Happier after divorce

MiloGoesToPorridge · 2025-07-24T03:41:55+00:00

Deffo getting there...

Marriage was a steaming pile of crap. Totally wrong for each other and the relationship was as healthy as a patient in an iron lung.

Blazing rows several times a week, over tiny, trivial stupid things. Constantly on edge, eggshell walking, performing just enough like the monkey she wanted me to be just to avoid any kind of hassle.

Dozing off on the couch of an evening, in front of the telly, would result in a cushion thrown at my head because the sight of me undertaking any form of relaxation appeared to be deeply offensive to her.

Very sociable girl, with a huge network of friends. Look closely and the relationships were surface level and superficial, and I couldn't bear to be around that, but was made to suffer the company of these smiling imbeciles.

Oh, she went through a spate of cheating, with four blokes in the space of two weeks (that I know of). Yeah, that was all apparently my fault.

List goes on and on.

It stung a bit at first, then I moved out, got 50/50 with my daughter. Got used to the peace, the space, the complete lack of stress, chaos and unnecessary drama. Reading all the time, expanding the mind and feel I'm becoming a better, smarter person.

I met somebody too, an absolute diamond of a woman who knows what respect is, what boundaries are and likes who I am.

I'll never be in that position again. I'd rather never touch another woman ever again than go back to a single week of being in the company of my ex.

Beautiful-Ice-9172 · 2025-07-23T17:50:57+00:00

I am so much better after divorce. I waited too long. My life has continued to improve, financially, relationships with my kids and gf (never marrying again). She sits at home smoking weed all day like a teen. I get out, do things lift, walk, date. I never felt so alone as when I was in the marriage.

Dead bedroom Cheating Stole money and hid it Didn't pay bills Hid drugs in the house (my job had a clearance) Once called the cops saying she was scared of me because I was leaving during a argument. Talked bad about me behind my back to our friends Spent a crap load of money when we were closing on a home On and on and on

Life is so much more peaceful now. Bills get paid. No bomb dropping every few months. I am getting back to my old self. I am happy.

dharmattan · 2025-07-22T04:52:35+00:00

I am so much richer after the divorce. I know how much money there is in which account and I no longer worry about missed or bounced payments.

Curious_Helicopter29 · 2025-07-21T22:06:49+00:00

I new I was better off way before it was finalized. If your marriage is truly shitty you will know quickly.

ADivorcedGuy · 2025-07-21T21:02:16+00:00

It took about a year for me to start rebuilding my life and realizing that I was better off. I created a life that I enjoyed. Explored new hobbies. Changed my look and fashion. Forced on my carrer. And build a life that made me happy.

10 years later I married the woman of my dreams. We just celebrated 7 years married.

There really can be happiness post divorce. But we need to work on being happy with ourselves first.

My $.02

23FlavorsInDrPepper · 2025-07-21T19:42:37+00:00

I knew it was over when I realized “I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone, then spend any more time with her”.

She had been demoralizing me for years and had really beaten up my self esteem, the point I literally thought no one would want to date me. Once I accepted I’d be happier alone than with her, I knew I was ready to get divorced. Needless to say, I’ve had plenty of dates and that wasn’t an issue. We separated two years ago, and after a year of dating, I decided to take a break and learn to be comfortable by myself. It’s been great, truely life changing. I love my time with my kids and I love my solitude on the other days. I’m sure I’ll start dating again, but being comfortable alone really raises the bar on what a potential partner needs to bring to the table.

I know it’s cliche bc I read it many times before, but any new partner has to make my life better than it already is by myself, bc my tolerance for “playing games” and being treated poorly, has completely disappeared, all thanks to how comfortable I am being by myself.

Shogun_Warrior_PM · 2025-07-21T18:40:31+00:00

Happier is relative. Not every day is sunshine and lollipops. But, I am certainly stronger. I gained a lot even during this “loss”. I have made new friends, travel more often, gotten in better shape physically and mentally and have developed a growing sense of gratitude for what I do have in this life. She no longer wanted to be a part of it, kick rocks then. I keep moving forward knowing that I appreciate what I was able to move through and towards what’s next. Life is a precious gift that can be cherished with or without someone else, don’t waste it gentlemen.

FairCar7137 · 2025-07-21T17:19:11+00:00

MUCH happier minus the chaos of my high conflict ex wife baby momma

Any-Dare-7261 · 2025-07-21T16:37:42+00:00

My ex is going to drag this thing out for 5 years it seems. 2.5 years and seem to be going nowhere with this divorce.

