yourself flowers. Would your ideal boyfriend run you a hot bath at the end of a long day? Then run yourself a hot bath to luxuriate in when you get home from work. Would you ideal boyfriend spend an afternoon cooking you your favorite dinner? Then cook yourself that favorite dinner with fresh ingredients and listen to some favorite tunes while doing it. Would your ideal boyfriend book you a fancy vacation away somewhere? Then book yourself that vacation and enjoy it!

Once you start treating yourself the way you want your ideal partner to treat you, you'll start realizing just how lacking your ex was. It also means that when you are ready to start dating again, you won't accept half-assed treatment from men because you're already used to treating yourself the way that a HVM would treat you.

adalovelace1793--- · 2021-08-14T12:52:27+00:00

Get a busy and productive as possible, konmari the shit out of your place and listen to music and dance as much as you can! 🦁🦁🦁

glossiglam · 2021-08-14T16:02:13+00:00

I’m sorry girl that sucks but think of it this way: you dodged a bullet and at least you weren’t married to this loser or had his baby!!

InspectorGadget07 · 2021-08-14T16:46:14+00:00

Could be worse. Know a girl who lived with a guy for about 5 years. Asked him one weekend about marriage and realized he had no plans. Moved out immediately.

Can you imagine though. 5 years. They obviously seated even longer than that. Maybe 6

karabnp · 2021-08-14T16:48:13+00:00

Congratulations on your newfound freedom and weight loss (Of whatever he weighed.🤣)!!🥂

It certainly sucks to lose time and great years of your life to some male, yet, better only 3 years, than 5, 7, or 20+ years!!

SpookySparkle7 · 2021-08-14T17:52:48+00:00

In regards to your edit, the only people asking you why you broke up "just for marriage" are probably angry men.

You're entitled to break up for any reason. And it's wrong for someone to give another person the impression that they are more committed than they actually are.

Good job for identifying what you want in a relationship and maintaining your standards.

throwawayathrowaway0 · 2021-08-14T17:57:18+00:00

I recently had to do the same. Sucks, but I am looking forward to a future of putting myself first for good.

Title	Broke up with my bf
Author	babyeshona
Upvotes	778
Comments	44
Date	August 14, 2021 9:56 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/p459ac/broke_up_with_my_bf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/broke-up-with-my-bf.958449 https://theredarchive.com/post/958449

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