Divorce over dishes

Consistent-Cry-9452 · 2025-11-17T09:10:06+00:00

I have my own house now post divorce and a new GF who wants to move in. I am good with that, i clean my shit, i know it takes max a hour or 2 like twice a week max to get it all done.

If she ever like my ex start to bitch about things like that, she is on the streets, not talking cool/tough just spitting facts.

Household cleaning is easy as fuck. Parenting is only tough for the kids first 4 years after that kindergarden, regular school etc you have tons of time to do shit with your life at least 5 hours in which you can do a parttime job.

I could not get my ex to commit to working because she had 1000s of excuses, she was no longer that sexy porn slut she used to be either so i was left with nothing but dreams of being a great dad/husband.

Fuck em, have your own house, own finances etc, dump them when they start acting up. Not worth my piece anymore.

Consistent-Cry-9452 · 2025-11-17T08:45:21+00:00

She is out and makes a checklist of bullshit in her mind to warrant her divorce. They are all the same.

Desperate-Mistake932 · 2025-11-17T03:03:51+00:00

Mine does this too, I honestly feel like it's some kind of control thing ...

ozdomguy · 2025-11-16T22:11:40+00:00

Move on

hazalo9 · 2025-11-16T21:13:32+00:00

She is playing the victim card and "feels" you are at fault for her unhappiness. They all do this when they are looking for someone to blame instead of taking accountability for, and working on their own feelings. Hopefully she can go to a therapist to help her deal with her discontent. But even that sometimes works against the family cause therapists nowadays encourage the "me and my feeling only" approach. Good luck bro

Sea_Structure_2910 · 2025-11-16T18:20:53+00:00

Would she have helped with cleanup normally? It sounds like probably not, I'm wondering if she did specifically because you asked her not to.

It sucks to have your efforts discounted like this. I think you should stick up for yourself in counseling. You can approach it calmly and rationally - "I don't want either of us to feel like we're the only ones doing any of the work. Can we compare what we're both contributing to make sure that doesn't happen?"

Might help, might not - in my case, sticking up for my position in counseling helped the counselor see my ex's toxic patterns of saying similar things, putting all the blame on me with no evidence to back it up. We ended up divorced anyway, because when she was called out on it she couldn't take the feedback or stand "losing" therapy. But in the end it helped me maintain my sanity because it made it made it possible for me to acknowledge that I was really trying and she wasn't, and accept that meant it was really over.

gangbangglenn · 2025-11-16T15:28:56+00:00

There is no such thing as 50/50. It's an illusory concept. Both parties need to reasonably contribute a fair share to the relationship with the absence of contempt or bitterness about it to have a chance of it working. One party might contribute a little more, one a little less. That's OK. One might add more value while expending less physical effort. That's OK if it ok between the parties. An exact mathematic split of responsibilities is for divorced parents, not a married couple.

Have you every known a business partnership whereby each partner matches their exact portion of interest into the business to their contribution. No. The parties agree and often become dissatisfied later. One guy runs the business, one guy puts in the money, one guy does the bookeeping/legal. Or whatever.

Legally, in a partnership, a partner is entitled to what he put in in terms of resources. Money, equipment, etc. Time and effort is not compensate.

This concept of 50/50 in a marriage is more of an implied debenture by one party where they say, hey, I've done 50.1% of the shit here, so you owe me your 50%. And the dent accumulates. Then they foreclose on your dick.

jaglio69 · 2025-11-16T12:52:47+00:00

She used to complain about the laundry so much. She would make sure to rub it in my face that it took her the entire Saturday and she works all week. I offered to farm it out, no that’s no good. I offered to do the laundry (because honestly I call bullshit it doesn’t take all fucking day bro) and no that’s not good enough. I even suggested she do smaller loads all week long instead of letting a pile up to the weekend. Fuck you to that idea also. She just wants to own this fucking chore and exaggerate about the suffering. She wants to own the suffering and wield it as a tool, a weapon even. She’s horrible to the kids all day Saturday screaming at them about chores it’s like CUNTZILLA. You know I’ve been out of the house 7 full months and I gotta say, I’m OK with this. I don’t have to deal with any of her shit ever again. You know what else I realize?? if you’re in fucking therapy bitching about stuff to a counselor you have become brother and sister tattling to mom and dad trying to make them take a side. (I know there are exceptions where a serious counselor is really required but most of us out here are arguing about bullshit. You have to be submissive and cooperative an appropriate amount, as close to equal as possible, on both sides of the relationship or it’s cooked!) Happy wife happy life is bullshit it doesn’t mean you have to mope around shuffling through life with your hands in your pockets because “oh that’s just Dolores being Dolores.”