ColdHandGee · 2025-07-21T15:57:40+00:00

Married 22 years. Divorced 5 years, and I feel GREAT!! No more listening to the ex moan about another issue she created, lost 108LBS down to 140LBS, grew my hair, and got my mojo back. I'm dating women younger than the ex and loving it!

It took me to hell my divorce did. Lost everything, including my mind. Stopped drinking, took up walking, and yoga. Did 3 years therapy to make sense of my worth.

Yeah, it was worth it looking back. I wouldn't be the man today if I stayed with her bullshit.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-07-21T14:43:53+00:00

My divorce after 17 years of marriage will be finalized in September, but everything is agreed to and done, and I’ve moved out and am paying alimony/CS and the custody plan has started. I’m already happier now, but it’s not all sunshine and roses. I’ve been through some stuff in my life, and divorce is easily the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. And it was brutal financially.

My ex cheated, but that has little to do with why I’m happier now. It’s just another symptom of the issues we have. She was unwilling/unable to work on our issues and develop a deeper connection. I was intensely lonely with her. She was unwilling to work with me to set and work toward financial and family goals. Sex was robotic and unsatisfying. She was just disengaged and dismissed me when I tried to address it.

On my own, I’m actually less lonely because I can put all my efforts into my friends and family, who return that love. I can set goals and be intentional about how I live my life without the dead weight that was her. I don’t have to ride the rollercoaster of her feelings and emotions. I love my new house, which I can set up, decorate, and maintain how I want.

I wouldn’t jump into divorce casually. I would try everything I could to save my marriage as long as my wife wanted to work with me. But if divorce is necessary, there’s definitely joy to be found on the other side.

Rugger2row · 2025-07-21T11:28:51+00:00

Not divorced yet. Not even sure if we will get there. My wife is a very good person and great mother, but she is just kinda existing. Her life revolves around the kids and her anxiety at times is very palpable. I won't have to be around that suffocating anxiety if we do divorce, but even going a couple days without seeing my children just doesn't feel like it's going to work for me. So I feel stuck.

Bazza90 · 2025-07-21T09:27:56+00:00

Although I was married for 15 years, 2 years post-sep I have trouble remembering much of it (almost like memory loss). I get the occasional memory/flashback and they are always reminders of how stressed I was and how unnecessarily difficult family life was.

My house is happier, more relaxed, and filled with more love. My relationship with my kids is better. I can see my family without a fight. I get downtime and can relax without guiltrips. I have male friends again (not just the husbands of my wifes friends). It is so much better in every single way that I can't imagine a relationship with a woman again, I just have too much joy and peace to lose.

frogmicky · 2025-07-21T08:00:27+00:00

Hell yeah I'm happier than when I was married, if I was still married to her I would have never been able to go on a vacation to my dream destination in a million years. I don't have the constant feeling of walking on eggshells around her like other people here mention the same thing with their ex wives. I feel so much freedom to go after all the things I want without her nagging me about it constantly. Divorce was probably the best thing that has happened to me and made me grow as a person and a man.

Dry_Yogurt2458 · 2025-07-21T07:19:46+00:00

I no longer have to walk on egg shells. I don't get that sinking feeling when I hear her stomping around upstairs in the morning. And I no longer have to come home from work wondering which version of her I am going to get when I open the door.

I am allowed to do things for me and quite often I do them right, nobody is following me around telling me that I'm doing everything wrong or telling me to do something else. I no longer get screamed at and I don't have to constantly watch for the mood swings. The chaos has been removed.

In short I have my peace and my kids have a safe place where they can find theirs.

The first year was hard, but once you settle in, and realise that you are now free and at peace, it is glorious.

Sure she sometimes calls me to blame me for something or try to cause a problem but now I can just hang up or walk away. I'm free of her and I'm finding who I am again.

ArtichokeSavings9472 · 2025-07-21T05:11:38+00:00

Absolutely happier in every sense . Give it time the freedom the peace the growth it’s so much better

Content-Class1259 · 2025-07-21T04:37:48+00:00

All of the above, the key word is “peace”, once I recovered emotionally and mentally, the peace I found was astounding. So much so I have had zero to do with ex since. We have kids, and even the peace found by my older boy who lives with me is amazing. From drugs and alcohol to get by into a much healthier and fitter human.

My other boy who did still live with his mother, until she kicked him out also, still lives with conflict and chaos daily. It’s a by product of living with a person who nothing was ever good enough for.

Happy….never been happier, found a loving a respectful partner, going from one or two arguments a day into not one single argument at all.

Gattsama · 2025-07-21T04:02:48+00:00

I am 100% better. The end of a toxic, unhealthy, dysfunctional marriage is a good thing. Together 17 years, married 12 years. We were never healthy. She was my first love, I was a virgin when we meant, she had previous abuse issues, etc.

