Throwaway account.

Divorce season is about to start and I am writing this post 30,000 feet in the air coming back from a NYE party in NYC. The realization hit me this weekend on what I have to do.

It really got to me when I was sitting alone in my office on Christmas with no family, no gifts, no events, nothing planned after she started yelling at me about something really stupid. "How can this be? This is not how I imagined my life. What am I doing with my life"

We were that idealist couple that people were "jealous" of and say "had it all."

We are fit, attractive, and wealthy. Attending the Met Gala, Grand Prix in Monaco, Aman Hotels, La Premiere flights, Netjets membership, meeting the most interesting and influential people in the world. Living the life that most people couldn't even dream of.

We met in college and quickly got married. Married for 9 years and been together over 10. It was fun, exciting and it seemed like were we on the right path (or so I thought) to become great life partners. (Early 30's now)

I grew up very poor and she was there when I struggled to make money or make anything out of myself. What makes this so hard is that she stuck through all the hard times. Living with my parents for years...I couldn't even make enough money to move out to a studio apartment.

Fast forward, I become an entrepreneur and currently run a company with ~80 employees thats worth 9 figures. (personally in the 8 figures net worth)

Thankfully no kids yet.

I think the qualities of an entrepreneur makes it even harder and less obvious. Persistence, not willing to give up, ownership mentality, taking action, creative problem solving. All of these have contributed to prolonging the inevitable outcome. Combine that with money which provides access to "best" therapists and psychologists in the US further adds to the time factor (since they try really hard to make it work).

After reading this subreddit extensively, the exact themes apply for the "wealthy" or the top "1%." So never think that the problems are a result of money, wealth, power or status.

She does not take ownership, never happy (not depressed or have BPD - we had a top psychologist), plenty of access to personal and professional support, no growth mindset, "glass is half empty." In our case, she cannot use the excuse of no time, or money/support. She doesn't have a job and we have no kids.. she stays home, travels, brunch with friends, shopping, dinners, attending events internationally, taking hobby classes, charity work, etc. A life that is extremely privileged.

I realized that she is not the person today that I once married.

When I get back I am going to prepare to file (in California - fuck) but with all of our assets it will become tricky. Especially the part when it comes to equity in my company. All of the purses, jewelry, cars, watches, multiple properties etc are nowhere near as important as the equity. I just hope it can be amicable and the lawyer she selects does not influencer her too much (it will be a huge payday for the law firm).

Reading all the comments in many threads gave me a lot of optimism and it has been really helpful. It doesn't really matter if anyone reads this post, I just had to vent/tell someone.

TL:DR: Doesn't matter how much wealth/power/influence, its all the same.