Severe doubts

HallCharacter194 · 2024-01-22T14:54:00+00:00

You need to have the abundance mindset. When my wife cheated I felt these emotions too. But then I ran thru 3 women in 2 months. Now I feel like I can do whatever. Sorry that your going thru this but seriously, hit the dating apps, you're an engineer, you look fit, you're financially stable, use those traits. Women will come. You have so much more living to do, so much!

BiginvestorU · 2024-01-21T17:22:25+00:00

I’d rather be short than have a small dick. It could be worse bro. A lot worse. Seems like you’ve got it pretty decent aside from your height insecurity.

aquatone61 · 2024-01-21T00:59:54+00:00

You hold the key to your own prison. If you think you’ll never find anybody because of your height, that’s exactly what will happen. Walk like you are ten feet tall and not a soul will care that you are 5’6 and anybody who does care, get them out of your life.

Practical-Island-436 · 2024-01-20T03:09:50+00:00

5'6 isn't short, majority of women are under 5'6 so who cares

EarlPronk2 · 2024-01-18T19:24:48+00:00

I don’t get why height is such a big deal. Find a nice woman that likes you the person, not you the height

(I am fortunate to be tall but I also recognize, like any rational person should, that height is not something you can control, vs something like weight or hygiene etc, so ignore the people that think otherwise)

Classic_Dill · 2024-01-18T14:44:35+00:00

OK, hold on!

You clearly state you want to go back, because your self esteem is so bad, you would rather be in an awful marriage then, be a little lonely and single...that's the between the lines version of what you've posted. You cant do that, that's a recipe for disaster to you and your wife and your unborn future child, you know the marriage is over, now its time to really work on you, women like confidence, height isn't everything, 1m 5'8 but i act 6'4! that's the point, never let anyone tell you who you are, be the person you are inside, not all heroes stand 6'2, be your own hero, be who you are no matter height, weight or anything else, dare to be YOU!!!!

Women feed on that confidence.

ragingredditir · 2024-01-18T13:22:44+00:00

Your height isn’t the issue.

Your issue(s) are: A: Being afraid to be alone

B: Lacking a sense of self and solid self image (call yourself fit and successful in one paragraph and a loser in the next)

C: Spiraling thoughts. Linking together traumas that belong in different compartments

I think you have some genuine issues. You can take the easy way out and embrace the victim mentality (they won’t like me cause I’m short) or you can tackle the issues and be the best version of yourself you can be.

Ok_Seaworthiness9275 · 2024-01-18T12:29:37+00:00

Why would anyone marry again after getting out of the first marriage? Its gunna be the same thing again, ya gotta be careful with the ladies because most of them are lunatics. If you think your height is a problem, go to a country with pygmy women and youll feel like a god lol

Long-Review-1861 · 2024-01-18T12:27:55+00:00

Bro, I know a guy shorter than you that has a honey mouth and pulls women. Work with what you have , nothing you can do except possibly that crazy operation

Professional-Lab-157 · 2024-01-18T10:53:15+00:00

Brother,

It sounds like you just got out of an abusive relationship. It's common for people to have doubts after a breakup or divorce. You are doing great and are making great changes in your life, so be kind to yourself. Schedule to meet with a therapist to talk about your past trauma and insecurities, ok? Therapy helps and you don't want to drag your unresolved issues from your past into any future relationships you have.

Story time: Don't tell anyone, but I'm only 5'7". I'm a Cuban / American, and I got myself a hot 5'10" blonde, blue-eyed wife. Thank God, she liked short Latin men. There are women out there that don't mind dating shorter guys like us, so don't despair.

Good luck brother. 👍🏽

Thrownaway_marriage · 2024-01-18T10:42:04+00:00

You were in an abusive relationship. Her threatening and breaking things isn't a normal way of dealing with a spouse. If the roles were reversed and you were doing these things, people would be telling her to get out.

You need to get into therapy. You've gone through a lot of things and it will definitely help. I started when I found out my wife was cheating on me, and it helped me immensely.

You don't see your value as a person since you wife was abusive. Realize you've done the hard part. Now you need to work on relearning how much you have to offer. Don't give up hope, brother. If you're ever in that dark place and just want someone to talk to, feel free to reach out and message.

Fofotron_Antoris · 2024-01-18T09:13:50+00:00

Is there any possibility of reconciliation? Would either you or her be up for it?

Revolutionary_Law793 · 2024-01-18T08:57:58+00:00

Breaking things is domestic violence. It usually get worse

upvotersfortruth · 2024-01-18T06:17:13+00:00

Hey bro, glad you're here. You're two weeks in - and for better or worse, you've initiated a lot of major changes. Give yourself some compassion and charity to level off a bit. Separation and divorce is never easy, except in the rarest of cases.