I worked a ton of extra shifts to take care of us, my choice. I felt pride in being a provider and given her the option to work or not (she didn't, no kids). But she was never happy, everything was my fault, we took trips around the world but had zero happy moments/memories because everything was ruined by me. Etc.

Post divorce I have never been more peaceful and stress free. I rent a house that's too big for me and rhe cat, because it's 2mi from work = no commute. I pay a ton of spousal support, but actually have more discretionary income now than when married. Bought a small plane (a dream of mine for 20yrs+) and have been traveling and seeing family more. Have a new g/f that is genuinely attracted to me, super physical/intimate, supportive, and no drama.

I have had sleep issues since I filed, but otherwise life has never been better. I am working to rebuild my savings and investments (they got killed) but I am a hugh earner and will make it all back. No supporting another human allows me to save more. Spousal support ends May 2026 and then 100% free.

You have to choose to be better. A man needs to be fit: physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit. If you step back, think about what you want, why you made pppr decisions previously, work on yourself, and make corrections; post divorce life should be amazing. Again, in my case no kids..

Uhh--wait_what · 2025-07-21T03:28:43+00:00

Without a doubt i am happier. Life used to be me dealing with all the family stress, carrying the burden of everything on my back, even the shit she did to herself became my problem. I carried her mental health as well. I spent 10 years telling myself i can’t leave because she can’t help it, she’s not in her right mind and she cannot control it. I was called a narcissist for being numb to her emotional manipulation, for not showing i cared enough, when it was me that initiated every touch, kiss, hug, etc. she never was at fault, she ran off the road because i refused to drive. She melted the spatula because i wouldn’t stir the dinner. She couldn’t do her share of the chores because she was tired, yet i was the one working 70+ hours per week.

Now that im on my own, my place is only messy when i don’t clean, and it’s legit my fault. That’s a lot easier than cleaning all day only to come home and find her trash, dirty dishes, shoes, whatever she brought in germ the car, all just piled on counters and the floor.

Yah- so much better.

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2025-07-21T03:14:11+00:00

Life is definitely better. I don’t have to worry about being stabbed in the back anymore.

Rebuilding myself. Relationship with my kids is stronger than ever.

Doc13075 · 2025-07-21T02:58:26+00:00

Most of the men I know who have been through divorce have all told me the same thing. It's a rough time at the start. I will get lonely and be times I'll struggle but as time passes they have all said the same. They started to find the man they where before they got married and are generally happier for it.

They all have one thing in common and that when they get a new partner they are very much in the ball in knowing what they want in them and if they don't get it they move on fast.

I'm only at the very start of the journey and got a long road ahead but I know that I have it in me to get through the shit storm she has caused in my life recently and come out the other side a better person for it. It will be hard of that I'm only to aware of as its been mental and almost physical torture but my kids and my friends are getting me through this early shock.

PurchaseOk4075 · 2025-07-21T02:48:56+00:00

I am happier. Found myself again. Didn’t have a real good male role model. Lost my masculinity had no idea it happened. Now I’m just learning how to rebuild myself. Enjoying my journey.

modernmanagement · 2025-07-21T02:46:45+00:00

People who know me say I seem happier than before. I’m not sure I’d put it that way. I carry more now. I’m the only income earner, managing a heavy mortgage. I parent alone, without family close by. I miss my kids deeply when they’re with their mother. And there’s no partner who wants me, loves me, touches me like I once hoped. I don’t have that anymore. But still… I am happy. I make my own decisions. My life is mine. There is clarity. There is truth. I am healthy. My kids are thriving and love me with their whole hearts. And I have a small circle of friends who are there when it really counts. I know this. I'd never go back. And right now. I'm happy being on my own.

yosemitesam00 · 2025-07-21T02:46:43+00:00

I can breathe again, I don't have to walk on egg shells constantly, and I have a say on how I run my life. I'm investing in my future and not treated like an atm anymore. I'm finding myself again and getting into the best shape of my life. I'm better, and happier, and my kids get to benefit from that too.

Maseworld · 2025-07-21T02:36:33+00:00

Im happier. The stress of marraige and pressure of a being a spouse was lifted. Never realized how much I had changed from who I was to fit into my marraige. As for the day to day, co-parenting is working out. As for her and I, it's weird sometimes, but the further removed you get the easier it is.

Title	Happier after divorce
Author	Competitive-Cream720
Upvotes	54
Comments	39
Date	July 21, 2025 2:06 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1m56q7n/happier_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/happier-after-divorce.1557643 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557643

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