Competitive-Show-955 · 2025-11-16T12:46:11+00:00

It's not dumb. The dishes are a symptom of something else, not the cause itself. In my case, I did all the dishes and just asked her to please put hers in the dishwasher and also just wash her travel mugs (she takes coffee to work everyday). I couldn't get her to do anything, even though like you i do the cooking and cleaning. Every time I spoke to her about it she'd respond "it's just a dish, who cares?". So we'd fight about the dishes, but in reality we would fight because she was doing something that bothered me and she couldn't be bothered to take a few seconds to change the thing upsetting me. The fight was because she didn't care about how her actions impacted me, not the plate or spoon being left in the sink.

youcanbemynewthangg · 2025-11-16T05:49:47+00:00

Life 2.0. Not a divorcee here but had a very toxic relantionship before. Then i watched a youtuber channel and realise if marriage was all a scam

debauchery89 · 2025-11-16T04:12:46+00:00

Blame the dishes? It ain’t the dishes, this is straight up much deeper than dishes. She has insecurities because she knows you carry the load and she’s susceptible.

_CaptainCooter_ · 2025-11-16T02:43:15+00:00

Yeah that’s something else man. They kinda lose it sometimes.

Retying3043 · 2025-11-16T00:50:39+00:00

You’re obviously not splitting over “dishes.” There are deeper issues. None of which you can fix. The relationship has run its course.

O12345678 · 2025-11-16T01:00:44+00:00

I get the same thing. None of the work a "man is supposed to do", things that "only you know how to do," or things I "enjoy doing" because I put care into it count. Work doesn't count even if I'm the only one with a job. Things I could pay somebody to do don't count since I shouldn't be doing them.

They want you to take things they were planning on doing off their plate. Other things might count if it's something they want you to do and you do it right then and there.

Enigma_Colchonero · 2025-11-15T23:47:22+00:00

Now she needs you to give her a good bent 🥵🔥🥵.

Are you good in the sack???

Couples therapy took off because Men became lousy lovers in bed.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-11-15T23:40:20+00:00

They do it all, so they can complain later, it’s that simple.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-11-15T22:58:41+00:00

You are in the stage of marriage where your wife treats you worse than everyone else in her life. You are enemy #1. Everyone else in her life, from her boss to colleagues to even random strangers -- all get treated 100x better than you. She is not passive aggressive with anyone else, nor snippy or bossy, or rude, or nasty. Just you.

There are only two outcomes for you now: either she fixes her horrible behavior and treatment of you or she does not. If she decides to treat you better, great, but that is unlikely without therapy and a desire to make your life better simply for her being in it.

If she does not change, then buckle up because you are about to descend into the seventh circle of hell where you hold everything in and resentment grows out of control. The disrespect and contempt will also fester, dragging your self esteem and mental health into the gutter.

You don't really love each other anymore, and you definitely aren't friends. In the real world, you'd drop a "friend" like her in a nanosecond because she makes you miserable and is intentional about it.

Best thing you can do is become indifferent and plan your escape. I think your wife deserves to know you are serious if she doesn't stop acting like Krampus 24/7.

BigBubbaMac · 2025-11-15T22:39:23+00:00

My ex was a SAHM. I worked full time, did homework with kids, walked the dogs, made dinner, did laundry when needed maintained the yard and both vehicles. She did two thing, dishes because I always did them wrong and she would vacuum incessantly until the thing ran out of battery. Eventually, dishes stopped getting done and I stepped up to do that too so at the end the only thing she would do was vacuum. The kicker is she would only vacuum when everyone was home. The rest of the day she filled with binge watching reality TV. Never stopped her from saying how overworked she was at home and she needed help when I was already doing a majority of everything.

mgray1425 · 2025-11-15T22:08:04+00:00

I don't know if you listen to this guy or not. He makes a lot of sense and his videos have shed a lot of light on the subject. Maybe give it a try. This video in particular seems relevant. Psych Hacks

Borntadoodishes · 2025-11-15T22:00:23+00:00

Lol I probably did 80% of all housework and over half the child care, also made 2x her salary worked way more hours etc

But I wasn't enough and didn't do enough. I'm telling you we all learn the hard way and my eyes will remain open now.

Its funny because I constantly read all over reddit how men just want to marry a maid, unpaid labor, emotional labor, etc etc.

I just will never marry again especially with these types of attitudes everywhere how we are just trash and never add up and are disposable in their eyes.

Its truly sad because I was committed and wanted a family and marriage. Now I'm good with being single for life and just staying a dependable dad.

Matthew351111 · 2025-11-15T21:40:05+00:00

women are nuts and have been this way by anti male trash.

Title	Divorce over dishes
Author	iCarryNoChange
Upvotes	43
Comments	45
Date	November 15, 2025 9:25 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1oy3dk5/divorce_over_dishes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-over-dishes.1566596 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566596

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