With your wife, you need to be extremely cautious - she doesn't want to divorce you, I think that's clear no matter what she said or she wouldn't have thrown a tantrum. Her anger level will be high for quite some time. No matter what you think your propsects for the future are, hers are a lot, lot worse. And the loss of a child scars a marriage very deeply. I'm so sorry to hear of that.

Take care of yourself. Get a good lawyer and proceed with deliberate caution.

rboller · 2024-01-18T04:02:17+00:00

5’6” ain’t that short bro. Stop tripping and get on with loving yourself. That’s what makes a person attractive

AstronautGuy2468 · 2024-01-18T03:50:00+00:00

So you just equated being 5'6 as a loser? Bro come on!

I'm 5'7 and know some women will just skip over me. I literally had a lady as I was walking up the stairs to her, say I was so handsome. When I reached her she commented I was short. I thanked her and walked away.

There is so much more to you than height. You have money, education, intelligence, charm, humor, ability to make women feel loved and safe, ability to have great sex, ability to interact with kids, the way you smell/talk/laugh, your muscles, strength.

I don't even feel 5'7 until someone asks me my height.

Work on all that and an amazing woman will be interested. Your confidence and how you make a woman feel is where it's at man.

You got this!!! (dm if you like 👊🏼)

Effective_Hornet_833 · 2024-01-18T03:48:59+00:00

I can only imagine the grief of losing a child. Working through that grief seems like it would be the work of a lifetime, I hope that’s what you are doing. Marriages often fail after a crisis like that, yours wouldn’t be the first. But IMO you would be wise to get to a healthy place in recovering from that loss and accepting yourself before making big decisions. Sometimes, rarely, you can’t get there from inside the marriage, but most often you can.

suresh2989 · 2024-01-18T03:10:19+00:00

Sorry if this comes off as insensitive but have tried dating for traditionally shorter races ?

darweter_DPI · 2024-01-18T02:47:31+00:00

Napoleon was 5'6". Stalin was between 5'4" and 5'5". One way to look at this problem is to 'weaponize' it. There is such thing as Napoleon complex which should be there somewhere in your psyche 🙂 win them over by your explosive personality and insane temperament.

moomoomolly · 2024-01-18T02:34:58+00:00

I would work on yourself and get your confidence up. Then, go back on the market and be the dad (eventually) you deserve to be - you’ve got time 🙏🏽

pandatitanium · 2024-01-18T02:31:27+00:00

It doesn’t sound like the wife was a good answer to your issues. Sounds like you need to keep going and put yourself out there. Expect that it probably won’t happen soon.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-01-18T02:11:46+00:00

Bro u are successful chicks will look past the height part, just weed out the gold diggers and you will be fine my guy.

Canadian_builder1081 · 2024-01-18T02:04:13+00:00

Oh man, i just want to climb through the screen and give you a giant hug (probably cos i need one too). You’re grieving the loss of your marriage and these feelings of despair and regret are perfectly normal.

It sounds like you have an absolute tonne going for you, as well as a great self awareness and realization that you have some insecurities to work through.

Ive never understood height as an attraction so you’ll have to forgive me. One of my best mates is 5’6 and his wife is a smoke show so ive just never considered it an obstacle to attracting an intelligent mate.

Oh, and you’re only 33. You still have lots of time to remarry and become a father again.

FUMoney · 2024-01-18T02:03:30+00:00

I think divorce was the right move. Unquestionably. You will find your way.

B_r_for · 2024-01-18T01:59:21+00:00

I am a 6.1 strong, fit gorgeous looking man under any standard (think male movie star. please bear with me, I don't give a shit about how I look I am saying this to make a point)

My wife cheated on me with a shorter (5.6), fat guy, supposedly a "friend". A despicable man with no morals.

The point is that nothing matters. Be proud of what you are, constantly improve yourself, hold your head high, drop these concepts (height, dating etc) and live your life proudly and freely.

domo_roboto · 2024-01-18T01:50:18+00:00

Hey man, you've been through a lot and they're all contributing to the insecurities. What you need most is self-compassion and self-love; work with your therapist or change the therapist on this. Don't live in the past (depression) and don't live in the future (anxiety), live in the now and focus on yourself emotionally and mentally. Finding another mate is probably the least of your concerns right now until you pull yourself out of it. Chase excellence and if a new mate comes along, great...if not, it's not the right time yet. You're 33 dude, bright future ahead.

Title	Severe doubts
Author	No-Secretary2273
Upvotes	35
Comments	73
Date	January 18, 2024 1:18 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/199dnm8/severe_doubts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/severe-doubts.1243256 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243256

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