Do I acknowledge her birthday?

xjeeperx · 2023-08-08T00:55:20+00:00

I told mine happy birthday. But on my birthday I got nothing. Same situation for Mother’s Day / Father’s Day. Lol just the petty games she plays. I’ll continue to be cordial as a good example to my child on how to treat others, even when they treat you like dirt:..

AnonJetlag · 2023-08-08T01:27:47+00:00

You have no reason to do this. So, no.

Decon_SaintJohn · 2023-08-08T01:46:00+00:00

Personally, I didn't feel obligated or responsible to wish her a happy birthday. She had no remorse for her infidelity, dishonesty, abuse, manipulation, and control towards me. Sorry, not sorry! No happy birthday for you!

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-08-08T01:20:49+00:00

Hate to be callous, but you need to think about every interaction from a selfish perspective. Need to weigh her reaction if you send or don’t send. How will that reaction impact you?

occoptionplaya · 2023-08-08T03:02:03+00:00

Absolutely not. You're divorced, you're no longer each other's significant other and you shouldn't do significant other type stuff. It can send mixed messages. My opinion is to just leave it alone. A divorced friend of mine just sent his ex wife of 17 years a birthday card and she hand delivered it back to him, without opening it. Space means space. It's over.

cschoonmaker · 2023-08-08T01:29:57+00:00

Married 19 years, together for 24. I personally do not acknowledge her birthday but I encouraged my kids too. I would give them money for a small gift/card to be given to her from them. My name was not put on it, nor did I say anything to her myself. I don't view it as anything petty. She doesn't wish me happy birthday either. It's just the way it is.

betrayeduniform · 2023-08-08T14:48:22+00:00

Divorce definition:

2. separate or dissociate (something) from something else. "we knew how to divorce an issue from an individual"

Nope. Don't wish her anything from a place of detachment and self healing.

DocHolliday80 · 2023-08-08T00:17:24+00:00

Last year I did, also 7 months after separation. Just something polite/distant.

crypto_keeper88 · 2023-08-08T01:38:27+00:00

Nope!!! Not your problem anymore

trashthefat · 2023-08-08T02:44:41+00:00

Yes. Find a nice piece to have in her stead

No-Exit6560 · 2023-08-08T07:25:26+00:00

…because I have a young son she gets a gift for mother’s day, her birthday, and Christmas.

I’m trying to raise a good little human, and part of this is respecting your mother, even if she was a c*nt to me. The irony is that her own oldest kid doesn’t get her shit, and he was a major catalyst for our divorce.

She also gets a spicy baboon greeting card that Rick rolls her for 4 straight hours on each occasion.

And she’ll get them every year until our son is 18.

Then she can fuck off.

I don’t get anything, and expect to get nothing.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-08-08T10:11:17+00:00

I wished mine a happy Mother’s Day this year and didn’t hear a word from her on Father’s Day.

I would say no. Your days of being nice to this woman are done. Not saying be mean, just don’t be nice.

heartless_monk · 2023-08-08T10:22:29+00:00

what exactly would you gain out of acknowledging her birthday?

nothing at all.

berniefl44 · 2023-08-08T13:21:27+00:00

I wonder why women are like that ? You send them a birthday card or say happy Mother’s Day and you get nothing back from them on your birthday or Father’s Day…. I can actually tell you why .. Because after a divorce they become different people. It’s a person you don’t recognize anymore. You mean nothing to them. You are invisible. It’s the anger they have for you that things didn’t work out between you and them…They become robots, Even if you were lying on the side of the road half dead they wouldn’t stop the car and help you.. you mean nothing to them anymore …There is your answer

One_Cartographer_465 · 2023-08-08T13:44:04+00:00

I told mine Happy Birthday three times; one time for each of her personalities.

She loved it, she hated it and she hated it.

Complex_Meal2687 · 2023-08-09T00:20:00+00:00

I was all set to pile on and rip into this one, then I remember that there are a lot of new folks here, or that pop up when specific things occur. Worrying about things like this are the remnants of a time that has passed. You don't get brownie points for doing it. There is no moral victory waiting for you if you do it. In the same regard there is no grand life punishment for not doing it. These types of thoughts having that much weight on you is a sign to shift gears. Let it go, and take back that energy and put it into self or something else. When you hear some of the wild stories on here of men telling us that his wife(or ex wife) was banging another dude on his birthday, her birthday and the kids birthdays and they will still come here and ask and still worry about wishing their ex a happy birthday or "should I still buy a gift?" I am stunned. Don't feed the things like that any energy. You will find better avenues.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2023-08-07T23:35:30+00:00

She is still a human. She will appreciate it. However, she may also see it as an opening to engage, and if she does you’ll have to be kind but firm to hold boundaries

981AG · 2023-08-08T23:46:17+00:00

The follow through on this question is …I did email Happy Birthday and I am still feeling my own autonomy and boundaries. There was a relief in knowing I am moving …maybe forward or sideways but i moved. By reaching out to y’all and accepting my own fate I found a part of living that I have missed. So maybe the question isn’t just in need of answering. The asking was a big work. A lot of y’all have been further down the road of divorce and have wisdom that I may be unable to witness ……thanks for sharing and keeping the road ahead open to a guy like me.

Forward-Transition-5 · 2023-08-08T04:05:30+00:00

So you say she needs to be alone and that she moved across the country and that doesn’t give you your answer? Just ignore it like it’s any other day and move on because from now on it will be, might as well get used to it.

Far_Excitement_4835 · 2023-08-08T09:38:15+00:00

No. But she will think you are still interested

slow-motion-pearls · 2023-08-08T09:48:40+00:00

Lol no

2023-08-08T15:18:00+00:00

boltmaker12 · 2023-08-08T17:39:56+00:00

"build her world over my well being"

I like how you put that. Mine did this too however I have never found the words that you used to describe it like that.

My ex was so bad with holidays and birthdays that I no longer celebrate them. It is such a relief to not have to stress about getting the perfect gift which ended up feeling more like a sacrifice to the gods that you knew would not please them regardless of what you purchased.

Significant_Idea_663 · 2023-08-08T19:05:08+00:00

Don’t do it.

It doesn’t add anything to your life and it is toxic. And for those who argue and say “you can say happy birthday to anyone “

Wrong.

It’s just like you’re an alcoholic and she is your drug. So, no happy birthday to the bottles. Err Mr. Captain Politeness

CoachBrad-Bradley · 2023-08-08T21:48:31+00:00

Kueballphil · 2023-08-09T00:11:44+00:00

Always be the better person if kids are involved. I shopped for my kids to give her something for Mother’s Day even they are over 18. I got nothing in return but I figured as much as she only cares ability herself

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-08-09T16:58:16+00:00

I’ve sent and received texts for birthdays and mothers/Father’s Day

We are not divorced but it is in process

I sent her a note and called on our anniversary last week but she did not respond to either

I’m closer to being over it but I’d still agree to try again if she came around today

Busy-Cauliflower-529 · 2023-08-09T19:22:33+00:00

We did while we were separating. Married 27 years. Once the divorce was final, all that stopped.

I’d say it depends on the current communication. If it’s cordial, wouldn’t be a bad thing to remain cordial. If it’s not, then no.

But don’t feel you have to, you don’t owe this person anything any more.

Title	Do I acknowledge her birthday?
Author	981AG
Upvotes	16
Comments	35
Date	August 7, 2023 11:25 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/15l0qab/do_i_acknowledge_her_birthday/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-i-acknowledge-her-birthday.1227792 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227792

Comments