Welp. She just reached out

potatotornado43 · 2022-11-24T06:46:00+00:00

Yes, I would simply ignore her.

Is there anything that can be gained? In my case at least, my answer would be no.

You’re moving on, and she is seeing/sensing you doing so. This reeks of narcissism on her part. She’s likely trying to reel you back in emotionally or control you in some way. Maybe she’s just drunk, who knows. She’s not your problem anymore.

phalo · 2022-11-24T07:05:55+00:00

Married 20 years together 25. We have 3 kids, and that means constantly texting with my STBXW about finances, activities, etc though I'm trying to reduce that and deal with finances once a month. I hate it. Every time I have to text her and she doesn't reply until the next day or hours later, my mind goes to her fucking some guy. I was the one pushing for the divorce and rightfully so, yet this shit bothers me for some reason. I honestly am sick of feeling jealous of a completely shit person who treated me like shit and wanted to blame me for everything. I just have to keep reminding myself how she treated me and focus on that.

Gattsama · 2022-11-24T06:49:58+00:00

Ignore it. It's not to a help to you and it's not to help you. It's about her ego, it's for her. Don't feed her, take care of yourself. Become the best you possible and leave her to her own devices.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-11-24T08:26:04+00:00

It drives women absolutely bat shit crazy to be ignored.

Do not answer her.

lordgoofus1 · 2022-11-24T07:47:06+00:00

You ignore it. There's no reason to engage and nothing to be gained.

Grand-Expression-493 · 2022-11-24T14:02:52+00:00

What I have learned is they don't give a shit about you when you are together, when you give them attention, when you show emotion and all the other nonsense that the internet articles say we should do to keep them happy.

But the moment you walk away, the moment you try to find peace, break off contact... That's when it becomes real for them. How dare he not cater to my every need. How dare he think it's okay to get over me. Etc.

And that's when they reach out.

You're on the right path bro, don't reply. The time to ask if you're okay, was before filing.

Ok_Dress4403 · 2022-11-24T08:05:54+00:00

Unless you have children there is no reason to respond. If I were you and she filed for divorce, my only response would be "All further contact should be directed to my attorney _______________. Any further attempt at personal contact will be considered harassment and reported as such."

platonic_thoughts · 2022-11-24T11:00:04+00:00

why did she file, and do you want to repair the marriage?

we would need those two questions answered first

captainchippsixx · 2022-11-24T13:00:01+00:00

Depends on how the divorce went down. If it was shady on her end, Definitely no response. I take it no kids?

But in general I wouldn’t respond and I would unfriend her on all social media and change my status on social media.

CRobinsFly · 2022-11-24T15:33:25+00:00

This my friend is what's known as "breadcrumb", it's a tell-tale narcissist behavior. It's attempting to reel you in in for some purpose with minimal effort on her part - best just ignore it because it most likely will not help you. The fact of the matter is that she's the one that has chosen to take decisive action against you via filing. She's destroyed it and therefore it's up to her to fix it, but don't hold your breath because that rarely happens; it's hard but best just move on.

Asleep-Ad-7459 · 2022-11-24T08:35:53+00:00

Text back "new phone, who dis?"

Imho ignore her. She's playing games and trying to keep you emotionally attached to her. Move on just like you're doing.

denvercaniac · 2022-11-24T09:57:19+00:00

She broke it. Let it stay that way.

panfriedaswell · 2022-11-24T12:50:44+00:00

Just ignore her. She’s fishing.

bigtallblacknbald · 2022-11-24T08:04:30+00:00

Hey, congrats on taking steps toward healing and moving on. Doesn’t sound like you owe her anything, ignoring is fine. But if that’s not you, and you want to take the high road without ignoring, there’s plenty of options depending on what resonates best with you, and how amicable you want things to be, if you want future contact or not, etc.

“I’m getting there, thanks” short, sweet, not a lie “Doing great!” Short, sweet, lie lol

I’d you want even more honesty and/or are ready to take this step, could always go with something like:

“It’s a tough time, but I’m doing a bit better day by day. To that end though, while it’s kind of you to check in, it actually makes my healing process harder to hear from you suddenly and I need to take space and for us not to talk for a while”

Mix and match, etc

Or if you just want to be chaotic/blunt you can say “no” with no follow up lol. But that’ll prob lead to y’all texting back and forth which it doesn’t sound like you want

occoptionplaya · 2022-11-24T11:31:50+00:00

I would also recommend ignoring it. You mentioned that you are just starting to heal. Engaging with her will negate the healing process. Focus on you, your growth, and what your needs and wants are. There is nothing to be gained by talking to her.

Nonamesfound · 2022-11-24T16:34:15+00:00

Ignore it….she doesn’t give a shit if you are ok.

She want self gratification that you are doing horribly and pinning over her.

Don’t feed her ego, I’m willing to bet that the grass wasn’t so green on the other side and now she’s regretting it.

playerknowmore · 2022-11-24T23:41:42+00:00

Text back a thumbs up emoji. No good can come from corresponding with her. Either she feels like she made a mistake, and see if the door is cracked. She's proved that she can leave, so why prolong the inevitable.

On the opposite side of the spectrum; some women fuel off men's pain. They do it under the guise of friendship or caring, but want is to watch you deteriorate.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-11-29T17:30:13+00:00

Ignore her. She probably got dumped by Mr. Wonderful and she wants to use you as an emotional tampon. Focus on getting your divorce finalized.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-11-24T09:52:53+00:00

How is it that these women have a hold on the men? She has been gone and you are starting to take steps to move forward and 1 simple text sets you back. Can picture yourself back with her? Did she do a lot of work to fix herself to be a better wife for you? Or did she try out the other side and got disappointed and thinks she can come back to you? Let's say you answer the text and she gets what she wants how far back do you think that would set you?

If you want to move forward you ignore it. It's like a drug addict that needs a hit and once they do the drug it's way worse after. Getting divorced it's like losing someone when they die. You deal with the grief and try to move on, you will remember from time to time but if you create a better life you won't feel that bad. So yeah ignore that text

whatskeeping · 2022-11-24T16:39:16+00:00

Sounds like she cares about you. Dosen't mean she wants you back but she cares. Treat her kindly. It's ok having people that care for you in your life.

stent00 · 2022-11-24T17:25:27+00:00

Be as ambiguous as possible. Just say as to be expected with a divorce.... Don't tell her your emotions. Shes feeling you out bruh.

ChompySnack · 2022-11-24T19:10:25+00:00

Thumb reaction emoji

FatihKilic · 2022-11-24T21:17:32+00:00

I would say “don’t pretend to care about me when you’re only asking this to make yourself feel better about yourself”

Important_Focus2845 · 2022-11-25T00:17:49+00:00

Absolutely 100% ignore. Nothing to be gained from any response, but very possible to undo some of the progress you have made by falling back into her emotional orbit. Keep ignoring; keep healing.

michaelrhodes1977 · 2022-11-25T04:32:36+00:00

Ignore it.

SireSweet · 2022-11-25T05:46:44+00:00

Ignore it my dude.

TodayTime8321 · 2022-11-25T16:01:50+00:00

Do not engage

Title	Welp. She just reached out
Author	No-Independence-9705
Upvotes	28
Comments	47
Date	November 24, 2022 6:35 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/z3clta/welp_she_just_reached_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/welp-she-just-reached-out.1142070 https://theredarchive.com/post/1142070

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